1: Chaos - Pack Alpha

by Carys Weldon

  It was just a cover. Leer had a ton of things going on back then. Including a plan to take his brother down. I felt it, but I was afraid to accuse him pointblank. I thought please leave.

  I didn’t like feeling like his joke on his brother. But that’s how he left us, with me feeling stupid again, and Chaos trying to figure out what the hell he’d been up to.

  Chaos and I spent a lot of time just being quiet. I guess that’s how we knew we were really meant for each other. It was okay for us to not think when we were together.

  Leer looked back at us when he reached the door, and he smiled--more to himself than anything. But he intruded in our heads again by saying enjoy it while it lasts, life is short.

  Call me crazy, but I do think he wanted us to grab a little happiness. And he was damn right, life is short. Snagging a little pleasure while we could wasn’t unreasonable.

  The minute the door closed behind him, Chaos turned to me, to watch my profile. I was still struggling with feeling like the butt of Leer’s private joke, and trying to figure out why he wanted me to be with Chaos. I mean, what was that all about?

  “Don’t try and figure out his little head games, Tee. You’ll waste a lot of time. Believe me, I know.”

  So, I swiveled in the booth and asked him pointblank, “Why is it funny to him, to see us together?”

  My eyes may have been a little glassy from all the wine I’d imbibed. I was feeling a little reckless.

  “I told you. I’ve been watching you for a long time.”

  “And what’s that mean?”

  He put his hand over mine and took several seconds skimming his thumb over the flesh on the back of my hand, picking his words. “It means I’ve been real careful to avoid you.”

  That confused me. I tried to pull my hand out of his, but he tightened his grip, explaining, “I can’t afford to let anyone in, Tee.”

  I got it. So he picked me because I was tough, I never let anyone in?

  Yeah. That kicked me in the gut.

  Fronting, I let out a little laugh, played the playa. “Whew. That’s a relief. I told you, I don’t really want any of your shit.”

  “But--”

  I knew where he was going. But I’d told Leer different.

  Yeah. And I felt--different. But that didn’t mean I was letting him know it.

  “Look. Your brother was pushing buttons. I just backed you up. No harm. No foul. Right? Also,” I added this before he could respond, “no obligation. Capiche?”

  The capiche seemed to go with the atmosphere. He was tough. I was tough. We didn’t need to feel anything to screw around with each other. Right?

  I watched him close. More than anything, I wanted him to refute my words, to swear undying love for me. But that’s not real. He was protecting. Who doesn’t do that?

  His adam’s apple did do a number or two before he shrugged things off, and poured us another round. Damn bottle was almost empty by then. We both drank up.

  I guess he decided to really piss me off, then. He said, “So, you want me to tell you about last night?”

  That felt like a challenge, straight up. I didn’t want to leave, though, so I said, “Sure. Let her rip.” Then I smiled, just for good measure. But I was gritting my teeth, felt sick all of a sudden.

  He licked his lips, watching me with a keen eye. “I saw you the minute you walked in to the club, you know.”

  “Right.” I didn’t believe that.

  “Watched you slink your ass in, wearing that Gaia-damned mini-skirt that begged for attention.”

  I was too big for it. It was too short. But I was beyond caring, wanted to be the real me, living on the edge, not giving a damn what other people thought, so, voila, I wore it, even it if was two sizes too small.

  When I didn’t react to his words, he kept going. “Watched you climb up onto that barstool, order a drink, and cross your legs.”

  My legs are long, and in pretty good shape. I reclined a little, myself, putting some space between us. I could just feel something building up in him.

  The memory. That’s what it was. His muscles were bunching up, just thinking about how he felt while watching me, and what was going on.

  I interrupted him. “Why didn’t you come over and say something? I mean, if you liked what you saw?”

  Living for the minute, I kicked off a shoe and stuck my toes in his crotch, felt up the bulge in his pants. His hand squeezed me against him, held it there, just as sure as his gaze pinned me, too.

  “I wanted to.”

  I pushed with my toes. He closed his eyes briefly.

