Cousins

by Virginia Hamilton

  Cammy let her stew. Maybe she would let her come on over. Maybe she wouldn’t. Nothing said she had to tell just now, so she didn’t.

  And then, things happened, one after the other, the way they always did at camp. Just regular like ABC. They finished their dolls. Each was given a sack to put each one in with the owner’s name on it. They were told to take them home to show the dolls to their parents. It was nice to have a doll for the table way on to Thanksgiving time. Cammy smelled the air, to see if she could smell cold Thanksgiving coming. She couldn’t. It was still late August. Still hot and steamy.

  They went for their nature walk. Ms. Devine always went with them. She was the last one, because she was so big and slow. Sometimes, the helper, Tim, who had been in college but quit, came a little later.

  “Let’s go down!” kids shouted. “Yeah! Yeah! Let’s do!”

  “Too far, you won’t feel like swimming after,” said Ms. Devine.

  “No it’s not! We need a good walk. We need to skip rocks! Ooh, yeah!”

  “She just doesn’t feel like moving herself down that far,” Cammy murmured to no one in particular.

  Elodie was right there, grinning in her face.

  “Step aside, kid,” Cammy said. She didn’t care if she did hurt Elodie’s feelings. This was her walk. She could pretend she was by herself, if only Ms. Devine would let them go down.

  “I will let you if you listen to me good,” Ms. Devine was telling them. “Now I don’t want any roughhouse from you boys—Larry.”

  “Me-ee?” Larry said back, looking wounded. “I never do nothing and I always get the blame.”

  Everybody laughed. It was true in a way. Larry was too big a noise to do anything out-and-out. What he might do was to trip a kid on the path down and then pretend innocence. They all knew to look out for him, trip him up before he could start in. If you got him to his knees at first, everybody could use him to lean on as they went down. Pretty soon, he was grinning because of the attention and allowed himself to be a good post to lean on.

  Things happened, one after another all right. But what Cammy never knew was how fast they could change. Like a storm out in the country could come from nowhere. Its lightning would catch a house afire right before your eyes. Or a day that was all blue sky could turn over dark and dangerous while she was playing a game with the other campers, or just sitting on a bench. It could happen that fast. Change.

  Funny how it is when we go down, Cammy thought. Pretty steep and with loose dirt and stones. Broken roots and such. Expect somebody will fall, hope it won’t be me. Maybe it’ll be Ms. Devine. Not for her to get hurt, Cammy thought. But for excitement. So I can tell Mama and Andrew how she fell down head first. So her head was downhill and her feet, uphill. And me and Patty Ann run to get help while Elodie guards big ole Ms. Devine.

  Or maybe it’s Patty Ann who falls. Skins her knees and twists her ankle. Blood all over her little pink socks. I have this white hanky to mop it up. Patty Ann rests her head on my shoulder, too. “You just hold still,” what I tell her. “It’ll stop bleeding in a minute. L-O-D, call 9-1-1.”

  Only, none of it happened. Nobody had fallen. Cammy guessed that was good. Most of them could almost run some of the way, slipping and sliding down the path of this slanty hillside. It was amazing that they still had to go down when you thought about being down on the lower level of the park to begin with. But the whole place was ridges and gorges, almost canyons, Andrew said, some of the ridges were so close and came down so far. Andrew said that you never thought about the midwest having canyons but it did sometimes—places in Illinois, too.

  They went down to the Little River, that was its real name, which they all loved. Maybe because here the river was so swift sometimes. The Little swirled out toward this one place in the middle where the waters were still. Out there was an odd bluish color. Kind of sickly, and dark bluish-green. But mostly it was a blue mystery. Oh, so many stories about that blue place!

  Andrew called it the blue hole. Mama said it had been there forever and was bottomless. She called it the blue devil. All the kids Cammy’s age called it the bluety.

  “There’s the bluety!” somebody shouted.

  That made them pause. Cammy felt a stripe of cold go through her at the name, the bluety. She knew all about it but now was no time to think on that. She had to get down.

  Elodie was the first one down. She was so quick and nimble. Maybe she felt she should try harder because she was adopted, or something. But she always could go faster than almost anybody. Elodie didn’t slide or trip or anything.

