Because of You

by Megan Nugen Isbell

  “Yeah, I’m fine,” I said, dumping my bag on the couch and looking around at the mess I’d left before leaving. I started folding the blanket as best I could with my arm still tied up in the sling.

  “It’s like you’re on speed or something,” Rachel said from her spot on the couch where she’d been watching TV.

  “I’m just sorry I left this place such a pigsty…that I’ve been leaving it like a pigsty since this whole damn thing happened,” I mumbled, the tears coming to my eyes again.

  “Hey, it’s fine,” my sister said, standing up and taking the blanket from my hands. She folded it and draped it across the back of the couch before taking my hand. “What’s got you all riled up? You’re as white as a ghost and I can’t remember a time I’ve seen you so jumpy. Rough day back at class?”

  I sighed and then looked up to meet Rachel’s eyes. She was worried. She always worried about me, the only difference was, this time she had reason to worry.

  “Tyler was waiting for me after my class,” I said softly and the reaction on Rachel’s face was immediate.

  “Did he touch you? Are you okay?” she asked quickly, her eyes scanning over my body.

  “I don’t know, Rache,” I said quietly, shaking my head.

  “What do you mean you don’t know? Either the bastard touched you or he didn’t,” she snapped.

  “He didn’t touch me the way you think he did. He held my hand and told me how sorry he was that I’d been hurt.”

  “Sorry? He’s the one that did it,” Rachel scoffed.

  “But he didn’t. The detective said it.”

  “I don’t give a damn what he said. Tyler’s never been held accountable for a damn thing he’s ever done. Why should this be any different?”

  “I wish you’d just let it go. I just want to move on,” I sighed, pushing past Rachel and grabbing my bag before heading to my room. I heard my sister’s footsteps behind me though.

  “You can’t just move on,” Rachel exclaimed. I turned to see her in the doorway, staring at me.

  “No, I can’t, but all of this talk about Tyler isn’t helping the situation. I just want the whole thing to go away and just forget about everything.”

  “What’d he say to you?” Rachel asked and I looked at her quizzically.

  “What are talking about?”

  “It’s like you’re defending him or something.”

  “I am not! Stop being ridiculous,” I retorted and started pulling my laptop out of my bag so I could get to work.

  “He wants you back, doesn’t he?” she demanded and I was silent as images of the kiss flashed in my mind.

  “He does. He wants to put the past behind us and move on.”

  “And you told him to go to hell, right?” she exclaimed.

  “I told him I couldn’t do it anymore. I told him we were done,” I said, but I could tell she didn’t believe me.

  “I’m telling you right now, Sam, if you take him back…” Rachel started, but I didn’t let her finish.

  “I’m not taking him back!” I shouted. “I’m not ever letting him touch me again! We’re done! Okay? Do you understand now?” I was yelling and I couldn’t stop myself. “Would you just drop it though? As if I don’t already feel like the biggest idiot on the planet for ever allowing him in my life without you reminding me what a moron I am! I don’t need to hear it. I messed up! I messed up by letting him back into my life the first time he hit me. I know I messed up, Rachel! I’m just like Mom and I don’t need your constant reminders about that, okay?” The tears had started falling during my outburst and I locked eyes with my sister. I could see the tears in hers too.

  “You are nothing like her,” she choked out. “Nothing.”

  That’s all it took. I started sobbing and then Rachel’s arms were around me as my body shook in her embrace.

  “I’m sorry for making you feel that way, Sam,” she whispered as she held me.

  “You didn’t. I did. I never want to be her, Rache. Never,” I said through the tears.

  “And you’re not. It’s gonna be okay. I promise it will be. I’ll keep you safe, just like I always have.” She pulled me tighter and I cried harder, feeling just like I used to all those years ago, huddled in a closet with my sister while our mother got the crap beat out of her. Rachel’s arms were the only place that had felt safe back then and I was so glad I had them now.

