Heat filled my cheeks and…elsewhere. I recognized lust, had even experienced it a time or two, but never had it cut through me like a knife.
I squeezed my thighs together and prayed he wouldn’t discover my response. My gaze moved back to the screen, but he drew my attention. As the clothes fell away from Posey’s body, I slid another glance at Jase.
He turned his head and captured my gaze with his. His green gaze glittered with an undefined emotion, and color suffused his cheeks. He didn’t speak, didn’t need to.
The moment stretched into eternity.
In the background, I heard Mark bark out commands like the drill sergeant he portrayed in the film, but my imagination supplied Jase’s voice. Jase’s hands. Jase’s cock. Touching me. Making me moan like Posey.
Warmth spread through me, making my limbs tingle and sweat appear in unexpected places. Jase’s nostrils flared, his lids lowered over his eyes, and shielded his thoughts.
Was it me he wanted? Or would any woman do? He’d already told me about his obsession. Would he leave me to burn alone when he was finished?
My muscles turned into lead as Jase tossed aside the pillow and came at me. He bracketed with his body, effectively trapping but not touching any part of me. I held my breath, wondering, hoping what would come next.
He stared down at me. His perpetually messy curls fell over his face and hid his expression from me.
He dipped his head, close enough to kiss me if he wanted, but he stopped mere millimeters from my lips. “You’re playing with fire.”
“How?” I locked my gaze on his lips. Beautiful. Full. Damp. I wanted him more than I’d wanted anything.
He gave his head a tiny shake. “You don’t understand. I won’t stop.”
“I don’t want you to,” I whispered.
His head dipped lower, low enough for him to rub my nose with his. An Eskimo kiss. Not the sort of kiss I wanted.
His warm, minty breath washed over me as he continued. “I don’t fuck people I care about. It’s not my style. I use women for my pleasure. Only pleasure.”
“Are you giving me an ultimatum?” I stared at him, daring him to tell me the truth. “You’d fuck me, but we can’t be friends anymore?”
He shoved his hair out of his face and gave me a heavy lidded look. “Why does it keep coming down to this between us? Sex would be a mistake. You know it. I know it.”
I wasn’t sure I did. Jase cared about me. Maybe it was my virginal optimism, but having sex with him wouldn’t destroy our friendship. Why was he so set on believing it?
“What happened to you?” I asked. “Why do you disassociate sex from caring?”
He shut down. Instantly.
Withdrawing from me, he climbed off the bed and flicked off the television. “Go to sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.”
He left before I said another word. I let him go, knowing we’d reach a turning point and hoping there was a way to move forward or go back.
Chapter Nine
After a restless sleep, filled with confusing thoughts of Jase, I stumbled into the kitchen for a cup of coffee. Typically I didn’t drink the stuff, but I needed a shot of espresso to revive me.
I played with Jase’s fancy machine, finally figuring out how it worked, and stood at the counter with a mug clutched between my hands. When Jase came in a few minutes later, I was unprepared to greet him. I set the coffee down and tugged at the ragged hem of my pajama shorts.
Wishing I’d thought to put on a bra and a T-shirt instead of the tight tank top I wore, I huddled close to the counter and eyed him.
Jase looked good, as always. Dressed in sweatpants and a light blue T-shirt, I could tell he’d just finished his morning jog. Sweat dampened his curls, despite the near-freezing temperatures, and the cold and exertion flushed his cheeks.
“Morning,” he mumbled and prepared his own mug of coffee. “You’re up early.”
“I couldn’t sleep.”
At his sharp glance, I slid my gaze away and focused on the cream tiles lining the backsplash. “How was your run?”
“It was fine. Looks like it’ll rain today.” He didn’t retreat from my side. Instead, he propped a hip against the counter and watched me.
The memory of the night before, how my body had reacted, the disappointment when he’d left me, messed with my head. I was raw, sensitive where he was concerned.
He sighed. “Would you like a muffin? I have some packaged ones.”
