Because of You

by Megan Nugen Isbell

  “I know things got out of hand last night…” he began before I cut him off.

  “Out of hand?” I said, stepping closer to him so only he could hear the next words that left my mouth. “You raped me.” My voice was low and I shuddered when I heard the words leave my mouth.

  “I did not,” he said defensively. “You can’t rape your own girlfriend.”

  I stepped back, my mouth hanging open as I listened to his logic.

  “I said no and you didn’t stop. That’s the definition of rape,” I whispered through the tears that were streaking down my face now.

  “Sam,” he said softly and I looked up to meet his eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I hurt you. I swear though…it’ll never happen again. I’ll see a counselor or something, but please don’t tell me we’re through. Please.”

  He looked pathetic as he begged. I could see the sorrow on my face and I hated to admit that part of me wanted to believe him. Part of me wanted to tell him we could try and work this out…that he could go to a therapist or somebody and see if maybe he could change, but I shook my head. I couldn’t do it. I thought about what my sister had said. I didn’t deserve this from him.

  “I can’t do this anymore, Tyler,” I said.

  “No, Sam,” he said adamantly. “Don’t do this.”

  “We’re done. Please…just leave me alone.”

  Our eyes locked then. He’d been docile during our entire exchange, but I could see the anger in his eyes now.

  “You don’t want to do this, Sam,” he warned and I told myself not to be afraid of him.

  “Goodbye, Tyler,” I said, turning and walking briskly in the direction of O’Leary’s. I could hear his footsteps following behind and then he grabbed my arm, spinning me around to face him.

  “Don’t walk away from me,” he threatened.

  “I should’ve walked away a long time ago,” I said, matching his tone. “Now, let me go and stay the hell out of my life.”

  I yanked my arm from his grasp and continued walking even faster and this time, he didn’t follow me.

  Five

  I didn’t realize how terrified I’d been to break up with Tyler until I’d actually done it. I couldn’t stop shaking as I got myself ready for my shift. I tried not to focus on it though. I tried to keep the image of his face when I told him we were through out of my head and once I took the order from my first table, I was alright. As the evening went on, I actually felt a little empowered. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to stand up to him, but now that I had, it felt good.

  It was easy to feel that way though while I was busy at work, but when my shift was over and I headed home, it was all I could think about. I’d turned my phone off while at O’Leary’s and when I finally turned it back on as I walked, I wasn’t surprised to see Tyler had blown up my phone with voicemails and texts. I started listening to each message, which ranged from desperation to almost threatening. I told myself to ignore him. He’d get over it and move on. Tyler Reeves could have any girl he wanted with the snap of his fingers. He’d realize soon enough that I wasn’t worth the drama.

  All I wanted to do was get upstairs and get to sleep. It was nearly midnight and I was exhausted. I was still trying to reconcile what had happened the night before and the only way I knew how to deal with it at the moment was to sleep because when I slept, I couldn’t feel his hands on me or his body on top of mine as I told him no.

  I was reaching for my key as I got to my floor and when I looked up, my heart began to pound. I froze as my eyes met his.

  Tyler was leaning against the door, his arms folded as he looked at me. I could tell he’d been drinking by his bloodshot eyes.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked softly.

  “I came here to talk to you.” His words were slow and slightly slurred as they crawled out of his mouth.

  “How’d you even get in here?”

  “It’s not that hard. People are entirely too trusting. I just followed some old lady inside after she’d brought her Pomeranian down to do his business,” he told me and I knew exactly who he was talking about. Mrs. Downs took Teddy out every three hours like clockwork.

  “You need to leave,” I said, trying to keep my voice quiet so none of my neighbors could hear.

  “We have to talk, Sam,” he said, leaving his post at the door and walking towards me. Instinctively, I took a step back.

  “I said all I needed to say earlier.” I tried making my voice sound strong, but I knew it was a pathetic attempt. I felt my body start to tremble as he got closer.

  “I thought maybe after you had a chance to calm down, you’d come to your senses and stop with your bullshit.”

