Graffiti Heaven

by Marita A. Hansen

  She wanted to shake him, to scream at him, to make him change his mind, but instead she ran out of the room, unable to stop from crying.

  32

  Ash

  Ash sat down on his bed, wishing he hadn’t talked to Tiana.

  Hunter entered the room. “I’m sorry, cuz. I did tell Tiana to go away, and I have no idea where Jenna came from.”

  “It isn’t your fault.”

  “You okay?”

  Ash shook his head. “I didn’t wanna break up with her.”

  “Then why didja?”

  “She’s too good for me.”

  Hunter squatted down in front of Ash. “No, she’s not.”

  Ash dropped his gaze, still unable to look at Hunter after he’d broken down earlier. Hunter probably thought he was a waste of space, just was way too nice to say it. “We would’ve split anyway.” Once she found out what had happened to me.

  Hunter patted his knee. “You’ll find someone better.”

  “No, I won’t, and I don’t wanna either.” Tiana was the one who deserved someone better, not some used loser. Ash rubbed his face, wanting to forget. Getting drunk would do that, but the thought of beer made his skin crawl as though it had caused what had happened. Then why did he want drugs for? But coke wasn’t roofies. He’d tried it a couple of times, and instead of blacking out, it had made him feel buzzed to the max.

  “Can I have some coke? It doesn’t hafta be much,” Ash said, trying to keep his voice calm, to not show how desperate he was.

  “You know I don’t like ya taking that hard shit, and you’re still not a hundred per cent after that—”

  “I’ve recovered from the roofie.” Just not everything else.

  “I’m not risking you flipping out.”

  “Then just one snort.”

  “No.”

  Ash gripped onto the mattress. “Just gimme sumpthin’, anything.”

  Hunter stood up. “I said NO. You’re too young, you can’t handle it.”

  Ash got to his feet. “Too young? You never worried ‘bout that when I helped ja sell it.”

  “I shouldn’t have done that.”

  “If you’re not gonna gimme anything then piss off,” Ash snapped, unable to help himself. He needed to get Tiana out of his head. He’d told her he’d loved her, then dumped her like she was only worth a shag. He didn’t mean it to come across like that, but the look on her face said she thought he’d lied to get sex. But, he would never force someone through lies or other means, the thought reminding him of Chaz. That sicko had played him like the moron he was, fooled him into letting down his guard.

  “I know you’re upset over Tiana,” Hunter said. “I understand that, but you can’t use drugs to escape it.”

  “Or what? I’ll end up like my father?”

  “I wuzn’t gonna say that, but yes. He wuzn’t violent before the drugs.”

  “Then why do ya sell them?”

  Hunter grimaced. “I don’t have a choice.”

  “You do have a choice! I know what not having a choice feels like, so don’t ever say that. And what other drugs do ya sell? Roofies? Is that where Chaz got it from? You?”

  Hunter’s face dropped. “How could ja think that?”

  Ashamed, Ash dropped his gaze. He knew it wasn’t true, but couldn’t stop himself. He wanted to hurt Hunter for not giving him what he needed.

  “Ash ... You know I wouldn’t do that, please tell me you know that.”

  Ash kept his eyes down.

  Hunter continued, “I would rather let the bastards I owe cut off my nuts than sell roofies.”

  “I needa get some air.” Ash walked towards the wardrobe, hoping a jacket was in there.

  “No, stay, I’ll order some pizza and we can watch a movie.”

  “Maybe tomorrow.” Ash grabbed his rugby jacket and headed for the door, hoping that Joel had some drugs.

  “No, we’re s’posed to be driving up to Dargaville tomorrow, and I wanna head out early.”

  “I’ll be back in time.” A lie. There was no way he could go to the funeral, the thought of seeing his mother getting buried too painful.

  “That sure as hell doesn’t sound like you need air. Where are ya goin’?”

  “Joel’s.” Ash walked through the passage.

  Hunter grabbed his arm. “I’ll give ya a coupla hours.”

  Give? Ash shook his arm free. “Whatever.” He pushed open the front door and jumped down the steps.

  After twenty minutes of walking, night settled in, the peach and blue sky disappearing into black. Cars drove past, several people strolled by, but no one bothered him. He knew outsiders thought where he lived was dangerous, but he’d never been attacked while walking at night, unlike at home, the place that was supposed to be safe.

