Apache-Colton Series

by Janis Reams Hudson

  Pace felt himself floating, drifting, but not without purpose or direction. He knew where he was headed, and after a time—how long a time, he had no way of knowing, for time was meaningless in the darkness—the circle appeared.

  It began as a pinpoint of light far, far below him, then grew larger as he floated near. The Opening. The entrance to the Land Where the Cottonwoods Stand In Line. It opened beneath him and on the other side, the grass was tall and green, as were the trees. The sky was a pure cloudless blue, as was the stream where deer came to drink and beside them, children splashed and played.

  Pace had not come here by choice. The green of the grass and trees was the green of Joanna’s eyes, and he did not want to leave her. The sky was the color of his mother’s eyes, and Serena’s. His death would hurt them.

  But his strength was gone, and The Opening pulled him closer, ever closer, to this place of peace.

  Grandfather Cochise was there beside the stream, smiling a welcome at him. Uncle Tahza, Chee, so many familiar faces. Waiting for him to join them. No more pain. No more fighting. No more searching for something he could never find, no more restlessness constantly plaguing his soul. No more hurting the ones he loved. Only peace. It was all there before him, within his grasp.

  Still, he would go back if he could. He tried one last time to turn away, to force his way back through the pain to the other side where Joanna waited, but it was as though a wall blocked his way on all sides, save the direction of The Opening. The darkness nudged, pushing him toward that eternal light.

  He reached out a hand to stop himself from slipping through, but it was useless. His hand, his arm, had no substance.

  Then from behind him came a stirring in the darkness, and suddenly Thin Old Woman was beside him. She slipped past him directly into The Opening, and paused, turning back to look at him.

  He had known her time was near the last time he’d seen her, and he’d been right. As he watched, she slipped through The Opening, and as she did, her scraggly gray hair turned lustrous and black, her time-ravaged face grew young and beautiful. Her shoulders straightened, her eyes, once dim with age, glowed with eternal youth.

  Then she slipped through to the green land below, and The Opening closed, shutting him out of the Land Where the Cottonwoods Stand In Line.

  What now? he wondered. If he could not enter the light, and did not have the strength to fight his way back to the living, was there only darkness? Only this deep, never ending nothing?

  As he wondered, the circle of light opened again. From within himself came the knowledge that he could go now, that he was welcome to be with his ancestors. He was free to slip through The Opening and into eternal peace and sunshine.

  He was also free, for the first time since the ordeal began, to live. The choice had not been his…until now.

  Then he felt it. A slight tapping on his chest, as if someone bade him to follow. A voice, faint, the words indistinguishable. Something about the voice made him pause. The voice wanted him to leave the peace and darkness and struggle back through that terrible pain.

  She didn’t know what she was asking. She couldn’t imagine the cost or she wouldn’t expect so much from him.

  She? Who…he couldn’t remember…

  Joanna.

  The name whispered through his mind, softly, like a gentle mountain breeze.

  Joanna.

  He hadn’t realized he’d drifted toward her until the pain hit him, stealing his breath. Behind him lay peace. No pain, no tears. Ahead, conflict and fighting and pain he wasn’t sure he would be able to stand. But ahead, too, waited Joanna, tapping on his chest, beseeching him to come back.

  He had thought his strength was gone, but somehow her voice renewed him. Without a backward glance, he faced the pain and barrelled his way through it.

  “It worked!” Spence’s voice, sounding excited. “I’ve got a pulse. No…wait…hit him again. Harder. Again!”

  Something slammed into Pace’s chest. His breath left him in an audible umph.

  Pace pried his eyes open. His vision was fuzzy. It took him a minute to focus on Jo where she hovered over him, her fist raised above his chest. “Damn, Firefly, stop that. It hurts.”

  Joanna froze, her fist in the air. Her heart gave a sharp lurch behind her breastbone. His eyes were open! “Pace?”

  “You were expecting someone else?”