  “No,” I said and he cocked his head in confusion.

  “No what?”

  “No. I have nothing new to say to you. Just…just go home, Tyler. We’re done,” I said softly, but he didn’t move. He continued to stand there, his presence intimidating the hell out of me.

  “I can’t accept that, Sam,” he said, coming even closer, taking my hand. “I told you I’m sorry. I told you we can get past this.”

  “And I told you we can’t.” I pulled my hand from his and brushed past him quickly to get to the safety of my apartment, but before I could, I felt his grip on my arm, yanking me back.

  “Stop the bullshit, Sam.” He pulled me so close to him, I could smell the liquor on his breath as his menacing eyes bored into mine. His nails began to dig into my arm and it only got stronger the more I tried to free myself.

  “Please, Tyler,” I whispered. “Please, just let me go.”

  “No one makes a fool of me,” he threatened.

  “I’m not. Please.”

  “Dammit, Sam,” he grunted and I felt my body slamming against the wall as I felt his fingers curl around my neck. “You’re impossible! Why do you have to be such a little bitch sometimes?”

  His fingers were growing tighter as he pressed his forehead against mine. I told myself not to panic as the tears sprang into my eyes and I struggled to catch my breath.

  “Please, Tyler,” I pleaded, our eyes meeting as tears streamed down my face.

  His grip tightened and a vein throbbed in this forehead.

  “Dammit!” he grunted, his hand finally leaving my neck as I gasped for air.

  I only waited a second though as I set my sights on the door to my apartment. Maybe if I moved fast enough, I’d be able to get past him. I sprinted towards the door, but he grabbed me again. This time I fought back, pulling and tugging as hard as I could away from him.

  I opened my mouth to scream for help, but nothing came out as his hand struck my face so hard I stumbled back to brace myself, only to realize there was nowhere for me to go.

