Learning to Let Go

by Cynthia P. O'Neill

  I sat back against the pillows and headboard. “Come here,” I directed, patting my lap.

  “You keep teasing me with your body; I want to show you what teasing gets you.” I kept testing the waters, pushing a little more control at her, trying to see where her current state of mind and limits resided.

  To my surprise, she was eager and wanting, lying across my lap instantly.

  “Ready, baby?” I asked, my hand poised above her ass.

  She nodded, her cheeks blushing in what I hoped was excitement.

  “I’m going to give you ten smacks for teasing me and another ten for not bothering to tell me you knew about dominance and games in the bedroom.” I reared my hand back and landed it firmly on the flesh of her delectable backside. She flinched, so I moved up and down her cheeks and thighs, alternating from one side to the other; raining down licks that where hard enough to brighten her skin but nothing that would leave a lasting mark. “Do you feel that? Can you feel the balls move inside you with each touch of my hand?”

  Her body twitched a little with each strike, but soon I found her ass pushing back against my hand, begging for more. Just when I thought she couldn’t surprise me anymore, she does. She was really into this. Her answer was breathy. “Yes!”

  “Do you want me to stop? Just say the word and I will.” Her body language already told me she enjoyed the spankings, but I wanted to make sure she knew she had the power.

  She shook her head vigorously. “No, don’t stop.”

  We were up to seventeen and I noticed she transitioned into a relaxed state, a subspace of sorts. As soon as I hit twenty, I turned the vibrator off and removed the balls, shoving two fingers into her cunt. She instantly clamped down hard on my fingers and milked them as if they were my dick.

  “Please!” she cried out.

  “Please what, babe? You need to tell me what you want.”

  “I want you inside me. I need to feel you, now. Please!”

  I flipped her over in a heart beat and had her straddling the tip of my cock. “I want you this way so you can control things, since you’re still a bit tender. From here, I can tug at your breasts and tease every part of you.” I held tight to her hips as I pulled her down, spearing her with my shaft.

  “Ahh.” She let out a soft moan and began to instantly move up and down on me.

  I held her tight as I latched on to one of her breasts, pulling her nipple into my mouth and flicking it with my tongue. I could feel small micro-spasms burst through her center, squeezing my cock, as I moved to the other breast and continued my ministrations. When she was fully engrossed in the act of our copulation, I used the moisture from her center to slick up one of my fingers and began to push her lubrication into her back hole. She flinched for a second, until I doubled my efforts and bit into her nipple, gently, then lavished it. I loved the feel of her clenching around me, enjoying how I was playing her body.

  Her eyes were hooded and her breathing erratic as she moaned, “This feels so good, so right.”

  “Do you want more pleasure, darling?” I shoved up into her hard as I tugged on her nipple, sending a shiver running through her. I knew she was close and I couldn’t hold out much longer, not with the way her walls were massaging my dick. I needed to push her to the edge and get her to come.

  “Yes, oh God, yes…make me come, please,” she whimpered as I pushed up hard into her again. “Please!”

  I loved that she was needy and not afraid to tell me what she wanted anymore. I pushed the tip of my finger into her backside again and the more she moved up and down my piece, the more my finger moved into her rear. If she wanted me to play at her backdoor, I needed to stretch her with my finger first, before the real training began.

  She let out a groan that had me nearly spilling into her. I pumped harder, reaming the finger into her ass to open her up and using the thumb of my other hand on her clit to send her into the mother of all orgasms. Her eyes rolled back in her head as she screamed out my name and clung to my chest. I pulled my hands free, latching onto her hips and shoving myself into her a couple more times before finding my own release.

  I normally liked to pull away from the woman I was with after we were done, but with Laurel, it’s different. I enjoyed holding her close to me, keeping myself attached inside her, feeling her little aftershocks pulse along my cock. There was no way around it, I was addicted to her, body and soul.

