by Sarah Morgan
‘Then you just have to accept that I’ll be coming home to you.’
She shook her head, still struggling with the fear inside her. ‘Finn, I can’t.’
He covered her mouth with his fingers. ‘Don’t say anything else. Not now. But when I’m safely down from Everest, you’re going to have me in your life.’
She stared up at him, wanting to argue but too emotionally exhausted to speak, and she realised that none of it mattered any more. Tomorrow didn’t matter.
All that mattered was now.
And she slid her arms round his neck and lifted her face for his kiss.
CHAPTER TEN
Camp IV, 7,900 metres above sea level
THE wind on the South Col howled and battered the tiny tents as if questioning their right to be this high on the mountain.
Breathing in oxygen from the small cylinder Juliet wondered yet again what on earth she was doing there.
They were in position, waiting for a break in the weather, a drop in the lethal winds that would mean that they could make their final assault on the summit. Fifteen hours of climbing without food or drink because this high up, removing a glove could mean losing a hand.
She was trying to drink in preparation but couldn’t keep anything down.
If her few, blissful days down in the valley had done anything to bolster her flagging reserves of energy, she’d forgotten it now.
‘Jules?’ Billy lumbered into the tent with Finn. ‘We need to talk to you.’
Talk? She looked at them blankly, wondering what gave them the impression that she had the energy to talk. Her brain wasn’t working. Her mouth wasn’t working. She wasn’t sure that any of her body was working. She was cold. She was tired. And she felt as though she’d emptied her reserves.
They obviously thought so, too.
‘You need to go down.’ It was Finn who spoke, his tone blunt and clear so that there could be no mistake. ‘You were slow on the climb from Camp III. You’re never going to make it up to the summit and back.’
For a moment she just stared at him, her brain working in slow motion. And then she shook her head. ‘I can do it.’
Finn swore under his breath and he gripped her arms, his fingers biting into her flesh. ‘You were the one who told Neil to go down and you probably saved his life. I’m going to say the same thing to you that we said to him. This mountain isn’t going anywhere. There will be other years.’
She shook her head. ‘Not for me—this is my year. I’m almost there.’
Finn exhaled sharply. ‘Do you realise what still lies between you and the summit? Fifteen hours of heavy slog, that’s what. And just when you think you can’t go any further you reach the Hilary Step and you have to climb up an ice face that requires energy that you’re just not going to have. And if you do make it to the summit, what then, Jules?’ His voice was harsh and he was still gripping her arms tightly. ‘How are you planning to get down? Fly?’
Why did he sound so angry? She licked dry lips. The doctor in her knew that she was already dehydrated but at this altitude they just couldn’t melt enough snow for their needs. It took too long.
Finn touched her arm. ‘Go down, Juliet,’ he urged. ‘I’ll come back with you. Or Mingma, the Sherpa from the Australian expedition, will go with you. Wait for us at Camp II. That way you’ll be in a position to help if anything goes wrong for us.’
She stirred. The altitude had dulled the workings of her brain. She should be feeling sick disappointment as her dream slid through her fingers. And then she realised that the reason she didn’t feel disappointed was nothing to do with the altitude.
Something opened inside her, something she’d kept locked down for years, and suddenly she understood. She understood everything. She understood that the reason she didn’t feel disappointed was because this wasn’t her dream.
Finn was right. It had been her brother’s dream.
And suddenly she knew that she wasn’t going to make the mistakes he had.
She lifted her head, removed her oxygen mask and gave Finn a weak smile. ‘I’m going down. Finn, you go up. Do it for me.’
Juliet huddled in a tent at Camp II, drinking and trying to regain some of the energy she’d need to get down from the mountain.
But all she could think about was Finn.
He was up there, high on the mountain, one of the most exposed and dangerous places on earth.
Anxiety gnawed at her as she listened to the wind.
It was going to happen again.
