Because of You

by Megan Nugen Isbell

  I started to choke up, my hand coming to my mouth as I tried to keep my composure.

  “He said that?” I managed to choke out and Brent nodded.

  “He did,” he said softly. “I…I thought you should know.”

  I couldn’t say anything as I closed my eyes, imagining him saying those words to me, knowing he was thinking of me as it happened, but scared to think of what Gabe had gone through.

  “Did he seem afraid?” I asked nervously, my voice cracking as the tears kept falling. Brent shook his head.

  “No,” he answered quietly. “He didn’t seem afraid. He was calm actually. He…he just wanted you to know.”

  I locked eyes with Brent again, trying to thank him, but I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t find my voice. The only thing that would come were the tears and then I felt Trey’s arms around me again, holding me as I cried.

  “I’m sorry,” I could hear Brent say and I pulled away from Trey. I couldn’t let Brent think he’d made a mistake by telling me.

  “Thank you. Thank you for telling me,” I finally managed to get out. “Thank you for being with him.”

  I reached for Brent, a man I’d never met, and hugged him tightly for a few long moments.

  “He was a good man. A good partner,” he said into my ear and I pulled away, meeting his eyes and doing my best to smile.

  “He was,” I agreed and we were quiet for a few more moments.

  “Please let me know if you need anything,” Brent said and I nodded before he finally turned and walked away, leaving Trey and I.

  “I hope that was okay,” he began. “He wasn’t sure if he should tell you. He didn’t want to upset you anymore.”

  “I’m glad he did…I’m glad I know,” I said quietly as I wiped the tears from cheeks before meeting Trey’s eyes. “How are you handling everything?” I asked softly.

  “I’m not,” he said, wiping at his eyes. “I’m still in shock. I keep thinking he’ll walk through the door.”

  “Me too,” I whispered and it grew quiet again until I caught movement out of the corner of my eye. I looked over to see Carmen coming slowly toward me. Trey saw her too.

  “I’m here if you need anything,” he said quietly, resting his hand on my arm for a second before turning and walking away as Carmen approached. She was beside me a moment later.

  “He loved you very much,” she said softly after a few seconds.

  I turned my head slowly and met her eyes.

  “I loved him too,” I replied softly.

  “I want to thank you for the joy you brought my son. For loving him the way you did,” she said, her voice stronger than I expected. “He was happy with you, Sam, and you don’t know the comfort that brings me. To know he was truly happy.”

  Our eyes met. Her eyes were as deep and dark as Gabe’s and it was almost eerie looking into them, almost as if I was looking into Gabe’s and for a moment, I pretended I was, allowing me to be filled with all of our memories and for those few seconds, I was okay again. But then I blinked and I was shot back into my new reality, a reality where memories were all that were left of Gabe.

  “I don’t know what Gabe told you about me,” I began softly, needing to tell his mother what he meant to me. “But, your son…he saved me in more ways than I can count. I’m not sure I’d even be here without him. He helped me to see that I deserve to be happy.” My voice caught in my throat. “He was everything to me,” I choked out and then the tears spilled down my face. Carmen took me in her arms and held me tightly as I sobbed.

  “Then honor him,” she said gently in my ear. “Be the woman he fell in love with. Don’t let this destroy you. Live and be strong. Always.”

  When she pulled back finally, she wiped the tears from her eyes and then squeezed my hand before turning away.

  Once she was gone and I was alone again, her words kept playing in my head. Be the woman he fell in love with. Live and be strong. Always.

  My eyes moved slowly back to the casket then, the sorrow still consuming my body as I wondered how I could ever go on and do what she said. I didn’t think I could because the hurt of missing him would always be too great.

  A breeze picked up then from out of nowhere and for a second I swore I felt him beside me, his arms around me, wrapping me in his love. Love that would always be there even if he no longer was. Love that would stay with me for the rest of my life. Love that he’d shown me from the first day we met and it was in that moment that I thought maybe I could do what I knew he wanted me to do. Maybe his death wasn’t the end of my life as it felt it was right now. Maybe it was just the beginning.

  Epilogue

  Six Years Later

  Fall was my favorite time of year in New England. The colors of the trees and the crisp autumn air, along with the hint of pumpkin that always seemed to linger, brought me a sense of contentment I rarely ever felt any other time of year.

  The leaves crunched under my feet as I walked slowly up the path and I couldn’t deny the beauty of the trees, which seemed to be burning with the vivid reds, oranges and yellows. This was a beautiful place despite the reason I was here.

