Dax: Military Heroes (The One I Want Series Book 4)

by Ellie Masters

“My turn to ask the questions, and you have to answer with the truth.”

  The flutter in her belly turned into an all-out tidal wave of anxiety.

  The truth? How damaging could that be?

  “Okay?” Her voice wavered with uncertainty.

  “My first question is simple. Will you give me an honest answer?”

  His deep voice whispered across her skin and skated across her nerves, lifting the fine hairs of her arms. The words tunneled deep, landing squarely at the core of her being. Hypnotic and intoxicating, she found herself answering before she fully thought about the consequences.

  “Yes.”

  He pressed his lips against the side of her neck. “Remember, you promised.”

  “Okay.” She swallowed against the lump in her throat as something fundamental shifted between them.

  “When you imagine yourself in your lover’s arms, what do you want to feel?”

  Chapter 13

  Dani

  Dax’s question dropped the bottom out of Dani’s world, leaving her suspended over an impossibility.

  What kind of question was that anyway?

  When you imagine yourself in your lover’s arms, what do you want to feel?

  The question rattled around in her head, and she couldn’t help but wonder.

  What do you want to feel?

  It wasn’t a question she was prepared to answer. She didn’t know the answer.

  There was nothing fair about the choice Dax offered, but she found herself wondering…how did she want to feel?

  She didn’t want the devastation Scott brought.

  Given an impossibility, what would love feel like?

  She had no idea.

  Love hurt.

  It cut deep, leaving impossible scars. Scott had been her forever, but his love hurt. It cut. It slashed at her heart, leaving nothing but destruction in his wake. And he didn’t care. He blamed her for catching him in the act. Like it was her fault she wasn’t worthy of love.

  She believed him.

  Or had.

  The truth was she hated Scott. She hated the vulnerability he exposed in her. She hated opening herself to his pain.

  A silence hung in the air between her and Dax.

  Not Scott. But rather the man who saved her life.

  It vibrated and shuttered. Growing into something indescribable with each halting breath.

  That pause hovered between Dax’s question and the hitch of her thoughts. It wavered between each beat of her heart. Truth grew there, faded, then returned. Undeniable, she couldn’t ignore the pulse of what existed within this moment.

  There was no way to explain the stream of consciousness swirling in her head.

  But she knew.

  Truth cut deep.

  She wasn’t enough. Would never be enough. Not with Scott.

  But Dax?

  Was he the lover in his question? Was he so bold as to assume?

  But, there was no question about it. He was. How did she go from dangling over a cliff to accepting him as her lover?

  She didn’t know, except the truth of it vibrated in the light fluttering of her stomach and pulsed in the strangely content beating of her heart.

  He represented something she didn’t understand. A force which pushed and pulled and couldn’t be denied. Somehow, he worked his way inside, making her feel things she shouldn’t.

  “Um, that’s a bit personal.” She hitched up a shoulder and rolled her neck, realizing how tense and sore her body felt after her ordeal. Or maybe that was the excuse she used to convince herself Dax meant nothing.

  “The best questions always are.” The bar of his arm caged her body against his, leaving little room to squirm. He wasn’t letting her escape the intrusiveness of his mind-blowing question.

  When did she descend into this fresh hell?

  But his question remained at the forefront of her thoughts.

  What did she want?

  How should love feel?

  It certainly didn’t feel like the sting of betrayal from a man cheating with his first cousin. Her stomach twisted with revulsion as images of Scott and Beth twisting in the sheets ran through her mind.

  That was the short and dirty answer, and she should go with that.

  Love sucked.

  Love lied.

  Love betrayed the innocent.

  It hurt.

  However, she sensed Dax wouldn’t accept something that trite.

  He would drag the truth from her until she confessed her deepest thoughts. Not that she would let him win this round, but there was something about him, some quality, that made her think she could trust him with the most intimate truths. That alone had her considering the insane question, but pride and indignation reared their ugly heads.

  “Why would you care?” She snapped, biting out the words.

  “I didn’t think you’d answer.” The teasing in his tone vanished beneath disappointment.

  “I didn’t say that, but that’s one hell of a question from a man I barely know.”

  “Is that so?”

  “Yeah.” She twitched and he released the pressure around her waist.

  Dani leaned forward, and immediately regretted the loss of the soothing warmth of his chest pressed against her back. Now that she forced distance between them, she couldn’t exactly lean back. That would be weird. But now, she was perched forward in the saddle, which put her in a very uncomfortable position.

  “I’d say you know more about me than you’re willing to admit.” There was a sense of victory in his words, but also an extreme restraint.

  She understood neither.

  She had no retort to fling back at him, which brought an awkward silence to the ride.

  And he was wrong.

  She knew nothing about him.

  Except, he was the kind of man who stopped to help a woman stranded beside the road. He loved to test her. That had to be what he’d done in the diner. Or, maybe he was just checking up on her, making sure she was safe?

