Come What May (Forever and Always #9)

by E. L. Todd

  “No,” I said in annoyance. “We’re at a stalemate.”

  Cassandra and Mike both laughed at Sean.

  “What?” Sean said. “That sounds pretty cool.”

  I abandoned our search for a baby name and turned to Cassandra. “So, you like working for Sean and Mike—most days?”

  “They are both great,” she said. “I work more with Sean, but he’s a great boss. I was happy when we had Christmas and Christmas Eve off.”

  Sean shrugged. “I’m not the Grinch.”

  “Everything there is so laid back too,” Cassandra said. “But I do miss Andrew. He brought so much life into that building. He used to wear a clown nose to make me laugh.”

  Mike laughed. “My dad is so cool.”

  “But when Diane came around, we all ducked under our desks.”

  “Sounds about right,” I said bitterly.

  “You don’t get along with your mother-in-law?” she asked with a smile.

  “Did the Chinese get along with Godzilla?”

  Mike almost knocked over his beer because he laughed so hard. Even Sean laughed.

  Cassandra tried not to laugh. “That sounds about right.”

  “She’s….there are no words,” I said. I realized I shouldn’t be too harsh since Sean and Mike did love their mom, even though she was a fucking bitch.

  “I’m not looking forward to meeting her,” Cassandra said.

  Mike eyed her, a smirk on his face. I knew what he was thinking. She obviously planned on meeting his mom eventually.

  When the pizza arrived, Cassandra and I ate the most. Sean ate like a girl and barely had anything. He picked the toppings off and drank his water. He tried to retain a low body fat percentage but sometimes he took it too seriously. He was a health freak. Mike watched Cassandra scarf down her food like he hadn’t been fed in three days.

  Cassandra was easygoing and very simple. She got along with everyone and didn’t have a negative attitude. She was funny and put Mike in her place, but she wasn’t pessimistic. Her beauty was unparalleled. Honestly, I was surprised she was still single since she was so awesome. Mike hit the jackpot with her. By the end of the lunch date, she had my approval. I just hoped it worked out between them. I knew Mike wanted to turn his life around and find someone special. I hoped she was that person.

  We rode the elevator until we reached her floor.

  She hugged Mike then leaned closer to him. “Want to come over for dinner?”

  “Are you going to cook for me?” he whispered.

  “Yep. And I’m very good at it.”

  “Yum. I’ll be there with a bottle of wine.”

  “And don’t forget dessert.” She winked at him then left. I assume she meant the Snickers bar.

  As soon as the elevator was closed, we both looked at Mike.

  Mike smiled and shrugged. “She’s great, huh?”

  Sean nodded. “I’m sorry for giving you a hard time. It looks like you two hit it off pretty well.”

  “We did,” Mike said. “She’s awesome. She’s personable, she likes sports, she loves eating, and she’s just cool.”

  I smiled, feeling my heart explode in happiness. I was so glad Mike finally found someone he genuinely liked. “Have you slept with her?”

  “God, no,” he said quickly. “I really like her and I don’t want to fuck this up. I’m not making any moves until I know we’re serious. I can’t afford to scare her away.”

  “I’m really happy for you,” I said.

  “I know.” He finally dropped his grin. “Does Cortland know?”

  “I haven’t mentioned it,” I said. “He’s just…you know.”

  Mike nodded. “I understand. I haven’t brought it up because I don’t want to brag. He lost the love of his life and I found mine.”

  I hated thinking about it.

  “Do you think they’ll get back together?” Mike asked.

  Any hope I had disappeared after I saw Monnique. She was too emotionally invested to see reason. She seemed determined to move on and forget about Cortland. The break up was hard on everyone, Cortland most of all. And it killed me every day. “No.”

  15

  Cortland

  Three months had come and gone. Monnique hadn’t called me once. I wanted to fly to Seattle and beg her to take me back, but there wasn’t anything I could say that wasn’t said before. There was nothing I could do. She backed her shit and left, not looking back once.

