by M. Malone
She knocked and after a long wait, Matt opened the door. Before he said anything, she opened the screen door and hugged him. He shook in her arms and Penny didn’t look at him, afraid that he might be crying. He wouldn’t want her to see that.
“I’m not here to talk. You can just go back to whatever you were doing. I just want to be with you. Is that okay?”
He nodded against her hair and shut the door. Penny took his hand and led him back into the living room. His hair was rumpled and when she saw the blankets on the couch, she realized he must have been asleep.
“Go back to your nap. I’ll just watch TV.”
He stared at her for a long time, then pulled her forward. The soft kiss on her forehead touched her heart.
While Matt settled back in his corner of the couch, Penny dropped her bag and kicked off her shoes. She took the remote he handed her and curled up on the other end of the sofa. She finally settled on a documentary about deep-sea fishing. Before long, her lashes grew heavy and she closed her eyes with a sigh.
“No, Cyrus! You have to help him.”
Penny woke with a start. Matt thrashed at the other end of the couch, one of his legs striking her in the side. She sat up and shook his shoulders gently.
“Wake up, Matt. You’re having a nightmare.” He woke, wild-eyed and breathing hard, one hand clutching his shoulder.
“It’s okay. You’re at home.” She stroked his arm gently. His breathing slowed.
“I was dreaming,” he repeated. He flopped back against the cushions of the couch and rubbed his shoulder.
Penny waited until his breathing was normal and he’d lost the manic look in his eyes before asking, “Who’s Cyrus?”
Matt froze. His eyes lifted to hers. Her heart ached at the dead look in his eyes. The hand on his shoulder tightened. “He was the friend I couldn’t save.”
Penny’s heart ached anew. “I’m so sorry, Matt.”
He met her eyes. “He was a good guy. We were both planning to be Rangers. We had our whole lives mapped out.”
“That’s why it’s so important to you? As a way to honor your friend?” That would be just like Matt. He was the most honorable guy she knew.
“Partly. I had so many plans for the future. When I joined the Army, it was a revelation for me. I’d finally found something I was good at.”
Penny’s surprise must have shown on her face because he laughed for the first time. Some of the tension left his body. She took the opportunity to sit next to him on the couch and snuggle up under his arm.
“I can’t imagine you not being good at everything, Ace,” she teased.
“I wasn’t always this competitive. In high school I wasn’t a great student like you, and I was only an average athlete. I wasn’t exceptional in any way. That was something I had to accept a long time ago. I’m not the most talented guy, but there’s nothing to stop me from being the hardest worker. That’s why I’m so competitive and why I work so hard to master every skill I can. That’s my only advantage. My determination. It’s the only thing that sets me apart.”
Penny stroked his shoulder. His skin was still slightly damp. “It’s not the only thing. I know I’ve given you a hard time about your ego, but truthfully, you’re not arrogant at all. You’re honorable, Matt Simmons. You care. A lot of people don’t. You’ve gone above and beyond to take care of me, and I know you’ve always taken care of your sister. I suspect we’re not the only ones in your life that you look out for.”
She pulled him to her, allowing him to settle his head against her breast.
“That’s what sets you apart. Your heart.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
MATT SAT IN the cab of his truck Wednesday afternoon, chewing furiously on a piece of grape-flavored gum. He dropped his head down to the steering wheel. He’d spent all of Tuesday on the couch, eating ice cream and feeling sorry for himself. Penny had come over and stayed with him again that night. She had to be getting tired of him. He was tired of himself.
He’d tried to hype himself up for his appointment. Just because he wasn’t going to heal fast enough to be eligible for reenrollment didn’t mean he could give up on treatment. He still needed to get better. He’d been sitting here in his truck for the past hour, trying to get up the nerve to go in. To move forward with his life. But despite it all, his mind just kept repeating It was all for nothing on an endless loop in his mind.
He wanted to punch something so badly but couldn’t, so he squeezed the steering wheel until the leather squeaked beneath his fingers. It was just so hard to accept that all this time and effort wasn’t enough to make his dreams come true. Even though he was under time pressure, the truth was he’d had a year to heal. It was a cop-out to blame it on lack of preparation or time. It just wasn’t going to happen. Probably ever.
Maybe it was time for him to face it.
When he’d first joined the military, it had been for the usual reasons. It was a way to pay for college and see the world. But as time went on, he’d come to rely on the camaraderie. He hadn’t had many opportunities to excel before. Being a soldier had given him an identity. Taught him discipline. The Army had literally made him a man. All he’d ever wanted was to be a part of something bigger than himself. Something important. Joining the Special Forces would have made him a part of an elite team.
But now that he was older, he’d discovered other ways he could belong. He’d learned things and discovered talents he hadn’t known he possessed.
The relationships he’d built with his friends were just as strong as blood ties. The Alexanders had become his “team” and the bonds between them were ones that would last a lifetime.
His fingers loosened on the steering wheel as he thought about his friends. They were there for him even if he failed the test. It didn’t matter if he was considered a hero by anyone else because he knew they regarded him as one.
Maybe it was time to stop searching for something he already had.