Yet again she was going to lose someone she loved in these mountains. She was going to have to—
‘Dr Adams.’ A climber from another expedition put a radio in her hand, a broad grin on his face. ‘There’s a call for you.’
She’d been so deep in thought, so consumed by her own terror and imagination, that it took her a moment to realise that he’d just handed her a radio. Finally she spoke, her heart thudding. ‘This is Dr Adams speaking.’
‘Hi, sweetheart.’
‘Finn?’
‘I’m on the summit. I’ve made it.’ His voice was so clear he could have been in the tent next door. It was impossible to believe he was on the roof of the world. ‘I bet you’re worrying so I wanted to tell you that I’m fine. The wind has dropped, we’re on the top and it’s beautiful up here.’
Something lifted and cleared inside her.
She couldn’t believe he sounded so normal. After such a phenomenal athletic achievement he should be exhausted. She assumed it must be the adrenaline kicking in.
She smiled at the radio, tears of relief filling her eyes. ‘I’m so pleased for you, Finn.’ And she was. Really pleased. She knew how many times he’d been thwarted in his attempts to climb Everest. How many times he’d sacrificed his own ambitions for his own safety or to help another climber. ‘It’s your dream.’
‘Not my whole dream.’
There was a pause and she was aware of an air of expectation in the tent—of other climbers looking at her curiously.
‘Finn?’
The radio crackled. ‘This has been a hard slog, but loving you is even harder. Tell me that you’ll have me in your life, Jules. Tell me that you’ll marry me when I get down from here.’
He was on top of Everest. And he was proposing?
She knew that everyone at Base Camp would be listening in, as well as the climbers at the other camps.
‘Finn.’ Her throat tightened. ‘You know I can’t.’
‘Yes, you can. You can. You’re going to say that you don’t want me in your life. But what sort of a life is that going to be, Jules? Have you seriously thought about that?’
She already knew the answer to that.
Empty.
The radio crackled again. ‘You’re settling for less than you can have, and you’ve never been a woman to do things by halves. It just isn’t you.’
She closed her eyes. ‘Finn—’
‘Some people go through their whole lives never knowing what it is to truly love. I’m not letting you throw what we have away. It’s time to stop running, Jules. Time to use some of that courage in a different way. When I walk into Base Camp, you’re going to marry me.’
One of the other climbers checked his watch. ‘They need to get off that summit,’ he muttered. ‘They’ve been up there too long already.’
Juliet felt her heart flip. ‘Finn.’ Her voice was urgent as she spoke into the radio. ‘You have to come down. You have to come down now!’
‘Not until you’ve answered my question.’ She could have sworn he was laughing but she decided she must have imagined it.
‘Finn—’
‘Just say yes, Jules. It’s just you and me, sweetheart.’
And half the world listening in.
She took a deep breath. ‘Yes. Yes!’ Her voice cracked and she felt the colour rush into her cheeks. ‘Now, come down so that I can kill you.’
He laughed and cut the connection.
Base Camp was in party moo
d.
The first climbers of the season had reached the summit and returned to Camp IV without mishap. So far all was well.
Juliet busied herself in the clinic, seeing an endless round of patients with minor ailments caused from staying too long at altitude. All of them winked, slapped her on the shoulder and congratulated her.
Thanks to Finn’s surprise proposal from the summit, everyone knew about their relationship.
She should have felt light—happy—but she couldn’t relax, couldn’t concentrate properly on anything, until he was safely down.
There was always a risk of avalanche and he still had the treacherous icefall to negotiate. Overwhelmed by fear, she sank onto the nearest crate and put her head in her hands.
‘Worrying again. You’ve got to learn to trust me, Jules.’ Finn’s voice came from the doorway of the tent, deep and male and the best thing she’d ever heard in her life.
Her eyes flew open with relief and joy. ‘You’re alive.’
‘What sort of a greeting is that? Of course I’m alive.’ He strolled into the tent and stood in front of her, his handsome face drawn and tired but his eyes bright with a fire that she couldn’t ever remember seeing before.