“Sure.” I was hungry after all.
Jase stepped closer, leaning over me to pull out the box from a cabinet. When he pressed into me, every hard sinew and curve against my softness, I melted into a pool of pure need. He stepped away, and I gripped the edge of the counter to stay on my feet.
He did it so effortlessly, made me want him without lifting a finger. It was hard enough adjusting to my new life, my new career, without throwing unrequited lust into the mix.
Not just lust. I cared about Jase. More than I cared about anyone else still living. He was my rock. My shelter. My home. Without him, I’d be lost.
Maybe he was right in resisting. I couldn’t lose him.
I accepted the muffin he handed me and undid the cellophane wrapper to bite into the banana nut-encrusted top. How did I act around him now? Was he my employer? My friend? Or something more?
Doubts attacked me, weakening the resolute strength I’d shored up the past couple of days. Hunger gone, I dumped the muffin in the trash, and scuttled out of the kitchen, back to the relative safety of my room.
A coward. Yes, but not a fool. I refused to give Jase another reason to turn from me.
After a quick shower, I felt more like myself. I changed into the worn jeans and sweater I’d worn a couple days ago. I needed to go shopping, but I hated to spend what little money I had. The few outfits I’d brought with me weren’t enough though.
Standing before the bathroom mirror, I studied my reflection and noted the pale lips and lashes. I added cosmetics to the list of items I needed to buy in preparation for my new life. I was much too pasty for the striking new hair color.
My phone buzzed, and a surge of fear filled me. Was it Tom? I wanted to ignore it, but I strode to the bed and snatched up my cell phone.
It was only Mark, asking me to join him and Posey for lunch. Relief made me lightheaded.
I headed back into the kitchen. Jase was still there, loading the dishwasher and appearing utterly male as he did so.
“Can you take me to Pat Flanagan’s at noon?”
He straightened. “Sure. You made plans?”
“Mark texted and invited me.”
His expression cooled the tiniest bit. “Really?”
It was on the tip of my tongue to let him know Mark invited Posey too, but I held back. Let him stew in his jealousy. “Yes, he did. I’m going to walk to a couple nearby stores in the neighborhood. I need to go shopping before I meet Mark.”
Jase slammed the dishwasher door shut. “I can take you.”
“Don’t be silly. I can go by myself.”
His eyes were like green diamonds, hard and sharp-edged when he turned his gaze on me. “I’ll take you.”
A jealous Jase wasn’t one I was used to. “Okay.”
“Do I have time to take a shower?” He plucked the damp T-shirt from his chest.
“Sure. I’ll wait for you.” I turned and headed for the living room.
While Jase got ready, I borrowed his laptop and scrolled through a popular social media site. Even though it was wrong of me, I wondered if anyone missed me. The news feed was full of post-holiday job and excited plans for New Year’s, but no one had posted a message on my wall.
I shoved the laptop aside. No use dwelling on people who didn’t matter anymore. At least the site wasn’t plastered with pictures of me the night of my parents’ deaths. If I ever found out who took them…
I wasn’t sure what I would do, but it wouldn’t be pretty.
What sort of nosy, mean-spirited ne
ighbor did such a thing? It had to be someone from my neighborhood. The angle and proximity of the picture almost guaranteed it.
The police had closed the road to traffic immediately after arriving and set up barricades to keep people out. Only nearby residents had been allowed access to their homes, so it would’ve been someone I saw on a daily basis. Someone my family may have considered a friend.
I inhaled and released it slowly. A familiar mantra, the one the social worker had taught me, played through my mind. Breathe. Again. Focus on remaining calm.
“You ready?”
I turned to Jase. He’d changed into a green sweater, the exact color of his eyes. He tugged the familiar, striped toboggan over his curls, and tears pricked my eyes at the vision.
Had it only been three days since we’d visited the cemetery? It seemed a lifetime ago.
I stood and nodded. “Let’s go.”
