Their Second-Time Valentine

by Helen Lacey

  “And Frank was never keen on you studying, was he?”

  Layla stilled, tugging on an old memory. Was that true? It was such a long time ago. But yes, she thought, remembering how he’d insisted she work until they had children and then suggesting she quit. That was the plan, until his company began downsizing due to an economic downturn and he was shuffled to another department on a lower salary. And yes, he hadn’t supported her suggestion that she go back to school.

  Funny, she thought, how’d she’d forgotten the way they’d argued about it.

  And the last argument...the night he was killed.

  She shoved the memory away where it belonged and got on with watching her daughter play, finding delight in Erin’s laughter.

  “Dada! Dada!”

  Layla’s heart rolled over and she couldn’t miss her grandmother’s raised brows as Erin wandered around the yard, talking to herself, calling out for her father.

  But not for Frank...and they both knew it.

  “She’s been saying it all the time lately,” Layla admitted.

  “That’s perfectly natural, since he’s the first man to be a part of her life,” Maude assured her. “She clearly loves Kane, and it’s also clear the feeling is mutual. The question is, how do you feel?”

  Confused and guilty.

  When she got home she cooked a casserole and kept checking her cell for messages. Kane called later that afternoon and said he’d see her around seven thirty. Erin was already in bed by the time he arrived and Layla met him at the door and kissed him softly.

  When they got to the kitchen he hung his jacket behind the chair, and as she set out plates he gestured to the laptop on the table.

  “How’s the assignment coming along?”

  “Good,” she replied, and then shrugged. “I think. I’ll be glad when this semester is over.”

  “You know,” he said as he took the plates from her, “I was thinking you should consider talking to Callum about a marketing job. He’s always looking for good people and with the hotel and all the other businesses in the Fortune portfolio, there’s bound to be an opportunity for you.”

  Layla nodded, knowing he was right, but her insecurities were sometimes overpowering. “You know, I haven’t really thought a lot about exactly what I want to do when I get my degree. I think I was just so excited to get started. But you’re right, I should look for opportunity and the Fortunes are good to work for.” She laughed brittlely. “It’s weird to talk about them as though you’re not one of them. Because you are, that’s obvious.”

  “It is?”

  “Sure,” she replied. “You all have that same way about you, you know. It’s like it’s ingrained in your DNA or something. And it’s not about money or social position—it’s about confidence and conviction in your values. You and your brothers have it by the bucketload and I envy that.”

  His brow came up as he sat. “You think you lack conviction?”

  “I think I have at certain times in my life.”

  He disagreed. “It’s easy to look like you have it all together when you have a tight family behind you, Layla. I’ve always felt valued and wanted by the people around me and I’ve never lived with any fear of abandonment.”

  “Like me, you mean?” she asked, and then shook her head. “You don’t need to answer that. But I’m curious, if you’re so switched on, why have you avoided a serious relationship all your life?”

  “Because I’ve never met the right person,” he replied. “Until now.”

  “How can you be so sure?”

  He looked at her, then the look turned into a glare. “Weren’t you sure with Frank?”

  “That was different,” she said hotly. “We’d known each other for a year before we started dating.”

  “Do you really think the length of time matters?”

  “Of course it does. Relationships need time to nurture and grow. They don’t just spring out of the ground in a couple of weeks. Time makes all the difference.”

  “That’s a standard cop-out when you’re on the defensive, Layla,” he said bluntly, and got to his feet, his hands planted on his hips, his chest heaving.

  Heat rushed to her cheeks and she stared at him, seeing the disappointment and frustration in his expression. “You don’t know what I went through...” she said, her words trailing off into little more than a whisper.

  “No, I don’t,” he shot back. “Because you don’t talk about it. You keep everything inside.”

  “I have to,” she said defensively. “For Erin’s sake I need to be sure and—”

  “This isn’t about Erin,” he said, softer, gentler. “She’s not the one with the wall up, Layla.”

  He was right. Erin already adored him...loved him...and would welcome him into her life full-time as her father. But what would that mean? That Frank would be replaced—eventually forgotten—like he’d never existed. And Layla would drown in her guilt...in the knowledge that if she’d made a different choice that night, her husband would still be alive and she wouldn’t be standing in front of another man, pulling on every ounce of strength she possessed to not tell him what was in her heart.

  And suddenly, like a dam bursting, she couldn’t keep it in any longer.

  “We had a fight,” she said, the words barely audible and her insides aching so much she could hardly stand up straight. When Kane frowned, she continued. “That night...the night he was killed...we’d had an argument over the phone. The truth is, we’d been arguing most of that week. The company he worked for had been downsizing. There was a reorg and Frank was moved to another department. It was a demotion with a lower salary. He was unhappy... I knew that. He’d worked for the company a long time and suddenly it was like he didn’t matter. He felt devalued and a little lost, I think.” As the truth poured out, Layla twisted her hands together, tears in her eyes, her throat raw with emotion. “Looking back, I don’t think I was very understanding. I had Erin, and I was worried about how we were going to get by financially and deep down I was resentful that I’d given up all of my own career aspirations when we got together. I had all of these feelings going on in my head and when he called me that night and said he was staying late after work to have a drink with a couple of his work friends, I got angry and told him to do whatever he wanted.”

  She shuddered out a breath, pain searing through her chest. Kane was silent, listening, like he always did. “I went to bed angry. And then he didn’t come home and it was after midnight when the police came to the door and told me he’d been in an accident and that he was dead. I was so numb, I simply couldn’t believe it. And I knew...” She let her words trail off, sucked in some air, tried to blink back the tears. “I knew it was my fault.”

