Learning to Let Go

by Cynthia P. O'Neill

  I was glad he was holding me because my legs were starting to go weak from the heady mixture of his words and the desire his touches and the vibrator were causing. “I need you,” I admitted, my voice full of longing and need.

  My eyes drifted closed as his lips smiled against my shoulder. “I need you, too, but for more than just an employee, more than someone to share my bed with, more than someone to love.”

  I could hear the release of air and felt our balloon descending gradually. The idea of floating along in the sky had been pleasurable, but landing in anything, the least of all a wicker balloon, frightened the hell out of me and I stiffened as a result.

  “You can open your eyes, Laurel. I won’t ever let anything happen to you. I’ll do my best to always be there for you as your boss, your friend, your lover, your protector and I hope as…”

  His words drifted off as my eyes opened and I saw the ground slowly reaching up toward us. But, what caught my vision wasn’t the ground, but of the banner prominently displayed atop his limo, with Thompson waiting with a dozen red roses in his hand. I read the banner a couple of times, sure my eyes were playing tricks on me.

  He turned me toward him and got down on one knee, a ring held high in his hands. “I want to be all those things that I mentioned, but most importantly, I want to be your husband. I want to share my life with you, Laurel. I love you more than anything. You’re the only reason my heart beats again. Will you marry me and make me the happiest man alive?”

  My stomach tossed around and threatened to return my breakfast, but my desire for him kept things at bay. I wanted to say yes, but hesitated. “Aren’t we moving a bit fast?” I said begrudgingly. “We still don’t know everything about one another. Plus, there’s still the threat of Chase.”

  He grabbed hold of my hand, still staying on bended knee. “The moment my eyes met yours, I was completely lost to you. I know we’re compatible on many levels and can’t imagine my life with anyone else but you. You’ve taught me to take the bull by the horns and go for the risks. When I look at my future, you’re the only thing I can see. Chase isn’t of any importance and maybe if he knows you’re married, maybe he’ll leave us alone.”

  His words thrilled me and made my heart sing to no end, but I had to ask the obvious question. “Are you doing this because of Chase?”

  The hurt in his eyes was obvious, and he got up and held my face in his hands, brushing a chaste kiss across my lips. “I’m doing this because I love you and I want to start living again. If he didn’t exist, I’d still want you. We may not know everything there is to know about each other, but what couple does? We have a lifetime awaiting our adventures together.” His voice was becoming insistent and he gave me a wry smile. “You’re all I ever think about, all I want in life, and I need to know—will you marry me?”

  Tears filled my eyes. I couldn’t make myself speak, only nod. He pulled back only long enough to slip the ring on my finger before taking my mouth with a vengeance, claiming me as his.

  A few moments later, he reached up to release the rest of the air, holding onto me tightly as our basket bounced a few times onto the ground before coming to a stop, the balloon drifting over to its side.

  His lips were on me again as soon as we were down. “You’ve made me the happiest man alive,” he declared, his hands cradling my face. “I promise I won’t disappoint you ever again.”

  We were lost in the moment, only coming to when we finally heard Thompson clearing his throat.

  “Congratulations to both of you,” he said loudly as he presented me the roses that I’m sure Garrett had requested.

  “Thank you, Thompson,” we managed to say in unison as he lifted me out of the balloon and grabbed the basket of goodies.

  Once we had secured the balloon and saw Chuck’s team come out to handle its ride back to storage, I had to stifle a laugh.

  Garrett’s eye brow hitched as he asked, “What’s so funny?”

  I couldn’t help but roll into full blown laughter. “Nothing per se. I just can’t believe this day. We work so close to one another at the office and then live together at your penthouse. How on earth did you pull all of this off? When did you find time to even find a ring?”

  He smiled, laughing a bit himself. “I’ve had the ring for a long time. It was my mother’s. My dad had it specially made for her. I know it isn’t as grand a one that I could buy you, but I’d like you to wear it because of the meaning it has for me.”