  Ash rounded onto Joel’s road and crossed over. Lights were on in his mate’s house with shadows moving behind the lounge curtains. The smell of cooked meat greeted his nose as he walked up the pathway. He knocked on the front door, waiting a few seconds before it opened, revealing a surprised looking Joel dressed in jeans and a hoodie.

  Joel smiled. “Shit, Ash, it’s a relief to see ya. Hunter refused to tell me a thing. Come on in.”

  Ash remained still. “You got any drugs?”

  “Keep your voice down,” Joel hissed, glancing over his shoulder. “I don’t have any, but I know where to get some. Lemme grab my jacket and tell the olds I’m heading out.”

  Ash waited as Joel disappeared back inside.

  Lavinia appeared dressed in pink track-pants and a matching zip-up top. Ash held up a hand as a “Sorry” passed her lips. “Don’t,” he said. He’d had enough of hearing that word, because the only person who needed to say it was Chaz, and Ash would never forgive him.

  Lavinia’s full lips pressed together for a moment. “Heard ja broke up with Tiana. She’s really upset.”

  He didn’t want to hear that either. “That’s none of your business.”

  “Tiana is my business. She was in tears.”

  “She’s better off without me.” Ash looked past her, hoping that Joel would hurry up.

  “I know things are bad for you, but ya don’t hafta take it out on Tiana.”

  Joel returned. “Leave him alone.”

  “No, he made Tiana cry.”

  Joel turned on her. “After what happened to Ash you’re complaining ‘bout Tiana having hurt feelings? Selfish bitch, piss off.”

  Lavinia’s eyes widened but Joel didn’t see it, he was already halfway down the footpath, pulling on his leather jacket and calling out to Ash to hurry up. Ash ran after him.

  After a few minutes of walking Joel spoke. “I’m sick of her making everyone feel guilty. She wuz all nice for a short while, but now she’s bein’ a right bitch again. It’s always, do this, don’t do that,” he mimicked. “Why the hell should I? It’s not like she’s my girlfriend. Now, if she gives me a bit of pussy or tit then yeah, I might do stuff for her.”

  Ash screwed up his nose. “You can’t do her, she’s your stepsister.”

  “She ain’t blood related, so I see no probs with it, except for maybe her big mouth. But she’s got a boyfriend, which she keeps reminding me of every time I accidentally brush up against her.”

  Ash trained his gaze a few paces ahead. It was always about Joel’s problems when they hung out, but right now he was grateful for the distraction.

  Joel glanced at Ash. “You alright, cuz? Hunter wouldn’t tell me what Chaz did to you.” Joel’s eyes moved up and down Ash. “You’ve lost weight, but other than that you seem alright. What’d he do?”

  Ash stared straight ahead. “I don’t remember, I wuz drunk.”

  “You don’t remember nuthin’?”

  “Nuthin’.”

  “Still, it’s warped what happened. You know if ya need anything just say, ‘kay?”

  Ash nodded, relieved that Joel wasn’t pushing for more.

  The music of Claydon played as they entered the suburb, a medl
ey of hip hop, rap, reggae, yelling, dogs barking and the occasional police siren filling the cool night. They stopped at the main road, waiting for it to clear.

  Remembering the thrill of racing across the road, Ash’s gaze followed the cars like a junkie who couldn’t wait for his next fix. Without a second thought, he sprinted across the road like a pinball released by a spring. Exhilaration flooded his veins, the high instantaneous. A horn beeped and a car bumper kissed his leg, his jeans barely touched. He continued forward, and jumped up onto the opposite kerb. Still high on adrenalin, he turned to see Joel on the other side of the road and whooped, an uncontrollable laugh following.

  A minute later Joel joined him, yelling, “You crazy, motherfucka!”

  Ash grinned wide, then turned, his smile disappearing as the pub filled his vision. He stood frozen as he stared at the same bouncer from last Saturday. He remembered how the guy had smiled when Chaz had handed over fifty bucks and the words spoken as they’d left the pub.

  ‘You’re a lying faggot, Chaz,’ the bouncer had growled. ‘I wouldn’t have given it to you if I’d known it was for a boy.’

