Flying Backwards

by Jennifer W Smith

  “No, Bree. I insist you go with them tonight. It’s their last night! And besides, I already feel terrible for ruining their visit. I’ll feel even worse if I keep you from them.” She dropped her head back onto the pillow. “Honestly, I just want to wallow alone.”

  Bree looked as if she were considered and finally nodded in agreement. “Okay, if you’re sure.” Nora smiled with relief.

  “Promise you’ll call me if you need me for anything.” Nora agreed, and Bree slipped off the bed, calling Evan back as she left the room.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  After crying herself to sleep, Nora woke in near darkness. She had been dreaming of the drumming of horse hooves down a dirt road. It was Ben on horseback, galloping down a dusty road toward her. She stood against a white fence, shouting and waving her arms to catch his attention, but he acted as if he didn’t see her and galloped right past. The loud drumming of hooves had drowned out her shouts.

  Nora sat up in bed and listened intently. Someone was knocking on the front door. The persistent knocks sounded much like the horse hooves in her dream. Nora raced down the stairs. Can Ben have changed his mind? Or maybe Antonio is back. No, not Antonio–I can’t repeat that again.

  “Sergei!” Nora’s surprise was evident in her voice when she swung open the door.

  He displayed a bottle of vodka in one hand and a six-pack of beer in the other. “I saw Bree leave earlier and figured you needed some company.”

  Why not? she thought. At this point she was all cried out, and Sergei had always proven to be a good friend, always managing to cheer her up. She waved him in and went to collect two glasses.

  The next morning, Nora squinted at the bright sunshine pouring through her window. Her bare arm was chilly, and she yanked the sheet, to no avail. She wiggled back, trying to dislodge the sheet, but it wouldn’t budge. Then she heard a male grunt behind her. She bounced away as Sergei rolled onto his back. The sheet suddenly gave way, and she yanked it over to cover her body to her chin.

  “Oh my God, Sergei, what are you doing here?” she whispered fiercely.

  His blue eyes opened briefly and then fluttered closed. “We fell asleep.”

  “I can see that!” Nora glanced nervously at the closed door. Her head ached, and she had a bad taste in her mouth. She peeked under the sheet she held with white knuckles and breathed a sigh of relief to see that she was wearing her pajama pants and tank top. She sprang from the bed, bumping the nightstand and sending her bracelets clanking to the floor. Her mind flashed back to the hotel room in St. Petersburg where she had disregarded that same set of bangle bracelets.

  Thank God she was still wearing her clothes and nothing had happened. But why were they in bed together? And what if Bree saw them?

  “Sergei, get up! You have to go. Sergei!” Her whisper was more of a hiss.

  He mumbled something in Russian.

  “Shh!” Nora warned. She climbed back into the bed and got close to his face. “Sergei. Please! You have to go before Bree sees you and thinks…” She didn’t finish her sentence. Sergei had opened his eyes. She realized the hungry look he was giving her was filled with desire. She sensed he was ready for her under the sheet. She stood. A glance down the length of the sheet confirmed her suspicion.

  She felt empathy for him, because although her tears were caused because of Antonio, and had been for Ben, Sergei was the one with her now.

  “All right,” he answered and moved to sit up.

  Nora crept to the door to listen. He stood, a large man in a small room, stretching his well-muscled body. His T-shirt was rumpled, and he adjusted the front of his jeans. Nora averted her eyes. He swiveled his blond head around until he saw his shoes resting at the end of her bed. He sat down to slip them on. Nora waited, impatiently tapping her bare foot. When he rose from the bed, she listened at the door again. All was quiet; she gave him a silent thumbs-up. He made no sound on the stairs, and the click of front door closing was barely audible.

  Nora surveyed the room to be sure there was no sign left of him. She began to remember now that Sergei had practically carried her to bed after she had started to cry on the sofa while they watched television. She had mumbled as he laid her carefully down on the bed, “Thanks for being here when I needed you. Don’t go yet.” She remembered the weight of him sitting on the bed and his protective hand resting warm against her back. She must have drifted off to sleep after that.

