Flying Backwards

by Jennifer W Smith

  You mean do I have enough money to float me for six weeks, Nora thought. Actually she did. She had no student loans. Even though she’d paid nominal rent to her parents after college, she’d been able to pay off personal debts, like her car and credit cards. Since she’d moved in with Phillip–well, he paid the mortgage and utilities. She had been putting money in the bank for years. “That won’t be a problem.”

  Suzanne and Carl asked a few more questions and concluded the interview. Carl slid an envelope across the table and paused, his dark hand resting on it. “Now, you were told you’d be mailed a letter stating whether or not you’ve got a second interview. However, we are allowed at our discretion to give out a few envelopes for call-back interviews. We feel you are a great candidate. Most people are not cut out for the demanding schedule of a flight attendant. To find someone mature, financially stable, and willing to move who could speak a foreign language is definitely a bonus. So congratulations–you’ll have a second interview. Please don’t open this until you’re outside because not everyone will be receiving one. It will give you instructions about who to contact. Thanks, Nora, have a fantastic day.”

  Wow! Nora couldn’t believe it. She was a great candidate. “Thank you.” She slipped the envelope into her purse and stood to shake their hands.

  Nora sat in her car, holding the envelope in her hands. I can’t believe I just did that. And I can’t believe I’ve got a second interview. Her hands were shaking as she opened and read the letter congratulating her. She was to call the listed contact within the time stated and schedule an appointment to meet at the Philadelphia airport. Okay, what am I going to do now? What was she going to tell Phillip? How was she going to explain this? Well, first of all she needed to get back home before Phillip called to check on her. Nora’s head was pounding by the time she got home. There was too much to think about.

  Nora was just hanging her gray suit in the back of the closet when the phone rang. It was Phillip. “Hey, pet, how are you feeling?”

  “Much better. It must have been something I ate. Are you just heading out to lunch?” She could tell that Phillip was in his car. The digital clock on the nightstand displayed 2:30 pm.

  “Yes, I’m headed to the grocery store for a deli sandwich. Do you need anything for your stomach?”

  “Maybe you can bring home some ginger ale later.” Nora felt guilty. She’d never been the sneaky type. “I think I’m going to nap for a bit.” Guilt was twisting in her stomach now. She could use some ibuprofen too. I deserve to feel sick. I’m a ratfink for lying.

  Chapter Three

  The pineapple wreath on the Clark’s front door had been switched for one with a witch riding a broomstick. Pumpkins and various gourds lined the steps. Halloween was tomorrow. Nora pulled into the driveway, thinking of the large candy bowl that her mother would have filled for the neighborhood trick-or-treaters. She was hoping to steal a Kit-Kat bar.

  She entered through the kitchen door, shutting it quickly and shaking off the cold. It’s time to start wearing my coat again. This sweatshirt isn’t keeping the chill away. The kitchen was deserted. The large bowl filled with assorted mini candy bars waited on the island.

  Score!

  After plucking a couple of her favorite treats and stuffing them into her hoody pocket, Nora followed the sound of the television into the family room. “Hi, Dad, are the Steelers playing?” Russ was a Pittsburg fan. He’d grown up in that city and watched every game faithfully. Frequently Perry hung out to watch the games with his father-in-law while Victoria and Heidi cooked or shopped or visited friends. But today Russ watched by himself.

  “Hey, kiddo! They play at four.” Russ sat in his favorite leather chair holding a glass of dark beer, a can of peanuts within his reach. Polly raised her head at Nora’s voice and thumped her tail.

  “Where’s Mom?” Nora asked as the dog rolled to expose her belly. Nora earned a doggy grin by scratching Polly’s ribs.

  “She’s around,” Russ said without looking away from the game.

