Hindsight

by Jody Klaire

  I stopped, my heart feeling like it was gonna do the same. One house stuck out from all the quiet neighborhood calm. Second floor still derelict from the twister, stone first floor boarded up.

  The house I’d lived in with my dad and Iris.

  I understood why he loved my mother, why he’d never stopped loving her even when she’d gone missing for years and not said a word. But, I didn’t get why he’d married my first stepmother. I didn’t get why he’d tried to pass her off as my own mother and I really didn’t get why he’d married his late second wife, Jenny.

  “Lilia has gently asked him to get it fixed. That way they can sell it.” Renee touched my arm, her warm hands sending a ripple of comfort through me.

  “Jenny died in there. I guess he can’t even bear to think about it.” I knew Renee understood that but she wanted me to talk to her. I could feel that. I needed to see it. I walked up the path that I’d once brawled with Jenny on—flashes of her anger as she protected her girls. She’d thought I was capable of hurting them. I headed up the steps that she had shoved me down—fire and fury in her eyes. We’d had history and that was putting it kinda mild. We’d never gotten on. We’d never understood each other. She’d tormented me and I’d been hurt that my dad would even look at her.

  I hovered at the door I’d once been led out of by him. Arrested for murder. Barely a kid.

  “I was with Jenny . . . I tried to help.” Sounded strange to my own ears but I’d somehow managed to be with her, in dream or spirit or something. All had been forgiven. She’d asked me to keep her girls, my half-sisters, safe.

  What a waste.

  “I nearly lost you because of it,” Renee whispered, sticking close. “It holds as much hurt for him as it does for you.”

  I nodded. Part of me wanted to find the nearest wrecking ball and erase it. “He still feels responsible for it.”

  Renee tugged me away from the house, back onto the street. “It’ll do you no good lingering on it. It’s just a physical reminder of pain.”

  I smiled down at her. “You sound like you are tuning in.”

  She frowned. Her blonde brows dipped, wrinkling the top of her nose. “I don’t need to. I can see it in your eyes.”

  “I don’t get how the neighbors ain’t complainin’,” I mumbled as we trudged through the slimy leaves. “Can’t be a great view.”

  “I can’t imagine that they like it but they understand why it hurts him so much to deal with it.” Renee’s smile filled her eyes as she tugged me around the corner. “Hey look another shop selling fishing equipment!”

  I tutted at the sarcastic tone. She was just being dramatic. There were three bait and tackle shops. Well, two were advertised they were but seemed more for hunting and one kinda had both.

  “How are they all in business?” She shook her head.

  “Folks like fishing?”

  She prodded me in the side, making me squirm. Whatever business was like, I guessed it was going well. The buildings were all in much better condition. They were painted in greens, pinks, and sky blues. They looked as cheery as the energy humming from them. The long line of lampposts accompanied us along as we wandered up to the center.

  The rough sandstone buildings, the original buildings of Oppidum, weren’t grimy with soot and moss any more. They were cleaned up. Some, like the police department my father was the chief of, were whitewashed for an extra effect. The roofs all the way down the main strip were clean and not mossy like before. I smiled at the oak tree my father always sat under for lunch. The park had been a bit ragged before but now it had a manicured stretch of green; a cute little picnic bench nearby, and the edges were all planted up with rose bushes that bloomed out pinks and reds and peaches.

  Go figure. There were perks to being married to the mayor.

  “Even the firehouse looks better.” Renee pointed to it. Red spruced up the door for the trucks and a smaller building extended from the side. It declared in bold letters, “Blackbear Mountain Rescue.” I guessed Kay Borland the chief must have her hands full.

  I knew Renee was fascinated by most things involving large vehicles, noisy stuff, and danger, so I pre-empted her dragging me across the road.

  She chuckled at me and maybe at herself as she ran to catch up. “That predictable?”

  I smiled. “You said that you were in Mountain Rescue when we were in St. Jude’s.”

  “There isn’t much you miss, is there?” Her aura jiggled like she was laughing inside.

  “You’re like a puzzle. When I do get a piece of you, I hold on tight.”

