Apache-Colton Series

by Janis Reams Hudson

  Angela squinted into the lowering sun, cringing at the word pregnant. Such a crude sounding word. “If I am, it’s none of your concern. I can take care of myself.”

  “You’d deny me my own child?”

  That shut her up. What could she say to him, anyway? Besides, it didn’t matter, because it wasn’t true. She wasn’t with child. She wasn’t.

  “You’ll stay with me at the ranch until you know for sure.”

  “I’ll do no such thing.”

  “You will. I mean it, Angela. I’ll have you watched every minute of every day. If you try to run off, I’ll bring you back. If it turns out you’re not carrying my child, and you still want to leave, then I won’t stop you.”

  “And what if I am with child?” She had to at least consider the possibility, didn’t she? “What happens then?”

  “Then you stay till the baby is born. If you want to leave after that, you can. But the child stays with me.”

  “What?!” She jerked on the reins and her horse came to an abrupt halt. Matt reined up beside her.

  “You heard me.”

  “You’d take a helpless child away from its mother?”

  “You’d take him away from his father? My child will be a Colton. He’ll be raised as a Colton, with all the advantages I can provide. You don’t have any place to live, no way to support yourself, much less a child. You’d be a fool to even try.”

  Angela cringed inwardly. Everything he said was true. How could she expect to earn a living and take care of a baby? But give him up? Never. She just couldn’t be expecting. She just couldn’t, that’s all. “This entire conversation is ridiculous.”

  “We’ll see, won’t we?”

  An hour later they crossed a creek and topped the rise beyond it. Matt reined in to look around. He loved this first view of home when he’d been away for weeks. Every time he sat here like this, drinking it all in, he remembered that day ten years ago when his dad had brought him home from the Apaches’ summer stronghold east of the Dragoons.

  He and his dad had stopped right here and looked back to watch as Dani disappeared over the hills to the north, onto El Valle de Esperanza, her ranch. Simon, Dani’s friend and partner, was still up there in that little valley, still taking care of his sheep. He’d bought the place a few years back, then surprised everyone by marrying Lucinda, who had been in charge of the Colton’s nursery since the twins were born.

  Matt went to El Valle from time to time to visit. So did his parents. The Valley of Hope had a special place in Dani’s heart, and so did Simon. Dani went often to tend the grave of her old friend, Tucker, who’d helped her run the place before she married Travis. Tucker took over after that—Tucker and Simon—until five years ago next spring, when a rattler had come out to sun itself.

  Matt breathed in the scent of sage and cedar as he faced west again. Home. It had changed a bit since that day he’d sat here with his father all those years ago. The adobe ranch house was larger now. They’d had to build two new wings, making the structure into a U shape, to accommodate the children and still leave room for guests.

  They’d built a new and larger barn and added two more corrals, plus a cookshack and bunkhouse for the extra hands they’d hired over the years as the ranch increased its operations. These were located just beyond the four small adobe houses for their married hands, and as usual, all the little adobes were occupied.

  Benito, Carlos and Jorge, with their wives, Consuela, Davita and Pilar, had lived in those houses and worked on the Triple C for as long as Matt could remember. And they would stay, no matter what. The boys’ father, Luis, was ranch foreman, and their mother, Rosita, was in charge of the Coltons’ kitchen, as she had been for years. Her daughters-in-law took care of the ranch house since her sister, Juanita, died back in sixty-four.

  Good people, all of them. They were like family, and Matt knew they would love Angela, if only she stayed long enough to let them.

  Angela watched Matt and saw his love for the land shining in his eyes. This must be the Triple C, she decided. She was humbled by the look on his face. He was drinking in the landscape like a man straight off the desert drinks water.

  Memphis had been her home all her life, and she’d been sorry to leave it. But if it lay before her now, she doubted she would feel what Matt was feeling. She’d never felt that strongly about her home. It was just three rooms above the store on a busy, crowded street in the heart of town.

  Would she ever learn to feel strongly about a place, a home, the way Matt did? Would she ever have a real home?

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  A footstep sounded in the hall, then the door rattled and swung open. Angela closed her eyes, feigning sleep. It had worked every night during the week she’d been at the Triple C. The pattern had been set that first day, when Angela pleaded tiredness and went to bed early, then pretended to be asleep when Matt came. She’d gotten away with it so far; Matt hadn’t tried to touch her.

  When Matt had announced his intentions of keeping her a virtual prisoner until they knew whether or not she was with child, Angela’s plan was to reveal everything to his parents in hopes they would make Matt let her go. The more she thought about what Matt was doing to her, the angrier she got, until, as they rode toward the house, she finally told him what she planned.

  “Go ahead, if that’s what you want to do,” he said calmly. “It won’t make much difference, except to cause bad feelings all the way around. But Dad and Dani are going back East after Christmas to settle Dani’s grandparents’ estate, and they’re taking the kids with them, so, if you’re still here, it won’t make any difference then what they think.”

  “Why shouldn’t I want to cause you as much trouble as you’re causing me?”

  “Because it wouldn’t work. We’re a pretty close family. Instead of getting mad at me and telling me to let you go, they’ll probably spend the next two months before they leave trying to convince you to stay.”