  With a sigh Nora rose and headed for the stairs. She paused at the top of the steps, listening for her mother. All was quiet. She crossed the hall and stood at the threshold of her childhood bedroom. It was just as she’d left it four years ago when she moved. All she had taken were her clothes and a few personal items. Phillip’s house was already furnished with everything they needed, thanks to the ex-girlfriend. This room summed up her happy childhood. Her stereo rested on her one-drawer nightstand, and the CDs were neatly stacked in a basket below. The books she’d read were still nestled in the bookshelves, and an old poster of her favorite boy band hung on the wall. She’d spent nights in this old room from time to time when she stayed late to help prep for a catering job or if the weather was bad or Phillip was traveling during the week for work. She liked hanging out with her family and sharing weekend dinners. This house was so homey. Always tidy and clean. It always smelled of baked goods and fresh linens. She crossed over to the bed and sat, looking around while she pulled the Kit-Kat bar out of her pocket.

  Nora bent over, reaching between her legs, and felt around for a shoe box under her bed. It made a scrapping sound as she slid it out across the wood floor. In the box, among other things, were some headphones. She placed them around her neck and slid the box back with her sneakered foot. She noted there was CD already in the player; before pressing Play she adjusted the headphones and plugged them in. Then she cranked the music. She floated back on the bed, closing her eyes and losing herself in the melody.

  Nora experienced that weird “someone is watching you” feeling. When she opened her eyes she saw her mother standing in the doorway, her shoulder propped against the doorjamb. Nora squeaked in surprise. She bolted upright, holding one hand over her pounding heart and pulling off her headphones with the other. “Mom, you scared me!” She reached over to silence the music vibrating from the headphones.

  Heidi chuckled. “Yes, I can see that. I thought I heard someone up here. I was attempting to organize my bedroom closet.” Heidi noted her daughter’s humorless smile and walked in to sit beside her on the quilt covered bed. “What is it, Eleanor? What has been bothering you? You’ve been glum for some time now.”

  “Glum” was the word Victoria had used not so long ago to describe her too. Her family saw her as glum, she thought sadly.

  Nora busily traced the pattern in the quilt with her fingertip while she tried to pull her thoughts together. “Mmm…‌The company I work for is relocating.” She peeked at her mother’s concerned face. “To Boston,” she added. At Heidi’s raised eyebrows she went on, “Yeah, so it’s a huge deal for Phillip. A great opportunity. Of course, I’d still have a job there with him if I wanted it.”

  “If you wanted it? But?”

  “It’s a huge opportunity,” Nora repeated in a higher pitched voice. Her mother’s silence begged her to continue. “I just… I just…‌don’t want to go with him.” There–she’d said it. A weight was lifted from her shoulders.

  “Well, honey, relocating isn’t so bad. Boston isn’t that far,” her mother offered.

  “No! It’s not that. I don’t want to be with him. I don’t want to marry him!” she blurted. Her hands were balled into fists, and tears filled her eyes as she looked to her mother for guidance.

  “Oh, I see.” Heidi reached for her daughter’s hand, loosening her balled fingers. “It’s okay. It is going to be okay. You’ve felt this way a long time, haven’t you?” Nora nodded, biting her upper lip. “You’ve been the one holding off the wedding plans?” Another nod. “Does Phillip know any of this?”

  Nora slowly shook her head; she closed her eyes, squeezing out teardrops.

  As tears rolled down her daughter’s face, Heidi repeated, “It will be okay. Honey, it’s better you realized this now, before you got married.” She squeezed Nora’s hand. “When is the relocation to Boston taking place?”

  “January.” Nora sniffed and wiped tears away with t
he sleeve of her sweatshirt.

  “Honey, you need to tell him. Phillip will be all right. You will be all right. We will get you through this,” Heidi insisted. “Today. You’ll tell him today. Then you’ll come home to stay with us for a while. Can you do that?” Heidi’s rational instructions gave Nora the courage she needed.

  “Yes. Thanks, Mom.” As they embraced, Heidi stroked the long hair that fell along Nora’s back. Her touch was soothing.

  “Don’t worry. You can always work with us until you find something else.” Heidi’s motherly instincts kicked in, attempting to solve all of Nora’s problems.

  “Actually…” Nora pulled back, sniffling. “You might not believe this, but, on a whim, I went on an interview. I was called back for a second interview and…‌I was hired.” Nora’s eyes sparkled with excitement and remnant tears.

