In Too Fast

by Mara Jacobs

  A parking lot I was now pulling into. Funny, most days with Jane I couldn’t wait to get to Lot H, knowing that even though I told myself I wasn’t going to reach for her, I would. And even though she’d probably told herself over and over not to do it, she’d reach for me, too.

  I fucking loved driving into Lot H with Jane. Except tonight, there was no way it could get any better in Lot H than it had for the past five or six hours in Caro’s guesthouse.

  And though I was willing to give Yvette’s console another workout, Jane looked beat. Well, yeah, having a major sexfest your first time out would do that to you.

  “Wait here,” I said to her when I pulled the Vette alongside my car. “I’ll heat mine up and then drive you back to the dorm.”

  I thought she’d probably balk at that, saying she could walk, not wanting to be seen being dropped off in front of her dorm at nearly one in the morning by a thug in an old Dodge Charger. A supremely restored, mint, cherry-red Charger, but still.

  “Thanks,” she said, and I had a glimmer of hope that maybe if I kept Jane well satisfied that I had a chance of keeping her close.

  It was time to come clean with myself at least, and admit that that was exactly what I wanted. Jane. Close. For a long time.

  Even though the days were getting warmer, it was still cold as shit when I got out and went to my car. I turned the heater on full blast and looked out my window to Jane right next to me in the passenger side of Yvette.

  She turned and just stared at me, her face stark, no emotion showing, as she studied me.

  Shit, it was the exact look she had on her face that first day. One that I had correctly read as her realizing she was too good for me and there could never be anything between us.

  It had pissed me off that day.

  Today, it would kill me.

  I waited, not looking away from her, dying inside, but determined not to show it. Any second now she’d get this pained look and then a tiny bit of pity, then look away.

  But it didn’t come. Instead, a small smile crossed her cute face, then blossomed into a full-blown grin. Then she—yes, Jane!—blew me a kiss.

  And I took the first full breath of relief since the first time I kissed her.

  I waved her over, and as she made her way, I once again thought, and even said out loud to the empty car, “Who are you, Jane Winters?”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Jane

  It wasn’t like I was saving my virginity for my wedding night or anything. And beyond all my big talk, I wanted to…crave the guy who would be my first. I’d just never found anyone I wanted to tear my clothes off with.

  Until Stick. And that day, up against the wall? The tearing of clothes couldn’t come quickly enough.

  So, yeah, I was no longer a virgin. And in the next week and a half, we stamped out any remaining doubt.

  It wasn’t that I was necessarily holding out for Prince Charming the past few years. Let’s face it, Stick was nobody’s idea of Prince Charming. And of course I’d had opportunities. But I’d never been that tempted.

  Before Stick. So, maybe he was my Prince Charming.

  The goodbyes in Lot H were more bittersweet now—a parting after an exhausting afternoon/evening of very good sex.

  At least, I thought it was good. I didn’t have a lot to compare it to, but Stick seemed to suggest by his groans and occasional “hell yeah”s and “that’s so fucking amazing”s that we were on the right track.

  It wasn’t every day, and it wasn’t every time we went to Caro’s, but it was nearly that.

  I went to the health clinic and got on the pill, but we still faithfully used condoms each time. I was stretching it enough by sleeping with a car thief townie, I wasn’t about to pull a Bristol Palin and walk across the campaign stage totally knocked up.

  Two weeks after our first time together, Stick called and said we were going to go to dinner with Lily and Lucas, not out to Caro’s, and to maybe dress up a bit.

  “You mean like a double date?” I said, stunned. I still hadn’t mentioned anything to Lily about Stick and me…being Stick and me. I had told her about my visits to Caro’s, and mentioned that she was not doing well. Lily was Grayson Spaulding’s daughter and could be trusted to keep that secret.

  “Yeah, like a double date. I guess,” Stick said.

  “Why?”

  He let out that exasperated sigh that he sometimes gave me—usually right before he kissed me silly. “Because that’s what couples do.”

