by M. Malone
“What are you doing here? You don’t have therapy today.”
Despite his announcement that day in his truck, she could tell he’d still been upset the past few weeks. She’d done everything she could to distract him. They’d gone to see an action movie with lots of explosions and had found several new restaurants to try. They’d taken a cooking class one weekend where they’d learned to roll their own pasta. She’d baked him cookies, and they’d eaten them in bed while the chocolate chips were still warm and gooey. They’d enjoyed cleaning each other up with lips and fingers and tongues.
Penny was willing to try anything that could provide an evening of distraction. She was trying to make up for not only his disappointment, but also for the fact that she really wasn’t a good girlfriend. Not the kind he deserved.
If Matt didn’t re-enlist with the military, then she wouldn’t have to deal with him being deployed again. He’d be here with her. He’d be safe.
No, she wasn’t a very good girlfriend at all because at one of his lowest moments, she’d felt an indisputable flash of joy. When he’d realized he wouldn’t pass the physical fitness test, he’d been devastated and she’d been happy.
Nothing could make up for that.
Matt pulled out one of the chairs in front of her desk and sat down. “I missed you. So here I am.”
An unexpected swell of emotion made her puff out her breath. He’d missed her. It was a thrill to know she wasn’t the only one so affected.
“Guess what I did today?” Matt leaned back in the chair nonchalantly.
“Rearranged my closet?” Penny giggled at his dark look. He teased her constantly about her slightly obsessive-compulsive desire to keep things organized. In her closet, her clothes were grouped by color and type. In the bathroom, she had her skincare products lined up against the counter in the order they were used. It had always bothered her to find things out of place, but she’d lived alone so long she’d never had to worry about whether it was weird.
Now that Matt had left a few things at her place, she’d automatically started arranging his things neatly for him. His boots were kept against the wall in the living room, and she’d even started buying his favorite snack food. It was always funny to see his brand of barbecue potato chips next to her healthy pita squares in the pantry.
“I signed an employment contract with Alexander Security today. I’m officially on the payroll as an employee now. Since we still have a few days of therapy left, I won’t get my first assignment until after that.”
So many emotions were battling for space in her mind. On one hand, she was so happy for him that he’d found a job that would utilize all his skills. Then there was the part of her that was worried about what this meant. The end of therapy signaled the return to the real world. Once Matt was working again and they had less time for each other, would the connection they’d found here hold up?
“Congratulations. I know you’ll be great.” If nothing else, that much was a certainty. She’d never met anyone as determined as Matt. When he wanted something, he went after it, no holds barred.
“I hope so.” His brow furrowed as he leaned forward. “Anyway, I stopped at the deli on the way in and got you a sandwich.”
“You brought me lunch?” Penny pushed back from her desk and accepted the foil-wrapped sandwich he shoved at her.
“I’ve seen how you work. You’re on your feet for hours at a time, and you go full speed ahead until you drop. You can only help other people if you’re in one piece, so yeah, I brought you lunch. It’s a steak and cheese.”
“That is really sweet, but I don’t have time to eat right now. I have to check on Ms. Wright and then I have my next session with Mr. Eisenberg…”
“Georgia?”
Georgia appeared at his elbow, looking altogether too pleased. She didn’t even try to hide the fact that she’d been right outside the door, eavesdropping. “Yes, sir?”
“Would you mind checking on Ms. Wright?”
“Of course. I’ll do it now.” She looked at Penny and raised her eyebrows.
“But Mr. Eisenberg—”
Matt turned back around. “Is a dirty pervert. Who can wait. Now sit your ass down and eat your lunch.”
Penny gritted her teeth and stared him down. No one ever talked to her like that. Even when Charles started throwing his weight around, she’d always managed to stand up for herself. She wouldn’t be disrespected by anyone, even her boss.
But when Matt crossed his arms and tipped his chin in the direction of the sandwich, she couldn’t deny it was kind of nice to have someone so invested in her welfare that they’d bully her into taking care of herself. She doubted if Scott had ever noticed when she skipped meals. Not out of malice or anything, but he’d simply never paid that much attention to her.
She peeled back the foil and almost fainted from the delicious aroma. It smelled like heaven. She hadn’t realized just how hungry she was until that moment. She looked up to find Matt watching her closely. His eyes softened when he took in her mutinous expression.
“Take a bite. I’m not leaving until you eat that sandwich. You might as well get started, baby.”
Penny wasn’t used to anyone talking to her this way. It was shocking, in a way, but also gave her a warm feeling to have his entire attention devoted to something as simple as whether or not she was well fed. It felt incredibly possessive. Like something an alpha male would do in the wild for his mate. She had no idea what to do with that kind of emotion coming from Matt.
So she sat her ass down and ate her sandwich.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
MATT COULDN’T BELIEVE the rest of the week had passed so quickly. He’d never wanted to rewind time before but found himself wishing he could now. Ever since he’d declared his feelings, he’d made a conscious effort not to pressure her. They ate together, made love together, and every night he held her against his heart. She fell asleep now to the gentle rap of his heart against her back.
