That Which Survives

by Ciana Stone

  “No, Paige,” she spoke coolly and with as little emotion as possible. “I am not afraid. I simply have nothing to prove. I have no need to best anyone physically. In fact, I find that people who are so eager to demonstrate physical prowess are lacking in intelligence and awareness.”

  “Well, I guess she told you,” Aaron said jokingly and gave Paige’s shoulders a squeeze.

  Paige, however, was red-faced and openly hostile. Senna expected Paige to hit her at any moment, but Ryan suddenly intervened and took Paige by the arm. “I’m sorry, but I just remembered something important I need to talk to you about. Would all of you excuse us for a few minutes? It’s about the case.”

  “Certainly.” Aaron had the decency to look embarrassed. “Perhaps I should check on the caterers. Excuse me.” The other man, Norman, quickly excused himself. Kendal and Justin didn’t bother to make excuses. They just hurried off to another part of the house, leaving Senna alone with Konnor. She looked up and saw him watching her.

  “I’m sorry,” she said quietly.

  “For?”

  Once again he threw her for a loop. Here she was trying to apologize for being the center of an uncomfortable scene and he seemed to be deliberately trying to antagonize her.

  “Forget it.” She turned to walk away.

  When he took her arm to stop her she jumped. Not just because it surprised her but because his touch made her feel weak in the knees.

  “You are afraid,” he leaned over and whispered softly.

  “Of what?” She tried to pull free but his grasp was too strong.

  He smiled and let go of her arm. “You tell me.”

  Senna had no idea how to respond and so did the only thing she could think of. “Excuse me,” she said and turned and hurried away.

  As she walked down the hallway, she heard muted voices coming from the den. The door was ajar just a crack. She pushed it open a bit more then froze.

  “Come on…” Paige had her arms around Ryan’s neck and their bodies were pressed tightly together. “Admit it.”

  Ryan acted as if he would push her away then stopped. “Paige, this isn’t a good idea. You’re involved with Aaron and—”

  “Forget Aaron,” she cut him off. “Admit it, Ryan. We’ve both been fighting it, but it’s not going away. You want me as much as I want you. Miss Brainchild isn’t what you want. You want a woman with fire, a woman who makes you feel like a real man. She doesn’t do that for you. She’s too tame, too…spiritless.”

  “Paige,” Ryan’s protest came out sounded half-hearted. “We can’t do this.”

  “Oh yes we can.” She pulled him to her for a long and passionate kiss.

  Senna stood in shocked silence. Ryan didn’t try to break away from the embrace. Instead, his hands moved down Paige’s back to her full backside to pull her tighter against his groin.

  She didn’t need to see any more. Whirling around, she ran smack into Konnor Chase. He caught her as she rebounded off him. “Let go!” she whispered desperately, horrified that Ryan and Paige would discover she had eavesdropped. “Please!”

  “Running?” he asked.

  At that moment she didn’t care about his taunts or what he thought of her courage or lack thereof. All she wanted was to get out of that house and away from what was going on in the den. She felt like a complete idiot.

  “Yes!” she hissed. “Does that satisfy you?”

  He didn’t reply but led her down the hall and out the front door. She didn’t make a sound as he led her to his car and opened the door for her. For a moment she hesitated. As angry and humiliated as she was, she still wasn’t sure she wanted to be closed up in a car with Konnor Chase. But she didn’t have many options.

  She got in the car and stared straight ahead and he walked around and slid in behind the wheel. Neither of them spoke as he started the car and pulled out of the driveway. When they reached the entrance of the development, he stopped and looked at her. “Where do you want to go?”

  “As far from here as possible,” she spoke without considering her answer.

  He shrugged and pulled out onto the main thoroughfare.

  * * * * *

  Ryan ended the kiss, pushing Paige away and holding her at arm’s length. “We can’t do this.” He tried to put conviction he was not sure he felt into his words.

  “Why?” she argued. “It’s not like you’re married, or even engaged. What’s there to stop us?”

