Invasion from Planet Dork

by Greg Trine

  “Both of us did,” Candace explained. “Couldn’t even make a dent.”

  “Maybe four superheroes working together can.” It was worth a try at least.

  When Melvin and James regained their strength, they tried.

  “On three,” Melvin said. “THREE!”

  They threw themselves against the nearest wall. Crash!

  A few seconds later, Shoe appeared in the doorway. “That’s glass from the planet Dork. It’s unbreakable.” He pointed to a button on the wall of the room—outside the glass cage. “Besides, there’s a force field holding it together. You won’t get out of there until I push that button.”

  “Rats,” Candace said, shaking a fist. She wanted to say something much worse than “rats.” But this is a kids’ book.

  “How can a planet called Dork invent unbreakable glass?” Melvin grumbled.

  Shoe went back to the flight deck, and the four superheroes huddled together, thinking. “Now what?” Margaret asked. “Any ideas?”

  “We wait,” Melvin said. “We can’t break through this glass. Let’s wait until they move us. They’ll have to turn off that force field to do it.”

  It was the only thing Mr. Noggin Power could think of.

  You may be wondering—if they are going to do nothing, how is the plot going to move forward? Good question.

  * * *

  The spaceship sped through space at Gamma Speed, which is pretty darn fast for an economy spaceship. It got closer and closer to their destination—planet Dork—stopping only once to refuel at Fast Freddy’s Gas Station and Pretzel Barn. If you’ve never tasted alien pretzels, you haven’t lived. They are flavor-packed, delicious, energized morsels, bursting with the aroma of heavenly and yummy—

  Suddenly Melvin collapsed onto the floor of the glass room.

  “What’s wrong?” James asked.

  “It’s the narrator again.”

  “Do you want me to tell him enough already?”

  “No! I’m loving it. It just makes me hungry.”

  It made him more than hungry. It also made him miss Hugo, his pet and partner-in-pretzel-eating, who at the moment was millions of miles away.

  Or was he?

  “Squeak.”

  Melvin sat up. “Either someone’s shoes just squeaked or my favorite rat is nearby.”

  Actually, it could be an alien rat … or alien mouse for that matter. The point is something squeaked, and it sounded an awful lot like Hugo.

  The sound came again. “Squeak, squeak.”

  Melvin began looking at his fellow superheroes’ shoes. None of them were making noise. Then—

  “Squeakity, squeaker, squeak!” Shoes may be capable of making a squeak or two, but they couldn’t possible make a squeakity or a squeaker. And that meant only one thing.

  “Hugo!”

  It was Melvin’s rat, all right. He had climbed onto Melvin’s cape before he and James had set off for the Hollywood sign that morning. He’d been hiding in the transition room of the spaceship, waiting to make his move.

  “Get us out of here, Hugo,” Melvin whispered. He sniffed. “And get me one of those pretzels.” Melvin’s nose knew a good thing when he smelled it.

  12

  HUGO TO THE RESCUE

  “Squeak, squeak,” said Hugo with a twitch of his rat whiskers. This either meant “What’s a nice superhero like you doing in a place like this?” or “Can you sing ‘Boogie Fever’ in the key of G?”

  Melvin wasn’t sure. He was just glad to see his rat again. Now to make their escape.

  The problem was, Hugo was one short rat. And the button that needed to be pushed was halfway up the wall.

  “Can you find a way to reach that button?” Melvin asked.

  “Squeak,” replied Hugo. This meant “I’m on it, big guy.” Or maybe it was “Are there any cute rats in the vicinity?” Hugo was always on the lookout for attractive rodents.

  No alien rats were around, just four superheroes trapped inside a glass cage. Hugo looked around. Outside the cage there were a couple of cabinets, a picture on the wall, some boxes—

  Boxes! Of course! Hugo pushed one of them beneath the button and climbed on top. This got him a little closer, but not close enough. He jumped down and grabbed another box, lifting it over his head. He was pretty strong for a rat. He and Melvin often had push-up contests

  while watching The Adventures of Thunderman—during commercials, of

  course—and now it

  was paying off.