The passenger-side door opened, letting in a burst of cold air. He watched as Penny hopped up into the seat and slammed the door. She looked over at him apologetically.
“I’m sorry. I wanted to give you your privacy, but it’s really cold out there.”
He rested his head against the steering wheel again and closed his eyes. “It’s okay. I had every intention of coming in. It’s just that every time I was about to… Well… Anyway, I didn’t mean to stand you up.”
“I understand.” She didn’t say anything else, so he opened his eyes a few moments later. Her eyes were closed, too.
He took the opportunity to study her. It wasn’t often that he could look at her without being observed. She’d started to let down her guard a bit lately. She’d styled her hair in a loose bun and she was wearing a pair of earrings he’d never seen on her before. Watching her blossom had been a joy. She had so much inside of her to give, and he was honored that she’d begun to share herself with him.
Her eyes opened suddenly, and she jumped when she noticed him looking at her. He laughed softly at her shocked expression. “Hey.”
“Hey,” she whispered. “I just want to say that I’m really sorry you couldn’t heal before your deadline. I know this was really important to you.”
“You know, I’m okay. It was my dream to belong to something. To be a part of something meaningful. I’m finally understanding there are many different ways to make your mark on the world and to be a part of something. I’ve found the sense of family that I was looking for already.”
It was comforting to say it out loud. The world wouldn’t end if life took him in a different direction than the one he’d planned on. For the first time in days, he felt the tension in his chest loosen.
“I’m really glad for you. Like I said before, it won’t be long before you’ve completed my treatment and you won’t even need me anymore.”
He glanced over at her, his emotions playing across his rugged features. “I seriously doubt there will ever be a day when I don’t ne
ed you, Penny.”
Her eyes softened in that way that never failed to hit him straight in the heart. “I still can’t believe you feel that way about me.” She peeked up at him from beneath her lashes.
Did she still not know how he felt about her? It seemed insane that she could have him in the palm of her hand and not know that for her, he was completely undone. Everything about her slayed him. His heart was literally hanging by a thread.
“Believe it, pretty girl. I want to stay here with you after my therapy is over. I’ve already talked to my friend and he’s agreed to rent to me for the rest of the year. I can get a job here. Now that I’m doing so much better, I can work in construction again instead of just taking odd jobs. We can do this. We can see where this goes.”
Excitement took over and Matt reached across the seat to take her hand. Life was taking him in a different direction than he’d expected, but he was ready to go with it. Dealing with the events of the past year had taught him a few things. Namely to take what happened to you as an opportunity to learn and grow. Even though he wasn’t where he’d wanted to be, it didn’t mean he couldn’t be happy. Fulfilled.
Grateful.
“All my life, I’ve been skeptical of things that seem too easy. What if you wake up tomorrow and don’t want this anymore? Maybe you should take some time to think about where you want to go from here?” Penny bit her lip and looked down at their hands entwined on the seat between them.
“I already know what I want. I want to start living my life and you’re a big part of that, Penny. I don’t want to scare you off. I know we’re supposed to be taking it slow, but I just want you to know this isn’t casual for me. I care about you. And I plan on being in your life for a long time.”
“Matt. I don’t know what to say.”
“I don’t want you to say anything. Just think about what you want and how you feel. We have a few weeks left, right?”
At her nod, he continued, “Well, I won’t be going back home until then. If you feel the same way, then tell me to stay. Don’t say anything now. Just promise me you’ll think about it?”
“Okay, I will.”
He lifted her hand and kissed her knuckles. Then he opened the door of the truck and hopped down. They walked together back toward the center. “What are you about to do now?”
“I’m sure I have patients.” Penny passed a hand over her face. A pang of guilt made him take a closer look. She was exhausted, and he was sure it was partially because of him.
“Isn’t it time for you to eat lunch?” Matt glanced at his watch. He’d been keeping her up late at night and then she was working all day. He was overcome with the need to look after her and take care of her.
“It is. I mean, I will in a little bit,” she hedged. Her eyes dropped to her shoes.
When she wouldn’t look at him, Matt instantly knew something was up. “It was lunch time at noon, wasn’t it? That’s how you fit me into your schedule on such short notice. You gave up your lunch hour.” Matt cursed as his cell phone went off. “Yeah. … Oh hey, Kaylee. … Um, okay. Bye.”
Penny followed as he walked to the center. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. A friend is in the area, so she’s bringing me some important mail that I got. I wonder how Mara convinced her to go out of her way just to bring me a letter?”
“Your sister can be very persuasive. I know this from experience.”
Matt pinned her with a hard stare. “Oh, I know she can. Believe me, so can I.”
* * * * *
WHEN KAYLEE FINALLY stopped driving, Eli pulled up behind her blue sedan and hopped out. He wasn’t even sure if he turned the car off. He was that pissed.
Pissed.
“What the hell is going on?” Eli watched in disbelief as Kay held up a finger indicating he should wait. She dialed a number on her cell phone and, after a quick conversation, she pushed the door open and got out.
“Sorry, what did you say?”
“I said I’ve been calling you for the past two hours. You said you had a gig. You didn’t say it was over a hundred miles away.”