  “There’s the bluety! I kid you not, tooty!” It was Elodie making a rhyme and hollering up at them all still coming down. She was jumping this way and that, like she was fit to be tied.

  Well, there were bushes, small trees that they clung to for balance, going down. Cammy couldn’t see the bluety yet. It was exciting, that dark, deep place, but it wasn’t her kind of thing, truly. Swimming pools were her personal favorite places. She could float on her back better than anything else. She would be a swell backstroker one day, her mama said.

  Cammy saw the water of the Little River racing by. It seemed higher than usual. Muddy, close in. Some days, you could see bottom close to shore.

  Not today, I bet, Cammy thought. Carefully, she made her way down, surprised to see that her sneakers were mudcaked.

  Bet the Little’s been up as high as I am! So much rain, she thought.

  She could see now. There wasn’t any bank left, the Little was that far up.

  No two ways about it. When she came off the slant, she would be in the water. So would everybody else, when they got to where she was. Did Ms. Devine know?

  Elodie was off the hill and she was in the water, right at the Little’s edge where it met the bottom of the hillside. In a second, her sneakers with her socks stuffed inside came flying up the slant. Cammy could see Elodie’s face full of mischief.

  You know you aren’t to wade in the water! Cammy thought to tell her. But why tell Elodie anything?

  One thing came after another, like counting out a deck of cards on a card table.

  “Awh, L-O-D, watch what you’re doing. You see what she did?” one kid complained. “Almost got me in the mouf’ with her sneaker, too!”

  “Yu-uk, Ucky!” somebody else said. The crowd coming down giggled and laughed.

  One of Elodie’s sneakers had hit the ground wrong; it bounced off and fell back down, turning over right into the water. Everybody hollered.

  “Ooh-ooh, L-O-D!” kids hooted.

  Kids were just being funny on a good day.

  Couldn’t see for looking, was what came to Cammy long after.

  But things began to turn in a great circle.

  Ms. Devine was way up above them. They could hear her panting. But she hollered down all of a sudden: “Now, L-O-D. Hon, stay still. Stay where you are.” Panting hard, “Wait. L-O-D? L-O-D!”

  Until Cammy thought she would hear the sound of Elodie’s name in Ms. Devine’s voice forever; probably would, too. And seeing that sneaker hit the water. They all did see it.

  “L-O-D, wait for us! Wait for me!” It was Patty Ann calling L-O-D.

  Well, can you believe that? Cammy thought.

  Patty Ann took these giant steps right by Cammy. She must’ve wanted to wade in the water with Elodie or be first in right after her.

  Cammy eased down, holding onto a bush. There wasn’t anywhere to stand on flat land at the bottom without getting her feet into the water. She was thinking about that when Patty Ann went by, Larry on her heels.

  “Better watch out,” he told Cammy, as he passed.

  “You little wimp, better watch out for me, too!” Cammy said under her breath. Larry turned around slowly, not missing a step. Just like he heard her. The look he gave her was the I’ll-get-you-later-girl kind of look. Cammy didn’t care.

  “L-O-D, wait for me!” Cammy called, all of a sudden. She could hear meanness, get-evenness, in her voice. But that w
as for Patty Ann and Larry.

  Elodie’s my cousin, too, she thought. Patty Ann, you’re not taking her away! She’s my friend!

  It was like a dream, her fighting for Elodie.

  But none of them had seen the meaning in Elodie’s sneaker falling. They’d all seen it roll down into the water, which had been really funny. Losing a sneaker in the Little River! That was something for Cammy to tell her mama and Andrew. How was Elodie going to get home with just one shoe? She’d probably hop all the way, too, Cammy thought.

  But Elodie recovered the sneaker and threw it up again only to have it fall back down into the water.

  This time, the kids didn’t have time to laugh. Cammy saw Elodie standing a few feet now from where the sneaker hit the river a second time. The sneaker filled with water. Sinking, it was moving away from Elodie.

  Everything seemed still in the daylight. There was the river without a bank and where would they all stand? Cammy was thinking.

  From that moment, she didn’t remember moving for a long time. She watched as Elodie reached for her sneaker, and missed it.