  He lived free, thinking nothing of spending the nights outside. He chased down bulls, bringing them safely home. He put his life at risk rescuing her. He held her with a possessiveness she didn’t understand. And, most concerning, he delved deep into her head, settling himself in the cracks where he was beginning to take root. From the first moment they’d met, she hadn’t been able to get him out of her head.

  The muscles of her lower back tightened with the awkwardness of her position, making her regret pulling away from him. He let his arm drop, switching the reins to that hand. He ran his hand through his short, close-cropped hair. It reminded her of the military, which kind of fit the stranger behind her, and the question she had asked before.

  Polite to a fault, he carried himself with unwavering confidence, but if he was military, what was he doing on her father’s ranch?

  Dani took a leap of faith. “Why did you leave the military?”

  “Are you asking more questions?” He gave a low chuckle. “That’s not how things work.”

  It’s exactly how she wanted things to work, because his question was insane, dangerous to answer, and she needed the protection deflecting his question brought.

  “It’s a simple question,” she said with a huff. “I didn’t mean to offend.”

  “Oh, I’m not offended, just amused…and curious.”

  “What does that even mean?” She put her hands on the pommel and stretched out the tight muscles of her back.

  Her entire body ached. Every muscle felt drawn out and deeply fatigued. Maybe all the adrenaline zinging around her body was beginning to fade, leaving her with the lingering aftereffects of her near fatal fall?

  “I’m waiting to see how hard you try to avoid my question.”

  “It’s a bogus question and incredibly personal.”

  “It’s honest. We breached the personal barrier when you wrapped your legs around my waist and buried your sweet face against my chest.”

  “You put my legs around yo
ur waist. You make it sound like I jumped your bones. When you say it like that it makes me sound like…”

  “Like what?” His tone turned gruff. “The next words out of your mouth had better not be cheap, because that’s the last thing I was thinking. Stop being a pain in the ass, you can’t ride all the way back perched like that.” He grabbed at her waist and yanked her back against him. “Accept the inevitable.”

  What the hell did that mean? She wanted to ask, but held her thoughts.

  No.

  What she wanted was to issue a challenge, and she fought the urge. There was something about Dax which raised her hackles. Did people have hackles? She didn’t know, and she most certainly didn’t understand her reaction. It made her curious and insanely cautious. Dax didn’t follow any of the rules, and that left her to flounder. The last thing she needed was uncertainty. Maybe it was time to take back some degree of control?

  Maybe?

  But, what if she allowed the impossible? What if she allowed a chance to take control?

  “I can ride my own horse.” She wanted to lean against Dax, but she stiffened and jerked away.

  “Not happening.” He gave a low growl and wrapped his large frame around hers. Normally, something like that would have her running for the hills, but with Dax it somehow felt right. That made no sense, except that it did.

  What did that mean?

  “I’m feeling better.” She tried to argue.

  Perhaps she tested his resolve? Maybe she wanted to see what he would do? Who knew? Who cared?

  “Good, now stop squirming.” His Texas drawl tunneled along her nerves, setting fire to her body, and sending her thoughts into a tailspin. “Settle down. I’m not putting you on your horse.”

  “Let me go.” In direct defiance of his wishes, she squirmed.

  “No.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because I like the way you feel in my arms. I’m not ready to give that up and I’m not convinced you won’t fall out of the saddle if I let you go. Relax. We’re not that far.” His tone turned snide. “I’m sure you can tolerate being close to me for just a little bit longer.”

  “That’s not what I meant.”

  “Isn’t it?”

  He placed his palm to her belly, splaying his fingers out wide. The edge of his thumb brushed against the swell of her breast. He moved the finger away, and she didn’t know why that bothered her as much as it did.

  Nothing made any sense.

  “It’s not,” she said.

  Since he forced her back against him, she allowed herself to relax, absorbing more of his comforting presence. As soon as they got back to the ranch, this ride would end. The fantasy, such as it was, would fizzle and dissolve.

  The sad truth was, she didn’t want it to end.

  His question turned over and over in her mind. The rolling of the stallion’s gait rocked her back and forth, moving her against the pillar of Dax’s body. The slow movement heightened her awareness of everything about him.

  An energy pulsed in the air between them. It crackled beneath her skin and skated along her nerves until it delved deep inside to her inner core. His presence filled every breath and surged in every beat of her heart.

  The crackling sharpened, dug deeper, and travelled lower where it formed a knot of sensation between her thighs. Her jeans felt itchy and her body burned. Every sense heightened, and they all zeroed in on the man who held her in his arms.

  Behind her, Dax said nothing, letting the silence between them stretch and the aching need within her build until her throat felt like it was closing in on itself, letting her breaths stagger into her lungs.

  Honey whinnied and the bull snorted. The horse beneath them expanded its rib cage as it drew in deep breaths. Overhead, the rolling clouds thickened with the promise of rain. Behind her, Dax breathed with a solid assurance everything was right in the world.

  His resolute confidence had her asking the impossible.

  “If I answer your question, will you answer mine?”

  “That’s generally how things work.”

  She imagined his lips curving up in victory, but didn’t feel as if she’d lost this round.