  Bree was just coming in when Nora was getting ready to walk out the door, her duffle bag over her shoulder. Nora dropped her bag to the floor. “Hey, I was just about to call you. I’m heading to my folks’ house for a couple days. I don’t have to fly until Thursday.”

  “Sorry I didn’t come back last night. I stayed with Evan.” Bree sounded guilty.

  “Seriously, don’t even worry about it. I can take care of myself.” But she hadn’t been alone, and Nora couldn’t imagine explaining that to Bree at this moment. Nora was suddenly startled by Bree’s sharp intake of breath.

  “Oh, Nora, after everything that has happened… It’s October eighth! Today is your birthday! Happy birthday! I have a card for you.” Bree opened her purse and produced an envelope. Nora opened it and thanked her friend for the gift card. She hugged her friend with an extra squeeze.

  Bree looked at the red-rimmed eyes of her dear friend. “I’m so sorry all this happened, and on your birthday too!” They had been through a lot together in the past year. “Everything will work out, Nora. Just give it time. This has certainly been a year of change for you.”

  This has certainly been a year of change for you… The thought haunted Nora on the long drive to her parent’s house. Today she turned thirty. She was three decades old now. Nora had made a change, made a different life for herself, since a year ago in that bar with her fiancé and family celebrating her twenty-ninth birthday. Nora had vowed then, “I’m going to live a better life.” Is this a better life? She answered her own question. Yes. Even if Ben breaks my heart, I know this is where I should be. I accomplished what I had set out to do.

  Nora considered that the old Eleanor had been trapped in a life without fulfillment. She’d compromised too much. Through her experiences, she had learned it was okay to say no and still be a kind person. She was proud of herself for becoming successful, worldly, and independent. She had struggled with guilt. She’d felt selfish at times, but she had come to understand that settling wasn’t good enough! Despite her family and Ben, she was still going to move to England. She would take every city by storm with Bree. But at this vulnerable moment, when she felt uncertain about what would happen with Ben, the one thing she was certain of was the love and comfort of her family. She needed to be with them now. After all, today was her birthday.

  When she phoned her mom to say that she was coming home, she felt the love wash over her with the sound of her mother’s elated voice. Heidi said she’d get the family together for dinner that night.

  Nora turned onto her family’s street and breathed a sigh of relief. She needed a pause in her hectic life.

  * * *

  The girls said good-bye to their American friends. Sergei told Nora to call him anytime and to stay in touch. It was hard saying farewell to him, but it was even harder when Nora endured the tearful good-bye with her family. They encouraged her, and she appreciated it.

  Nora and Bree officially settled into their British life. Meade Airline allowed them to take an unlimited quantity of luggage on their transfer flight, which held the majority of Nora’s belongings. Although Bree talked of wanting independence from her parents, she was glad her mother had swooped in and taken care of every detail for their move. Mrs. Royce had hired a company to pack what the girls wanted in England. She’d flown to London, where she oversaw the unloading of furniture and goods. She checked out the area with Ashley, since Ashley lived on the fourth floor of their building.

  Nora had to listen to them argue about Bree working on Thanksgiving, onl
y two weeks away. Bree tried to explain to her unyielding mother that she had just transferred to international status and she had low seniority, which meant she had to work no matter the day.

  Mrs. Royce was relentless. “It’s not even a holiday here!” Mrs. Royce usually got what she wanted, but not this time. It was resolved when Bree promised she would spend all of the time over Christmas that she had available with her mother. Nora was sure this would spark a huge fight between Bree’s parents. Eventually, when Mrs. Royce deemed that the apartment was safe, clean, and tidy, she kissed the girls good-bye.

  A couple weeks later Nora entered her new London apartment building after a long morning run. As she started up the stairs, a door opened on the second floor, and a silver-haired lady called hello to her.