The mood in Jase’s Hummer was somber, to say the least. He didn’t talk, so I rehearsed my lines for the movie over and over again in my head. I had the first scene down pat, but reciting lines while getting banged on camera was something I’d have to wait and see if I could do.
One week.
I curled my fingers into my palms until my knuckles turned white. Too late for nerves now. I’d signed on, finished the paperwork, and received my advance. Even though I hadn’t cashed the check, it would be a disservice to Dagger Productions if I quit now.
A disservice to Jase.
I slid my gaze toward him. He drove one-handed, the other hand tapping out a rhythm on his knee. It was ridiculous for sexual attraction to impede our long friendship. I missed my friend and wanted him back.
Clearing my throat, I waited for him to glance my way. “Do you have plans for New Year’s? It’s only two days away.”
His attention moved back to the road. He braked for a red light and waited for pedestrians on the crosswalk. “I’m going out with a few friends. Want to tag along?”
I narrowed my eyes. Tag along? As if I was a puppy trotting at his heels. “No. I’m sure I’ll find something to do.”
Like stay in his apartment and struggle to memorize my lines instead of getting shit-faced like other people my age.
“Cara,” he began, but his voice trailed away. He resumed tapping with his fingers before shooting me another quick look. “I want you to go. You need to get out. Have fun. Do things normal people do.”
“Normal?”
He must’ve realized his mistake because he cursed even before I’d finished speaking. “You know what I mean. You are normal. But since October, it’s like you’ve forgotten how to have fun.”
I rolled my eyes and misdirected my resentment and anger to him, an easy target. “Excuse me if I’m not like your sister’s friends, a fucking social butterfly who goes out, gets drunk, and bangs every guy she meets.”
He sighed. “Don’t bring Jackie into this. I don’t understand the shit between you two, and I don’t want to. I’m only saying you should go out with me on Monday night. Loosen up. Have a good time.”
I rubbed my fingertips over my forehead, attempting to scrub away the bad thoughts crowding my subconscious. “I’m sorry, Jase. I’ve been nothing but a bitch to you. It’s no excuse, but maybe the holidays are screwing with my head more than I want to admit.”
Jase pulled the Hummer to the side of the street and slid into an empty parallel parking spot in front of a trendy fashion boutique. I recognized the gold script lettering as one of Jackie’s favorite designers even though I’d never been inside.
I made a move to open the door, but the locks clicked into place and I shot Jase a questioning look. “What is it?”
He turned in his seat to face me. “What’s really bothering you? Talk to me. Is it Tom?”
I cringed, shaking my head in response. I hated Jase knowing what my step-uncle had done. I hated being a victim. Worst of all, I hated the way Jase looked at me right then.
“Unlock the door.”
Jase held the keys up before pocketing them in his jeans. “I’m not letting you out until you talk to me.”
I punched the door lock, but it clicked back into place before I could open the door. Damn his incredibly expensive car.
“You’re being childish,” I retorted. “Let me out.”
“I’m being childish?” Jase asked.
I growled and lunged at him, knocking my shoulders into his chest and going for the keys in his pocket. He restrained me with ease, wrapping his arms around me and locking me into position. I flapped my hands, but they were useless without control of my arms.
I inhaled noisily through my nostrils. “Let me go. I mean it, Jase. Let me go!”
“Who are you mad at?” His intense gaze held mine. “Really? Why are you acting like this?”
“I don’t know.”
It was the truth. I’d had weeks filled with sadness, fear, and self-loathing. I was tired of it. Tired of all of it.
Had it been like this for my father when he pulled the trigger?
Jase’s expression remained tense, but his grip loosened. He moved one of his hands and cupped my cheek, his palm warm and firm against my skin. “I’m trying my best to help you. I hate seeing you like this.”
Guilt followed the wretchedness. “I’m sorry.”
“No.” He gave me a little shake. “Don’t apologize. Give me an explanation, something I can do to help because I honestly don’t know how to get through to you anymore.”