  I flew backwards, landing with a hard thud as my back met the stairs, pain shooting all over my body. The world around me was a blur as I tumbled over and over, everything spinning around me until it went black.

  ~~~

  The pain flooded my body. There were voices around me, but I couldn’t hear what they were saying. My head was foggy. My eyes wouldn’t open. I was suddenly freezing and I started to tremble. I felt arms around me and I was warm again.

  “Hang in there.” The voice sounded like it was coming from a tunnel, but it sounded familiar. “The paramedics are on their way.”

  My eyes finally opened. They were slow and heavy, but a stream of light finally made its way into my sight and when I focused, a pair of black eyes were looking back at me. I felt safe.

  “What’s going on?” When I heard my voice, it didn’t sound like my own. It was soft and confused and scared. I didn’t know where I was or what was happening or who all these people were.

  “You fell down some stairs.” I met the dark eyes again. His voice was gentle and I wasn’t as afraid when I heard it.

  “What?”

  “Try not to talk. Just relax.”

  “What’s going on?” I asked again and I could hear the agitation in my voice. I started to
move. I wanted to get up, but when I did, every ounce of my body hurt. I felt a hand on mine. It was warm and I stopped squirming.

  “Relax. Please try and keep still. You don’t want to injure yourself anymore,” the man said. Stairs? Injured? What the hell had happened?

  I felt my eyes darting around as my heart started to pound in panic. I focused on the dark material and the shiny brass badge. This guy was a cop. Why was there a cop here?

  I heard sirens coming closer and then they stopped, but red and blue lights started bouncing off the wall.

  “They’re here,” the officer whispered to me just as two paramedics rushed in. He let go of my hand and I instantly wanted it back. He was talking to the EMTs and then it was all a blur as they started looking me over. Taking my vitals and placing my neck in a brace. I was being hoisted onto a gurney after that and I closed my eyes, trying to calm myself. My mind was racing. I was scared. I couldn’t remember what happened. I knew I was in my apartment building, but the cop said I’d fallen down the stairs. I couldn’t remember though. I couldn’t remember anything, which was what terrified me most of all. I felt a tear stroll down the sides of my face and then I felt a touch on my arm.

  “They’re going to take good care of you.”

  The police officer was looking down at me again and he smiled. I knew he was just trying to make me feel better. He draped a blanket over me and then his face was gone a second later as they started wheeling me out of the building.

  It was a blur after that. I was put into the ambulance. One of the medics was saying something to me as we drove away. I couldn’t focus though. I barely understood what he was saying to me. I started to tremble, even under the blanket, and then I closed my eyes again, welcoming the darkness as I tuned everything out.

  Six

  Someone was holding my hand. I could feel it. It took a moment, but my eyes finally fluttered open slowly. Rachel was there. She was holding my hand fiercely and she’d been crying. I could tell by the bloodshot eyes and red, chapped face. She looked like a mess.

  “Sam!” Her voice was like a wave of relief and fret all rolled into one. She let go of my hand and jumped up. Her arms were around me a second later and I winced in pain as she squeezed me. She jumped back when she realized what she’d done. “I’m so sorry,” she immediately apologized, wiping the fresh tears from her cheeks. “I’m just so happy you’re awake.”

  “Rachel,” I said softly. It hurt to talk. My throat was raw; like someone had forced me to swallow glass. “I’m so confused.” I could feel my eyes growing warm from the fear and frustration. “What’s going on?”

  The tears fell down my face. She grabbed for a tissue and dabbed them away as she sat on the edge of my hospital bed. There was an IV in my arm and wires on my chest. There was an oxygen tube in my nose and the steady sound of a heart monitor filled the quiet room.

  “You fell down the stairs,” she began and I interrupted hastily.

  “I know that. The cop told me. What happened though? I don’t remember anything.” I took the tissue from Rachel and wiped at my face, trying to wrangle in my emotions.

  “What’s the last thing you remember?” she asked and I could see the concern on her face.

  “I…I don’t really know,” I said slowly as I tried to recall. All I could remember though was lying in the stairwell when the officer told me what had happened.

  My sister took my hand again, squeezing it tightly as she met my eyes.

  “All I know is that you fell down the stairs. The police have been wanting to speak with you. There’s an officer in the waiting room.”

  “Why does a cop want to talk to me if I fell down the stairs?”

  “I don’t know. He wouldn’t tell me much. He’s been coming back to the hospital to check if you’d regained consciousness.”

  “How…how long have I been unconscious?” I asked, afraid to hear the answer.

  “Twelve hours.”

  “Twelve hours!” I exclaimed as loudly as I could through my hoarse voice.

  “You lost consciousness again in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. When you got here, you went right to an MRI. You had a brain bleed from the fall.” I could tell by the look on her face how scared she’d been. Her grip on my hand grew tighter as she spoke.

  “A brain bleed?” I whispered.

  “The fall was bad,” she said softly, wiping her eyes again. “You’re lucky, Sam. You could’ve broken your neck…or your back…you could’ve died.” The tears were pouring from her eyes now and she reached for me again, holding me, but this time gentler, trying not to hurt me.