  “How about Aaron?” he asked. “Have you considered what it will do to your relationship with him when he finds out?”

  She rolled her eyes. “Who says he has to find out?”

  Ryan let go of her and stepped back. “Let me get this straight. You want me but you still want Aaron?”

  “Want Aaron?” She laughed and sat down on the couch, crossing her legs so that her skirt rode even higher on her thighs. “Sexually, no.”

  “I don’t get it.” He couldn’t help but watch her hands move on her legs.

  Paige smiled and wiggled her index finger for him to come to her. “Why do we have to analyze this? I want you, you want me. The chemistry’s been building between us since the day we met and we both know it. So why continue to deny it? We both know what we want and there’s nothing to prevent us from having it. And I don’t see that it has to change anything. Aaron doesn’t own me, and as far I can see you and the nerd queen aren’t going anywhere. Besides, we’re partners, remember? There’s any number of excuses we can come up with to be together. No one will suspect anything.”

  Ryan realized at that moment that Paige was not at all who he thought she was. He would not deny that she excited him. He did want her. But he had assumed that the attraction went beyond the physical. It appeared that he was wrong.

  “I can’t do this,” he said at last.

  “Why?”

  “Because it’s wrong.”

  “For who?”

  “For who?” he echoed her question in surprise. “Come on, Paige! For everyone. What you’re suggesting is that we cheat on the people we’re involved with.”

  “I don’t see it as cheating,” she argued.

  “Well, I do.”

  She smiled and smoothed her dress down as she stood. “Poor baby, you’re just nervous.”

  “Nervous about what?” Aaron’s voice came from the door.

  Paige turned with a bright smile as if he had not just walked in on a very personal conversation. “Why the case, silly. You know Ryan. He’s always so nervous that he’s going to overlook something and someone will point it out.”

  Aaron regarded her for a moment then looked at Ryan. “I thought you might like to know that Senna just left with Konnor Chase. Without saying goodbye, I might add.”

  “What?” Ryan’s heart jumped at the same time guilt claimed him.

  Aaron raised an eyebrow. “Trouble in paradise?”

  Ryan had a sinking feeling in his stomach that maybe Senna had seen or overheard part of what happened between him and Paige. He couldn’t think of any other reason she would have left without him.

  “I better go,” he said.

  “Why?” Paige asked and he looked at her like she was stupid.

  “Well, she did leave with another man,” Paige pointed out. “So why should you chase after her. Seems clear to me that she took the first opportunity to dump you.”

  “Did it occur to you that perhaps she was upset over the comments that were made earlier regarding her seeing Ian Drake?” Aaron asked.

  “She’s really seeing Dr. Drake?” Ryan asked. “Are you sure? I thought you were just giving her a hard time.”

  Paige gave him a look of mock sympathy. “Well, it’s clear as can be that she hasn’t been very honest with you at all. Everyone knows she’s been in therapy for years.”

  Ryan looked at Aaron for confirmation. “Is that true?”

  Aaron nodded. “I’m afraid so.”

  “Why?” Ryan looked from one of them to the other.

  “Perhaps you sh
ould speak with Kendal,” Aaron suggested. “In the meantime, I’d like to have a word in private with Paige, if you don’t mind.”

  “Sure,” Ryan agreed. He did want to talk to Kendal. Suddenly it seemed like everyone he thought he knew had been pulling the wool over his eyes all along.

  * * * * *

  Senna was silent and still as they rode. Konnor was busy with his own thoughts. Despite what Slater had told him, and Shen’s insistence that he accept the assignment, he didn’t know if he could play this game with Senna Laserian, because Shen was right. She had awakened feelings in him that he had believed were dead.

  It had been many years since he had felt any sort of emotion for a woman. His ability to love had died a long time ago when the only woman he had ever loved was gunned down in Syria before his eyes. He had blamed Slater for that for years but eventually he came to blame himself. Since that time he hadn’t cared for another person. Not because he wouldn’t let himself. He simply had no feelings to give.

