THE HEALING HEART

by Zelda Clemens

  But now they were all dead, except for him. In a morose way, it had all worked out for the best. None of the other Marines would ever contest Ross’ claim to fatherhood. None of them had even mentioned it in the weeks following the drunken celebration, and one by one, as they failed to return from the action, her fears shifted from worrying about too many potential fathers, to her baby ending up with none at all.

  She’d often wondered how much her fiancée remembered of that night. Only Alice had spoken to her about it, in a low and embarrassed voice, filling in a few of the details Avery had forgotten. She’d never even heard of double penetration, never mind tried it.

  But Alice had.

  *****

  Five minutes later, Ross returned, carrying a large, fluffy towel.

  “What’s that for?”

  “I thought I could wrap you up in it. It’s fresh from the radiator.”

  “A warm fluffy towel? You’re so thoughtful.”

  “And your bath is running.”

  “What about our crime-fighting cartoon girls?”

  “Enjoying the warm water. The bathroom smells odd.” His jaw stretched into a huge yawn.

  “I told you those scents were restful.”

  He blinked his eyes wide. “I might not be awake long enough to join you in the water.”

  “Oh? You’re thinking of joining me?”

  “Isn’t there room for a little one in there?”

  “There’s nothing little about you, Marine.”

  “So that’s a no?” He pouted.

  She stood on tip-toe and kissed him. “I’m sure I could squeeze you in somewhere, big guy.”

  “Does that mean that’s a promise?”

  “I haven’t seen you for six weeks. What do I you think?”

  “Is it still safe, babe? I mean, with the bump and everything?”

  “So long as we’re careful, babe. There are ways we can manage.”

  “I’m suddenly wide awake again. Let’s go upstairs? I can carry you if you like.”

  She shook her head. “I’m shocked. One mention of physical contact with me and you’re a powerhouse.”

  “You’re going to say you can manage to walk up the stairs, aren’t you?”

  “Sweetheart, I’ve been painting the nursery all week. If you remember, the nursery is upstairs, as is the bedroom. What do you think?”

  “I think you’re a capable and independent woman.”

  “Textbook answer, Marine.” She tapped his nose with a forefinger, then headed for the door.

  “What about the warm towel?”

  She shook her head. “It’d fall off as I walked.” She patted her swollen belly. “Plus, this would stick out too much. Put it back on the radiator, and I’ll enjoy it later.”

  “As you wish.”

  “Now, lead me to that scented bath.”

  She took his hand. It was twice as big as hers. Ross had huge hands. He could cup both her butt cheeks in one hand, which she found hilarious. He followed silently as she led him toward the bathroom. As she walked, her free hand unfastened the buttons on the over-size lumberjack shirt. By the time they stepped into the bathroom, the shirt was open. Avery slipped it from her shoulders and allowed it to fall to the floor, leaving her naked and proudly pregnant.

  Ross stared. “Babe, your boobs are huge!”

  “One of the benefits of pregnancy, sweetheart.” She cupped her swollen breasts. “Do you like them?”

  “Your nipples are twice as big as before.”

  She glanced down at her darkened areolas. “All the better to kiss, big guy. But later. I really need that bath.” Ross held her hand as she stepped carefully into the tub. He couldn’t help but glance at her neatly-trimmed pubic hair as her legs parted briefly.

  Once she was settled into the warm water, he stripped off his t-shirt, pulling it over his head with unnecessary slowness, revealing tantalizing glimpses of hard, rounded pectorals and a hard stomach. Her man was pure eye candy, she decided. She caught her lower lip between her teeth as her gaze drifted to the swelling at the front of his boxers, and the stretched material which struggled to contain his manhood. He hooked his thumbs into the waistband and pulled downward, revealing tight, wiry curls of dark hair.