She stood up, suddenly feeling ridiculously shy and elated at the same time. ‘You came back…’
‘I came back to you. And I’m going to carry on coming back to you, Jules.’ He cupped her face and kissed her fiercely before dragging his mouth away from hers with a reluctant groan. ‘Do you really think I’d ever jeopardise this? The most important thing in my life?’ He dragged her into his arms, holding her so tightly she could hardly breathe.
She closed her eyes and felt his strength wrap itself around her. And then she remembered just what he’d achieved. ‘I’m so proud of you.’ She pulled away and smiled up at him. ‘You did it. Your dream. Dan’s dream.’
He stared down at her in silence, studying every angle of her face. ‘My dream is here,’ he said softly, stroking her hair away from her cheeks, ‘with you. And always will be.’
Her stomach tumbled and colour filled her cheeks. ‘I can’t believe you proposed to me from the summit of Everest. Everyone was listening.’
He smiled. ‘I wanted to do it in public to make it harder for you to say no. And I wanted it to be memorable. Something we can tell our children.’
She stilled. ‘Children?’
‘Yes, children. And don’t tell me that people like us shouldn’t have children.’ His expression grew serious. ‘Jules, our children are going to be the luckiest children in the world. They’re going to have exciting, unpredictable lives with parents who adore them.’
She chewed her lip. ‘But what if—?’
‘“What if” is no way to live a life,’ he said softly. ‘“What if” stops you reaching for your dreams and fulfilling them. You can’t live your life in fear that something might go wrong.’ His eyes were suddenly gentle. ‘You’ve lost two people who were very close to you and you want to find some way of making sure it doesn’t happen again to you or anyone else you love. But you can’t do it, angel. Life is sometimes bad and sometimes good and we owe it to ourselves to enjoy the good when it comes our way. The bad might never happen and if it does, we’ll deal with it.’
She took a deep breath, needing to talk about how she’d felt. ‘I was devastated when I lost the baby. When I discovered I was pregnant I waited to feel shocked and horrified, but I never did. Losing it was terrible.’
‘And we didn’t even really talk about it.’
She shook her head, knowing that the responsibility for that lay with her. ‘I just couldn’t.’
‘I gave you too much space. I should have forced you to talk. Been more honest about my own feelings,’ he confessed. ‘But I was afraid I’d frighten you off. I’d always loved you, Jules.’
‘I thought you were marrying me because of the baby.’
He pulled a face. ‘I got my timing wrong. I should have proposed before the baby but I knew how scared you were of commitment and marriage so I was trying to find the right way. And before I could find the right way, you fell pregnant. And after that there was no way I could convince you I was marrying you because I loved you. I decided that I’d just have to show you over time. But you ran out on me and then your brother died—and after that there was too much between us.’
‘We’ve wasted so much time.’
‘No.’ He shook his head, his arms still locked around her. ‘If we could have made it work ten years ago, we probably would have done it. Circumstances were against us. But we’ve been given another chance. I want you to marry me. And before you answer, you ought to know that I don’t need you to stay in one place,’ he said roughly. ‘I know you need variety and space and you can have that within our marriage. I have a house in the Lake District with roses round the door and three acres of land backing onto the fells. My friends are climbers. When I’m not climbing or on the lecture circuit, I work in an A and E unit where lots of the staff are in the local mountain rescue team. We can live there for as much of the year as you like or, if you don’t like that idea, we can travel, climb or whatever makes you happy.’
He was offering her the world on a plate.
‘You make me happy.’ She smiled up at him, tears in her eyes. ‘It’s being with you that makes me happy.’
She knew that now. A life without him would be sterile and cold. A life half lived.
His eyes searched hers. ‘Does that mean you’re saying yes?’
‘I’m saying yes.’ And she reached up and kissed him.
ISBN: 978-1-4268-7879-4
HIGH-ALTITUDE DOCTOR
First North American Publication 2006
Copyright © 2006 by Sarah Morgan
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