  Hugo tossed the box on top of the other and climbed up. He reached for the button and—

  ZAP!

  Hugo found himself staring at the ceiling, unable to move anything but his whiskers.

  “Squeak?” he said. This either meant “Why can’t I move?” or “I hate when this happens.” He sure did.

  Shoe walked over and picked up Hugo by the tail. “What do you call it?” he asked his four caped prisoners.

  “His name is Hugo,” Melvin said. “He’s a rat.” He was going to say, “He’s MY rat,” but decided the less the aliens knew the better.

  Shoe sniffed Hugo. He was tired of Zig Newtons and lunarfish sandwiches. He wondered what a Hugo-on-rye would taste like. He gave the rat another sniff, then looked at Melvin.

  “POISON,” Melvin said. “I wouldn’t even touch him if I were you. You might want to wash your hands.”

  Shoe decided not to risk it. He switched the force field off for only a second, long enough to toss Hugo in with Melvin and the others.

  “Nice try, Hugo,” Melvin said, petting his rat. “You’ll be back to normal in a few minutes.”

  “Squeak.” This probably meant “I’m so glad I’m not a sandwich.” But it could have meant “Is it just me, or do those alien pretzels smell terrific?”

  They did, but Melvin and his com-panions had other things to think about. How to escape, for one? Also, how to find the way back to Earth? For now, all they could do was wait.

  And so that is exactly what they did—they sat together in the glass cage and waited.

  “Anyone know any good knock-knock jokes?” Candace asked. She would have suggested a game of Go Fish if she’d had cards.

  Everyone was fresh out knock-knock jokes, it seemed.

  * * *

  The landing on planet Dork wasn’t the smoothest in the world. But what do you expect from a bunch of teenage aliens flying an economy spaceship? In a few minutes, Monkey Wrench, Elbow, and Shoe entered the room with the glass cage and turned off the force field.

  The three of them had their stun guns out and looked like they weren’t afraid to use them. “Try anything and you get zapped,” Monkey Wrench said.

  Melvin just stood there, staring at their disgusting alien underwear. Now what? he thought. Things were getting worse and worse. And he knew exactly who to blame.

  The narrator!

  13

  WHO’S THAT ALIEN?

  They had landed in some kind of alien school yard. There were alien basketball hoops, alien handball courts, alien jungle gyms. It was all very familiar and yet very strange at the same time.

  “Get moving,” Monkey Wrench said. “And bring along that thing with the tail.”

  “It’s a rat,” Shoe said with a little pride. He loved knowing something that Monkey Wrench didn’t. “Don’t touch it. It’s poisonous.”

  Candace gave Melvin a “what do we do?” look.

  Melvin shook his head. He’d come up with a plan eventually, but right now was not the time to do anything—not with those stun guns aimed at them.

  They went inside the school, where there was an enormous room full of glass cages.

  “More glass from planet Dork,” James whispered. There was nothing worse than glass from planet Dork.

  This wasn’t going to be easy. But, then again, it never was when you’re dealing with sinister and devious bad guys, not to mention sinister and devious aliens.

  Elbow and Shoe shoved Melvin and company into one of the glass
cages. Once again, it was protected by a force field. “Lucky for you, science class does not begin for a couple of hours,” Monkey Wrench said. He looked at Elbow and Shoe. “Let’s go grab some breakfast.”

  They left the room, closing the door behind them.

  * * *

  Melvin and his superhero companions suddenly realized they were not alone. Someone was in the cage next to them—a strange, nonhuman someone. Melvin looked at it and said, “Do you know English, by any chance?”

  The alien captive shook its head. “No, but if you hum a few bars I think I can fake it.”

  Just what Melvin needed, an alien with a sense of humor. But at least he had on clean underwear. Melvin turned his attention back to his own cage. How to break out of unbreakable glass? Wait a minute. Of course! X-ray vision!

  “I’ve got it!”

  The alien in the next cage said, “By Jove!”

  Melvin pulled out a pen from his pocket and made a single dot on the wall of the cage. “Everyone, focus your x-ray vision of that. This glass can’t break, but maybe it can melt.” X-ray vision could do more than see through things; it could also be used as a laser.