  “We’re a couple?” I said without really thinking about it. I mean, yeah, we were sleeping together. At Bribury that didn’t mean much. And in theory I was on board with the casual sex thing, the meaningless hookups. But then, why had I still been a virgin before Stick?

  “We’re not?” Attitude in his voice now. Understandable, but we’d never had any kind of “talk” about us. No talk of exclusivity or anything like that.

  Not that any other guy interested me now that I knew what Stick could do to my body.

  “I guess,” I said, with not much conviction.

  “Jesus, Jane,” he said.

  “What time should I be at Lot H?” I said quickly, trying to switch gears before he got pissed. Although a pissed-off Stick was a sexy-as-hell Stick.

  Another sigh. “Not Lot H. I’ll pick you up out front. We’ll take my car so we all fit.”

  “Seriously. Like, this is for real? A ‘pick you up, dinner with our friends’ double date?”

  “Yes, Jane. Like a real date. A real double date.”

  “And Lily and Lucas already know?”

  “Yep. So you got out of having to tell your roomie you’re sleeping with me. Lucas already told her.”

  “How do you know I didn’t?”

  “Did you?” Silence, then a small snort from him. “Yeah, I didn’t think so.”

  A sigh from me. “What time, asshole?”

  “Six. See you out front then. A dress would be nice.”

  “I don’t do dresses.”

  “Do one tonight.” Before I could argue, he disconnected.

  Right as Lily walked in.

  As we got ready for our—still so weird to think about—double date, I brought Lily up to speed. I was careful to downplay it, but she was staring at me pretty closely.

  “So…you’re…”

  “Sleeping together?” I finished for her. “Yes. A couple of weeks now. Really, it’s no big deal. Just casual hookups. Convenient, really, because of the whole Caro thing. We’ve both been spending so much time out there, who would I even get a chance to sleep with?”

  She studied me, then shook her head and continued to apply her makeup as we shared the mirror in the bathroom. “That part is weird, too—Stick being a caregiver to Caroline Stratton.”

  “It’s all weird. I’m just trying to…” I didn’t finish my thought, wasn’t really sure how to. Not fall in love with him? Keep my father happy? Give some peace to a woman I respect?

  “What?” Lily asked, leaning close to the mirror to put on her mascara.

  I was straightening my hair, something I hadn’t done in a long time, probably since fall semester. I hated that I was actually primping for this thing. And I really hated that I had asked to borrow a dress from Lily.

  I had a couple of my own, but they were funky, retro, gauzy things I’d picked up at a flea market in Baltimore last summer.

  Tonight I wanted…armor, I guess. And looking like every other girl at Bribury was just what I needed.

  When I didn’t answer Lily, she didn’t push. And she didn’t ask any more questions, just quietly finished getting ready, leaving the bathroom before me.

  When I came out, a knit, wrap-style dress in a deep jade green was lying across my bed, with pumps placed beside it.

  “Thanks,” I said, and she smiled at me, then started dressing. She was wearing a version of a Little Black Dress that hung on her lean, lithe body like the designer had intended.

  Lily and I were the same height, s
ame shoe size and, in some ways, the same clothing size. But where she was long and lean, toned from her swimming, I was curvy and lush (Stick’s word—I’m usually not as kind). The green dress technically fit, but it was much more body hugging than I typically wore.

  “Wow,” Lily said when I zipped up the dress and stepped into the heels. “You look amazing.”

  I waved her compliment away, then remembered Caro chastising me about taking a compliment during one of our many talks. “Thank you,” I said, smoothing my hands over my full hips, liking the feel of the material. “So do you,” I added. It was true. Lily was a beautiful girl. The simplicity of her black sheath, with her hair up and simple pearl post earrings—very striking.

  She checked the time on her phone. “Ready?” she asked.

  “I guess,” I said.

  She smiled at me. “God, Jane, it’s just a dinner date, not a firing squad.”

  “I know,” I said. And really, I wasn’t sure why I had this feeling of…dread about the whole evening.