  “Good morning, Helen.” Nora smiled as she reached the landing. “How are you and Martin today?” She reached out to scratch Martin’s head. The docile cat in Helen’s arms closed its green eyes at Nora’s touch. Helen was a kind lady who had brought them sandwiches and treats while Nora and Bree were moving in up on the fifth floor. The building was old and had no working elevator, so they had to trudge up the stairs past her door every time. Helen lived alone with her cat and was the unofficial gatekeeper of the upper floors. She knew everyone who went past her door.

  “My poor boy isn’t eating. I don’t think he is feeling too well.” The older woman, short and stocky, held the cat like a baby in her arms. Nora eyed the fat orange cat; the Garfield lookalike was not starving. Then Nora had an inspiration.

  “I’d be more than happy to take Martin and have him looked at. I know a very good veterinarian. Let me go upstairs and see if I can get an appointment.” It was time to see him again; it had almost two months since Ben had walked away from her. He had not returned her calls. With working crazy hours, moving to a new country, and getting settled in, Nora had stopped calling him. But Ben was always on her mind.

  “I’m so worried about Martin. Are you sure that won’t be any trouble for you?”

  “It’s no trouble. The vet is outside the city and I’ve wanted to take a drive now that I have a car.” Nora shifted the weight of the grocery bag she was carrying. After her run she had darted into the market for a few things. “Let me put this stuff away, and then I’ll make the call.”

  “Oh, that would be wonderful, dear. Thank you.”

  Nora continued up the stairs. Helen spoke softly to her cat and closed her door. Nora passed Ashley’s apartment on the fourth floor, wondering what she’d say about her going to Ben’s clinic. Nora entered the empty apartment. She pulled out her phone and set it on the counter. As she stared skeptically at her phone she told herself, “You can’t chicken out now!” She’d already promised Helen. Once the groceries were put away, she picked up her phone and walked to her laptop. Ashley had told them about Ben’s clinic a few weeks ago, after it opened. Nora looked up the website and saw his picture. Her heart contracted.

  She glanced at the days of operation and the hours. Today was Wednesday; they were open until five o’clock. Nora was shocked to read that the clinic was closed tomorrow in observance of the American Thanksgiving holiday. After a deep breath in and out, she dialed the clinic’s phone number. The phone rang. Suddenly the thought struck her, What if he answers! But before panic set in, a woman’s voice came on the line.

  “Westborough Veterinary Clinic, how may I help you?”

  * * *

  Nora slowed to make the turn into the parking lot. The new sign was simply painted white, with black lettering: Westborough Veterinary Clinic. A car was pulling onto the street, two large dogs’ heads hanging out the back windows, their noses lifted to catch the scents on the breeze. Her dashboard clock read 4:25 p.m. Nora had the last appointment of the day. She turned off the engine and looked at herself in the rearview mirror. She smoothed the front of her hair and checked the clip in the back that held up her dark locks. She hesitated only a moment before she looked at Martin in the cat carrier and said, “Here goes nothing.”

  Inside, the familiar voice of the receptionist greeted her when she walked in. Nora explained that Martin was her elderly neighbor’s cat and she apologized for not having much information to fill out on the form on the clipboard she was given. The woman disappeared into another room with the clipboard and came right back.

  “Dr. Westborough can see you now. Right this way.” Nora followed her, carrying Martin’s heavy carrier. She stepped past the woman, who closed the door behind her.

  Ben stood in front of her, his head bent over the form she’d just filled out. “So we have Martin here. What seems to be the problem with…?” The words died on his lips when he looked up and saw Nora, shock and disbelief in his eyes.

  “Hi, Ben,” Nora said, a little too breathily. She felt suddenly shy under his intense gaze.

  “It says here Helen Blunt.” Clearly he was trying to figure out why she’d filled in a false name.

  “Yes, Helen is my neighbor. Martin is her cat. Martin wasn’t eating, and she was worried about him. Ashley said you had opened your clinic, and I offered to bring Martin, because Helen is elderly and she doesn’t drive, and anyway, that’s why I’m here.” She fell silent and waited for Ben to say something. She could almost see the gears turning behind his eyes. Finally he spoke.