  “Dimwit.” Her eyes twinkled but she shook her head. “I volunteered for a few years after . . .” She bit her lip. “After I left college.” She glanced around as if somebody was listening. “CIG is a bit of a bottle neck, so while I was waiting I did the rescue in the winters and,” she dragged me inside and motioned with her head to Kay who was pouring over her paperwork, “some summers I did smoke jumping.”

  “Then how come I can see you in mil—”

  She put a finger to my lips. “Not allowed here.”

  I sighed. More CIG protocol. It was bad enough I had to remember to call them agents to everybody else but remember ranks when I was on base. That’s when I wasn’t remembering a whole new identity, or one of Renee’s identities, and trying to remember just what that identity did and didn’t do. My head hurt with the whole thing.

  The only person who seemed free of this was my mother. She was always Chief Agent Lorelei, like my dad, but I preferred the title, Chief-Pain-In-My-Butt. Yeah, today was another Lilia sucks day.

  “If it isn’t our girls!” Kay looked up and her smile shot out from her aura. She waddled on over. “You back home a while?”

  I shook my head. “Just a vacation.” I liked saying that. I was proud that I got vacations. It made me feel like a real adult. “Renee keeps me kinda busy.”

  I got my hip bumped for that. “Oh that’s right, blame me, Lorelei.”

  “Thought I was?” I grinned at Renee who poked her tongue out.

  Kay laughed, her stomach bobbing with it. “Sure missed you guys. We could have done with you at the charity tug-test last month.” She eyed my arms. “We’d have walked away with a whole hog roast.”

  I could do tugging. “Pencil us in if we’re around next time . . . but this one,” I bumped Renee’s shoulder, “is more of the competitive type.”

  Renee shrugged. “She’s right. I haven’t had hog roast in years.” She rubbed at her stomach. I got a flash of her in a t-shirt with a college name stenciled on the front, mud all over her, hair jutting out, chomping on what must have been pork from the hog roast. I shook my head. She’d looked mighty pleased with herself too.

  “How’s it going?” I didn’t know if it was polite to refer to Kay’s bump but I had to distract Renee before she drooled all over the station house floor.

  “Busy. Two new part-timers, one is paramedic trained an’ we got a new full-time rescue guy.” She smiled proud and true. “Jim will be stepping up when I get to stick my feet up.” She frowned at her bump. “That’s if they’re still down there someplace.”

  “Jim better?” Her husband’s neck had caused him to be off work after an accident. I guessed the guy I’d recommended had helped some.

  “Good as new.” She said with a blissful smile. “He’s excited, real excited but I . . .” She sighed.

  I bowed my head. “Are worried you’re replacing her?” I hated that Sam had hurt their daughter. I hated that he’d been so happy to rip people’s families apart. “Sorry.”

  Renee touched my arm, firing more reassurance and a flashed message of, “it’s not your fault, it’s Sam’s.”

  Kay’s eyes flickered with sadness, with an ache that hurt me just to be close to her. “It isn’t easy.” She smiled up at me as if shaking the thoughts free. “But you made home safe for this one.” She blew out a breath and rubbed her back. “Definitely makes my back ache and then some.”

  I opene
d my mouth. Renee pinched me. I winced and Kay chuckled.

  “It’s a surprise,” Renee whispered.

  I rubbed at my arm as Kay gave my hand a squeeze. “No doubt with Jim’s genes, they’ll be a handful whatever.” She winked.

  Her phone rang and she rolled her eyes. “That’ll be him now. You’d think I’d never been pregnant before.”

  Renee led me out. “Come on. Let’s see how Mrs. Stein is doing.”

  I stared at her. “Why?” Maybe it’d be safer to sit with Kay? I shuddered. I didn’t want to visit Mrs. Stein. Who’d want to visit her? Nope, no way.

  Renee took my hand and dragged me out into the street. “Because you’re a good citizen who likes helping little defenseless old ladies?”

  I tried to shake her off but she held on. “Mrs. Stein? You kiddin’ me? She may be ancient and wrinkly but she’s got a better right hook than my dad.”

  Renee’s eyes twinkled. “Okay, you enjoy helping grumpy old wrinkly people with a mean right hook.”