  Had the bouncer given Chaz the roofie?

  Joel stepped in front of him. “What’re ya staring at?”

  “Nuthin’.” Ash started walking towards Waiata Crescent.

  “Oi! Wrong way.”

  Ash jammed his hands into his jacket and changed direction. They headed past the petrol station and the large car park in front of the supermarket.

  “You alright, mate?” Joel asked.

  “I’m great,” Ash said, but knew his mate wouldn’t pick up on his sarcasm. His best friend wasn’t the sharpest switchblade in town.

  After a few minutes, Joel started jabbering about Lavinia again. Ash blocked him out, his mind repeating the bouncer’s words.

  ‘I wouldn’t have given it to you if I’d known it was for a boy.’

  As they rounded onto another street, Ash recognised Tiana’s cul-de-sac. Destiny Child’s R&B pumped from a two-storey house a few places up and across the road from Tiana’s. The road was jammed with cars, some parked on the footpath.

  Ash stopped, realising where Joel was going. “I don’t wanna go to a party.”

  Joel turned to face him. “You want drugs, don’t ya?”

  “Yeah, but—”

  “Look, it’s the only place I can think of besides Hunter’s, and if you’re asking me I’m guessing he won’t give ya any. So, we’ve got no choice but to bludge off some chicks.”

  Ash looked at the property. People were standing on the grass with beers, talking and laughing. Happy. Something he couldn’t imagine being again.

  Joel leaned to one side. “C’mon, man, we’re here now, so we might as well go in, and I know I can score some drugs for you.”

  It still didn’t make him want to go in.

  “Weed, meth, Salma’s parties always has them,” Joel said.

  Ash breathed out. “I want meth.” He knew he shouldn’t touch it after what it had done to his father, but he’d tried it once by accident thinking it was coke, and it had made him feel invincible—not weak like the roofie. He knew the come-down would be a bastard, but right now he didn’t care, he just wanted the high to bleed out his pain.

  “No probs.” Joel started walking up the path.

  Ash hesitated for a moment, then followed. He cringed as he pushed inside the house, the place packed. He quickly shouldered his way through the lounge, his panic rising along with the cigarette smoke in the room. Just when he thought he was going to hit someone for banging into him, he came to a clearing in front of the kitchen. A beer was shoved into his hand, Joel the Saint Bernard of free alcohol.

  Ash held it out. “I told ja I want drugs, not beer.”

  “Stop whining like a bitch, it’s free. And if you see that hot Samoan senior from school warn me. We’re gate-crashing her party.” Joel headed towards a corner by a tall pot-plant.

  Ash followed and leaned against the wall.

  Joel pointed at the couch swamped with females. “Shit, that’s Jody Berry. I haven’t seen her since Marko’s hot-tub.”

  Ash rolled his eyes, remembering Jody well. Not particularly pretty, but Joel liked her—or more accurately, what she’d done for him in the hot-tub, something that had gotten Joel banned from using it again.

  “Looks like I’m gonna get laid tonight.” Joel shoved his beer at Ash. “I’ll get ya the drugs after I do her.”

  Ash watched in disbelief as his mate abandoned him. From the couch, Jody made a squealing sound louder than the music and jumped up to hug Joel. Ash glared at Joel’s back as his mate and Jody exited through the kitchen doorway. He dropped Joel’s beer into the fake pot-plant and started ripping the label off his own bottle. Usually he liked parties, but right now the music was too loud, the smell of booze, ciggies and B.O. sickening, and he was ready to smack someone’s face in, preferably Joel’s. He wanted meth, not beer, he wanted a quiet room, not a lounge packed full of people—and AGAIN—he wanted to punch Joel.

  Trying to calm down, he closed his eyes and breathed out slowly.

  In…

  Out…

  Out…

  He wanted to get out of this place, out of everything…

  In…

  Out…

  Out…

  He hit his chest, trying to push out a breath.

  “Are you alright?” a female voice asked

  Ash opened his eyes and saw the big-busted Samoan girl that Joel had mentioned. “I’m fine.” He let out a yawn, finally releasing a breath. The breathing problem wouldn’t kill him, but it always made him feel like he was suffocating. The memory of his face being pushed into the pillow returned.