  “Oh, Pace! Spence, he’s awake! Pace—” Her voice broke off on a sob. She’d been holding everything in for so long. Seeing his eyes open and alert, hearing his voice, after the terror of the past few minutes when his heart had stopped, made all her fear and tension break loose. Regardless of the pain it would cause him, she crumpled onto his chest, the force of her sobs shaking both of them.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Pace’s fever had broken. He was going to live. Spence could not explain the how or why of it, other than to admit it was a miracle. No one much cared what the explanation was. Pace was going to live. That was enough for the Coltons and their friends in the stronghold.

  He wasn’t able to stay awake long, and his sleep now, although natural, was restless, disturbed by severe pain. But even he agreed it was a damn sight better than being in a coma.

  Despite Spence’s reassurance, it was a full day and night after Pace’s fever broke before Joanna let herself believe he would not slip away from her. But finally, exhaustion claimed her and she slept.

  The relief Matt had felt when Spence announced that Pace would live had been total. Somewhere in the back of Matt’s mind lingered the hope that he and Pace could somehow end their estrangement and be brothers again. But with Joanna involved…

  Involved, hell. She was married to Pace. It seemed incomprehensible. And if Pace was to be believed, the two of them had already created a child.

  Am I supposed to stand back and accept this? Am I supposed to give them my blessing?

  He couldn’t! God help him, he could not condone Pace’s seduction of his little Pumpkin.

  Serena tugged on Matt’s arm. “Stop staring at her. She needs her sleep and you’ll make her restless. Come outside.”

  Matt reluctantly let Serena lead him out of the wickiup into the camp busy with afternoon activity. Three women were working a deer hide. Children kicked a corn husk ball into the trees, then ran shrieking after it. Everything looked normal.

  “How can everything look so normal?” Matt wondered aloud.

  “Why shouldn’t it?” Serena asked as Travis joined them near the camp garden.

  “Because it’s not normal,” Matt stated flatly. “Nothing is normal. Joanna and Pace…”

  “Ah,” Serena said.

  “What the hell’s that supposed to mean? Ah?”

  “You object to Joanna and Pace.” Serena made it a statement rather than a question.

  “Of course I object! Why wouldn’t I object? Hell, she’s—”

  “If you’re going to say she’s just a child, while Pace is a grown man, you’ll end up eating your own words,” she warned.

  Matt tilted his head back to look at the sky. He knew what Serena was talking about. Jo was older than Rena had been when she and Matt had married, and the age difference between Jo and Pace was no greater than that between him and Rena, or between his dad and Dani, for that matter.

  “Why don’t the two of you see what kind of game you can scare up?” Serena suggested. “I’m afraid we’re eating more than our fair share from the camp’s supplies.” She didn’t wait for an answer. She turned and walked back to the wickiup, leaving Matt and Travis alone.

  “Hurts like hell, doesn’t it?” Travis asked.

  Matt shot him a sharp look.

  Travis met it with a wry smile. “Realizing your baby is a grown woman. Realizing that you’re not the most important man in her life anymore.”

  Matt swallowed and looked away. “Is this what you felt when Rena and I…?”

  “Helpless? Angry? Lost? Abandoned? Replaced? Oh, yeah, I felt it.”

 
; “And you didn’t bash my head in?”

  Travis chuckled. “The thought crossed my mind, but since you’re my son, I decided against it.”

  “Does every parent go through this? They must not. Serena doesn’t seem a bit upset that Pace and Jo…well, you know.”

  “Can’t say it, can you?” Travis teased.

  Matt was hurting too much to appreciate the humor. He lashed out. “You want me to say it out loud? That my brother screwed my daughter?”

  “Taste a little bitter, does it, having to swallow some of your own medicine?”

  “Is that why he did it? To get back at me?”

  Travis grunted. “That comment is typical for a father with blinders on.”

  “What the hell’s that supposed to mean? Whose side are you on?”

  “I’m not taking sides,” Travis said calmly. “Not this time. I did that last time, with you and Serena, remember?”

  “I remember,” Matt said, recalling all the harsh words his own father had flung at him, accusing him of seducing an innocent.