  Ten

  I stared in the mirror hating the reflection looking back at me. I hated looking into the eyes of the weak girl I saw. How had I come to this? I had to get out of this place I found myself in. I hadn’t seen Tyler since that day he found me after class. He’d texted a couple of times asking how I was feeling. I hadn’t answered back yet. I hadn’t decided if I would. I knew I shouldn’t. I didn’t want to, but part of me, the part I didn’t like, thought I should. Part of me was almost afraid not to.

  I shook my head and focused back on the mirror and the task at hand, which was finishing my makeup so I could get to work. I’d gotten my sling off the day before and while my shoulder was still tender, I needed the money. Rachel insisted we’d be fine if I took a little while longer off, but I couldn’t do that to her. She’d already done so much for me in my life. I didn’t feel right mooching off her any longer.

  I’d had class during the day and I was nearly caught up with my assignments. The motivation had been lacking, but I’d forced myself to do it and it showed in my grades. My professors had been sympathetic initially, but that didn’t extend to giving me good grades on sub-par work. I’d settle for my Cs though. At least it was finished.

  Rachel was at work and the apartment was quiet. I had to admit, I didn’t like it when my sister was gone. I used to love being alone, but not so much anymore. At least I’d have the company of my customers tonight and with that, I looked in the mirror one last time, forcing a smile onto my face.

  It was nearly dark when I made my way to the T. It was breezy and I pulled my sweater closer to me in the November chill. The dried leaves that only a short time ago had been a mix of blazing reds, yellows and oranges were now brown and crunchy as they rolled past me. The trees were almost bare now and it was hard to believe it was almost Thanksgiving. The last couple of weeks had been a blur and I hoped I could put it all behind me. God, I needed to.

  I began walking and then the neon light flickering the O’Leary name came into view. I quickened my step and was inside the warm pub a few seconds later. I looked around and saw it was already busy. That didn’t surprise me. It was a Saturday night after all and the Bruins were playing. The usual crowd had found their places at the bar and their attention was focused on the TV above Rick, the night bartender’s, head. It was only a few minutes into the first period so I knew they’d be stuck to those seats for the next few hours.

  “Long time no see, doll.” It was the loud booming voice of Seamus Callahan. He was an old man who seemed to always wear flannel, even in the dead of summer, with a thick white beard and hardly a hair on his head. He looked as if he should be on the docks in Gloucester and I wondered if once perhaps he had.

  “Good to see you, Seamus,” I said, smiling at the old man.

  “Where’ve you been?” he asked as he motioned to Rick to get him another beer.

  “I…uh…I haven’t been feeling well,” I told him, hoping the answer would suffice.

  “Everything okay, kid?” he asked and his rugged face was covered in concern.

  “Yes. I’m fine,” I said, patting him on the shoulder and he looked relieved.

  “It’s good to have you back,” Seamus’s buddy, Marv, added. “We’ve missed you.”

  “It’s good to be back,” I told him, grateful to be back amongst these people who were so familiar to me. “Now, I’d better clock in or I’ll be out of a job,” I said, and then looked at Seamus and Marv with a warning smirk. “And neither of you dirty old men had better slap my ass tonight.”

  Both men busted up laughing and nodded in promise as I grinned at
them and headed towards the back room. After I’d put my stuff away, I washed my hands and then headed out to begin my night.

  It didn’t take long for the place to get rowdy as the hockey game kicked into full gear and a couple of hours into my shift, the bar kept exploding and curses at the officials for calls against the Bruins rang throughout the pub. I was afraid old Seamus and Marv might have a heart attack, but I just laughed to myself and patted them each on the back to calm them before heading back to my section. I stopped in my tracks though when I saw who was sitting in one of the booths that had just been vacated.

  The dark eyes of Officer Torres…Gabe, were looking back at me. I’d never seen him in anything other than his police uniform. He looked so different now. The authoritarian look I’d associated with him was now completely gone. His gray hoodie and jeans along with his faded Red Sox hat made him look as if he could’ve been the guy sitting next to me in class, not a cop. He wasn’t alone. There was another guy next to him and a girl beside him. They seemed engrossed in conversation, but Gabe was looking right at me.