  Then she had walked into his life, quite literally out of the blue. When he saw her that first night, at the school, he had felt something burst to life inside him, something he had thought would never be resurrected. One look at her and he was filled with a hunger he had almost forgotten.

  As much as he didn’t want to, he had to admit that the feelings scared him in a way nothing else could. And when he was scared he naturally twisted his fear into anger and rage. That was the only way he could deal with it. Even now he had to maintain strict control over himself so that the defenses that transformed his fear would not erupt.

  He cut a look at her, sitting so rigidly in her seat, staring ahead like a statue. His hands tightened on the steering wheel. She was so beautiful with her long dark hair and sea-green eyes. She didn’t seem to be aware of her own beauty. She dressed modestly, in a loose shift of black silk that covered her from neck to knee, only hinting at the curves hidden beneath the material. Her jewelry was simple, no rings, no bracelets, only a single gold chain with an unadorned black opal and a plain gold watch. Elegant and perfect.

  Konnor wondered about the things Paige had said about Senna. Slater had promised to have a dossier delivered tomorrow on her, so as yet he knew nothing about her. She didn’t seem like someone with psychological problems. So what was Paige talking about?

  * * * * *

  Ryan stood and rubbed his hands over his face. “Why didn’t she tell me?”

  “I don’t know.” Kendal looked up at him from where she sat at the kitchen table. “Maybe she was embarrassed.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” He looked at Justin, who sat beside Kendal.

  “It wasn’t my place,” Justin replied. “And bear in mind that Kendal wasn’t supposed to tell me to begin with. I’m sure Dr. Drake wouldn’t appreciate knowing that his trusted secretary was discussing his patients outside the office.”

  “So how did Paige find out?” Ryan asked.

  “She overheard me talking to Aaron one night when the four of us went to dinner,” Kendal said. “See, Aaron had come in to see Dr. Drake. He said he was having some difficulty with all the stress and pressure of his job and thought it might beneficial to have someone to discuss things with. A lot of professional people are in therapy, you know. In fact, it’s kind of a fad. Anyway, Senna was leaving one afternoon when he arrived for an appointment. He didn’t mention it at the time, but when we went to dinner he brought it up and…well, I had been drinking a little and kind of let things slip. But I didn’t know he would tell Paige!”

  Ryan paced back and forth for a few seconds. “So, do you think that’s why she left with Konnor? Because reference was made to her being in therapy?

  “I don’t know,” Kendal realized. “Paige was pretty nasty.”

  “She didn’t mean—”

  “Dammit, Ryan, why do you always defend her?” Kendal jumped up. “Is there something going on between you two?”

  Ryan looked away as he answered. “Of course not!”

  Kendal’s hands went to her hips. “I might have known.”

  “Honey, don’t jump to conclusions,” Justin urged. “Ryan and Paige work together. When you spend that much time with someone you naturally develop a relationship with them. But that doesn’t mean they’re having an affair.”

  “Doesn’t it?” She looked pointedly at Ryan.

  “I’m not going to discuss this,” he said and started for the back door. “I’m going to see Senna.”

  Kendal and Justin watched him leave. “Maybe I should call and warn her he’s on his way,” Kendal said.

  “I think we both should stay out of it.”

  “But she’s my friend!”

  He took her arm and steered her out of the room. “You mean she used to be.”

  * * * * *

  Senna was so caught up in being humiliated and hurt about being betrayed by her friends, and her insecurity about being with Konnor, that she didn’t pay attention to the direction they were headed. Suddenly she noticed there were no longer any streetlights.

  “Where are we going?

  “Somewhere quiet.”

  She watched his profile for a few moments, trying to think of something to say. She didn’t really know anything about him and normally she didn’t put herself into the position of being with anyone she didn’t know and trust.

  “What type of martial arts do you teach?” she asked, trying to fill the silence.

  “Shorinji Kempo.”