  It made me doubt everything.

  Did she really love me? Did my worst fear come true? That she could leave me so easily. She moved all the way to New York for me, but she moved back just as quickly. The pain in my heart fermented and changed into something completely different. Now I was depressed and bitter.

  How could she make love to me, feel my tears splash on her face, and still leave without saying goodbye? How could she watch me sleep in the bed we shared for a year, but still have the determination to walk out?

  How?

  While I understood her point of view and her feelings, it didn’t justify what she did. Even if Scarlet and I had a real romantic relationship that lasted for years, it ended for a reason. When I told Monnique, I loved her, I meant it. Really meant it.

  But did she ever love me? At least in the way I loved her?

  Was I just a rebound for her abusive ex? Did I make her feel better because I was so sweet to her? I wasn’t sure anymore. At the time, I thought our love was real. But now…I didn’t know anymore.

  I finally got my own place and left Scarlet’s mansion. She insisted I could stay there forever, but I couldn’t. Sean and Scarlet were still newlyweds, and they deserved to have their privacy. She was almost to the end of her first trimester, and I knew they should take advantage of that joy. I was happy for them. I really was. But it reminded me how hollow I was.

  Ryan spent a lot of time with me. We played basketball, watched the games, played laser tag, and hung out all the time. I felt guilty he was ditching Janice so much. I always told him to bring her along but he never did.

  Everyone was walking on eggshells around me. Ryan was happy with Janice, but he never showed her any affection in front of me. I knew Mike was dating a girl he was head-over-heels for, but he never talked about it. Even when I asked him about it, he closed up. And Scarlet was with me nearly all the time. She came to my office for lunch every day, abandoning her husband.

  Even though I was in a dark place, I felt so happy knowing I had so many people who cared about me. Everyone was so patient with me for the past three months. Every weekend, they included me in their plans and made sure I was never alone. I appreciated it more than words could say. The break up with Monnique was brutal. Even though months had passed, I found it unlikely I would ever love anyone the way I loved her. But that just made me feel worse.

  Two months after the break up, I started masturbating again. It was weird the first time. I never did it once when I was committed to Monnique. I had no desire to do it. Why beat off to a fake woman when I had a gorgeous one in my bed every night? While it released the tension and sexual frustration, it reminded me how alone I was.

  I thought it would get easier as time went on, but it didn’t. At this point, I knew Monnique wasn’t coming back. We were really done. We’d been done the day she left my house. I wondered if she was seeing someone. Judging the way she left so easily, I would assume so. She probably found another rebound.

  She was so fucking hypocritical.

  She accused me of treating her like a rebound after Scarlet, but that’s exactly what she did to me. It pissed me off. I loved her, but it still made me so angry I saw red.

  No one ever talked about Monnique. I knew Janice kept in touch with her because they were such good friends, but Janice never told me what they talked about, and I never asked. Judging Monnique’s coldness, I’m surprised she cared about Janice at all.

  Ryan and I were eating at a pizza parlor on Friday night, watching the game on the screen. We just played baske
tball in the city and we were both starving. We demolished everything on our plate then ordered more fries because we were pigs.

  When a commercial came on, Ryan gave me a serious look.

  “Janice wants to go out tomorrow.”

  “Oh.” Why was he telling me this? “What are you guys doing?”

  “We were going to try this new sushi place. You should come.”

  “Okay.” The three of us never did anything anymore. Couples were non-existent now that I was single.

  “Janice is bringing a friend.”

  Now I realized what he was doing. I walked right into that one. “I’m not ready to date.”

  He sighed. “Dude, it’s been three months. Monnique isn’t coming back. I hate to be an ass, but you need to move on.”

  Hearing someone say it out loud hurt even more. “I realize that.”

  “Then come on. You don’t have to marry her. Just hang out with us.”

  I pushed the fries away because I lost my appetite. “I’m just not there yet.”