  “Better.” I glanced back through the door at Kay. “Somebody should tell her she’s having two.” There was a boy and a girl inside so no wonder she was looking tired. Growing one looked like it was hard enough.

  “They’ll tell them, don’t worry.” She didn’t sound too convinced of that.

  “They don’t know and I’m pretty sure they are planning an escape.” I smiled. I could already feel that they had a lot of energy. I just hoped Jim and Kay had enough to keep up with them.

  “Then it’s part of the fun.” Renee smiled.

  Fun . . . right . . . sounded like boot camp with mini-people. I sighed. Guess I was heading for boot camp with wrinkly ones. Mean wrinkly ones. Homerun.

  CASEY’S MART WAS now Darcy’s and I tripped over my own feet when I registered the change. Another of Sam’s victims, I knew Darcy’s family, the Toughtons, had taken over the place but the name shot pain right through me. It took a couple of breaths for me to feel a sense of pride that they’d kept her name as a good thing.

  “This is why I waited to bring you through town,” Renee said, her voice gentle and calming.

  I could only nod as I took in the hairdressers that all the gossips hung out in. Mary Goss in particular. I knew her husband Bill was away working at the moment. Somehow it seemed like everyone had moved on, they carried on and somehow I hadn’t.

  “Because it’s my fault,” I mumbled to myself. Somehow, no matter how much people told me different, I still couldn’t get past that.

  “I feel that way when I think of Yannick’s victims.” Renee squeezed my hand.

  I blew out a breath that made my lips buzz like I was playing a trumpet. “It sucks that we have maniacs in common.”

  She squeezed again and put her head against my arm. I stopped, frowned, and spun on the spot.

  “Aeron?”

  I searched the street. Something was missing. I tracked over the buildings and scowled. “Uncle Abe?”

  I strode back toward Uncle Abe’s old shop. It had been a rundown shack of a place. Now, it was a shiny painted building with, “Traditional Fish and Chip Shop,” painted on the brick work.

  “He left,” Renee said, trying to slow me by clinging onto my arm. “He moved with Uri.”

  I opened the windowed door. The bell rang like it used to in his place but inside it was half café, half . . . well . . . I didn’t know what. It had a shiny silver counter that was up to my chest height with glass displays inset. I could see right through to a kitchen area. “Abe was an idiot, a nasty hawk of a guy, but he didn’t go hurtin’ nobody.”

  Why was I searching for him? Why was it bothering me so much? Whether I liked him or not, it hadn’t been Abe who’d hurt those girls, it hadn’t been Abe who attacked my dad.

  “Uri was being targeted in school. Lilia found them a more appropriate place anyway. Uri was . . . affected.”

  I leaned on the counter, half ready to bury my head in my hands. Uri had been a snotty little brat with an attitude like his father but he’d been a kid. He hadn’t hurt nobody either.

  A redheaded girl wandered out of the back. It had been the route out to Abe’s place, on the second floor once. I guessed maybe she lived there now.

  “We’re not ready for lunch yet. Would you like a drink while you wait?”

  I cocked my head at her accent. It was different, not American but it sounded familiar.

  “We’re visiting home while we’re on vacation,” Renee said, to cover my staring by the frown on her face. “We can come back when you’re ready, no problem.”

  The girl was too busy eyeing me. “You Chief Lorelei’s daughter?”

  He’d have loved that. I was always Lilia’s kid to most people. I’d been “freak” before that but Lilia’s kid since. “Yeah. He like Fish and . . . er . . .” I tried not to pull a face. “Chips?” That didn’t sound tasty.

  “They’re like fat fries. The fish is actually battered fish in breadcrumbs and it comes with mushy peas.” She smiled at me. Her freckles were smattered across her nose like jewels. “Then there’s sausage in batter, some local dishes from back home and rissoles for the dinnertime run.”

  Renee’s eyes looked like she’d start drooling any second. “I haven’t had them in years . . . not since I was in the UK.”

  The girl grinned. “I’ll make sure he keeps some for you. Chief Lorelei has a thing for the Scampi special.”

  “Why have I not been here before?” Renee looked so sad. Her eyes took in all the items on the black chalkboard overhead. “Where in Wales are you from?”