  She thought hard about how she wanted love to feel and how it had failed her in the past. Then she took in a deep breath, closed her eyes, and wrapped her hand around his wrist.

  “I want sleepless nights and conversations without end. I want passion, madness, and someone who will make my entire body shiver with one look from across a crowded room. I want someone who will pull me close and make me feel as if I not only belong, but am an indispensable part of them. I want them to see my flaws, embrace them, and show me how they’re my greatest strengths. I want love without compromise. I want to face the storm and know I’m not alone. I don’t want an ordinary love. I want the impossible.”

  She bared her soul, giving him everything in one breath. Then she sat still. Her chest heaved. Her heart pounded. Regret crept into her thoughts.

  What the hell had she done?

  He said nothing, yet his thoughts were telegraphed in the movements of his body. In the tensing of his legs. In the way his breaths hitched. He told her everything.

  He splayed his hand across her belly, keeping his touch modest and yet at the same time, incredibly sexual.

  Dax’s chest swelled with the deepness of his breath, then it was as if his entire body curved around hers, claiming her as his own.

  He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and folded his body around her, sheltering her within his bracketing warmth. The warmth of his breath whispered past her ear, sending a shiver down her spine and a tickle shooting up her neck.

  She flexed her head back, leaning it against his shoulder.

  “That’s…” He cleared his throat. “That’s not what I was expecting.” He pulled on the reins and his horse pulled to a stop. “Who hurt you? Who took your heart and broke it?”

  “I never said…” The pain of Scott’s betrayal pinched at her chest. It had been less than a week. There was no reason to think she shouldn’t grieve that loss. She had yet to deal with her anger. “I never said that.”

  “You didn’t need to.” He pressed his lips to the corner of her ear. “Whoever he was, he was a fool. You deserve far better than someone who would treat you that way.”

  She didn’t know about that. Perhaps she was destined to be unlucky in love.

  All the signs had been there but she’d been too desperate to be in a relationship that she ignored them. Maybe that was a truth she needed to accept? Until she learned to love herself, how could she expect someone else to love her too?

  Dax gave a soft kick to his horse’s flank, urging it back into a slow walk.

  “Out of all the questions in the world…” She swallowed against her indecision, but she needed to know. “Why ask that?”

  “Because it takes great strength to answer something that forces you to take a risk, and being honest with someone reveals your vulnerability. Thank you for that, by the way.”

  “Um, okay?”

  “I mean it, Dani. From the moment our paths crossed, you’ve shown me nothing but strength. It’s like we’re locked in a battle of wills, but there’s no reason for that. I was beginning to wonder if you were human, you just showed me you were.”

  “Human?” A grin spread across her lips. He was back to teasing her.

  “You aren’t afraid to take on the world. I was beginning to think you were a tool, but now I know the truth.”

  “And what is that?” she asked.

  “You’re a lot like me.”

  “How so?”

  “Because I believe the same thing. I want the storm and the power that rages between two people. But I’m not willing to share that passion and the madness with the rest of world. I want you all to myself. I’ve never found someone strong enough to give me what I need.”

  She pursed her lips and blew out her breath. He wanted her? Things just got a little too real, and she didn’t know
whether to run or jump his bones.

  What she understood was that they were close to home. She looked across the field and spied her father waiting for her, as he always did, by the back porch. Arms crossed over his broad chest, his judgement and protectiveness radiated outward.

  “Uh-oh.” She gripped the pommel.

  “What?”

  “My father.”

  “And?”

  “How well do you know my dad?” She scooted forward and placed distance between her and Dax.

  He pulled her back to where she belonged.

  “I know him well enough.”

  She twisted around, knowing it was a mistake as soon as she did.

  Dax was too close.

  Their lips too close.

  The heat of his breath too hot.

  “You have no idea what he can be like.”

  “I’m not worried about your father. Not when I have everything I want right here.”

  Dax closed the distance, leaving her in awe. The heat and hunger in his expression echoed within her thoughts. They barely knew each other. Each time they’d met, they’d fought. And yet…

  “Dax?”

  He drew his thumb in a line from her ear, across her cheek, to circle around her lips. Her breath caught as he gave a devastatingly slow smile. She couldn’t look away, although she should, because he clearly meant to steal a kiss she wasn’t prepared to give, but had no intention of stopping.

  He cupped her face and held her still while he lowered his head in slow, agonizing degrees. She had time to stop this. Maybe that was his intent? Forcing the choice on her? But her body was incapable of moving, not with the fire simmering in his eyes.

  Even her lungs seemed to have seized, frozen between one breath and the next, as if the moment stretched out forever. Her throat locked tight as well, leaving her heart to struggle in the overwhelming silence. Each beat pulsed in her veins, and throbbed in her lips, as if lighting a welcome beacon for him to come in, to take, to claim.

  His mouth met hers, the warmth of it stunning, and her entire being reeled beneath the sensation. There was no avoiding this.

  No pulling away.

  Truthfully, she didn’t want to move out from under the gentle pressure of his mouth upon hers.