  “On three,” Melvin said. “THREE!”

  The four superheroes aimed their x-ray vision on the dot, and sure enough it cut through the Dorkian glass. “Ha! Keep going,” Melvin said. “Make a square.”

  It was the worst square this narrator has ever seen, but at least it had four sides. And it was big enough to crawl through.

  “Let’s scram,” Candace said.

  They did. They scrammed right through the new opening in the cage and headed for the door of the building.

  “Ahem!”

  Melvin and his companions stopped and turned. The caged alien was looking at them with that I’m-a-sorrowful-caged-alien look.

  Melvin hesitated. What if he was one of them? What if he ate humans for a living? What if he smelled bad?

  “I can fly that spaceship,” the alien said. “I can get you back to your planet.”

  That was good enough for Melvin. He and his trio of superhero friends focused their x-ray power on the cage, forming another imperfect square. Once the alien was through, the five of them, plus Hugo, headed for the door.

  “You got a name?” Melvin asked.

  “Lester Vanderpeeb, but you can call me Ykrkvzz.”

  14

  ALIEN DOG PILE

  Once outside, they all ran for the spaceship. “Are you sure you know how to fly that thing?” Melvin asked Lester Vanderpeeb.

  “Have I ever lied to you?”

  Melvin didn’t know how to answer that question. He’d only met Lester a few seconds ago. Still he seemed decent enough, for a guy with three eyeballs. Melvin wondered if he had more than one brain and if—

  He stopped and sniffed. What was that nasty smell?

  Stinky alien feet!

  “They’re coming back!” Candace yelled. “Look!”

  “What kind of breakfast was that?” Melvin said.

  Aliens from planet Dork were known for their speed eating. And now they were coming up fast, stun guns aimed and ready.

  Melvin knew it was their last chance. If the aliens caught them this time, they’d never get away. “Split up, everybody. Scatter.”

  Melvin and James sprinted across the school yard. After all, they were as fast as a speeding bullet. Maybe faster. They leaped a fence and headed down Laser Beam Way, which ran into Beam-Me-Up Boulevard. It was lined with odd-shaped buildings.

  “Where are we heading, Melvin?” James asked.

  “Beats me. I’m making this up as I go along.”

  Actually, it was the narrator who was making it up … but let’s get back to our story.

  “We have to get out of sight,” Melvin said. “We need a place to hide.” They stopped and looked around. “What I wouldn’t give for an abandoned warehouse right now.”

  “I’d settle for an abandoned anything,” James added.

  Fortunately, Beam-Me-Up Boulevard was pretty deserted. There was not an alien in sight. Maybe the whole area was abandoned. Melvin decided to check and see. He reached for the nearest door. It was locked, of course, but that didn’t stop Melvin Beederman, the kid who kicked down doors in his spare time. Actually, Candace was the door kicker, but Melvin did it too every now and then to keep up his skills.

  Melvin kicked in the door. “Follow me, James.”

  Sure enough, the place did seem abandoned. Or if not abandoned, at least no one was around at the moment. Melvin and James located a stairway and headed upstairs. They found themselves in some kind of alien office. Pictures of alien rock stars hung on the wall. An alien computer sat on an alien desk.

  James went to a window and looked out. “I wonder where the girls are?”

  Melvin wondered too. Hopefully Candace and Margaret had stayed together. If they—

  “James, get away from that window,” Melvin whispered. He pointed to the floor.

  “Someone’s downstairs.”

  James sniffed. “I don’t smell stinky feet.”

  They stood motionless, listening. Something was moving around down there, all right. Maybe it was an alien rat or mouse, or some other alien rodent.

  They heard footsteps on the stairs. No, it wasn’t a rat. It was a somebody. Melvin motioned James over to the doorway at the top of the stairs. “Get ready,” Melvin whispered. “We’ll jump whoever it is.”

  A few moments later something appeared at the top of the stairs. Melvin and James pounced, knocking it to the floor. “Get the gun,” Melvin said.

  There was no gun—and no stinky feet.