  “Wow. Does Phillip know about that?”

  “He doesn’t know.” At Heidi’s raised eyebrows Nora continued. “I kind of lied. I said I was sick and drove to Philly for the interview. A week later I happened to already have a personal day planned because of a dentist appointment, plus I was planning to make the final tile selections, but I canceled my dentist appointment and went to the second interview. Phillip worked late that night and never asked about either my dentist appointment or the tile, so I didn’t say anything.”

  “You lied?” Heidi asked.

  Eleanor heard the surprise in her mother’s voice and confirmed with a nod. She had always been a no frills, no surprises, kind of person, and yet what she had done and was planning to do was break her mold. “No one knows.” She added secretive to her list of characteristics.

  “Who did you interview for?” Heidi asked after a long pause.

  “Meade Airlines. I’m going to be an international flight attendant.” Nora pressed her lips together to control her grin. The enthusiasm she felt about a new start drowned out any feelings of guilt or sorrow at the break she would have to make here.

  “I can’t believe it–a flight attendant,” Heidi mused. Eleanor smiled at her mother’s sudden change in expression.

  Eleanor had always had the reputation as the most reserved of the three Clark girls, the good-natured middle child who went along with her demanding siblings. She had never been the adventurous type, and she’d stayed close by her family–they were her comfort zone. But now she felt she needed to change; the drive was like an awakening in her neurons, turning on switches that had been dormant.

  Maybe I am more like my mother after all, Eleanor thought. Before Heidi met Russ she was a spokesperson for a baking company located in Maryland. She’d had a great career. Meeting Russ had changed her life though. She had fallen madly in love, and they soon married. They moved to York County, Pennsylvania, where he got a job at the factory and she commuted to her job in Maryland. York County was a great place to start a family. Not long after they married she had her first child, Victoria. Heidi decided the commute to work and the special events were taking a toll on her young family. And with her love of baking, starting a catering business was a natural transition.

  “When do you start? Won’t you have to move?” Heidi asked.

  Eleanor heard the distress in her mother’s voice but lifted her chin and replied in a calm voice, “I have to attend six weeks of training in Pittsburg, starting in mid-January. And then, yes, after I officially pass, I get assigned to a base–hopefully Philly. That’s the closest to you and Dad.”

  “Philly’s not too far,” Heidi contemplated. “Your Aunt Lynn lives outside of Pittsburg. We’ve never been that close, but I could give her a call. She could check in on you.”

  “Mom, I don’t need to be checked on. This is not summer camp. And besides, Dad hasn’t talked to his sister since last Christmas.”

  “You’d have some family nearby is all.” Nora understood that Heidi couldn’t help fret about her duckling leaving the community nest.

  They were both quite. Nora turned grave. It was time for a last-ditch effort to question her mother, her mentor. “Mom, am I crazy? Should I do this?” Doubt was trying to wedge its way in.

  “Eleanor, you need to decide what is right for you. Your father and I will support you whatever you decide.”

  Her mother’s steadfast support was what Nora needed.

  “I want to do this. I want to see the world and change my life. I feel bad about Phillip, but I don’t think it’s fair to stay with him if I can’t give him one hundred percent of myself.”

  “He loves you. He will be heartbroken,” Heidi warned. “I know you feel bad about that, and I feel sorry for him too, but you are right.”

  Eleanor’s heart wrenched at her mother’s warning. But it was time for her and Phillip to move forward, although in different directions. They’d been planning to tell Nora’s parents tomorrow at Sunday dinner that they had given up on renovations and decided to put the house on the market. The For Sale sign would be going up next week.

  “Do you want to talk to your dad before you leave?”

  Nora shook her head. Why mess up his pleasure in watching the game? It’s not like he’d have much to say anyway. Everything defaulted to his wife. “Let me talk to Phillip first. I’ll be back later.”

  “Okay, honey, we’ll be waiting for you.”

  * * *

  Phillip was making a sandwich in the kitchen when Nora walked in. “Hey, pet, want salami and cheese?”