  She smiled. “Big yawn, am I boring you?”

  “No, long day.”

  “Why’re you alone?”

  “My prick of a mate abandoned me for a chick.”

  “Can’t hear ya, music’s too loud.” She moved closer, her shoulder brushing his arm. “Enjoying the party?”

  He shifted over. No. “Dunno, just got ‘ere.”

  She held out a hand. “I’m Salma, this is my place.”

  Ash wiped a hand on his jeans and shook it. “Nice to meet ya.”

  Smiling, she leaned towards his ear. “You look familiar, where have I seen ya before?”

  “Wera High.”

  She frowned. “I would’ve noticed a hot guy like you in my year. Are you new?”

  “No, I’m Year Eleven.”

  Her mouth formed an O. “How old are you?”

  “Sixteen tomorrow.”

  “Snap! I’m eighteen tomorrow. My parents will be back from Samoa then, which is why I’m having the party tonight. Anyway, happy birthday.”

  Not much to be happy about. “Thanks. You too.”

  “What? Can’t hear ya.” She moved her face closer. “You wanna come up to my room, get away from the noise?”

  He nodded, grateful for an opportunity to escape. He pushed through a group dancing, almost dropping his beer as people knocked into him. He sidestepped a couple pashing on the staircase, and followed Salma upstairs, down a short passage and into the middle bedroom. The music dulled fractionally as Salma closed the door.

  Ash’s gaze moved around the walls, which seemed to vibrate. Pictures of netball players and hip-hop stars danced across the floral wallpaper, reminding him of Tiana’s room. His gaze narrowed in on the computer sitting on the desk. The big white box was the size of the telly at his old home. He walked towards it. “Can I play on it?”

  Salma sat down on a colourful bed with a stuffed toy cat in the middle. “I don’t have any games, except for this really lame block one. My parents won’t spring for the internet, says it costs too much. I only use it for homework. It’s better than writing, and really good for editing.”

  “It’ll be cool to have internet. I tried it a coupla times at school. It’s like an electronic library.”

  “I s’pose so, but it has way more th
an any library. My cousin uses it for porn.”

  Ash’s eyes widened. “You get porn on there?”

  “Yeah, it’s really disgusting. You can be looking for a picture of a car and up pops a naked woman. That’s how my cousin found out about it. Now, whenever I go over there he’s in his room pro’bly wanking off to it.”

  Ash smiled.

  Salma patted the bed. “Come over here.”

  He sat down. She seemed nice enough, sort of looked a bit like Tiana, but shorter and with bigger tits. He could never tell Samoans and Tongans apart, and only knew the girl’s ethnicity because his mates had nicknamed her the hot Samoan babe.

  “You didn’t tell me your name,” she said.

  “Ash.”

  “Cool name. What nationality are you? You sound Maori, but don’t look it.”

  “My father’s Maori, my mum’s…” He looked down at his beer. “She wuz Croatian.”

  “Was?”

  “She’s dead.”

  “Oh… Sorry, didn’t meana be nosey.”

  “Not your fault.” He felt a hand on his head, the feeling reminding him of Chaz. He refrained from jerking away.

  “You’ve got nice hair,” she said. “Is it naturally black?”

  “Yeah.”

  “You alright? I’m not upsetting you, am I?”

  “I’m fine,” he said, picking at the beer label.

  “You wanna make out?”

  Taken aback, his gaze shot up. “I-I-I can’t, I’ve got a girlfriend. Well, I did. She came to my house earlier, but I told her we shouldn’t see each other anymore,” he babbled.

  She stopped stroking his hair. “That means you’re broken up, so no worries.”

  “I didn’t want to, but she’s better off without me.”

  “Why?”

  “People I love get hurt.”

  “You love her?”

  He nodded.

  “Then you shouldn’t break up with her. Hell, did I just say that?”

  “Yeah, why?”

  “Cos I’m tryna hook up with you.”

  “No use hooking up with me, you’ll have better luck with my mate.”

  “Who’s your mate?”

  “Joel Harper.”

  Her lips pulled back, exposing her teeth. “That bastard. He bloody grabs my arse every time he walks past me. There’s no way I’d go with him. Anyway, he’s too young.”