  As we rode the elevator down, it hit me. With Lily and Lucas in the know, with us going out to a public restaurant on an actual date… It was real with Stick now.

  No more only the two of us (and Caro and Dotty—they had to know what we were doing in the guesthouse…and the garage…and against the wall of the main house on our way to the guesthouse).

  It wasn’t just our own little cocoon, snug as Yvette’s cockpit.

  It was…out there. It was real.

  And I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.

  Though I felt a lot better when I watched Stick’s reaction when I walked out of the dorm.

  “Jesus Christ,” he whispered as he came forward and took my hand. (Took my hand! In front of the dorm, where my fellow students were coming in and out of!)

  “You look…” He looked me up and down as we walked to the car. I vaguely saw Lucas do the same with Lily, getting her into the back seat, then joining her and putting the seat back in place. Stick held the door for me as I got in, then softly shut it and crossed to the driver’s side. As he crossed the front of the car he watched me through the windshield, and my body heated with the look he gave me.

  Like he loved me in this dress, but couldn’t wait to get me out of it.

  I felt the same way.

  And he looked pretty damn good, too. In a smart grey suit, crisp white shirt and black tie. His hair was slicked back, showing off his strong face.

  We all made small talk as we drove to Chesney, where apparently we had a reservation at some fancy restaurant.

  It was all familiar, yet kind of unreal. Lucas and Lily cuddled together in the back seat, his arm around her, she tucked into his big torso. It was Friday night, one of the nights that Lucas didn’t have to work.

  Stick had his hand on my thigh, slowly edging up the hem of my dress until I put my hand over his, halting his progress. He shot me a “come on” look, but I shook my head at him.

  He must have told Lucas—and Lily, by extension—not to question us too much about our…relationship, because they didn’t. If it had been me, I’d have been giving them the third degree.

  But then, I’m not Lily. And Stick and I were definitely not Lucas and Lily.

  They had an ease about them, really had right from the start. Whereas with Stick it always felt like…work. Good work, challenging work. And definitely with the satisfaction of a job well done. Or at least that was how I felt after we had sex.

  But I had this twinge watching the couple in the back seat, knowing that would never be Stick and me. Maybe not me with any guy. I just couldn’t imagine myself ever being that comfortable with anybody.

  “We’re a little early for the reservation,” Stick said as we drove into Chesney. “I didn’t know if you guys would be ready on time or not.”

  “Why wouldn’t we?” I asked. “What? You think we spent hours agonizing over what dress to wear? Please.” I didn’t dare look at Lily in the rearview, because I knew she’d give it away that Stick’s guess wasn’t that far from the truth.

  He shrugged. “I don’t know. This is all kind of new to me, you know.” He looked a little embarrassed, so I let him off the hook.

  “So, yeah, we’re a little early. And I have to drop something off for Caro anyway. Do you guys mind if we do that first?”

  There were shrugs and “whatever”s from all three of us, and Stick drove through town and toward Chesney Hills.

  When we entered Caro’s estate, Stick said to me, “You know, she’d probably love to see you in that dress. Why don’t you go in with me while I drop these meds off.” He pointed at the small white bag in the middle of the seat.

  I was about to say no when, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Lucas give Lily a meaningful look and decided I did not want to be alone in the car with the lovebirds no matter how short Stick’s errand would be.

  We walked into the house (Stick never knocked or rang the bell anymore), and when he called out, Caro’s voice directed us to the living room.

  He took my hand, which was weird, and led me down the hall. Just as we were about to turn and enter the room, I heard noise from behind me and saw that Lily and Lucas had come in the house.

  I didn’t know how Caro would react to strangers seeing her, so I shooed at them to go away.

  “It’s fine,” Stick whispered, then pulled me with him as we turned into the living room.

  “Surprise!” shouted a small gathering in the living room. Besides Dotty and Caro (dressed in elegant slacks and sweater set, not her normal tracksuit), there was my father and Grayson Spaulding and a woman I recognized from pictures as Lily’s mother. Syd was there too, looking great in a red dress, but also looking a little uncomfortable.