  I wanted to put my arms around her too. I wanted to feel the safety of my big sister’s arms, but when I tried, pain shot up my left side and I winced.

  “Be careful,” she said, pulling back. “You broke your collar bone.”

  “What else is wrong?” I asked nervously.

  “Besides bruises, you only broke your collar bone. It’s amazing that was all you broke.” She shook her head in disbelief. “You have a concussion though and they’re monitoring the bleed.”

  “Is it still bleeding?”

  “It’s under control. That’s why you’ve been out so long. The doctors sedated you to give your brain a chance to heal.”

  “I’m okay now though?” I asked and she smiled at me. It wasn’t a confident smile, but it was a smile nonetheless and I took that as a good sign.

  “You’re doing amazingly well considering what could’ve happened.” She didn’t tell me I was okay, but I didn’t mind the vague answer. I wasn’t quite sure I wanted all the gory details right now. I was still just trying to wrap my mind around all of this.

  “How long do I have to stay here?”

  “At least until tomorrow.”

  “Tomorrow?” I exclaimed. “I have class tomorrow and work! I can’t miss…” She cut me off though, placing a finger over my mouth to silence me, the way she’d done when we huddled in the closet while our mom got the crap beat out of her.

  “Do not think about school or work right now. Just think about getting better. That’s what’s important.” Her voice cracked as she pushed a piece of my hair behind my ear. “I was so afraid I was going to lose you. I don’t know what I’d do if anything ever happened to you.” Her eyes pooled with tears again and when she blinked, they fell. I reached up with my right hand and pushed them away with my thumb.

  “It’ll take more than some steps to get rid of me,” I said, trying to laugh, but she didn’t smile.

  “You have no idea what happened?” she asked softly and I shook my head. “That’s not uncommon with head injuries though.”

  “Will I remember, Rache?” I asked anxiously.

  “I’m sure you will. The doctor will be able to tell us more,” she said and then picked up my call button. “I should’ve already called them to tell them you were awake. I got a little sidetracked with you waking up and all.” She laughed lightly and I could see a little of the worry leave her face.

  She pushed the button and a few moments later the nurse came in. I’d been brought to Mass General, the same hospital my sister worked at. She worked in Labor and Delivery though. Still, I felt better having Rachel here. She knew this place, even if she didn’t know all the staff. Rachel filled the nurse in and she checked me over before leaving again to get the doctor. He came in a few minutes later, looking me over as well. He was nice enough, but I hated feeling like a specimen being examined. I was relieved when he told me the amnesia was probably only temporary. My memory should come back soon. He explained it could be in pieces or all at once when something triggered it. I hoped for the latter because I hated not being able to account for what happened. It was like being a stranger in my own body and it terrified me.

  “I know the police are anxious to talk to you. Are you up to it?” the doctor asked when he was done talking to us.

  “Yeah, that’s fine,” I said.

  The doctor nodded and then left. Rachel was barely
able to say two words to me before the door to my room started opening. My sister and I both turned our heads to see a police officer peeking in. He looked right at me and I instantly recognized his dark eyes as the ones that I’d awoken to…the ones that had made me feel so safe. I felt a slight smile form on my lips. I’d been nervous to speak to the police, but knowing it was him made me feel a little less nervous.

  “Is it okay if I speak with you for a few minutes, Samantha?” he asked. His deep voice was gentle and it put me at ease.

  “Yes. That’s fine,” I told him as best I could with my horse voice.

  He stepped all the way inside, straightening his black uniform as he came closer.

  “How are you feeling?” he asked as he stopped a few feet from my bed and my eyes went straight to his shiny, gold name tag. TORRES. The name immediately struck me and even though I was suffering from amnesia from the night before, an image of me racing up the hill, an expired parking meter and a sympathetic officer, flashed in my mind.

  “I’m okay,” I said, wondering if he remembered me too.

  “You look better than when I saw you last,” he said and I nodded.

  “I’m feeling better.”

  “I won’t keep you long. I just need to ask you a few questions and then you can rest.”

  “Why do you want to talk to my sister?” Rachel jumped in and she took my hand, standing at the side of my bed as she looked at Officer Torres. “I didn’t think a stair fall was police business.”

  His eyes moved to Rachel and I could sense she was anxious. She hadn’t appeared as nervous as she felt until just now.

  “When we arrived on the scene, your sister was at the bottom of the stairs, unconscious. Some of your neighbors had gathered around. They had called 911 after hearing a disturbance,” he said gently and his eyes moved to me. “But when they stepped into the hallway, they only saw you, but one woman was certain she heard another voice. A man’s voice. Can you tell me what happened, Samantha?”

  His words surprised me. I hadn’t expected this and his revelation scared me a little. I closed my eyes, praying I’d remember something, but I couldn’t. The last thing I remembered was going to work, but then I remembered Tyler had been waiting for me. There were flowers and apologies, but there was also anger and I’d left. I didn’t remember anything after that.