  “Do you also remember how wrong I was?”

  “This is different,” Matt said with a growl.

  “Yes, it’s different, because Joanna and Pace are not you and Serena. And if you weren’t her father and didn’t still think of her as a little girl, you’d realize she’s a damn beautiful woman. To suggest that the only reason a man would be interested in her is because of you is to insult not only her beauty, but her intelligence.”

  Matt grunted and looked away.

  “Other men have wanted her because of her connection with the ranch. Remember that cow turd with the mustache? What was his name?”

  Matt grimaced. “Hammersmith.”

  “Yeah, him. I’m sure he liked Jo just fine, but he damn sure had his eye on the Triple C bank account. Every time he rode out to see her, he was counting how many cattle and horses wore the brand. Hell, he probably even checked the silver when he sat down at our table. Pace doesn’t need that connection, doesn’t need the wealth of the Triple C. It’s already his.”

  “Then what the hell is this all about? Dammit, he says he got her pregnant! What the hell am I supposed to do about that?”

  “Do?” Travis shook his head. “Welcome to the club, son. You’re just her father now. Pace is her husband. You’re not supposed to do a damned thing but bite your tongue. If it helps any, I’ll tell you the same thing Dani told me when I wanted to rip your head off over Serena. What other man would understand Jo so well? What other man could possibly know how wild and free she was raised, and treasure that wildness in her, honor that freedom she craves? And,” Travis added wryly, “what other man do you know who is strong enough to hold a hellcat like Jo?”

  Matt pinched the bridge of his nose. He didn’t want to think about what his father said, because it rang with the conviction of truth, and Matt wasn’t ready to be that honest just yet. He couldn’t handle it.

  He squeezed his eyes shut. “Jesus, does anybody survive this?”

  Travis took a deep breath and let it out with a chuckle. “The women do. Hell, they survive damn near everything. They’re much more accepting of seeing their little girls grow up and become women.”

  Matt gave another grunt. “Hell, let’s go hunting. I feel the distinct urge to shoot something.”

  Pace turned his head and watched Joanna sleep. God, she looked so thin and pale. Dark circles under her eyes spoke of sleepless nights. Nights, and days, spent tending him. As he watched, her eyes fluttered open.

  When she saw him looking at her, she smiled. “Hi.”

  Her sleep-husky voice went through him like warm honey and dulled the ever-present pain. “Hi yourself.”

  Her smile broadened. “You’re turning green.”

  “I am?”

  She nodded and tossed her blanket aside. She still wore her blood-stained skirt and blouse. There seemed to be more blood than he remembered.

  “Your bruises,” she answered. “Two days ago they were the most spectacular shade of purple. Now they’re turning green. It means you’re healing,” she added softly.

  “Good. That means that the next time you see me, I won’t look like a rainbow.”

  “The next…Are you going somewhere?” she asked cautiously.

  “Not hardly,” he answered with a snort of disgust. He would have gestured toward his broken legs for emphasis, but his left arm was strapped to his chest to immobilize the shoulder he’d dislocated, and his right arm was in a sling, courtesy of the bullet hole in that shoulder.

  For Joanna, he gentled his voice. “But that doesn’t mean you can’t go somewhere. Firefly, you need to go home. All of you do,” he added, meaning the rest of the family.

  Joanna sat up slowly. “Does Spence say we can move you yet?”

  He gave her a wry smile. “Doesn’t look like I’m going much of anywhere for quite a while.”

  “I’ve heard him talk about getting you back to Tucson, to his place, so he can look after you better.”

  “The college boy thinks too much. I’ll be fine right where I am. As soon as I’m able, I’ll come to the ranch.”

  “As soon as—Pace, I’m your wife. At your insistence, I might add. I can’t go home without you.”

  “Sure you can. You need to get some rest before you collapse. You’ll just wear yourself out if you stay here and hover over me all day every day.”

  Joanna’s eyes widened. “Hover?”

  “You know what I mean.”

  “You mean…for me to go home without you?”

  “It would be the best thing.”