  Each time I made this walk, I wondered how different my life might have been had things turned out differently, had that one day not happened. It had taken me a long time to accept that I couldn’t dwell on what could have happened and accept what did happen. Gabe had died and there was nothing that could change that.

  I looked ahead and saw the small piece of granite come into view. It was tucked below a towering tree filled with bright red leaves, some of which had fallen and blanketed the ground. I paused for a moment, staring at the scene as the familiar ache began to fill my heart. I always hoped it would get easier, but it hadn’t yet and I didn’t think I’d ever stop missing him.

  I took a deep breath and continued towards his grave. I hadn’t been here in a while. It was hard now that I lived in New Hampshire. But whenever I came back to visit my sister, I tried to come. I didn’t always make it though. Sometimes I said I didn’t have time, when the truth was, sometimes it was simply too hard to go.

  It was a few more steps until we were standing under the red leaves, my eyes focusing on the stone in front of me. The last piece of evidence that Gabriel Torres had existed. I felt a lump in my throat and I did my best to fight the tears I could feel burning the backs of my eyes. A soft whimper pulled my attention away and I bent down, scooping her tiny body up into my arms, holding her close and kissing the top of her head full of dark hair. She was only a few months old, but I already loved her more than anything I’d ever loved.

  I was quiet for a bit, slowly rocking her in my arms and looking down at his name. I never said anything when I came. I would just remember our time together and the lessons he’d taught me, but it was different this time. I needed to talk to him.

  “I’m sorry I haven’t been here in a while,” I began softly. “I live up in New Hampshire now. I don’t come back to Boston as much as I used to. I got a job teaching history to middle schoolers there. I love it.” I was quiet for a few seconds before continuing. “Rachel is still here. She doesn’t live in our apartment anymore though. She’s actually engaged. He’s a really nice guy. His name’s Lucas and they’re getting married in December. I’m glad she found someone,” I said, smiling to myself because my sister deserved to be happy. She’d taken care of me for so long and she deserved to have someone take care of her for a change. “Things are a little better with my mom too. Not much, but we talk some. I’m not giving up hope yet. Someday she’ll realize what she’s worth, just like I did…just like you helped me to see.” I took a break for a moment, closing my eyes and listening to the sounds of the geese flying overhead. “I still talk to your family sometimes. They miss you. We all miss you.” I paused for a few seconds, adjusting the blanket wrapped around my daughter, making sure she was shielded from the cool, autumn breeze and taking in a deep breath, needing a moment before I went on. “I met someone,” I finally said and then pause
d for a few long seconds, closing my eyes and wondering if he could hear me. Something told me he could. Something told me he was here, beside me, listening to every word. Something told me he was always with me. “His name is John. He’s a veterinarian and he’s an amazing man,” I said, feeling my throat catch. I loved my husband with all of my heart, but it didn’t dull the ache of missing Gabe. “I didn’t think I could love anyone after you. John was so patient with me though. He knows all about you. I’ve never kept you a secret. He knows how important you are to me and I think he’s okay knowing you’ll always have a piece of my heart…that he’ll always have to share me with you.”

  John had come into my life unexpectedly. Gabe had been gone for three years, but I hadn’t let go. I wasn’t ready to let go and let someone else in. We started out as friends and I’d told him everything about Gabe and I’d told him everything about my past. He’d listened patiently and without judgement. He made me smile again and it gradually changed from friendship to something deeper. He treated me with the respect and adoration Gabe had shown me I deserved. Eventually, I found myself falling in love with him, which wasn’t an easy thing to accept. Gabe had been the love of my life and it took a while to realize it was okay to move on…to be happy. I knew it was what Gabe would want for me. Just as his mother had said at the funeral, he wanted me to live and be strong. Opening my heart to love again was exactly what Gabe would’ve wanted me to do, even if it hadn’t been easy.

  “I don’t know why you were taken from us,” I continued softly. “I think about that every day, but like you once told me, there’s a reason for everything. And as much as it has hurt to lose you, there was a reason you came into my life. Without you, I wouldn’t be who I am today. You helped prepare me for the person I am today. You changed my life and I don’t want to think about where I would be if I hadn’t known you…if you hadn’t shown me what love really is…if you hadn’t made me see what I am worth and I will love you forever for that.”

  My daughter started to move in my arms. I held her closer and rocked her gently.

  “John and I got married last year and our daughter was born three months ago,” I said gently, my voice catching in my throat as I recalled two of the happiest days of my life. “She’s incredible. We named her Gabriella…after you. It was John’s idea actually,” I said, a slight smile forming on my face. “He really is that great.” I wiped at the tear pooling in the corner of my eye. “Gabby is the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me and she will never know the pain I knew growing up. Because of you, she won’t ever doubt if she’s loved and she will always know how a man should love and respect her. She won’t accept anything less. I’ll make sure of it.”