  “Margam was the most recent place but I grew up in Tenby.”

  “Ah,” Renee said.

  The girl smiled. “Mum got a position on the force here. She likes it better than policing back home.”

  Renee leaned on the counter. She had to be on tiptoes to do it. I wasn’t sure if I needed to stop her vaulting it. “Is your mother the new deputy?”

  Pride twinkled in the girl’s green eyes. “Deputy Millie Jenkins.”

  Renee held out her hand. “I’m Renee, and this silent statue, is Aeron.”

  She shook Renee’s hand and waved up at me. “I’m Jolene.”

  I nodded. My shock it wasn’t Uncle Abe’s place warred with curiosity about this new food Renee was so set on. Her avid focus made me think that the food would win out.

  “So . . . couple of minutes?” I didn’t think I’d ever seen Renee as animated about food.

  “Call it ten and I’ll get the mushy peas ready.” She gave Renee a conspiratorial wink. A charmer if ever I saw one.

  Renee groaned, which made the girl chuckle and me stare at her. I steered her out by the shoulders, before she did anything more, and toward Mrs. Stein’s café.

  “You’ll understand, I promise.” She patted my stomach as I let her go. “I went to the UK for a year when . . .” She paused. “When I was in the uniform you saw.”

  I nodded, glad she was sharing.

  “One of the local . . . people . . . took me there. They made it a thing to show me all the British cuisine.” She leaned her head back with bliss in her eyes. “Good times.”

  MRS. STEIN’S PLACE, The Ty Coch Café, looked as it always had, an old stone cottage with a fake stone fireplace on one side with a knitted Welsh Dragon sitting next to it. There were the usual little ornaments of Welsh ladies in black hats and shawls, long dresses with a frilly apron of some kind over the top. The large love spoon painted on the window declared the menu was all traditional and full of Welsh names no one could pronounce.

  The same wooden counter was in pride of place. Mrs. Stein always sat like a county judge behind it. It displayed chocolate love spoons and tiered cake stands filled with Welsh cakes. I’d never got why you’d fill them with Jell-O but then I’d never had chance to taste them.

  I looked up at the sign painted on the beam over her counter. “Croeso.” It meant welcome. I guessed in the ironic sense if you fitted in and had proved you were worthy of knowing. This wa
s a café for locals no matter how she dressed it. It wasn’t a place for those flea-bitten tourist types who dared to ask her for things she didn’t want to cook. Each seat inside was somebody’s. Her favorites sat near the counter so she could gossip and cackle with them. Those on probation sat near the door.

  I knew it all from an outsider’s point of view as she’d chase me out the door as soon as look at me. I didn’t know why I was even bothering. I should’ve just waited outside.

  “Renee, dear, is that you?” It sounded like Mrs. Stein only it sounded too happy.

  Huh?

  “You need a hand?” Renee started toward the counter. I held her elbow, trying to stop her wandering into the dragon’s lair. Mrs. Stein could catch you with her mop in a Frei-like assault before you saw it coming.

  “No, hun, I just have that bouquet for Lilia.” Mrs. Stein appeared, looking as hawk-like and batty as always. Why she thought she had to dress like the little Welsh statues, I didn’t know. She placed a big bunch of flowers on the counter and I snapped my hand away from Renee’s arm as she dropped her gaze to it. She’d think I was assaulting her and call my dad. I’d be in the station for hours.

  “Oh, Aeron, I didn’t see you there.” Her aura looked a lot less angry but I weren’t buying it. There had to be somebody ready to pounce or somethin’. “I could do with you. Take these to Darcy’s for me, please.”

  I blinked a few times at her.

  Huh?

  “Did the Feds make you deaf, hun?” She chuckled a raspy chuckle which made her tall, flat-topped hat wobble. It looked like an oversized fancy hat that old gentlemen used to wear.

  “She was on duty last night,” Renee said, eyeing me, her eyebrows flicking up at my reaction. “It zones her out.”

  “Ah, of course, you work too hard.” She smiled, showing that she actually had teeth. Who’d have figured that?

  She clapped her hands. “Good to see you doin’ so well, girl.”