  “For who?” she cried. “What did you expect? That I would just leave you here? That you could demand that I marry you, then send me on my way? Is that what you expected?”

  “I expected to die,” he answered heatedly.

  Joanna gasped. With her eyes wide and stricken, she clapped both hands over her mouth, struggled to her feet, and fled the wickiup.

  Before the door flap settled into place, Spence pushed it aside and ducked into the wickiup. “Being your usual charming self, I see.” He gestured with a thumb over his shoulder in the direction Joanna fled. “What did you say to her to put that look on her face?”

  Pace closed his eyes in frustration. “I suggested that she go home and take care of herself. I suggested you all go home. Hell, Spence, you’re about to become a father. You should be home with LaRisa.”

  “I will be. But you talk like you won’t be going home with the rest of us.”

  Pace opened his eyes. He’d never thought much about what it would be like to have only one eye until the swelling in his face had gone down enough to let him see out of both of them. Having two good eyes was something he wouldn’t be taking for granted again anytime soon. “In case you hadn’t noticed, I don’t think I’d make it very damn far on horseback.”

  “Oh, I don’t know.” Spence pulled Pace’s blanket aside and checked the bandage on his thigh. “I thought we might just sling you belly-down over the saddle and take you with us.”

  “You’re real funny, for a serious college boy.”

  “Funnier than you are, anyway. At least I was joking. I get the impression that you seriously expect us to go home and leave you here.”

  “I guess college really did make you smart. You figured that out just fine.”

  “You could use a little smartening up yourself. I suppose this means you didn’t tell her.”

  “Didn’t tell who what?”

  “Your wife. You do remember that you’re married now, and according to you, on your way to being a father.”

  Pace’s heart pounded at just the thought. If it hadn’t been for Juerta, the pounding would have been sheer eagerness, excitement. Joy.

  Now there was a word Pace had never used in connection with himself before. Joy.

  But because of Juerta, the pounding in Pace’s chest at the thought of Joanna and their son was pure fear. “I remember,” he said to Spence.

  “You
didn’t tell her, did you?”

  “Didn’t tell her what?”

  “The same thing you haven’t bothered to tell your doctor. That you can’t feel anything in your legs.”

  Where Spence was standing he blocked Pace’s view of the doorway, but when Pace heard the sharp gasp of shock, he didn’t need to see to know Joanna was there and had heard. His stomach tied itself in knots.

  “Ah, hell, man,” Spence muttered. “I’m sorry.”

  “Leave us,” Pace said grimly to Spence.

  “Stay, Spence,” Joanna said, her voice shaking. “Tell me what it means.”

  Pace swore. “It means you’re married to a cripple.”

  “We don’t know that yet,” Spence stated.

  “You may not know it, but I do.”

  Spence narrowed his eyes. “Is this your famous knowing, or is it—”

  “Get out, Spence,” Pace ordered.

  “Not until you answer me. Do you know you’ll never walk again—”

  “Don’t say that!” Joanna shrieked, her eyes wild and haunted. “Don’t even think it!”

  “Do you know,” Spence repeated, “or are you assuming that because you’re numb right now, you’re going to stay that way?”

  “Are you saying I’m not paralyzed?” Pace asked tightly.

  “Tell him,” Joanna cried. “Tell him he’s wrong, Spence!”

  Spence looked at Pace. After a long moment of Pace refusing to meet his gaze, Spence’s chest rose and fell. Slowly he looked up at Joanna. “I can’t, JoJo. It’s too soon to tell.”

  The look of horror on Joanna’s face told Pace all he needed to know. Not that he blamed her, he thought bitterly. No woman wanted to waste her life on a cripple. And she only knew about his legs. She didn’t know the rest of it. And she never would, so help him God.

  This time Pace spoke quietly. “Leave us, Spence.”

  “All right. But you might brace yourself, big brother. I’m taking you down off this mountain tomorrow. I’m taking you to Tucson. I’ve got room for a patient or two in my back room. You’ll stay there until you’re recovered.”

  “The hell I will,” Pace muttered.