  Angela’s hopes crashed as she realized the truth of his words. His family would undoubtedly side with him.

  “My parents, actually everyone on the ranch, will protect you from any outside threat, but no one will interfere between you and me, Angela,” he said. “If you keep quiet and play the part of my wife, you’ll be accepted as one of the family.”

  By the time they arrived at the Triple C, Angela still thought she might take the chance and ask his parents to help her. But then, why should they side with her, a stranger, over their own son?

  And it would be embarrassing in the extreme to confess all that had passed between her and Matt.

  What was she to do?

  In the end she had kept quiet. She was welcomed like a long lost daughter by both Daniella and Travis. The twins were glad to see her and made her feel at home. She found she didn’t have the heart, or the nerve, to take a chance on losing the affection of this family.

  That night she’d had her first hot bath in over six months. She lay back in the tub with bubbles and steamy hot water up to her ears, and closed her eyes and laughed out loud with pleasure. Then she cried.

  She cried for a thousand reasons. For the loss of the only home she’d ever known, for her parents, for the fear she’d suffered at the hands of Tahnito and his friends, for the loss of her girlhood innocence, for relief that the physical danger was passed, for the warm and undeserved welcome she’d received from Matt’s family. She cried for Matt, for the love she’d come to know and lost. She cried for herself, unloved, unwanted. She cried for the child she may or may not carry.

  As the tears flowed out of her reddened eyes, so did the tension flow out of her exhausted body. That, combined with the hot bath, stripped her of what little strength she had left. As soon as she left the tub and crawled into bed, she slept.

  When she had finally awakened and remembered where she was, she felt refreshed and depressed at the same time. The sleep had been just what she needed, but it was time to face the family, and Matt, and act out the lie of her
marriage.

  She had stared at the ceiling and tried to talk herself out of bed. Her musings had been interrupted by a giggle, punctuated with a little hiccup at the end of it. A young girl of about three peered at her from the foot of the bed.

  “Hello,” Angela said.

  The child grinned, then giggled again. And hiccupped. When she calmed, she spoke in a loud stage whisper. “Are you Angela?”

  “I am.” Angela answered the girl’s big smile. “You must be Jessica, am I right?”

  “Uh huh,” Jessica acknowledged with another giggle-hiccup.

  Just then the bedroom door creaked partway open, but Angela couldn’t see who was there. A young boy spoke from behind the door.

  “Jessie, you peabrain, you’re gonna get it! You know you’re not s’posed ta be in there.”

  “I am not a peabrain, Spencer Colton!” In spite of the defiance in her voice, the young girl’s slight lisp made her brother’s name come out sounding like “Thpenther” . On top of that, her feelings were hurt; her lower lip trembled and her eyes watered.

  “There you two are,” came another voice from the hall. It was Daniella. “If you wake up Angela,” she continued in a loud whisper, “I’ll skin you both!”

  Jessica’s big gray eyes darted from the doorway to Angela. Angela put her finger to her lips, motioning for Jessica to remain quiet. Then Angela winked at her and lay down, pretending to sleep. Jessica giggled again and hurried from the room, a little hiccup echoing behind her.

  “It’s okay, Mama, she’s still asleep. But Spence called me a peabrain. I’m not a peabrain, am I, Mama? Daddy says I’m smart as a whip, even if I am as spoiled as last year’s bacon.”

  “No, sweetheart, you’re not a peabrain. Spencer, I thought I told you you’re not to call your sister names. It’s really very rude, you know, and rude people don’t get blueberry muffins for breakfast.”

  A small ache blossomed in the region of Angela’s heart as she lay there listening. What would it be like to be a part of such a large, wonderful family?

  It didn’t bear thinking about, she reminded herself. She was only here temporarily, and against her will, at that. She couldn’t afford to get close to these people.

  And on that depressing thought, she had gotten out of bed.

  Someone had laid out a lovely pink dress for her, along with all the other necessities, and Angela was surprised at how well the clothes fit. She brushed her hair, tied it back with a ribbon, took a deep breath, and left the room.

  The smell of coffee and bacon led her to the dining salon, where breakfast was well underway. Until she smelled food, she hadn’t realized how hungry she was, but she hadn’t eaten since her arrival.

  The family greeted her with pleased surprise. Matt came forward, took her hand, and led her to the empty chair beside his.

  “We thought you were going to sleep forever,” Serena said with a grin.

  “I feel like I have,” Angela answered with a laugh. She winked across the table at Jessica, who tried unsuccessfully to hold back another giggle. “That hot bath last night must have relaxed me more than I realized. Why didn’t someone wake me?”

  Her last question was addressed to Matt, who sat beside her laughing. As if it were the most ordinary thing for him to do, he put his arm around her shoulders and dropped a light kiss on her forehead. She tried to hide her reaction, one of pain and pleasure mixed with considerable surprise, but the surprise won out when Matt spoke.

  “You were more tired than you know. That bath was night before last.”