  “You need to get laid.”

  I couldn’t imagine having sex with anyone but Monnique. I felt like I was cheating on her just from thinking about it. “I’ll pass.”

  Ryan didn’t back down. “Two weeks is enough time to bounce back from a break up. Three months is just ridiculous. I know you loved Monnique and you’re hurting, but someone needs to give you a shove. Go out with this girl and begin the process.”

  “How is that fair to the girl?” I asked.

  “Do you have any idea how slutty girls are? With one look at you, girls would gladly open their legs for a one-night stand. Believe me.”

  “That’s not what I meant. How would you feel if you went on a date with a girl that was still recovering from a break up? Wouldn’t you feel like you were wasting your time?”

  “No,” Ryan said. “I would fuck her and help her get over it.”

  I rolled my eyes. “You know I’m not like that.”

  “Well, be like that for a short period of time until you’re comfortable with other women. Then start looking for your future wife.”

  Ugh. I always thought Monnique would be my future wife. The ring I got her was still sitting in my nightstand drawer. “I’m just not—”

  “You’re coming,” Ryan said firmly. “I’ll drag you if I have to. And for what its worth, everyone thinks it’s time you moved on.”

  That surprised me. “Even Scarlet?”

  “Especially Scarlet. She’s not Monnique’s number one fan. To be honest, none of us really care for her anymore. We get why she’s mad, but she totally overreacted and blew it out of proportion. She was wrong for breaking up with you. You were nothing but fucking prince charming to her. You know what I think? You dodged a bullet, man.”

  I processed his words for a moment, trying to understand. I felt bitter about the way Monnique ended our relationship. A dark part of me thought she was immature, unfair, and just…cold. The fact everyone thought the same thing made me feel worse but better at the same time.

  “Fuck her,” Ryan said. “You deserve someone better. You fuck with one of us, you fuck with all of us.”

  I took a deep breath and watched the TV. “I wish I didn’t love her anymore…”

  Ryan’s expression softened. “I know.” He clapped my shoulder. “I know you feel like shit right now, but the worst is over. Think about it that way. You have nowhere to go but up. “

  I hoped he was right.

  I really wasn’t in the place to go on a date. Monnique would be in my head the entire time, hearing her voice in a silent conversation we weren’t really having. Every time a beautiful dark-skinned woman walked down the street, I thought it was her. She was still in my heart even though I wished she weren’t.

  Ryan and I met Janice and her friend at the restaurant. I was nervous and on edge.

  Ryan clapped my shoulder before we walked inside. “Be cool.”

  “What do you even do on a date?”

  He rolled his eyes. “We’re just friends hanging out. Think of it that way.”

  “Okay.”

  We walked inside then headed to the booth. Ryan sat in the booth beside Janice and gave her a kiss.

  “Hey, baby,” he said.

  “Hi.” She gave him a wide smile. “Missed you.”

  “Missed you too, gorgeous.”

  I was going to be sick. I looked at the girl sitting in the booth. She was blonde with green eyes. She was petite and had a nice smile. I didn’t feel anything. I just felt guilty for what I was doing.

  ‘Hi,” she said.

  Ryan cleared his throat then glared at me.

  Oh. I was supposed to talk. “Hi, I’m Cortland.” I shook her hand.

  “It’s nice to meet you.”

  I sat beside her but my ass was practically off the edge because I tried to sit far away from her.

  Ryan and Janice both looked at me like I was crazy.

  “I’m Hazel,” she said.

  “Oh. I’m Cortland.”

  Ryan covered his face, embarrassed for me.

  “Wait…I already said that,” I said.

  “You did,” she said with a smile.

  “I’m sorry, “I said. “I’m a little off today.”

  “It’s okay,” she said politely.

  I didn’t look at her. Instead, I looked at the counter, which was extremely awkward.