  “Hi.” She forced a brief smile. “No thanks, I’m not hungry.”

  “How was the game?” Normally Nora watched some football with her dad and usually filled up on snacks.

  “Steelers play at four.” She reached around him to the cabinet and took out a mug; she filled it with tap water and put it in the microwave. “I’ll sit and have some tea while you eat.”

  Nora listened to Phillip’s plans for the move to Boston. Between mouthfuls, he filled her in on some great townhouses he had seen online, areas that had great restaurants. He had even mentioned them taking a vacation on nearby Cape Cod.

  “Phillip, I need to talk to you about something.” The pit of Nora’s stomach glowed like a ball of fire.

  She noticed him pause with the last bite of his sandwich midway to his mouth in reaction to the gravity in her voice. She rushed on before she chickened out. “I don’t want to go to Boston with you.”

  “We talked about this, Eleanor. You agreed the change would be good. It really is a great opportunity for us.” He dropped the forgotten bite on his plate and pushed it away.

  “Phillip.” She held her hand up. “I want you to go to Boston. I…‌don’t want to go.” Nora placed her hand over her heart and blurted, “I don’t want to marry you and I’m moving back in with my parents. I’m so sorry.” She struggled to keep her tears in check, but they threatened to spill over.

  “What? Where is this coming from? Wow…” Phillip slumped back in his chair.

  She watched him, sure he was wracking his brain for answers. He was probably thinking it was the “spicing it up in the bedroom” thing, because he had been a little unreceptive.

  “Eleanor, I love you. We don’t have to move. I’ll get a different job. We can stay here and work this out. I promise.”

  His declaration did not change her mind. “No, it’s not the move. I care about you, but I’m not in love with you anymore. You deserve someone who can love you completely. I’ve felt this way for a while now. This move will make a clean break for us.” She could hardly stand to see the lost look on his face. “I know this seems like it’s coming from out of nowhere, but this hasn’t been working for some time. Haven’t you noticed?”

  “Is there someone else?”

  “No! Honestly, no.” She reached for his hand. “Phillip, go to Boston. Make a new life for yourself. You deserve a good life.”

  He would not hold her hand; he’d shut down.

  “I’m going to go pack a few things and go. I think this is best for both of us,” she s
aid quietly, hoping her words had sunk in as she slipped away to the bedroom.

  She yanked a duffle bag down from the top shelf of her closet and set it on the bed. She opened drawers and lifted out neatly folded stacks of underwear, bras, and socks, which she dumped into the bag. Next she stuffed in jeans, T-shirts, and her favorite nightshirt. She spied her favorite sweatpants on top of the dirty laundry pile and tossed them in too.

  In the bathroom, under the sink, was a cosmetic travel bag she’d gotten last Christmas. Victoria said it would come in handy for the honeymoon. She looped the bulky bag stuffed with all of her products over her arm. She opened the bedroom closet and gathered hangers supporting collared shirts and pressed pants she’d need for work. She crouched and grabbed some flats, stuffing them in the overflowing duffle bag.

  With her arms loaded, she braved the hallway. Phillip stood at the sink in the kitchen drying his lunch plate. “I’ll come by for the rest of my things this week. I’m going to give a week’s notice at work on Monday too.” He would not turn around to look at her. “I’m sorry, Phillip.” She wanted to say more, but she had already told him how she felt.

  He nodded and grunted, “Mmm hmm.”

  She slipped out the door, leaving Phillip standing with his back to her. Tears were rolling down her cheeks because she was hurting someone who loved her. She felt so selfish. Was there a way to break the news any better? No matter how sad she felt, she still knew this was the right thing to do. It was over with Phillip. The flame had burned out.

  * * *

  It had been awful at work. She had given her notice after she’d arrived at the office. Everyone was shocked, but they kept questions and comments to a minimum. She had a knot in her stomach as she waited for Phillip to arrive. When he did, he walked straight to his office and would not even look in her direction. Luckily she had not taken any calls for him; she had not seen him the rest of the day. The rest of that week went pretty much the same way. Friday afternoon she knocked on his office door.