  Her rosy blush of confusion brought a round of pleasant laughter, then everyone started passing food her direction. Little Jessica wrinkled her freckled nose at Spencer as she made certain Angela had plenty of blueberry muffins. Spencer had none. He responded by sticking his tongue out at Jessica. Angela simply concentrated on filling first her plate, then her empty stomach.

  Later that day, Matt had taken Angela to the bedroom down the hall from theirs and introduced her to his grandfather, Jason. Angela was grateful that Matt had warned her of what to expect, but still, what she saw rung her heart. Jason Colton was an older version of Matt and Travis. He was in his early sixties but looked much older, due to the stroke he’d suffered two years ago that had left him paralyzed on his left side.

  The effects even showed on his face, leaving the muscles on the left hanging slack, that side of his mouth loose, while the other side smiled. His left eye was dull, and the lid drooped slightly. But his right eye sparkled with life.

  “Grandad, this is Angela.”

  Angela smiled and held out her hand as she approached him. He sat in a large wicker chair mounted on wheels. “How do you do, Mr. Colton. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

  “Please, call me Jason,” he said, his speech only slightly slurred.

  “All right, Jason, I’d like that.”

  “I was about to decide Matt had made you up when he told me how pretty you were. But now I see he was telling the truth. Welcome to the family, Angela.”

  Angela felt herself blush slightly. From the corner of her eye she caught Matt’s grin. Confused and a little embarrassed, she answered, “Thank you.” Jason’s crooked grin warmed her heart.

  That day had set the tone for the days to come. When they were together in the presence of others, Matt and Angela were easygoing and carefree, sometimes even affectionate with each other. When they were alone together, they spoke only when necessary, and never touched.

  Now, as she’d done every night, she lay in the dark, pretending to sleep as Matt came in.

  Angela realized, as she listened to him undress, that he had purposely been giving her plenty of time to fall asleep before he came to bed each night. She was both hurt and grateful. She bit back a sigh as the bed dipped with his weight.

  Matt steeled himself as he crawled into bed, being careful not to touch Angela. He couldn’t touch her, not like this, not alone, in the dark, in bed. He’d never be able to stop himself with just a touch. His longing and frustration were eating him alive.

  And it wasn’t any great help during the day, either, when they touched each other so casually before others, laughed, smiled. It was becoming sheer torture for him to be in the same room with her. It felt so natural, so right, to reach out and touch her with casual confidence. But it left a bitter taste in his mouth knowing Angela didn’t feel the same. Or at least, she wouldn’t admit it.

  That’s what kept him from giving up and letting her go, that little suspicion that she was lying to herself, that she did still care for him. After all, love wasn’t something she could turn on and off at will.

  It was his belief that how she acted toward him in front of others reflected her true feelings, and the silent tension between them when they were alone together was false.

  It was his hope that her easy acceptance of him during the day would eventually spill over into the night.

  It was his fear that it would work the other way around.

  Yet if she was carrying his child, he might have enough time to soothe her fears and jealousies and regain her trust and love by the time the child came. He didn’t think it could be accomplished in just a week or two if it turned out she wasn’t expecting.

  Someone else might say it was an awful lot of trouble to go to for just a woman. But she was his woman, and he loved her. He would never let her go unless he became thoroughly convinced she didn’t love him and never would. Even then, he wasn’t sure he could let her go.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Angela was frantic. Until now she’d managed to convince herself that just because her flow hadn’t come since the Apache peace conference, over two months ago, that didn’t really mean anything. Until now. The terrible, sickening churning in her stomach, brought about by simply raising her head from the pillow, was impossible to ignore. This was the third morning in a row she’d been hit with nausea. She was only grateful Matt wasn’t in the room to witness her distress.

  Oh God, oh God.
What am I going to do?

  Was she to stay here in this house, continue to endure Matt’s warm embraces and tender glances in public, his cold shoulder in private, until she gave birth to his child? And then what? Stand calmly by and let him tear her baby from her arms? Would he really do that?

  He would. The way these people clung together as a family, there was no way any of them would let one of their own be taken away by an outsider. And Angela was the outsider.

  The trouble was, she didn’t feel much like an outsider. In all instances, except when she and Matt were alone, she was treated as a member of the family. She oddly felt like she really belonged, like this was her home. But how could she feel that way when it was all a lie?

  What wasn’t a lie was her feelings for every member of this family. Each and every one of them was so special to her, had come to mean so much to her in the past few weeks. They all accepted her, and she more than accepted them. How could she leave them?

  Who would read to Jason every afternoon out in the courtyard? Who would help the twins and Spence with their math? Who would little Jessie follow around all day and get to retie the pretty bow in her hair?

  Well, someone had obviously done these things before she had come, so things would just go back to the way they had been before. But the thought of never seeing any of them again took her breath away.

  And then there was that one question that hurt the most.

  Who would lay beside Matt each night in his big, soft bed?

  She was so confused she didn’t know what to do. But one thing was certain—she wouldn’t be able to keep her condition a secret indefinitely. How much longer could she go on eating a regular meal at the table, then hiding out in the kitchen to eat half again as much where no one would see, without getting caught?

  Once Matt knew she carried his child, there would be no way out for her. She would either have to stay here and be tortured by his nearness, or give up her own child. Either way, it would destroy her. What to do?