  Avery watched with a smile as his swelling excitement was revealed to her hungry eyes. For weeks, she’d dreamed about having her man home again, to be held and protected by his strong arms. She’d slide into bed and cuddle his pillow, pretending he was there with her, and in the darkness, she got herself wet by imagining what she would do with him when she got him into bed—and what she’d love him to do to her.

  For the moment, she was content to feel his hands on her body. She leaned forward and used cupped hands to trickle water down her back as he soaped up his palms. When she was ready for him, he slowly massaged her shoulders, rubbing the tense muscles around her neck until she sighed contentedly.

  “I’ve missed you doing that,” she said.

  “Then I’ll try to make up for lost time.”

  *****

  The three days flew by, and it seemed only moments before she was hugging Ross at the door. She dreaded him leaving her again, fearful he wouldn’t return to her. He was the last of the twelve, and her only remaining hope of a proper family. She clung to him tightly, as if she could prevent him from leaving her. But his departure was inevitable. It was what he did. It was purely by chance, and good fortune that he’d survived the brutality of war. She could easily have been hugging Casper, Manny or Jeff. Even now, she knew one of them might be little Erica’s biological father, even though Ross would be the one the little girl would know and love. Would any of the others have shown such loving dedication to her? She doubted it, although she’d never know for certain, not now.

  “Come back safe,” she pleaded as he opened the door and stepped outside.

  “Always do,” he said.

  The others didn’t, she thought. It felt too fatalistic to say the words out loud.

  “I’ll see you in ten days.”

  “I need you,” she said. “I need you to come back to me.”

  “Don’t work too hard on the nursery.”

  “I won’t. Now you’ve shifted the furniture for me, it’ll be easier.”

  “Try to put your feet up more. Relax.”

  “I won’t relax until you’re home again.”

  He kissed her forehead. “I’ll call every night if it’d help.”

  “It would.” His hands slid through hers, and then he was out of reach, heading back to his unit, and the war which had taken the lives of his buddies. Avery watched with a heavy heart until he drove away, then she closed the door and faced her empty house. Suddenly, it was too much for her to bear. She needed to be with someone, a friend who understood.

  A friend like Alice.

  *****

  “That’s terrible,” Alice said. Her eyes glittered as tears formed. She dashed them away quickly and picked up her coffee mug.

  “I know, right? Ross tried to be matter-of-fact about losing his buddies, but I could see he was he was struggling to hold it in.”

  “Did you get him to talk about it? Talking can help.”

  “No, he’ll deal with it in his own way. He would never have let himself cry in front of me, anyway. You know how guys are.”

  Alice rolled her eyes. “Yeah, I know how guys are.”

  “He’s gone back to his unit now.” She toyed with her mug. “I hope they don’t send him anywhere dangerous.”

  Alice squeezed Avery’s hand. “He’s a Marine, babe. That’s what they do. Dangerous stuff.”

  “I’m so worried…” Avery choked back a sob. “…that he might not…”

  “Might not come back?”

  “Mm-hmm.” Avery pressed a paper napkin to her eyes. “I don’t… I don’t…”

  “Hey, hey. It’ll be fine.” Alice squeezed her hand again. “You’ll see.”

  “It wasn’t fine… for Jeff and… and Casper, and… Manny�
�”

  Alice sighed. “I liked Manny. I liked him a lot.”

  Avery managed to smile. “I think I remember. Three times, wasn’t it?”

  “Oh, it’s coming back to you, is it?”

  “Little bits. In a way I’m disappointed I remember so little.”

  “It was a wild night. I don’t even understand how it started.”

  “I do. You were groping the Sergeant. He dared you to take your top off, so you did.”

  “Did I really?”

  “And then you dragged me into the circle of Marines. I think you were regretting what you did and needed a buddy.”

  “Do you hate me? I mean, it was my fault you got pregnant.”

  “Hate you? Of course not. It was a crazy night, and I loved it. I’d never do it again, but it was amazing—the bits I remember.”

  “I’ll never forget seeing you on all fours, with one guy banging you from behind, another in your mouth, and three others waiting to take their turn. They were standing around stroking themselves as they watched.”