  My hand flew up to my mouth in shock. I glanced down at the beautiful, prefect ring. My ring. It was striking, a platinum band with an emerald cut diamond and a few baguettes traveling around the top. “It’s beautiful,” I said between tears, “and I’m honored to wear it. Your dad had excellent taste in rings.”

  He walked us toward the limo, smiling as Thompson held the door open for us. “On to our next destination, I have a fiancé to show off today,” Garrett said with some laughter and a wink.

  He placed his hand on the control panel of the door and I watched the privacy wall ascend toward the top of the limo as Thompson took off toward places unknown. He looked over to me, his eyes alight with burning desire, his half smile making my panties want to burst into flames.

  “I think some celebration is in order,” he declared, “starting with your sexual release.” His hand traveled to the small remote in his hands, the one he’d been teasing me with all morning, and the vibrator kicked into gear inside me. He was on me in seconds, kissing me mindless as he lowered my body to the longest seat in the limo and began removing our clothes.

  His lips descended on my clit, sucking the swollen nub into his mouth and flicking it with his tongue. A kaleidoscope of color went off behind my eyes as his lips came down on mine to stifle my screams of pleasure. The taste of me was fresh on his tongue as he pushed forward. I felt his hand pull the vibrator gently from me before he was slamming into me hard. I moaned in excitement, needing to feel him fully inside me, my love, my fiancé. It was a word I would have to get used to, but with Garrett, life was worth taking the plunge and learning to live outside the realm of fear. Maybe he was right; Chase might give up if he knew that he could no longer have me.

  The next couple of hours passed with us making love in the back seat of his limo numerous times over. To my surprise, he kept telling me he’d punish me with sex until I picked a date for our wedding. I’d figured, given his reluctance to dating and talking about feelings, that this was only a means to keep me and a long engagement would be in order. Where on earth were we going that took this long, anyway? I knew we had taken a while to get to our destination this morning, but where was Thompson driving us?

  “I think I can have a wedding put together in a couple months, maybe less, unless you’d like to fly with me to either Vegas or one of the Islands,” he suggested. “We could be married there in less than a week.”

  I still couldn’t understand his need to rush things. “Why the big rush? Don’t you want to enjoy your final days as a bachelor?”

  He shifted over me, touching the tip of my nose with his lips. “My bachelor days were up the moment I met you. I’m done with avoiding my life; I want to start living it. And the sooner the better, so when will that be?” He brushed his growing erection against my inner thigh to show that he was serious about torturing me with his sexpertise.

  “Fine, you pick the date,” I gave in, “but I want to have my family and friends around. It doesn’t have to be a grand production; I’d actually prefer just a private ceremony.”

  He shoved inside of me again, making me relish the fullness of him. “Perfect. I’ll get a wedding coordinator started on the preparations immediately. We can be married New Year’s Eve at the stroke of midnight. We can start our new life together in the new year, Mrs. Andrews Waters.”

  His movements and lips made all my thoughts and worries dissipate into nothing.

  “She said YES!” I shouted.

  My family knew my plans to ask Laurel today and had decid
ed to gather for a late breakfast at my parents’ house, so when I called, I was put on speaker. The whoops, hollers, and congratulatory wishes were all over the place.

  My family absolutely adored Laurel. They knew I had a hard time being able to express feelings and didn’t mind when I replied, “Ditto,” when told I was loved as both a child and adult, which was the best thing I could offer at the time. With Laurel, I found myself opening up more to her and to them, finally able to state the sentiments that I normally withheld.

  “So when’s the big day? Have you talked about that yet? Do we have time for an engagement party? Where are you planning the ceremony?” My mother and my sister, Sarah, were throwing questions left and right.

  “We’ve decided on New Year’s Eve, at the stroke of midnight.”

  Before I could get another word in, everyone sighed, “How romantic!”

  “Is this really my brother on the line?” Sarah asked jokingly. “Laurel’s had such a positive effect on you.”