  Something caught hold of it, swirled it farther out. It went under. Elodie leaped to get her shoe. She jumped up and over, kind of, like a little kangaroo, or something. Both little paws, reaching out.

  Kid. Kid, Cammy thought.

  “L-O-D!” Ms. Devine, calling. “L-O-D!”

  The call sounded weird now. Ms. Devine seemed to be calling through her teeth.

  There was noise. Cammy didn’t know what it was. She thought, wildly, bear. She could hear thrashing, a huge sound, coming down on her. She bent low and held to a bush, where she’d been for a long time. The noise was enormous, breaking away. It hurtled past her.

  Ms. Devine. She hit the water, out of control. She scrambled back to the slant.

  All of it was like a picture wheeling, to Cammy. For the first time, she saw it all. Ms. Devine, covered in mud and wet, scrambling out of the water. Elodie, sort of going backward in the water. She was making a big kind of U-turn. She’d tried for her sneaker and failed. Her face was just full of something, Cammy couldn’t be sure what it was.

  Fright, that’s what it is.

  Elodie’s eyes, staring, pleading. They gleamed, searching for a friend.

  Elodie!

  Right on that, in one instant, Cammy knew Elodie was caught in the river. She saw it all.

  Patty Ann. Larry was just off the hill, ankle-deep in water, holding his head. Seemed he was yelling. There was noise from lots of kids now.

  Patty Ann. She’d left Larry behind. Went wading out toward Elodie. Her little hands were daintily up by her shoulders, as if to keep them dry. Then, she reached out toward Elodie.

  They all could see the back of Patty Ann’s head, her long hair riding like a tail on the water before it got too heavy. Patty Ann wasn’t making a sound.

  Elodie stared into her face. Cammy saw that, saw it all, like a spiraling in light.

  Ms. Devine, trying to keep out of the water. Larry, jumping up and down, holding his head. There were these loud sounds, coming from him—“No! Look! Look! No! No!”

  Patty Ann, wading out, moving in slow, long strides in the water, her arms out. Going deeper; then, getting carried closer to Elodie. Elodie reaching for her. Both, reaching.

  All the time, the current was swirling in an arc from near the hillside and pulling back into the river. Curving like a big teardrop.

  The bluety.

  Oh. Oh. Cammy closed her eyes. There was screaming now, all around her. Kids were scrambling back up the hillside. Ms. Devine was below Cammy, holding onto the hill’s bushes with her feet in the water. Her voice was shrill, calling both Patty Ann and Elodie.

  Patty Ann and Elodie reached each other. Cammy didn’t know she had opened her eyes. There was this look of peace all over Elodie’s face. It was just so swell, to see her face seem to break out in happiness, with tears. Elodie was crying.

  Cammy didn’t know what Patty Ann was saying. But she was sure Patty Ann was talking calmly to Elodie. Elodie turned over on her back. Her head pointed toward the hillside. Patty Ann had Elodie under one arm. She guided her back toward the hill. Patty Ann’s left arm pushed through the water while she kicked with her feet.

  Cammy watched it all. She kept losing sight of it in a daze. It was as if her eyes were closed and she couldn’t see. And yet, they were open the whole time. She felt she was actually using her own energy to help Patty Ann and Elodie. She could see Patty Ann’s face now. That no-nonsense look as Patty Ann tried to bring Elodie out of the current. Elodie kicked her legs, helping. And they were more than halfway back now.

  Cammy couldn’t believe her cousin was so good at everything, and so brave. It made her feel proud. Yes!

  Screams and cries, still loud all around. She saw when the current seemed to tug at them, seemed to jolt them. Was it swifter, coming back?

  All at once, the sure look left Patty Ann. Never strong to begin with, now she seemed tired. The current had picked up, pulling both girls backward toward the bluety as they struggled forward. Patty Ann looked confused and hurt.

  I won’t get an A this time, her look seemed to say.

  Cammy wanted to close her eyes. But she couldn’t not look. Her mouth opened and she was crying out, she couldn’t help it.

  “Patty Ann! Patty Ann, hurry!”

  Patty Ann gathered Elodie to her. Elodie was on her stomach now, struggling, terrified. She paddled furiously to get to safety. Patty Ann had her hands on Elodie’s lower back. Both girls were going to be pulled into the swirling around the bluety.