  Avery’s cheeks warmed. “I wonder what they were thinking right then? I was being a total slut that night.”

  “They were probably grateful as hell. I imagine most men never get to see something like that.”

  “They were Marines, Alice. Not most men. Maybe that was a regular gig for those guys.”

  “Yeah, maybe. But I never heard one woman say ‘fuck’ so many times in one night.”

  “I can get vulgar when I’m in the sack.”

  “Manny had me swearing like…” She smiled sadly. “Like a Marine. He was a good lay. I’m sad he’s gone.”

  “You had feelings for him?”

  “I liked the guy a lot. We met up a few times after that night and had some fun times. Then we lost touch. I still miss him.”

  “Were you going to be an item?”

  “What, get engaged? If he’d asked me, I might have said yes.” She stared into her mug. “I liked him…”

  It was Avery’s turn to squeeze her friend’s hand. “Everyone liked him, babe. He was a good guy.”

  Alice nodded mutely, with tears pooling in her eyes. Avery handed her a napkin and she accepted it gratefully, dabbing her eyelids until they dried.

  “So do you think you’ll ever tell him? About the baby, I mean?”

  “Ross was the first to make love to me, and I woke up in his arms next morning. As far as he knows, he’s the father.”

  Alice hesitated before she spoke. “But he might not be.”

  “What should I tell him, Alice? ‘Sorry, babe, but eleven other guys had sex with me while you weren’t looking.’ It would break his heart.”

  “No, you’re right. Ignorance is bliss.”

  “He’d be happier not knowing.”

  “But secrets can be painful to swallow.”

  “And the truth can be a stab in the heart.”

  Alice sighed. “I’m not helping to cheer you up much, am I?”

  “It helps to talk.”

  “But shopping is much better. Come on, let’s go hit some stores.”

  “As long as one of them is a maternity store. I’m running out of things to wear.”

  “I know just the place.”

  *****

  By the time Avery returned home, she was more cheerful. Alice had treated her to a tour of all the best shops, where every third one allowed Avery to sit and rest for a while. Her burden of shopping was light, but useful, and included half-a-dozen maternity dresses that would allow her to feel feminine, and not need to wear Ross’s old shirts any more—unless she chose to.

  But her aching feet demanded rest, and her back cried out for warm, soothing water. Her first stop was the bathroom, where she attended to her immediate needs, and once she was more comfortable, she ran a soothing bath, scented with her favorites, lavender and lotus.

  Once the water was deep enough, she undressed and stepped in. Warmth immediately infused her calves. As she sank down, the bliss spread through her weary body, soothing her so completely, she groaned. It was wonderful to lie back and put her worries aside for the moment, although she missed having Ross at her back. She’d enjoyed having him sit behind her so she could rest on his chest, as she’d done on his first day home.

  The downside, if it could be called that, was that he couldn’t keep his hands off her body. What had begun as a gentle massage had ended with his hands between her legs. Her orgasm had been sudden and delightful, and the bath had soon been abandoned as she dragged him off to the bedroom.

  She smiled. Dragged was the wrong word to use. He’d been keen and hungry for sex, even though she was over six months pregnant. What had followed had been deep and intense, leaving her shaking and breathless. The memory of their love-making was still strong, sending a warm shiver through Avery. Her fingers slipped between her legs to stroke herself, imagining Ross was with her again, touching her and making her feel loved and special.

  But as quickly as the impulse to masturbate had arisen, it faded as she considered what a life alone would feel like. How dare she try to find pleasure when Ross was in danger? She’d no idea what he was doing at that moment. He might be relaxing in a bar, or flying into a fire fight. It would be several hours before he called to reassure her, which meant several hours of worry, which was bad for the baby.