  I had to laugh, but kept it as quiet as possible, since Laurel was passed out on the seat of the limo. I wanted to wait until she woke up to tell everyone, but just couldn’t wait any longer.

  “I agree, sis. Once she broke down pieces of my walls, I decided to let them crumble rather than risk losing her. For the first time in forever, I feel whole again.”

  “Since you’re only leaving us a little over a month to shop for a dress, why don’t Mom and I set up a shopping spree for a wedding dress for her—say, next weekend?” Her voice was anxious and I could hear Grace pipe up in the background, “Don’t forget about me! I’m her cousin and want to have my opinion of her dress count!” Leave it to Grace to be so obvious. I could see why my brother gravitated toward her. He preferred people to be upfront and bold.

  “I’m not letting her go shopping with Chase on the loose still. You can all come over to my penthouse and I’ll have some dresses brought in for her to try on.”

  “But you’re not supposed to see the bride’s dress before the wedding,” Grace countered.

  “There’s enough space in my penthouse that I can keep my distance,” I assured her. “Anyhow, I need to go and romance my fiancé the rest of today. I’ll have her call everyone when she’s ready to start planning.”

  I ended the call and turned to see Laurel starting to wake up. A smile swept across her lips as she looked my direction, stretching her arms out over her head, then turning quite pale. Her hand flew to her mouth and I knew she was about to hurl.

  “Stop the car!” I yelled out, thankful that we were on a stretch of highway and could easily pull over.

  I managed to get the door open and have her bend past the door line when everything we’d just eaten on the balloon ride came up, coffee included. She took the towel I handed her to wipe her face and then proceeded to lean over again to throw up some more. It wasn’t until she was dry heaving that she finally leaned back into the limo and against my legs. I poured cold water from the bottle in the fridge onto the towel and wiped her neck, head, and face gently, offering her a sip to clean her mouth and hopefully rehydrate her.

  She took the bottle from my hands and whispered, “Thank you,” before taking a sip and swishing her mouth out.

  I watched as she tried to drink a little of the water, but soon found it coming up as well. “You’ve been dealing with this far too long, Laurel,” I admonished. “You should’ve seen a doctor weeks ago.” I picked up her hands and felt how clammy they were. “That’s it; we’re heading back to the penthouse.”

  I lowered the partition to Thompson. “We’re scrubbing the plans and heading back to the penthouse. Have Dr. Givens meet us there.”

  Thompson nodded and turned the limo around. I’d planned on wining and dining my fiancé today, but this took priority because it scared the shit out of me. I’d just found happiness and something bad was already happening.

  “Don’t change your plans on account of me,” Laurel said. “I’ll be fine. This will pass shortly. For all I know, it may be food poisoning or something I’m allergic to.”

  I couldn’t believe she’d just dismiss her body’s responses so easily. “While I’d like to buy into your argument, it would be impossible. I haven’t given you anything to eat that you haven’t had already in my presence without a reaction. Plus, if it were food poisoning, I’d be affected and throwing up as violently as you.” I pulled her into the cradle of my arms and we rode in silence back to my place.

  She seemed to perk up once we hit the elevator, actually trying to entice me into sex by rubbing up against me. My hand couldn’t resist the feel of her breasts and I tweaked her nipple through the fabric of her bra.

  “Ouch!”

  A thought suddenly crossed my mind. “Didn’t you say you had your period a few weeks ago?”

  “Yes, a small one that only lasted a day, why are you asking? I’m not due again for several more days.”

  “How long have your nipples been this sensitive?”

  She shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know, a few weeks maybe, but it could just be from the workouts Thompson and Dillon have been putting me through in the training room, learning self-defense. I’ve fallen hard on my chest a couple times and have a few sore muscles all over. Why do you ask?”

  No, it couldn’t be, could it? Would that be possible? We’ve taken precautions…

  My lips pressed against her temple as my hand ran down to touch her belly. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re having my baby, love.”

  A look of horror passed over Laurel and she fainted in my arms.