  I closed my eyes, pulling Gabby close and breathing her in, silently promising to keep her safe and protected always, to never let her feel what I did. A tear fell down my cheek because I knew without Gabe, I might not be able to make that promise to my daughter because I might not know it myself.

  I opened my eyes as the wind picked up, causing the leaves to dance at my feet. The breeze was cool, but I felt nothing but warmth as I felt him with me, his arms around me, feeling his embrace once more and knowing he loved me. He’d never stopped loving me.

  “I love you, Gabe,” I whispered. “Thank you for making my world a better place. Thank you for loving me…for making my life a happy one. It’s because of you I have all of this and I will never forget you.”

  I wiped the tears from my eyes and then kissed my hand, resting it on top of the stone that bore his name, that told of the wonderful man that lie below, the man who had saved me. This would never get easier, but I knew he would never leave me. He would always be there in some way because of the lessons I’d learned from loving him. He’d always be in my heart, giving me gentle reminders to live life and be strong…to pass those lessons on to Gabby. He may be gone from this earth, but he would never be forgotten.

  Slowly, my hand lifted from the stone. I rested it on my daughter’s back, holding her close as I turned and walked toward my new life with a husband who loved me, a daughter I cherished and a heart full of memories that would always remind me of a man who loved me. A man who taught me to love myself. A man who had saved me. A man who had made this life possible.

  My future awaited and I knew it was going to be a good one.

  A Note from the Author

  Thank you so much for reading Because of You! This book was not an easy one for me to write. It took me almost two years to finish. I don’t exactly remember when I started it, but I would work on it periodically between books. I always knew where I wanted the story to go, but it wasn’t easy getting it down in words. Half way through the book, I got massive writer’s block and didn’t pick up the book again until after I finished Catching Caroline. Once I got started again, I couldn’t stop. Sam and Gabe were constantly there in my mind, screaming at me to tell their story. I finally did and I’m so glad.

  This was one of the most emotional books I’ve ever written. I was inspired by the song Priceless by for King & Country to tell a story about the worth and value of women and I hope this is what I did with this book. I have been so blessed to have had amazing men in my life, starting with my wonderful father and now my husband, but I know many women are not so lucky. I want all women to know they are priceless and deserve nothing but love and respect from the men in their lives.

  I know the ending of this book was not easy. I grew to love Gabe as I wrote, but I knew what was going to happen to him even before I started writing the book. It only made sense to me and I hope you don’t hate me too much for how it ended. I cried as I wrote the last few chapters of the book having to say goodbye to Gabe, but sometimes life doesn’t always work out the way we want it to and I thought Gabe’s death was needed to help demonstrate the effects of domestic violence and to show that Sam could be strong even without him, just like he knew she could be.

  I would like to extend my appreciation and gratitude for all emergency responders who work so hard to keep us safe and come to our aid at a moment’s notice. You are important and you are appreciated!

  If you would like to check out my other books, they are all available on Amazon in eBook and paperback form:

  The Home Series Last Train Home

  Far From Home

  Carry Me Home

  The Long Road Home

  Finding Home

  Close to Home

  Pieces of Home

  A Place Called Home

  The Tomorrow Series My Tomorrow

  The Heart of Tomorrow

  Today, Tomorrow and Always

  After the Sky Fell Down

  Every Breaking Wave

  Catching Caroline (Silver Falls: Book One)

  Here With Me

  As always, I’ve included a playlist of the songs that helped this book come to life. It’s available in full on Spotify.

  If you’d like to keep up with my new releases and news, please join my Facebook page or drop me a line at isbellmi@yahoo.com. Thank you for reading and always remember how amazing and priceless you are!

  Happy Reading!

  Best regards,

  Megan

  Because of You Playlist

  Still I Fly-Roadtrip Romance

  Pick up the Pieces- Josh Auer

  Amazing-Matt Cardle

  Bruises-Train

  You Better Believe-Train

  When I’m With You the Fireworks Go Off-Clemency

  Held-Natalie Grant

  Alive-Adelitas Way

  Walls-The Rocket Summer

  Nothing for Granted-Brendan James

  Weak-Daphne Khoo

  Safe-Brit Nicole

  This Is For You-David Dunn

  This is Not Goodbye-Sidewalk Prophets

  Stained Glass-Jon Guerra

  Riot-Sara Haze

  End of All Time-Stars of Track and Field

  In the Meantime-Randall Kent

  Hopeless-Train

  When I Look to the Sk
y-Train