  “Let me take a look at him then.” Ben gestured to the stainless steel counter in the center of the small room, and Nora heaved the carrier on to it. Nora stepped back, and Ben opened the carrier door and peeked in. Martin stood up, gave a sniff, and waltzed out of the carrier. Ben gave Martin a pat hello, and the cat dropped to the counter top with a satisfied purr.

  Ben asked his questions, and Nora answered as best she could. Keeping their conversation professional seemed to be breaking the ice. Ben carried Martin to the scale to get his weight. Nora looked around at the improvements he had made. His vision of the clinic had really come through. “Ben, this place is great.”

  He set Martin back on the counter and looked up. They locked eyes for a moment. Nora was sure they both felt the tension.

  “Yeah, thanks. I’m happy with the renovations. There are a couple minor things that need some adjustment, but overall everything went well. We’ve been open almost a month, since the beginning of November.” Ben pressed and prodded the cat, which could not have cared less, and Nora continued.

  “Ashley mentioned you’d opened. I hear you’ve had great success so far. I’m really happy for you.”

  Ben smiled at her praise of his accomplishments. His endearing smile and dimpled cheek made her heart flutter. Nora gazed at his handsome face. She had been angry with him for not letting her explain. Now she just wanted to be in his arms.

  “Thanks. I threw myself into getting the clinic open when I got back.” Their eyes locked briefly. Nora knew the rest of his unsaid statement. “…‌when I got back from America, where you were proposed to by another guy.”

  His eyes dropped while his fingers poked around Martin’s teeth. “Keegan has taken over at Westborough, but I’m back there all the time. I’m only half moved into the cottage.” He stretched Martin’s ear to have a look inside, and then he continued. “Ashley told me you and Bree have a place in her building. How do you like the city?”

  So he knew I was here, but he still didn’t want to call me. “I like it.” Her happy tone reached her ears as high-pitched; she began to regret coming.

  He turned his focus to Martin’s other ear. “You can tell your neighbor that Martin is fine. Tell her to be sure he’s getting plenty of fresh water, to keep things moving through his system.” He put Martin back into the carrier and latched the door. “And she could cut back a little on his food to maintain a healthy weight. He weighs 8 kilograms.”

  They both shared a chuckle at Martin’s expense. “Yeah, he’s Helen’s baby. She spoils him.” Nora stepped forward to gather up the carrier, her laughter dying away. Nora looked up into Ben’s eyes. She loved his eyes, where
his conflicted emotion was so clearly expressed to her. She paused, contemplating what to say. She’d come all this way. “Ben, I just wanted to say…” She hesitated.

  “You don’t have to say anything. Before–” he started searching her dark eyes for his meaning–“before, I behaved badly. I was just so hurt and confused that I walked away.” He rubbed his knuckles under his chin, a gesture she’d noticed before when he was frustrated. “I should have stayed and talked everything out, but I couldn’t. I messed up.” He spoke quietly but intently. “Ashley said you turned that guy down.” She could hear the anguish in his voice, and it tore her up inside. She shut her eyes momentarily, and when she opened them they were bright with tears.

  “Ben, I’m so sorry about that. I had no idea that was going to happen. I had broken up with him. I never gave him any idea that I was interested in marrying him. I was shocked to see him. And he has not contacted me since,” she stated emphatically. “I’m sorry I barged in here today, but I couldn’t…‌not ever see you again.”

  His expression had softened and his eyes rove over her face. It looked to Nora like he believed her and believed what Ashley had told him. “I behaved badly, and still, here you are.” He shook his head in bewilderment.

  There was a knock at the door. “Yes?” Ben called, stepping away from Nora with an apologetic smile.

  “Dr. Westborough, everything is finished. Do you need me to process anything for the lab before five o’clock?” the receptionist asked.

  “No, there is nothing to process tonight. And this last patient is on the house, for a friend, so you can go. I’ll see you on Friday.”

  The receptionist’s face lit up. “Okay then. In that case I’ll be on my way. Enjoy your holiday,” she said. Nora watched her collect her coat and leave the building.

  Nora was composed by the time she stepped into the reception area. She set Martin’s carrier on the floor while she collected her coat from a hook and turned to Ben.