He hadn’t said another word about where their relationship was going. There had been no mention of the coming last day of therapy or discussion about what would happen after. No gifts, smooth lines, or promises were needed. He was wooing her without words. His every action proved his intentions. To be there for her.
He could only hope it was enough.
“So, this is your last day. You’re going back home tomorrow?” Penny had finished the appointment by running him through some of the same exercises they’d done in the beginning. He could do them all with ease now.
Matt flexed his arm and stood. “Yeah.” He didn’t bother saying any more than that. They’d talked around the issue long enough. There was nothing else he could say that would convince her what they had was right if she wasn’t ready to hear it.
“I’ve made a list of things that you can do on your own. It might be helpful as you’re easing back into your usual work-out routine.” She handed him the list and he scanned the items on it quickly. It was some of the same things they’d done together and a few additional moves.
“Thank you, Penny. For this.” He held up the list. “For putting up with me. Yeah, just everything.”
She looked like she was on the verge of crying, which made him feel like smashing something. Clearly she’d already made her choice. She wouldn’t be crying if she was going to ask him to stay.
“It was my pleasure.” There was a husky quality to her voice that just about sliced his heart in half. Hurting her had never been his intention. All he wanted was for her to give him a chance, but he had a feeling their relationship was going to be a casualty of timing. If only he’d met her at a different time, when she wasn’t fresh from a breakup or he wasn’t injured and angry at the world. Maybe there had just been too many obstacles against them all along.
“I haven’t said anything all week. I haven’t wanted to pressure you. But now we’ve run out of time and it’s the last day. So I guess that gives me my answer, doesn’t it?”
“It’s no
t that simple, Matt. If I ask you to stay and this doesn’t work out, then you’ve uprooted your whole life for me. This is still all so new. I can’t help but wonder if we’d feel this strongly if we’d met under different circumstances. If I wasn’t helping you heal and you weren’t lonely and in need of a friend. Maybe it’s better if we just date long distance so there isn’t as much pressure.”
Matt groaned under his breath. “You think I feel this way because I was just lonely and desperate?”
Penny winced. “Okay, that didn’t come out at all the way I intended. All I meant was that we met again under stressful circumstances. I’m not sure that’s enough to base a major life change on.”
“It’s about taking a risk. Do you believe I’m worth the chance or not?” Matt shrugged when she didn’t answer, even though it felt like his heart was being stomped on. “It’s clear I’m a risk you’re not ready to take yet.”
He didn’t want to leave. They had a connection he’d never felt with anyone else. Part of him wished he could have healed a little slower so he’d have more time with her.
Although that wasn’t really the problem, was it? He could stay a little longer. For all anyone knew, he could pretend he was still getting therapy and just stay at Eli’s house another month. Eli wouldn’t care.
But it was about so much more than that. It was time for him to stop feeling like he was on borrowed time. It was time for him to start living life on his own terms again. To take control.
He wanted Penny. He wanted to mix his clothes with hers and drive her crazy by leaving wet towels in the middle of the bathroom floor. He wanted to bring her food so she didn’t forget to eat and hold her close at night so she was never afraid. He could imagine a million ways to spend a million days together.
And every single one would be precious.
“If you want me to stay, you know where I’ll be. I’m not leaving until morning.” He kissed her on the forehead. Her eyes followed him as he walked to the door.
He hoped this wasn’t the last memory he had of her.
* * * * *
BY THE END of the day, Penny still hadn’t made a decision. She didn’t want Matt to leave, but it was a huge step from hanging out and having fun to moving in together. They’d only been together for a few months.
“Good night, Georgia.” She waved absently as she passed the reception desk. Just before she reached the front doors, she turned around. Georgia looked up from her computer and raised her eyebrows.
“Are you okay?”
“You said once that you weren’t with James because of what he could do for you. You’re with him because he makes you happy. It’s just… how did you know beforehand that he would make you happy? How did you know it was worth the risk?”
Georgia smiled gently. “I didn’t. No one knows that ahead of time. But I knew if I didn’t take the chance and find out that I’d regret it forever.”
“Right. Thanks. Good night.” Penny stepped out into the parking lot. A second later, the door flew open behind her.
“Penny!” Georgia jogged across the lot to where she stood. “I’ve tried to stay out of it because this needs to be your decision. I’m sure you can appreciate how hard it’s been for me to keep my opinion to myself.”
Penny smiled at the thought.
“But just ask yourself if you can stand there and wave goodbye to Matt when he leaves. Can you watch him leave and not feel like your heart is being ripped out?”
Penny imagined what it would be like the following week. Things would go back to the way they’d always been. Ordered. Logical. Safe. No more Italian dinners or smart-ass comments. No one to hold her at night and make fun of her quirks. No one to fight with. No one to laugh with.
She missed him already.
Penny shook her head. “No. I feel like my heart is being ripped out just thinking about it. I don’t want him to go. I’m just scared to move too fast. What if one of us gets hurt because we forced it?”
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but as your friend I’m telling you to stop being a chickenshit. As for the timing, you could do with forcing it a little.”