  An hour later, she finally stirred and opened her eyes, glaring immediately at the IV coming out of her arm. “What happened and why do I have an IV stuck in me?”

  I sat down beside her in our bed and pushed the hair away from her face. “You passed out in the elevator. According to Dr. Givens, you’re severely dehydrated from throwing up.”

  Her eyes were full of question. “Dehydrated?”

  “Your system is going through some changes and not taking things very lightly. He’s given you some medicine to help with the nausea and wants to push these fluids to help keep the nausea at bay.”

  She looked up at me and then over at the IV bag, watching it drip slowly. “Is it food poisoning like I suspected or just a really bad case of nerves?” Her eyes looked back into mine, looking fearful of the answer she was trying to avoid.

  I shook my head and saw the disappointment on her face. “My suspicions were correct, love. You’re carrying our child and need to take care of the two of you.”

  “No! That can’t be.” The look on her face showed she was scared and her voice cracked as she spoke. “I’m on birth control! We took precautions.”

  My hand came up to cup her chin and forced her to look at me. “I’m not upset by it, Laurel, and you shouldn’t be either. I want to have kids with you and now we just get to start a little earlier. I’m elated to know that we’ve created a piece of us.” I moved my hand down to her stomach to emphasize my point.

  Her lips kept pursing and changing, biting on that lip that I so loved to suck into my mouth. “But how?” she whispered, as tears ran slowly down her face.

  “Dr. Givens wasn’t sure either, but given your symptoms, he drew some blood and had it run over to the lab. I had him put a rush on it, so we were able to get the results back. Your HCG levels are through the roof, indicating you’ve been pregnant for a while now and just didn’t know.”

  She shook her head. “How is that possible?”

  My thumb brushed across her cheek, wiping some of the tears away, trying to reassure her that things would be fine. “I’m no doctor, but I’ll relay what he told me. You got the shot close to the end of your cycle, thereby altering your monthly flow. You might have ovulated then, not realizing it and neither of us knowing that it took time to fully take effect before we resumed our relations. Or it’s possible that the medication Jocelyn prescribed for your sleep counteracted your pill. I lo
oked into it and it has been known to cause a shift in birth control’s effectiveness.”

  Her body shook as she absorbed everything around her. “Where’s Dr. Givens?” she asked.

  I placed my hand atop of hers, which was now resting subconsciously on her belly. “He’s gone to try and secure a portable ultrasound to see how far along you are and if everything looks okay. Plus, he wanted to stop by his home office and review his copy of your hospital records. He thinks they might have missed giving you the Depo shot in the hospital all together.”

  Just as I finished the words, in walked the doctor with the equipment. He wasted no time in getting right down to business. “There’s no surprise that you’re pregnant, Laurel. The order was there for you to get the shot, but it wasn’t completed. You never received the injection.”

  “So then the baby is okay?” Laurel asked weakly. “Nothing crazy would’ve happened to it because of the birth control, right?”

  “We’ll just check on that now, won’t we?” He patted her hand. “Since you never really had the shot and have only been on a birth control pill for a short time, which, according to Garrett, you’ve most likely thrown up daily, I would say the baby is just fine.”

  Laurel and I breathed collective sighs of relief.

  He placed the equipment down on the side of the bed and turned it on. “I need you to take off your bottoms and cover yourself with a blanket,” he said, holding up what looked like a gigantic white dildo. “I’ll need to insert this into you to see just how far along you are. Once you get further along, we can do the ultrasounds atop of your stomach.”

  I helped Laurel get into a comfortable position, her eyes still bugging out of her head, as Dr. Givens inserted the white wand thingy to see how things were. He turned on the sound and picked up the tiny detection of a heartbeat right away.

  “I know the screen is a bit grainy,” he said. “Unfortunately the industry hasn’t developed a good portable ultrasound yet. But, you see that spot, with a slight movement, right there?” He pointed to the white spot on the screen and we both nodded our heads. “That’s your baby.”