  I knew I looked like a fool just standing there. He smiled at me and I finally made my way over to the table.

  “Hi,” I said, hoping I didn’t seem as sheepish as I felt. My words drew the other occupants of the table out of their conversation and they both looked over to me. The guy looked about the same age as Gabe and the girl couldn’t have been much older than me.

  “Hi, Sam,” Gabe said and when he smiled, I saw a dimple in his right cheek I hadn’t noticed before.

  “I…I’m surprised to see you here,” I said and my eyes drifted to the other two people at the table.

  “I wasn’t expecting to see you either,” he said with a quiet laugh.

  “I take it you two know each other.” The guy spoke up and his teeth were almost blindingly white against his dark skin when he smiled.

  “Yeah, you could say that,” I said softly, not really wanting to explain why we knew each other.

  “How do you know each other?” The girl chimed in this time. Her thick bouncy curls hung to her shoulder and her coffee colored skin was practically flawless.

  “I nearly gave Sam here a parking ticket,” Gabe said and I looked at him gratefully for not divulging anything else.

  “Almost?” the guy said, eyeing Gabe with a smirk.

  “He took pity on me and let me off,” I said.

  “You always were a sucker for a pretty face. No wonder you didn’t make your quota,” he said and Gabe looked embarrassed for a moment, but then he looked at me as casually as before.

  “Sam, this is my roommate, Trey. Just ignore him. I always do,” Gabe said and Trey scoffed.

  “It’s nice to meet you, Trey,” I said and he extended his hand across the table. I shook it and then my eyes drifted to the girl next to him, smiling at her.

  “I’m Tia. This one’s girlfriend,” she said, gesturing to Trey with her thumb. He laughed and put his arm around her, pulling her close and kissing her on the temple. She started laughing, but then their eyes locked and it was as if time stood still for a moment. It was a sweet gesture and I could tell by the way they looked at each other, they loved each other. I knew it was the way a man should look at a woman…a way I’d never been looked at and I had to turn my eyes away.

  “It’s nice to meet you,” I said and then Trey and Tia pulled away. “Can I get you all something to drink?” I asked, trying to get back to the task at hand, which was being their waitress.

  “Margarita for me,” Gina said and then I looked to Trey.

  “Bud on tap, please,” he said and I nodded before turning to Gabe.

  “Water, please,” he said and I was certain he saw the surprise on my face.

  “That’s it?” I asked and he nodded.

  “Someone’s gotta keep these two in line,” he said and he looked over to Trey and Tia with a smirk.

  “He’s right. That’s why we let him tag along,” Trey said with a laugh.

  “Anything else I can get for you while you look at the menu? An appetizer or anything?”

  “Just some mozzarella sticks,” Tia said and I nodded, smiling at them.

  “Sure thing. I’ll be right back with your drinks,” I said and I turned and headed to the bar, relieved to be gaining some distance from Gabe. I hadn’t expected to see him. It’d taken me by surprise and I didn’t know how to react. The man had been nothing but nice to me since the second I met him, but he knew things about me that no one else did. He knew who I really was and I hated that. I knew when he looked at me he didn’t see the anonymous waitress the rest of the people at O’Leary’s saw. He saw a pathetic girl and I would’ve given anything to gain my anonymity back, where I was still just the girl who received a free pass on a parking ticket.

  I gathered the drinks at the bar and made my way back to the table. They were engaged in conversation, but stopped when I set their drinks down.

  “Have you decided yet?” I asked, hoping to get their orders and go check on my other tables.

  “How’s the bangers and mash?” Gabe asked.

  “Best in town,” I told him, feeding him the line I gave every customer.

  “The best in all of Boston? That’s quite a claim. Are you sure?” he asked, looking at me over the top of his menu. He was smiling in a charming way that made it impossible not to smile back.

  “Truthfully,” I relented, “I actually don’t know. I’ve never tried them,” I admitted and he looked shocked.

  “Never?”

  “No, but I’ve been told they’re great.”