  But then he said, “I have a little trouble concentrating in places like that.” He was referring to all the thoughts that whizzed past him in a crowded place. I think he stored all the info and sifted through it later, when he was alone. “But I narrowed in on you.”

  That brought a little smile to my lips, and I dragged the wine flute to them, took a sip. “That surprises me. I mean, you always have a ton of honeys around you.” In fact, I remembered distinctly that there’d been a table full of women with him and his boys. That, at least, was a clear memory for me.

  Must’ve got through to him, that I’d been watching him as much as he’d been watching me. His cock swelled beneath my foot. Instant arousal to full attention. I mean, he’d been semi-hard before, but knowing that I’d been looking at him, maybe seeing my own memory, jacking through my emotions when I saw him with chicks under both arms, did something to him. He sat forward, letting go of my foot. Not that I moved it. Just bent my knee a tad to give him room for the adjustment.

  “Tee, I’ve been fucking hot for you for as long as I can remember.”

  I laughed. “Now that’s bullshit.”

  But it wasn’t coming across like it was. He had this serious glint in his eyes, and he was willing to me to believe him. You can’t fight that, not when he’s hypnotizing you like that.

  “You had two kamikazes.”

  That surprised me, that he was paying enough attention from across the crowded club to know what I’d been drinking.

  “The second one had the drug in it. I watched the bartender making it, saw the sleight of hand, heard him tell you that he was getting off shift, watched you drink it in a big chug before I could get to you.”

  So, I blinked a little. He wasn’t blinking at all. In an even voice, he said, “I reached past you, grabbed him by the throat, and yanked him over the bar, dead at your feet.”

  My eyebrows went up. He was serious.

  The picture swam in my brain, another surreal recollection. No wonder I’d buried it. Yeah. I remember that it had happened so fast that I hadn’t had time to back up, or anything.

  Nobody really knew what was up. But the minute Chaos had reached for the guy, shifting to crinos, growling a roar of fury, his posse had broke out.

  Picture me, too stunned to move, not knowing what the hell had happened. The drug had been a heavy dose, quadruple heavy, I’m guessing, because I was going woozy even then, and I’d only had it in my system for a few minutes, if that. Maybe it was laced with something else.

  But it had been titillating, I know that. Because, as much as I was losing it, I was heating up between my legs. That could have been a reaction to Chaos in crinos. I’m telling you, he’s got some pheromones going on.

  His voice wasn’t much more than a growl when he said, “I had to get you out of there.”

  It was all coming back to me, though. A bouncer had jumped him, and then another. And one thing led to the next before the whole place was bloody.

  I murmured, “I must’ve been stupefied, to not go crinos in that.” Usually bloodlust kicks in.

  “You were limp, honey.”

  “So, what did you do?”

  Almost tenderly, he asked gruffly, “What do you think?”

  Trying for humor, to ease his bunching tension, I asked, “Throw me over your shoulder, caveman style?”

  He chuckled, relaxed a little, reached down and pushed my t
oes into his crotch again, nodding, “Yeah. That’s it.”

  “I don’t remember that part.”

  “I’m not surprised.”

  “So...what? You let me crash at your place?”

  Chapter Nine

  I knew there was more to it than me just sleeping in his bed. I mean, I’d smelled the sex when I got up. There was no doubt in my mind that he’d taken advantage of me. I wished, instantly, that I could remember that part.

  So, he obliged me with a grin. Rolling his eyes a little, he shrugged, “I put you on the bed.”

  I’m guessing that was because the homeys were all over his sofa sectional.

  “And then what?” He needed prompting. Picking his words too much. I’m guessing he was trying to decide how to explain it to me.

  He blew out a little laugh. “And then I went and took a fucking shower.”

  “Oh.”

  It made sense. He’d killed a few. Probably had blood all over him.

  That shit goes on all the time in the big city. Those unexplained crimes...they aren’t unexplained, really. That’s garou mafia action. Well, pack politics, and crinos insanity.

  I willed him this: unzip your pants.