Had he ever gotten through? Memories pushed through, many of them happy, but some of them filled with the darkness blighting my adolescent years. Being shunned by Jackie and her friends. Tom.
I’d never been happy. Not like Jase and Jackie. They’d had it all. Good looks, money, popularity.
“Cara.” Jase’s voice pulled me back to the present. He leaned in close, near enough for his mint-flavored breath to wash over me. He still held me, embracing me instead of restraining. “Is it the movie? Are you having second thoughts?”
I laughed. “Second, third and fourth.”
“You don’t have to do it. Say the word, and I’ll find another actress.” He nudged his forehead against mine. “Don’t torture yourself on my account.”
Up close, I could tell gold tipped his dark lashes. He had beautiful lashes, thick and full. A tiny smattering of freckles dotted his nose, courtesy of his time as a high school baseball player. His nose sunburned every spring, and I’d teased him about it even though I’d secretly thought it was cute. The brown dots had faded, but they were still there.
Some of the tension left my shoulders, and I relaxed against him. “I want to do it.”
“Do you?” His gaze probed my face. “Or are you doing it for Mark?”
“What does he have to do with anything?”
Jase arched an eyebrow. I recalled my mission to make him jealous and could’ve kicked myself for not using his question to my advantage.
I rushed to correct my mistake. “Well, I must admit it’s nice to be wanted. For a change.”
Jase opened his mouth, appearing as if he wanted to say something, but he tightened his jaw and helped me back into the passenger seat. “You should go if you want to make lunch on time. I’ll wait here.”
I’d wanted to piss him off, but the coldness I earned as result chilled me to the bone. The locks clicked as he released them.
I cracked open the door before shooting him another look. “I’ll call when I’m done.”
“I’ll wait for you.” He pulled up an app on his phone.
“You don’t have to do that.”
He moved his gaze to my face. “I said I’ll wait.”
I resisted the urge to roll my eyes and climbed out of the Hummer. I dodged the people on the sidewalk and rushed to the shop.
Inside the boutique, an endless selection of the season’s latest fashions filled the racks. I didn’t know much about current fashion or what would suit my frame. My mom had always gone shopping with me, basing her se
lections on items we could afford. Jackie had been the one with the cute clothes, straight from the pages of Vogue, or it had seemed to me.
I wished I’d thought to include Honey on my shopping expedition. She would’ve known exactly what to buy. Instead, I wandered the packed racks and examined the clothing with a critical eye. No sweaters or jeans to be seen. Most of the selection veered to hip party dresses and casual business. Not my style, but I wanted a transformation. It was much easier to change my external appearance than the internal.
I pulled a yellow mini off the rack and eyed it. It was much too short and one glance at the price tag confirmed it was out of my price range.
With a huff of annoyance, I put it back and moved to the next rack. I finally settled on three pieces and headed to the dressing rooms in the back.
Shucking my clothes, I held a red dress to my chest. The color clashed with my new hair shade, so I tossed it aside. The second choice, a bright blue wrap dress, was much better.
I slid it over my head and wriggled it down my body. Examining my reflection, I had to admit it was a good choice. Tight, but with breathing room.
I sucked in a deep breath and watched the swells of my breast rise above the neckline. Cute. Sexy.
And best of all? On sale.
I removed the dress and put it aside as a definite purchase. The third outfit was a simple black mini. I needed a LBD, right?
Unlike the previous dress, this one was skintight. I sucked in my belly and turned to examine my reflection from as many angles as possible. It would do if I didn’t bend. It cost more than the second dress, but I decided to get it.
Leaving the red dress hanging on the door for the staff to return, I made my way to the cashier. The tall brunette smiled at me as she rang up my purchases. “You must be special for Dagger to oversee your wardrobe personally.”
“Excuse me?” My voice shook with surprise.
The cashier tilted her head toward Jase’s Hummer. “You’re with Dagger, right? I saw you get out of his car.”
Coming Soon Page 8