  The last thing I remember were the fireworks going off behind the darkness of my eyes, clouding my vision with feelings of joy and completion. I clung to his chest as the biggest orgasm I’d ever had ripped through my body and mind, taking me to places I never thought were possible. I could see now why women flocked to Garrett. He was not only handsome, but oh-so-talented in bed. And he was mine! Where did that possessiveness come from? You know you care deeply for him, but slow it down, girl. You’re not in any rush. You still need to deal with your emotions about Chase and what he did to you.

  I wanted to just lie against his chest and listen to his steady heartbeat. Feeling the heat of his skin pressed to mine and reveling in this amazing connection calmed me in ways I couldn’t explain. I moaned in frustration when he insisted on moving us to his bedroom.

  “Why do I have to move? Tomorrow’s Sunday; it’s not like we have to go to work or get to bed early. Can’t we just stay here for the night?” I suggested.

  “You know I would love nothing more than to wrap myself around you and hold you to me all night, but you need to take your medicine, Laurel. I don’t want you waking up frightened by nightmares. Besides, we need to clean ourselves up.” He laughed a second. “We’re dripping all over the bed.”

  I watched as he strolled to another door and pulled out two terry cloth robes. He handed one to me as he put on the other, then proceeded to carry me out the door and up to his bedroom.

  “We can get our clothes in the morning,” he assured me. “Right now it’s late and I’ve got better things on my mind.” His eyebrows arched in an oh-so-suggestive manner that made my blood heat instantly and my nipples harden against the fabric of the robe.

  “All of your clothes are in here,” Garrett said as he set me on my feet in the master bedroom. “Your lingerie and unmentionables are in this chest of drawers, which belongs solely to you.”

  I was surprised to see all of my clothes already on one side of his colossal closet. I knew women who would kill to have a closet like his. It was bigger than my dorm room at college, for crying out loud, with a seating area in the middle and cedar-lined areas for various lengths of clothes to hang, along with chest of drawers built right in for our more personal items. He had his clothes on one side and mine on the other. I shouldn’t have been able to fill that side with what I had, but it looked like he’d been using his personal shopper again to fill my wardrobe.

  Everywhere I looked, including the bathroom, my stuff had been placed in coordination with his, as though I’d been living with him already. The man thought of everything and had the actions carried out in record time. I knew he was being protective of me, especially since Chase happened, but it sometimes felt stifling, like I was losing a part of who I was. I’d have to approach this issue with him eventually, but right now I relished his desire to protect me.

  We quickly showered and dressed for bed. I found that my t-shirts and sleep shorts were once again hidden and only the silk and satin lingerie remained. I had to laugh when I saw the blue nightgown set aside for me to wear, the same one I wore the first night we were together in Boston. It brought back wonderful memories.

  Once we were settled in bed, he lavished me with another round of sweet, delectable loving, moving slowly and letting a wave of ecstasy build that washed through me and left me spent. I was glad that he decided to wear only his silk boxers to bed so I could feel the heat of his skin pressed firmly against my back, holding me securely to him throughout the night.

  I was about to nod off when he asked, “Why me, Laurel?”

  “Hmm?”


  His hands caressed up and down my arms as his lips pressed lightly against my neck and shoulders. “You’ve been through so much, enough to make anyone fearful of ever having relations again, and yet you allowed me to take you our first night together. What made you choose me?”

  I shifted slightly and turned my head back where I could see his face, looking deep in thought. “I could ask you the same thing,” I countered. “Why did you chase me when you’ve obviously been hurt and used in the past? What made you look beyond your pain to pursue me?”

  His lips quirked up in a half smile, one that would’ve made my panties melt if I’d been wearing any. “Fine, I’ll go first. I’d already toured the lab projects and knew that I wanted yours. It was the perfect addition to take Bio-Medical Solutions the direction I’d hoped. I talked with Dr. Leonard and he suggested I take the tour so I could see you at work…”

  “And?”