  His eyes darkened, but slow and sure, I heard him ease his zipper down and I put my foot to his cock, felt the velvet skin of it beneath the pad of my foot. Neither of us looked around. We didn’t care if other garou had keyed in on the light sound--so light that no one but one of us would have heard. But then, that’s all that hung out there. So, likely as not, everyone knew what was up. Pun intended.

  I teased, “And after the shower, you hung out with the boys, watched some TV. and then fell in beside me, keeping your hands to yourself. Right?”

  “Right.” His lips quirked upward on one side.

  “But you always sleep naked. Right?”

  “Yep.” He was watching me, so close. I think he wanted me to remember our first time together. And I hated to disappoint him, but, hey, I was under the influence. And that was too stinking bad.

  My toe touched liquid, and I went to draw it back. I’d really just wanted to tease him anyway, but he hung onto me, wouldn’t let me retreat.

  “So, I climbed into bed beside you, tired. Beat, actually.”

  I snickered, “Licking your wounds?”

  “Yeah. You could say that.” Honestly, he added, “It didn’t help that you’d completely zonked out on me.”

  “Apparently you managed to revive me at some point.”

  “Oh, hell no. You revived yourself.”

  Silence stretched between us. He was playing me, or so I thought. I grinned. “Then how did I get naked? Stripped myself in a fit of...what? Drug induced lethargy?”

  “Smart ass.” He liked my mouth, I knew it the way his lips were twitching, and the way his eyes were twinkling. “I undressed you.”

  “I thought so.”

  Suddenly, the play went out of the air between us. I saw something in his eyes, that tenderness resurfacing. Turning my chin a little away from him, watching him out of the corner of my eye, I asked, “And what?” I knew there was something that had happened there.

  Chaos lowered his voice, and sweetly, he admitted, “Tee, I never took care of anybody before. Not like that.”

  I tried to discern what that meant. I know, sure as shit, that he’d taken women’s clothes off of them before. And probably in stupors of all kinds.

  “Close your eyes.”

  Part of me was afraid to, but I did it anyway. I’m really surprised he did this next thing, considering that Leer was probably listening in. But then, I think Leer probably saw it the first time it happened. They’ve got some crazy twin thing going on that’s bigger than any old psychic connection.

  He let me see what he saw. Chaos pressed my mind with the vision of him letting go of me on his pallet, feeling my breath against his cheek, him listening to my heart, checking my pulse.

  So, he’d been afraid I was overdosing?

  “Yeah.”

  It was weird, him giving me his thoughts, the connection he was able to give me. I felt his worry.

  I asked, “Why were you so worried? I mean--”

  He cut me off. “Shh. Just feel what I felt, Tee. Let it happen.”

  I felt a racing pulse. His. The way he’d felt helpless.

  Some homey behind him asked, “She okay?”

  Through his eyes, I saw him look around, over his shoulder. The guy was covered in blood, but he was worried, concerned.

  Before that, I’d never thought of his goons like they were people who had any real affection for Chaos. But that man knew that Chaos cared about me, and I had to wonder why.

  I felt Chaos’s gratitude, a sickness in the pit of his stomach, as he said, “Do I look as bad as you do?”

  “Yeah, boss.”

  “Sit with her, while I take a shower.”

  Chaos didn’t let go of my hand until the guy was close. Taking the man’s hand, he put it on my pulse, and said, “Don’t let go. If she stops breathing, you scream for me.”

  It was intense, the way he said it and it sounded like...like he was afraid of losing me. And that stunned me to the bone. To my chest. To somewhere deep inside of me. The place I didn’t dare to inspect.

  I mean, he’d cared that much when he didn’t even know me? Maybe I was superimposing what I wanted somebody to feel about me.

  “No. Just watch, Tee.”

  What seemed like only a second later, he was out of the shower, naked, looking at the guy, and me, asking, “How is she?”

  “Hasn’t changed, boss. Hasn’t moved a muscle. But she’s still breathing. Maybe we should take her to a doctor.”

  “No.” He sat down on the bed, “You go wash up...and thanks.”