  But then, Patty Ann had her special expression again, the kind that made folks say she was the best. That made people not notice that the rest of her was skin and bones. Her face was just perfect, like nothing Cammy had ever seen.

  Patty Ann grabbed hold of Elodie. She was yelling something at Elodie. Then, Elodie surged halfway out of the water. At once helping her, Patty Ann gave her a real strong lift. Patty Ann’s cheeks turned red as fire. Her legs churned furiously. Her face was twisted with the strain. She groaned a huge sound and pitched Elodie as far as she could. Kicked Elodie’s behind straight toward the hillside, as Elodie leaped toward the land. All of it done in this suffering, bursting effort from Patty Ann.

  Cammy saw it all as her eyes closed, opened, she couldn’t tell. But she was seeing, and praying that she wasn’t. Elodie, paddling for dear life. She did reach the hill, but the current carried her way down from where all of them were clinging to the slant. They could see her dig her hands into the hillside. Hands like claws. Cammy thought she could hear Elodie breathing, holding on. Too spent to yell or even cry.

  Safe! Home! Don’t move a muscle, Elodie. Hold tight! That was all Cammy could think about. Fastening the thought to her cousin with imaginary safety pins.

  Hold tight, Elodie! Everything else, out of sight, out of mind.

  When Cammy remembered, or stopped making herself forget about what could happen next, she looked. She couldn’t see it. But it happened. It became part of the spinning wheel of sky and hillside, kids and blinding sunlight in her head, with no luck to it.

  A silence came over everything. It pinned this day to them forever after. And Cammy to Patty Ann.

  Beautiful Patricia Ann. All alone.

  Her cousin.

  The bluety.

  Not a trace.

  7

  I Get It

  CAMMY WOKE UP, slippery with sweat. She was breathing so hard, her chest ached. Her mama, Maylene, had to come in, comfort her, and that made her feel ashamed. During the night, Cammy could barely swallow. Her throat was raw from her screaming.

  Her mama had to come in most nights. But then Andrew brought a cot and set it there right inside the doorway, about three feet from her bed.

  “You just go to sleep,” he told her. “And when I’m ready for bed, I’ll come in and sleep on the cot awhile, to keep you company, so Mom can get some sleep, too. Okay, Cam?”

 
; “Okay, Andrew,” she said. Waves of cold came over her, made her voice waver. But she was so hoarse all the time, she could hardly get a sound out.

  So Andrew did come in, to protect her, was the way she saw it. She slept most of the night, too. But somehow, she knew when he got up to go back to his room and his own comfortable bed. She was awake, or thought she was. Andrew wasn’t there. Patty Ann was.

  Sitting on the cot, looking at her. That smooth face so full of beauty. Patty Ann. Not dressed in her day-camp clothes the way she had been that fateful time of no luck anywhere. But wearing something fine. Something that was more than any color, in Cammy’s mind. It was just so rich and beautiful, was all.

  “Oh, Mama. Oh, Mama,” Cammy moaned. She was scared out of her mind and commenced crying as if she’d never stop.

  Patty Ann spoke to her. That made the darkness break into pieces. Cammy screamed. She came out of it when Andrew shook her and her mama put cold, wet dish towels across her forehead. Her brother and her mama talked softly and said kind things to her.

  “Nothing’s going to hurt you. I love you,” Maylene told her, “Please, baby, don’t take on so,” holding her against the dark.

  “Cam, you’re not to blame for anything. It’s not your fault, none of it,” her big brother said. He squeezed her hand tight. Leaning toward her, Andrew sat on the cot right where Patty Ann had been.

  But none of the night terrors happened right after that last, awful, Little River day. Right after was a week when there were church prayers and sadness in the town. But still, she got ready for school. New clothes and school supplies purchased at the Mall. And then, she went to school like everybody else. The day campers were happy to have been part of the “tragic event of late August,” as the principal, Mr. Hardell, said. Cammy and her camp mates were stared at and talked about. At first, even Elodie was sought out by other children.

  “I bet I told about it twenty times today,” Cammy said to Andrew when she got home. “I’ll see somebody coming my way, and it all just comes out, too.”

  “Don’t upset yourself, Cam,” he said. He had looked so serious.