“Does it matter?” Kay didn’t look at him as she closed her car door and started walking across the parking lot toward the building.
“Just a little,” Eli said through gritted teeth. “It’s my job to keep you safe. It would help considerably if I knew where the hell you were going before you decide to take a trip.”
“Well, sorry, but I didn’t think it would matter. You’re supposed to accompany me wherever I go, right?” She tipped up her chin and put her hands on her hips. The motion drew his attention to her breasts again. She was wearing another clingy sweater. Didn’t she own any baggy clothes? Or at least something that didn’t hug her every inch and make him wonder how her ample curves would feel beneath his hands.
Eli didn’t trust himself to speak just then. He was torn between wanting to yank her up on her toes and kiss her until her eyes crossed and wanting to put her over his knee. While he was wrestling with himself internally, Kaylee reached the front doors of the building.
When he read the name of the facility, his blood pressure rose again.
“You have a gig at a physical-therapy center? Really? Just days after I declined to investigate Matt’s new girlfriend?”
“This isn’t my gig. Relax. Matt got an urgent letter and I’m just here to drop it off since we’re in the area anyway. Mara asked me to do it and I didn’t mind.”
She pushed the door open and let go so quickly it almost slammed into Eli. He followed her, seething. By the time he caught up with her, she was already seated in the waiting room. He sat next to her and pinned her with an accusatory stare.
“You know, I wouldn’t have expected this of you. Mara, yes. Raina, definitely. But not you.”
She turned toward him, her brown eyes slightly wounded. “How would you know what to expect of me? You don’t know me at all. I’m not as innocent as you seem to think.”
Before he could respond to that ridiculous statement, she stood again.
“Matt! There you are.” Kaylee trotted across the room to where Matt stood next to the blonde she’d seen him with at the party. That must be his physical therapist.
The one Mara was trying to get you to investigate.
He’d refused out of loyalty to Matt. The dude was getting his life together and he needed privacy, not a bunch of nosy friends digging into his business. However, it looked like Mara was going to get her way after all.
He wondered if driving him up the wall was part of her plan or if that was just a side effect. Kaylee was hugging on Matt as if they were old friends who hadn’t seen each other in ages. He liked Matt, but if the guy didn’t pull his hand a little higher from where it was currently resting on Kay’s lower back, he might have to forget they were friends.
“Eli, this is a surprise. I didn’t know you were coming.”
“I didn’t know either.”
“It was a spur-of-the-moment trip. I have a gig in D.C. Anyway, so Mara asked me to deliver some mail.” Kaylee turned toward the blond woman. “Hi. I hope we’re not interrupting the appointment.”
“No, it’s fine. We just finished, actually.”
“Oh, this is my miracle worker, Penny Lewis. Penny, this is Kaylee and Elliott. Kay is a singer with my friend Jackson’s record label. Eli is Jackson’s older brother.”
“We met, actually. At your party.” She looked at Matt and the warmth of her smile was enough to give Eli a sunburn.
Mara was good, he had to admit. His instincts were usually pretty good about people when he first met them. He’d been wrong about his sister-in-law Ridley, but he chalked that up to his judgment being clouded. His initial impression had been correct, but he’d been so determined to keep Jackson from being hurt by another woman that he’d been quick to judge her when the evidence had been against her. He hadn’t seen the truth until it was almost too late. He’d learned a valuable lesson. Emotions had to be left on the table.
>
“Well, we’d better go. Kay has to get to her gig.” He turned to Kay and watched as she flushed slightly.
“Eli’s right. It was great to see you again, Penny. Come on, Eli.”
He waved goodbye and followed her back out to the car. “So do you really have a gig or was that just the excuse to come up here?”
She flushed again. “I know it was wrong, but Mara was really worried. I didn’t want to say no. Plus, Ridley offered to babysit.” She looked up at him entreatingly. “Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve slept more than four or five hours at a stretch?”
Eli rocked back on his heels. “I’m guessing a long time.”
“Since before I was pregnant. I’m going to climb into that hotel bed and sleep all night. God, it even sounds like a wet dream.”
Eli sucked in a breath at the visual that slammed into his brain. Kay on a white comforter, her ample breasts spilling over the cups of her bra, her back arched as she moaned for him.
“Jesus,” he muttered.
Kay clamped a hand over her mouth and shook her head back and forth slowly. “Okay, I didn’t mean to say that out loud. Let’s just rewind and pretend that didn’t happen. Meet you at the hotel.”
Eli got in his car and followed her sedan back out to the main road. There wasn’t a chance in hell he’d forget that visual any time soon.
* * * * *
A FEW WEEKS later, Penny was reviewing a patient file when she looked up to find Matt standing in her office. Her heart leapt and she tried to tamp down the incredibly cheesy grin taking over her face. Eventually she gave up. It was useless.
She was officially smitten.
It was a struggle to keep her mind on work lately. She couldn’t concentrate on anything other than him, she didn’t hear anything except the sound of his voice, and if someone asked her what the morning staff meeting was about, she’d have no clue. Falling for him was an exhausting process that had taken over her mind and body.
And there was no longer any use in denying it. She was falling for him. She could only hope for a soft landing.