  “I just love a good dog pile, don’t you?” the creature said.

  It was Lester Vanderpeeb.

  “Where are the girls?” Melvin asked him, standing up and helping the alien to his feet.

  Lester shook his head. He didn’t know.

  15

  CRASH! SPLAT! THUD! KABONK!

  While Melvin helped Lester Vanderpeeb to his feet, Candace and Margaret were hurrying down Pluto Place, which ran into Six Moon Highway. The area was deserted. They were either in an unpopulated part of the city, or the citizens of Dork liked to sleep in.

  Candace knew they had to stay away from Monkey Wrench, Elbow, and Shoe—and their stun guns. If they got zapped again, it would be curtains.

  They turned onto Six Moon Highway and launched themselves into the air. “Up, up, and away!”

  Unlike Melvin, Margaret was up and flying on the first try.

  “Wow, you’re good,” Candace said.

  “Yes, I’m not Melvin Beederman.”

  “I noticed.”

  Candace and Margaret stopped for a moment, hovering and looking back. There was no sign of the aliens. Maybe they’d given them the slip. Still, they had to find a place to hide. The aliens could appear any second.

  Candace pointed to a nearby tree. “Over there. Let’s get out of sight.”

  They flew to the tree and hid on a high branch—just in time. Just in the nick of time, to be exact. Monkey Wrench, Elbow, and Shoe appeared around the corner on Six Moon Highway. They came closer … and closer.

  Candace held a finger to her lips. Don’t move a muscle.

  They didn’t … that is, until Margaret sneezed. “Ah-choooo!”

  The aliens looked up.

  “We’re out of here!” Candace yelled. She and Margaret took off again, not bothering to say “Up, up, and away.”

  ZAP!

  ZAP!

  ZAP!

  “Ha!” Candace said. “They missed us!”

  She and Margaret zoomed ahead of Monkey Wrench, Elbow, and Shoe, being careful to zigzag as much as possible. They made a hard right turn around a tall building, and came upon the biggest mall either of them had ever seen. This is saying a lot, since Margaret was the superhero in charge of Saint Paul, home of the Mall of America. And not only was this one huge, but the parking lot was packed with vehicles—alien vehicles, that is. Banners hung on th
e sides of the building … GIGANTIC ONE DAY SALE!

  “No wonder the rest of the city seemed deserted,” Candace said. “Everyone’s shopping.” She looked at Margaret. “The stores open early on this planet.”

  “And me without my credit card,” Margaret muttered.

  “Let’s go inside. They’ll lose us in the crowd.”

  They’ll lose the aliens by hiding in a crowd of aliens? It just might work.

  * * *

  But the bad guys … uh … aliens were hot on their trail.

  “They’re heading into the mall,” Monkey Wrench said. “Split up. I’ll take the front entrance. You two take the sides.”

  Elbow headed to the right; Shoe to the left. Things were not looking good for Candace and Margaret.

  16

  CANDACE MAKES HER MOVE

  Candace and Margaret went inside, where there was some kind of food court—alien food of every sort. Margaret checked her pockets for cash. “Darn,” she said. “I wouldn’t mind getting one of those alien pretzels.”

  “Your money wouldn’t work here,” Candace told her. “We’re on another planet, remember?”

  “I guess you’re right.”

  But it all smelled so good. They walked passed Pretzel Palace, Galactic Gooburgers, Peter Planet’s Pizza, Larry’s Lunarfish Sandwiches.

  Suddenly, Candace felt weak. She fell to her knees, gasping, “Can’t … move … get … me … out … of … here.”

  “What’s the matter with you?” Margaret asked.

  “I don’t know. I just feel like I can’t—”

  Just then an alien walked by holding a lunarfish sandwich. Candace felt even weaker.

  “Their lunarfish must be close to Earth’s bologna,” Margaret said.

  Candace nodded weakly.

  Margaret picked her up and ran out of the food court. By this time, all the aliens were staring and pointing. One of them was coming their way. Margaret had seen him before—he was the one called Monkey Wrench.

  Once they got away from the food court Candace began to feel better. “Put me down,” she said. “I’m okay now.”