Penny nodded briskly but the disbelief must have been evident on her face.
Georgia pulled her into a hug. “It’s okay to be afraid, Penny. Anything worth having comes with the risk of losing it. But you can’t let fear rule your life. Now go.”
Penny raced to her car and threw her bag and jacket on the passenger-side seat. Urgency pushed her to get to Matt as soon as possible. It had hurt him to wait for her but he’d done it anyway. She drove out of the lot so fast her tires squealed when she turned onto the main road. Matt had said he was leaving tomorrow, but what if he’d gotten tired of waiting and left early?
Ten minutes later she pulled into the driveway of the house Matt had been using for the past few months. She got out and stood, staring at the single light burning in the window. The rest of the house was dark.
Was that light always on? The driveway was empty and she didn’t see Matt’s truck parked on the street. Had he already left? Maybe he’d gotten tired of waiting for her and decided to go home early. Maybe it hadn’t hurt him to drive away from her.
“Penny? What are you doing just standing out here?”
She looked up. Matt stood silhouetted in the open doorway. His chest was bare and a pair of ripped jeans hung low on his hips. Her heart sped up when she saw him, the way it always did. How could she have hesitated as long as she had? The man was magnificent and he wanted her.
She ran across the grass, skipped the two steps leading to the porch, and launched herself at him. Matt caught her and buried his face in her shoulder.
“I want you to stay.” She was trembling so hard she could barely get the words out. When he tried to pull back to look at her face, she just held on tighter. In that moment, she didn’t ever want to let go.
“That’s my decision. Stay.”
* * * * *
A FEW HOURS later, Penny was nude, snuggled up with Matt beneath the covers. The only light was the small lamp burning next to the bed. It was unbelievably intimate to rest quietly with his heart beneath her ear. There was a sense of peace surrounding them both. She couldn’t imagine if she’d allowed him to leave.
“I’ve never been this happy. I’m scared to trust it.”
At her words, his arms tightened around her. Their lovemaking this time had been different. There was a tender component to the way he touched her now, like he couldn’t believe she was real.
“So you’re going to stay here and rent from your friend?” Penny pushed up slightly so she could see his face.
“Yes. I don’t think either of us is ready to live together yet. I won’t ever pressure you into anything you aren’t ready for. All I wanted was for you to give me a chance.”
“We’re actually going to do this?” Penny grabbed him around the waist and buried her face in his chest. “I feel like I must be dreaming.”
“I know you aren’t ready to hear this, but I’m in love with you, Penelope. This is no dream. Nothing I’ve fantasized would come anywhere close to the reality of you.”
Overwhelmed, Penny reached up to brush his hair back from his forehead. “Matt… I don’t even know what to say to that. I can’t believe you really feel that way about me.”
He held her face between his hands. “Believe it, pretty girl.”
She opened her mouth to speak, but he stopped her with a finger against her lips. “I don’t want you to say it back because you feel you have to. I’m waiting for the day when you say it spontaneously just because you mean it.”
Penny was sure she was glowing. She kissed him softly. “I’m more than halfway there already.”
“I’m not worried. I know it will come in time.”
Penny ran a finger over the grooves of his abdominals. Each one stood out in sharp relief under his incredible bronze skin. Just like everything else, they seemed to be too good to be true. It was so tempting to relax into the
happily-ever-after. To believe that this time things would really work out in the end. But she’d experienced this feeling one time too many. Every time she’d finally started to fit in at school and wasn’t just the “new girl.” When she’d finally gathered the courage to open up and start making friends.
Every time she found something she didn’t want to lose.
Matt tipped up her chin until she couldn’t avoid his eyes. His thumb caressed gentle circles on the side of her face. “Stop worrying. This is that unbelievable fairy-tale stuff you didn’t believe existed. It may not have been love at first sight, but I definitely felt it when we met again. When I saw you standing in the waiting room that first day, it felt like I’d finally found what I’ve been waiting for.”
“What’s that?” Penny rested her head against his chest. She absorbed the feeling of being close to his heart. That was where she wanted to always be. For however long she had him.
“Someone who makes me feel alive.” Then he flipped her over and showed her exactly what he meant.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
WHISTLING, MATT MOVED around Eli’s small kitchen. My kitchen, he mentally corrected himself. Now that he was officially moving in for the duration, he needed to think of the house as his home.
They’d spent the past week working out the details, but he didn’t care about any of that right now. It was a beautiful Saturday morning, the woman he loved was still asleep in his bed, and he was healthy.
He’d never felt so blessed.
The coffee maker made a soft spluttering sound as it percolated, and the scent of bacon was still heavy in the air. Breakfast was his favorite meal of the day and he was anxious to share it with Penny. He’d gotten up early just so he could fix her bacon and eggs before he drove her to see her surprise.
He soft-scrambled a few eggs and then dumped them on a paper plate. Eli didn’t have a breakfast tray, so he’d improvised by using a large serving platter instead. A few slices of bacon and a cup of coffee later, he carried it all upstairs and into the master bedroom.