  His arms wrapped around my shoulders, holding me close. “I was impressed with how you carried yourself, focusing on the job at hand, trying to perfect every minute detail of the wrist. I knew I wanted to interview you, but when you looked up and our eyes caught in the mirror…” He paused, as if unsure what to say next.

  “Don’t keep me in suspense, Garrett!” I pushed my bottom against him to try and refocus is thoughts.

  His lips brushed the side of my neck, one hand reaching down to cup my breast. “Let’s just say your eyes held the same hurt that I felt. I could see that we were kindred spirits and I knew I’d stop at nothing to entice you to come to Orlando. For the first time, my heart literally skipped a beat and I wanted to pursue what that meant. I just didn’t know how addictive you would be to my soul, to the very essence of my life.”

  Talk about a mindfuck! I expected something along the lines of, “I thought you were a hot piece and wanted to tap that.” I’d heard it a million times from Chase and his asshole buddies.

  His lips suckled the juncture of my neck and shoulders, marking me lightly, claiming me as his. He trailed a line of tender licks up to my ear, where he pulled on my earlobe and whispered, “Your turn, love. Why me?”

  “I’m hard pressed to try and top your explanation without saying ‘ditto,’ but the feelings were similar in nature. I’d never been held captive by anyone’s eyes before. The intensity of your stare—it stirred things in me that I was unfamiliar with. I had to ask Hannah and Grace why my body was responding in strange ways. It was only later that I realized the pull we had to each other. You’re the first person I’ve ever wanted and desired to be intimate with.”

  To prove my point, I pushed one of my legs backwards over his hip and rocked my backside into him. “I’d shut my body down after Chase for anyone else who tried to get close, but it sprang to life the moment I met you. I had trust issues and I didn’t know if it would be possible to work through them, but you were careful with me, moving slowly, telling me what you wanted and what you were going to do with me… It gave me a comfort I’d never felt before and allowed me to open up to a new life. I had a choice to make when I met you.”

  His hand ran up and down my side, squeezing me gently in encouragement. “What choice is that, love?”

  I entwined my fingers with his and took a deep breath in. “I could continue to be the victim, always living in fear and never trusting anyone, which allowed Chase to constantly reign over me. Or, I could take my cousin’s advice and take a chance and start living again, hoping for a better future. I could take a chance on love.”

  Garrett’s roaming hands stopped as his body stiffened against mine and his voice shook as he asked, “You love me?”

  My hand flew over my mouth. I had never intended to say the words aloud, not yet, but how could I not? Jocelyn suggested I take a chance and admit my feelings to him and see if he responded in kind. She warned me that it might take time, but he would hopefully open up to me.

  He remained rigid, but his hand came up and removed mine from my mouth. His eyes were firm and his voice controlled, with a slight hint of darkness to it. “I asked you a question and I expect an answer, Laurel. Do you love me?”

  I closed my eyes and nodded. It was the only thing I could do. I felt my heart prepare for rejection and my mind put together a plan of where I’d go, who I could move in with, where I could get a job…

  His words broke my silence. “Stop all that thinking; you’re giving me a headache just watching your face all scrunched up.” His hand reached around to caress my face and his lips drifted softly over mine, increasing in pressure as they begged for entrance into my mouth.

  I had to pull back in order to get enough air into my lungs to breathe. He literally took my breath away with a passion never before seen in his kiss. I know my face showed how baffled I was by his actions.

  “You’re not kicking me out?” I asked, almost surprised.

  He laughed heartily at my statement. “Why on earth would I do a stupid thing like that?”

  “Because you seemed to shut down when I admitted that I love you.”

  “I’m happy to know you care so deeply for me. You have no idea the relief I feel inside to hear those words; it means I don’t have to worry about you running anymore. I care for you in ways I never thought possible. I wish I could say the words you long to hear, but the shell of my heart fears your rejection in the future. If you can just bear with me, I promise to say them when the time is right.”