  Another guy was there, and he seemed to be filming me on his phone.

  “What the fu—”

  “Happy birthday, Jane,” Caro said, stepping forward, her hand reaching out to me.

  I felt Stick’s hand untwine from mine, after a gentle squeeze, and it went to the small of my back. He didn’t push me, just kept his hand there. Afraid I might bolt?

  Lily and Lucas came up from behind us. “Were you surprised?” Lily asked, a big smile on her face. “That was the one part I didn’t like of this whole plan—that we weren’t already in here and could see your face when they yelled surprise.”

  “I was surprised,” I said, my voice flat.

  Lily and Lucas stepped past Stick and me and into the room. Lily going to her parents, hugging them. Her mother kissing Lucas on the cheek and Grayson shaking his hand.

  Caro still stood in the center of the room, waiting for me, though her hand had dropped. My father moved to stand next to her, placing his hand at her back, much like Stick had done with me.

  I bristled at the thought that Stick and I were—in any way—like my father and Caro. Stick, feeling my tension, bent and whispered in my ear.

  “Shit. Did we fuck up? Say the word and we’re out of here. Let them eat the damn cake by themselves.”

  And that was what gave me the strength to smile and enter the room, embraced by my father and his ex-wife.

  Stick had my back.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Stick

  Shit. She hated this. With a passion. It was obvious, at least to me. And to Lily too, judging by the concerned look she gave Jane about a half-hour into the party. Then Lily looked over at me, seeing if I was aware.

  I nodded at her that I was, and that seemed to be enough for Lily, who went back to putting food on a plate from the huge buffet that someone had laid out in the dining room. Caterers probably, as it seemed too much to have come just from Dotty. And the birthday cake was definitely from a bakery—it looked like a miniature wedding cake, for Christ’s sake.

  It was lovely and tasteful…and it seemed like Jane hated it.

  I got that maybe the shock of the surprise, and the surrounding subterfuge, would have thrown her off her game, but now, a couple of hours in, she still hadn’t warm
ed up to the idea that these people were here to help her celebrate turning nineteen.

  Elliot Somethingorother was walking around with his phone taking pictures and shooting video. He’d been there other times when I had, taking meetings with Caro about the campaign. I didn’t think he’d been here when Jane had been, and I could tell that she was uncomfortable around him. Or uncomfortable with him taking pictures of the whole thing.

  I mostly hung with Syd—the third roommate Jane had spoken about, but whom I’d never met. She was cool, and seemed to get how uncomfortable Jane was with it all.

  “You know,” she said to me as we sat in the living room, plates from the buffet balanced on our laps, “Jane never even mentioned that it was her birthday today. And I don’t mean just today. Most people will say stuff like ‘my birthday’s coming up’ or ‘when I turn nineteen in a couple of weeks’ or something like that. Nothing from Jane. If Grayson hadn’t mentioned it to Lily, and then planned this party, we would never have known. Don’t you find that weird?”

  For most college kids, yes. But not Jane. Well, yeah, I found it weird even for Jane, but the fact that Jane did stuff out of the norm no longer surprised me.

  “I mean,” Syd continued, “obviously Jane’s good at keeping secrets.” She looked pointedly at me—the biggest secret Jane was keeping. Had been keeping. “But why bother hiding your birthday?”

  “Maybe she didn’t want any fuss?” I said as I watched Jane. She’d gotten a plate from the buffet and had come back into the living room with it. When her eyes found Syd and me, I motioned with my head to the empty seat beside me on the couch. And then (God, I hated to admit it) held my breath until she gave a small nod and moved toward me.

  Man, she was a knockout in that green dress. The way it hugged her curves, outlined her gorgeous bust and hips, which were all swaying slightly with every step she took. The dress brought out her green eyes, and her straightened hair was sleek and stylish.

  And…hot as she was, it wasn’t the Jane I knew. The Jane I craved. Though I sure craved getting her alone and peeling that tight dress down and over all that body.