  “No problem.” The guy hesitated to leave, though, and he asked, “You want anything?”

  I felt emotion then. Chaos choking up. The vision got watery, as his gaze turned to his friend, and he said, “Pray to Gaia.”

  Electricity frizzled all over my head, and I took both hands to run through my hair, trying to understand this little vision he was giving me.

  “You got it, boss. Me and the boys. I’ll see to it.”

  Fuzzy freaking picture of a blue-gray-lit room, moon illumination through those glass panels in the ceiling, me on the bed, looking dead.

  Chaos leaned over me, sniffed, licked little spatters of blood from my skin. Tender ministrations. His tongue tickled at the neckline of my shirt, until he finally pulled it over my head. He slipped my shoes from my feet, too, and then worked my skirt off.

  Reverently, he looked down at me, fingered around the edges of my undergarments, felt for a pulse on the inside of my thigh. I felt a sadness, heard him whisper, “Don’t leave me before I--”

  I broke the vision by interrupting with, “What are you trying to tell me?”

  Chaos, for being a smooth player, shook his head, “Let me show you, Tee.” And when he put the thought please let me show you in my head, I had to let it go on. But feelings of confusion were taking me over. And I think those were his, as much as mine.

  He didn’t go back to the moment I broke at. He skipped past it, showed me how he stretched out beside me, rolled me onto him, where my face was on his chest, and my body was along his. He held me like that, stared at the ceiling, I think for ages. One hand wrapped around my back, the fingers splayed out over the skin above my waist. The other, he had on my head, and occasionally, he kissed the top of my head, but I felt that his pinky had been spread--to feel my carotid.

  There was a sense of belonging, a relief in the steady, but slow rhythm of my blood flow which managed to drop to sync with his pulse. Steady, constant.

  I didn’t understand. Not really.

  He savored those moments, those hours, when he held me like that.

  Chapter Ten

  Chaos moved my foot, leaned toward me and whispered, “Make no mistake, Tee. I fucked you.”

  You’d think that might have broke
n the spell, but it didn’t. Once again, the intensity in his eyes transmitted itself to me, mesmerized me.

  Sucked in, I said, “Show me. Show me how it felt.” I wanted those moments back, I can tell you that. But somehow, I knew that getting them from his viewpoint would be so much more profound to me. My emotions are always all over the place, confused. His were focused, well defined. And the insight into how he felt about me was something I really needed. I was afraid to trust the connection I was feeling.

  “Close your eyes.”

  Like a good little girl waiting for a treat, I closed them, leaned back and let the images he was sending fill my brain.

  He must’ve drifted off at some point, because there was darkness, but the steady beating of the heart and part of my body felt warm, cozy. That was the side that was draped with a bed partner. Me on him. My leg had slithered over his, and, in my sleep, I was half over his thigh, half across his chest.

  Sensitized, like every nerve ending had woken up to an instant awareness.

  No one was moving anywhere else in the apartment. It was just the two of us on that bed, but I was moving--feeling it from his body. First, it was small, skittering skin touches, slithering fingers, a restless leg. That’s what had woken him up. The bump of my thigh against his manhood.

  Then the feel of my lacey bra against his chest hairs, roughing his one nipple. And my breath as I turned my lips upward, not kissing, just breathing in my sleep--but it was a moaning sleep. He kissed the top of my head again, and checked to see if I was awake. I felt his hand skim my exposed cheek, riffle through my hair--with affection. Relief that I wasn’t in a coma any more?

  Another kiss to the top of my head. Blackness, then the thought, “Thank Gaia.”

  I didn’t want to come out of this trance. It felt so...good. I never would’ve expected that Chaos had this in him. Or that he’d share it with me.

  His lips pressed against mine, but I didn’t open my eyes.

  I felt him around me, crowding me in that booth, but I begged mentally, don’t stop.

  He chuckled. He kissed me some more. Little pecks and licks under my ear.

  But that blended with the dreamy images in my head. I’d done that to him in my sleep. And I’d boldly reached for his hand and brought it to my breast.