  I wasn’t over the moon with his declaration, but I also didn’t feel dejection and self-pity for loving a man who feels he shouldn’t be allowed to love me back. Jocelyn warned that this might be his response, but told me to hold onto him with both hands and show him that I’d be there for him no matter what. What kind of secret does he have that he thinks I’d leave him over?

  I sat up in bed, feeling more frustrated than ever. We had come so far in such a short time—why were we still at such an impasse?

  “Come lie down next to me while your pill begins to kick in.” He sat up, trying to kiss my shoulder and work his way down my arm, as one of his hands circled round my waist and pulled me back to the pillows. “My arms are lonely without you.”

  “Fine,” I grumbled.

  “I know you’re mad at me, Laurel, but this is a bigger step then I had ever planned on. My life is more complicated than it appears and I’m afraid if I make the wrong move, I’ll lose you forever.”

  So he was afraid of losing me. Let him close for now, but keep your heart guarded. You already care too much for him.

  I could feel the drowsiness of the medication take hold of my thoughts and found myself curled up inside his arms, my cheek pressed across the heart of his warm chest. The beats brought a soothing relief to my senses and became my lifeline.

  The small disagreement Laurel and I had over a week ago still lay heavy on my mind. I kept going back to the night she proclaimed her love for me, wondering why I couldn’t be man enough to take the chance and just tell her how I felt, that I loved her more than anything on this earth. Why did I have to let fear consume me?

  Ever since that night, I would wake startled that she had left me, re-visiting visions from my past. Why bother, Garrett? You know that anyone you let inside your heart gets hurt and leaves. You’re no good for her. I shook my head, trying to dispel my inner thoughts.

  All this excessive work, playing catch up from the time we were at the beach, was about to kill me. Laurel hadn’t complained (much) about having an office next to mine, at least. She’d been hard at work finishing up the latest prototype of her prosthetic hand and wrist for Bio-Medical Solutions, along with two new machines designed to capture statistical knowledge and alignment of an athlete’s performance for a multitude of sporting events. Her hope was to compare the statistics of the individuals we were helping to rehabilitate and increase their skills with those of other professional athletes in top rankings, finding answers to tweak their performances and get them back in the game.

  I hated not being with her always, but
had to concede that she would be in good hands with either Dillon or Thompson watching her as she went to her appointments with Jocelyn and back to the penthouse while I finished up contract negotiations for work. She had protested, wanting to stay and offer me some assistance, since she’d been collaborating with me on this project, but I knew from experience that it was important to keep meetings with Jocelyn.

  Just when I felt things were getting back to normal and might actually have a way of working out, the whole bottom fell out. I received a small package, sent via courier, to my office to the attention of Garrett Andrews, not G.A. Waters. I thought that odd, because I rarely received mail addressed to my former name. I was about to open it when I noticed it was from Peterson Securities. I had Thompson take it to our x-ray development area to get it scanned for anything suspicious.

  He returned within minutes, handing me a smaller envelope that contained a picture of Laurel and I together, along with a note:

  My worst nightmare was coming true.

  “Thompson, get Dillon on the phone immediately and see where they’re at. Then get this package and note to the authorities. That bastard has upped the ante, threatening to kill Laurel.”

  Thompson had always been a strong person, never really showing much emotion, hiding his feelings well. His face paled and he began to speed dial Dillon’s number. “There’s no answer, Sir,” he said anxiously. “I’ve tried three times and even tried Miss Hart’s number and no one is picking up.”

  Something told me that things weren’t right and we needed to find them fast. “Call Smith to pull up the tracking device on her car, the GPS on both of their cells, and her bracelet. I need to know where they’re at and now!” I grabbed my jacket and computer and began sprinting toward the elevator with Thompson on my heels.

  By the time we reached the garage, Smith was calling, indicating their cell phones were not picking up and must be disabled, but Laurel’s bracelet and the car’s tracking device had them near the water at Lake Eola.