  Ryan carried the conversation to relieve the stress off me. I learned she was a dance major at Julliard. She was a smart girl from Chicago. And she had two sisters, but she was alone in the city. She was also a writer. Janice edited her memoir about ballet. So, she was interesting. And she was attractive. I still didn’t feel anything, which was what I expected.

  I didn’t speak for the rest of the meal. Ryan glared at me, pressuring me to talk, but I just couldn’t do it. It was physically painful for me.

  When the bill came, Ryan and I split it. I knew I was being a shitty date but I couldn’t force myself to behave better. Now I really was a douchebag.

  Janice excused herself to the restroom and Ryan did too. I wondered if they did it on purpose. When I looked out the window, I saw them both walk down the sidewalk. Ryan smiled while he waved at me. That fucking asshole.

  Hazel sat quietly in her seat. The tension hung around us, making us feel awkward. She finally cleared her throat and looked at me.

  “Did I do something…?”

  I was such a douchebag. “No, of course not. I’m the one with the problem. It’s not you.”

  “Oh…I’m just not very good at this dating thing.”

  “That makes two of us,” I said with a light laugh.

  “What’s your story?”

  “Umm…” Should I tell her? I decided to. “I just got out of a relationship. Well, it ended three months ago but I guess I’m still not over it.”

  She breathed a sigh of relief. “I’m going through a break up too. No wonder why we were so awkward tonight.”

  I smiled. “That explains a lot. That’s probably why they set us up.”

  “That’s exactly why they set us up,” she said with a laugh.

  “Can I ask what happened?”

  She took a deep breath. “He left me for someone else.”

  “Oh. I’m sorry.” She seemed perfectly nice. I wondered why he would leave her.

  “What happened with you?”

  “She….it’s complicated.”

  “Well, I have nowhere to be.”

  “I slept with someone long before we met, and I finally told her about it. She feels like I lied to her, and she insists she’s a rebound, which is completely untrue. We were living together and madly in love. To be honest, the more I think about it, the more I realize it’s the dumbest reason in the world.”

  She nodded. “Who you sleep with outside your relationship is none of her business anyway.”

  “Well, it’s my best friend. And I still see her every day.”

  “Well, does she trust you? I
f she does, it shouldn’t be a problem.”

  “I don’t think that was an issue. She just…feels like she isn’t good enough, I guess.”

  “It sounds like she has her own issues.”

  “Yeah…”

  She rested her elbows on the table. “It’s been two months and I don’t feel any better.”

  “Neither do I.”

  “Well, It’s nice knowing someone else is going through the same thing.”

  “Yeah.”

  She drummed her fingers against the table. “You want to get a cup of coffee or something?”

  “Umm…yeah. We could do that as friends.” It was unnecessary for me to emphasize my disinterest in her, but I did it anyway.

  “Cool.”

  She and I walked down the street until we reached a small café. After I ordered our drinks and paid for them, she told me about her ex.

  “We were together for two years. Stupidly, I thought we would get married. It’s just weird to start over…I don’t want to be single, you know?”

  Oh, I knew. “I don’t want to be single either. I’m always happier when I’m in a meaningful relationship with someone.”

  “Would you take her back?”

  I never thought about it before. She hadn’t called me once so I knew she wasn’t coming back. It was a decision I knew I would never have to make. “I don’t know…”

  “I’m surprised your answer isn’t yes.” She sipped her cappuccino.

  “Well, my immediate response is yes. I miss her like crazy. Every night, she comes to me in my dreams. I remember everything we did together, everything we shared. I’d do anything to get that back. But then I remembered why we broke up and how she left me. She slept with me one last time, feeling me while I cried. But she left anyway. I guess I’m really hurt about that…”

  “You sound confused.”

  “More than you’ll ever know. But, she’ll never come back to me. She’s probably fucking someone new by now…” The thought made me sick.

  “You really think that? If she loved you as much as you obviously love her, that doesn’t sound likely.”

  “I’m not sure if she even loved me,” I said bitterly.

  She played with the sleeve of her cup and averted her gaze.