  So she tried to relax, letting her fingers rest on the patch of neatly-trimmed hair. She stroked herself idly, finding the motion soothing without raising any guilt. As she touched herself, she pictured Ross returning home safely to her, imagining rightly or wrongly that his C.O. would allow him time off to help her once little Erica arrived in the world. The military didn’t operate in the same way as private companies, so paternity was by no means guaranteed.

  Her fingers drew up slippery wetness that had nothing to do with the bath water. She was surprised, but was happy to spread the natural lubrication across her lips and up to her clitoris.

  Somewhere in the background, her phone started to ring, but she ignored it. This was her time, and she was going to use it to relax properly. If the call was important, whoever it was would call back. She closed her eyes and slid down a little further, until her chin touched the water. Her bump rose above the surface, a tight, fleshy island in a warm, narrow sea. Her fingers continued stroking, heating her from the inside as the water warmed her skin. She was moving with more determination now, sliding fingers between her outer lips from her tight opening, up to her hardening bud. Her mouth opened and her short gasps echoed from the sides of the bath. Internal muscles squeezed and relaxed as her slippery fingers stroked, then circled, stroked then circled.

  Her phone finally stopped, then beeped to tell her she’d missed the call.

  Oh shut up… she thought. Despite three days of naked snuggles with Ross, she needed this release. She’d been tense since he left, and she was taking back control. In the weeks he’d been away, she’d touched herself every night as she lay in bed. Now was the time to re-establish her routine.

  Her orgasm was gentle, and swift. She groaned out inarticulate words between gritted teeth as her muscles shivered, and her nerves lit up. Heat flushed through her, leaving her wonderfully relaxed once it had passed. Even so, the temptation to continue was strong.

  “No, Avery, once is enough—for now. There’s always tonight.”

  She lay still until her heart slowed to a quiet rumble, then climbed to her feet—with some difficulty. The combination of the supporting water and her still-trembling legs made standing somewhat problematic. Instead of drying herself, she wrapped a soft bath towel around her body, shook the water from her feet, then padded into the living-room to see who had called earlier.

  “Alice… what do you want?” She put the phone down and headed for the coffee machine. Alice was an incurable gossip. They’d been shopping for over four hours, giving her plenty of time to chatter, and she was calling up already? Whatever it was could wait a few more minutes, she decided.

  Still sighing
from her gentle orgasm, she fixed herself a cup of black coffee, then settled onto the sofa to call her friend. “What’s up, bestie?”

  “Ceel!” Alice’s voice was tight with stress. “Ceel, it’s awful!”

  “Alice?”

  “It’s on the news. Have you seen it?”

  “What?”

  “The plane crash.”

  “The what?”

  “Plane crash. Didn’t you hear me? A military transport. It’s gone down!”

  “Calm, down Alice.”

  “I can’t. It took off this morning, heading back to the war. It crashed, Ceel. It crashed.”

  “Where? What?”

  “Put the news channel on. You’ll see. Oh, God, Ceel. I’m so…” Her voice tightened and she was unable to speak. Avery fumbled for the remote and the big TV brightened. Alice was right. The TV crew were panning across a stretch of sand, where a wide black line had been gouged. Tiny fragments littered the ground on both sides of the dark scar. Avery stared in horror. Small, choking sounds filled her ear.

  “It doesn’t have to be…” Avery murmured. “It could be anything.” Captions appeared on the screen, identifying the desert area, which was over five hundred miles away. Any airplane could have made that scar, she reasoned. Any airplane at all.

  “They said it’s military.” Alice’s voice was barely a whisper.

  Any military airplane at all.

  *****

  Alice slept at Avery’s place. Without her, the two days of hell would have been even worse. Not knowing… that was the hardest part of the process. The military were painfully slow to release any details of the crash, who was aboard, or even where the flight was headed.

  It was forty-eight hours before official confirmation was released—no-one had survived the crash.

  “But we still don’t know…” Alice murmured into Avery’s hair as her friend wept. “We still don’t know.”

  “No one got out, Alice. No one!”

  “But they haven’t told us which transport it was. It could be—”