  “Exactly what is that?”

  Konnor looked at her for a moment then back at the road. “It is essentially a modern style of karate that was created by So Doshin sometime after the Second World War. Shorinji Kempo is the Japanese translation of the Chinese Shaolin-si, combined with Quanfa, which means kempo. The Shaolin-se was a very family monastery in China where various forms of ‘boxing’ were taught so that the monks could defend themselves.

  “So Doshin studied in China for many years and when he returned home to Japan he established a school based on the techniques he had learned at the Shaolin-si, and this was known as Shorinji Kempo. In the early 1970s it was given the name of Nippon Shorinji Kempo.”

  “Is kempo the same thing as karate?”

  “In a manner of speaking, yes.” He glanced at her. “Shorinji Kempo might be described as a mixture of aikido, judo, and karate. According to So Doshin, it teaches us that the body and mind are inseparable and that we should train the two entities by the practice of Kempo and Zen meditation. There are over six hundred postures, displacements, body movements, attacks, blocks and atemim, or body blows that place the main emphasis on defense and evasion.”

  Senna nodded her comprehension of what he had explained. “And you have reached the level of Kokoro?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then you have achieved kokoro-e”

  He gave her a shocked look. ‘Where have you learned such terms?”

  “I really don’t know,” she admitted.

  “But you understand what kokoro-e is?”

  “Intellectually, yes…I think. It is the…the spirit of true understanding.”

  Konnor nodded with a frown of confusion on his face. “Have you ever been to Japan?”

  “No, I don’t think so. I’ve been to China several times when I was a child, and once to Malaysia, but never to Japan. At least not that I remember.”

  “Do you have trouble with your memory?”

  Senna turned to look at him. “What makes you ask that?”

  “You seem upset by the question.”

  She turned away and looked out the window. For a long time there was silence. Konnor turned off the paved road onto a gravel drive that wound through the trees. In a clearing stood a small house, finished in natural wood with a wrap-around porch. He stopped the car and turned to look at her.

  “Is this your house?” she asked.

  “Yes.”

  “Why did you bring me here?”

  “It’s as far from where you were as you can get.
”

  She turned to look at him curiously. “Now what?”

  “Now we either go in and have something to eat, or we sit out here and be cold.”

  She didn’t know that it was such a good idea, but her curiosity was aroused. Konnor preceded her to the house and unlocked the door. Senna entered, surprised at what she saw.

  The whole house seemed to be open and accessible. The front room, or living area, was separated from the kitchen only by a bar where four bar stools sat. On the right of the living area was a large archway through which she could see the bedroom. On the left was a door leading out to a large deck. It was simple, clean, and uncluttered.

  “This is nice,” she said in genuine appreciation.

  “Thanks.” He pointed to one of the stools at the bar. “Have a seat.”

  She perched on a stool and watched as he took an old iron wok and a big pot from beneath the cabinet then started taking vegetables from the refrigerator.

  “You never answered,” he said as he started preparing the food.

  “What?”

  “Do you have a problem with your memory?”

  She looked down at her hands on the counter and for a moment clasped them nervously. She never talked about her past. It was not something she was comfortable talking about. Even Ryan didn’t know, and she had been dating him almost a year.

  Konnor turned and looked at her and the moment their eyes met, she changed her mind. She didn’t understand why, but she wanted to tell him. She wanted him to understand.

  “Well, it’s a long story,” she said.

  “I’m listening,” he replied and turned back to his task.

  She took a deep breath and started talking. He finished the meal of vegetables and rice and filled two plates. He sat across from her at the bar as she told him about traveling with her parents when she was young, and about them being killed. She lost her memory and two years of her life. She said only that her Aunt Minora had taken her in after that and that they were very close.

  “So when Min was in the accident, I quit Fermilab and took a job teaching at the university so I could be near her,” she finished.

  Konnor sipped his tea thoughtfully, studying her face in silence. She began to get uncomfortable under this scrutiny and looked away.