  “Then I’ll try it and let you know what this Mexican boy thinks of ‘em,” he said with a playful grin, closing his menu and handing it to me before I looked at Tia.

  “Fish and chips for me,” she said and I turned my attention to Trey.

  “Plain ol’ burger for me, but extra pickles.”

  “You got it,” I said, gathering the rest of the menus and walking to the kitchen to turn in the order. I continued to check on my other tables, but my eyes kept drifting to Gabe and his friends. They were laughing and joking and watching the game at times, but Gabe didn’t seem nearly as interested in me as I apparently was with him.

  I heard the cook call that the order was up and when I returned to their table with the food, Gabe looked suspiciously at the plate I sat in front of him and picked up his fork. He took a bite and then looked at me.

  “Well?” I asked. “What’s the verdict?”

  “Not bad. I’ll let you know if it’s the best when I’m done,” he said and I met his eyes again, still as kind as the first time I saw them.

  “I’ll be back to check on you in a few then,” I said and then turned to check on a table full of drunken frat boys. They reminded me of the night I first met Tyler. Too young and stupid to realize what asses they were making of themselves. I wished I could say these kinds of tables were a rarity, but they were almost a nightly occurrence and I’d learned to simply deal with them.

  When I approached them again though, I could immediately tell their level of obnoxious was at a whole other level.

  “Can I get you guys anything else?” I asked, hoping they’d say no so I could go.

  “How ‘bout a trip back to my place?” one of them said, his words slow and slurred. I rolled my eyes at him and turned to the others. “I’m talkin’ to you, Samantha,” he said, looking at my nametag. “My place is just down the street and I’ve been watching you shake that ass all night. It’s the least you can do for me.”

  “How ‘bout anyone else?” I said, ignoring the caveman.

  “Hey,” he said, more gruffly this time, grabbing my arm. “You didn’t answer me.”

  My eyes locked with his. They were cold and mean.

  “Is there a problem?” The grasp loosened on my arm and I saw the guy’s gaze drift behind me. I turned to see Gabe standing there, glaring down at him.

  “Just talkin’ to the lady here. Why don’t you mind your own damn busine
ss?”

  “It looked to me like the lady didn’t want you talking to her in that manner,” Gabe said and I could feel myself start to tremble at the tension between the two men.

  “Just go sit your ass back down,” the guy said.

  “Just show the lady some respect is all I’m saying. She’s here to do her job, not be harassed.”

  “Fuck off,” the guy scoffed. “Who the hell do you think you are anyway?”

  I watched as Gabe reached into his pocket and then flashed his badge at the guy. Immediately, the arrogance disappeared on the guy’s face and he sat back in his chair.

  “Are we all set then?” Gabe asked and the guy nodded.

  “We’re good,” he said.

  “I think you owe Sam an apology.”

  Gabe was staring fiercely at the guy and my heart was pounding.

  “I’m sorry,” he said, but I didn’t look at him. I just nodded and gathered the empty plates, walking past Gabe to take the dishes to the kitchen. My heart was still pounding from the confrontation and when I stepped back into the dining room, I saw Gabe waiting for me.

  “Are you okay?” he asked and I couldn’t help but think how similar this was to when I’d met Tyler for the first time.

  “Yeah, I’m good,” I sighed.

  “I hope I didn’t overstep back there.”

  “No,” I said, looking up into his eyes. “Thank you for stepping in. Hazards of the job, I guess.”

  “Don’t downplay it, Sam,” Gabe said and I saw the way his eyebrows creased in seriousness. “It is never okay for a man to treat you like that.” I could feel a lump start to burn in my throat at his words. If only he knew how much worse I’d been treated than a simple drunk jackass grabbing my arm after some inappropriate remarks.

  “I know,” was all I said softly and it grew quiet for a few seconds.

  “When do you get off?” he finally asked.

  “Half hour,” I answered.

  “Want to grab some coffee or something when you’re done?” If he was nervous asking me, he didn’t show it. I opened my mouth to speak, but I didn’t know what to say.