  “Layla,” Kane said gently, coming toward her and grasping her shaking hands. “That’s not true.”

  “It is true,” she corrected, looking up at him. “If I’d asked him to come home right away, if I’d said we needed to talk, if I’d been kinder and more understanding, if I’d listened, he would never have been on the road at that time of night. He would never have been in the path of that truck.”

  “You can’t blame yourself for an accident,” he said, holding her close. “It was just timing and circumstance. No one can predict things like that.”

  She wanted that to be true. She wanted it so much. But she’d believed it for so long that it was etched into the very marrow of her bones.

  “I can’t turn it off,” she admitted, shuddering. “The guilt.”

  “You have to, Layla,” he said gently. “For your sake, and Erin’s. He wouldn’t want you to feel this way.”

  Logically, Layla knew that and she pressed closer to Kane, absorbing the strength of his arms around her.

  They didn’t make love that night, although she sensed he wanted to. Instead, he held her, spoon fashion, one hand resting on her hip,
the other around the top of her head. They didn’t speak, either, because she was all out of words. But she felt his love through the pores of his skin, through the rhythmic beat of his heart, through the sound of his breathing as he drifted off to sleep.

  And she knew what she had to do.

  * * *

  As usual, when Kane woke up the following morning, he was alone. He could hear Layla moving around the house, getting ready for her day, and the rich scent of fresh coffee lingered in the air. It was early, barely six o’clock, and when he got up, he noticed Erin was still asleep in her crib.

  Layla was in the living room and when he joined her, she turned to face him, her shoulders tight, her back straight, and Kane recognized the look on her face instantly.

  She’s going to end it...right now...right here.

  “Layla...”

  “I think we need to take a break...or at least, step back a bit.”

  He didn’t think any words had ever hurt so much. “I didn’t peg you for a coward.”

  Her jaw tightened. “I’m doing this to protect all of us.”

  “You’re doing this to protect yourself. Do you think I haven’t figured out that you’re scared to death at the idea of being in love again?”

  She stilled, but he could see through her and knew he was right. “Try to understand that I need some time to figure it out. Just a couple of days...or a week.”

  The was the killer—he did understand. “Time’s not gonna heal your wounds, Layla. They’ll stay there until you forgive yourself for whatever it is you think you did or didn’t do.”

  She looked stricken, and so lost he wanted to cave and take her into his arms. But she was setting new rules. Pushing him away. Devaluing everything they had become. “We could go back to being just friends for a while.”

  “No.” He raised his hands questioningly and then dropped them. “I get what you’re saying, but I’m not going to hang around and take your hot-and-cold routine day after day, week after week. It’s not fair to either of us, or Erin.”

  “That’s why I’m suggesting we be friends,” she implored quickly. “You know how attached she is to you.”

  “Exactly,” he said. “I’m not prepared to be just some guy who drops by a couple of times a week to fix something or spend a night in your bed.”

  “Then what do you want?”

  Kane ran a weary hand through his hair. “I want you to admit what I know you’re feeling, but you’re too afraid to acknowledge.”

  “You don’t know what I feel,” she refuted. “And I can’t... I can’t...”

  “Can’t and won’t are two different things, Layla.” He exhaled heavily, his chest so tight he could barely breathe. “I want you to know that you can rely on me to be here, with you and Erin.” Kane stared at her, meeting her wavering gaze. “Do you know why I’ve always only given you lavender roses?” He didn’t wait for her reply. “Because they signify love at first sight.”

  “Kane, I—”

  “That’s what I felt the first time I saw you, all those weeks ago when I was picking up my nephew from day care. It was as though I’d been struck by some inexplicable force. It shocked the hell out of me. I’d never experienced anything like it before. I’ve avoided commitment...avoided serious relationships like the plague. But then there was you and for the first time in my life I was feeling something for someone that was more than I was prepared for. More attraction, more friendship, more affection, more everything. And I can’t undo it, Layla. I can’t backtrack and pretend it’s something else. I won’t.”

  There were tears in her eyes...tears he knew were for him, for them, for her daughter and probably for Frank, too. He took a couple of steps toward her and rested his hand on the back of the sofa, meeting her glistening gaze.

  “Layla, I love you and I want to be with you. With both of you. I know Frank will always be Erin’s father, but if you let me, I would love the chance to be her dad. And I’m prepared to give this everything I have,” he said, and laid a hand on his heart. “But you have to meet me halfway.”

  She inhaled sharply. “I’m not sure I know what that means.”

  He took a second, absorbing every part of her, inking her beauty into his memory for fear that they were done. “It means that I... I need the words, Layla. I didn’t think I did...but I do.”

  Kane left moments later, his throat burning, his chest aching so much it was as though someone had taken a boot to his rib cage. With every step he took to his truck, he wanted to turn around and tell her he’d take her on any terms. Only, it wouldn’t be right, it wouldn’t be real, because he wasn’t wired that way.

  He got home and the place had never seemed so empty. He really did need to either get another place or do something with the bungalow. He showered, changed and headed to Roja at nine for a meeting with Callum. He was pleased he had something to do, something to take his mind off what had happened at Layla’s.

  “So,” Callum said once they were seated in the restaurant and drinking coffee, “have you made a decision?”

  His cousin had approached him the previous week about a new commercial project he had planned for the town—with Kane as project manager. The contract would see Kane working with Fortune Brothers Construction for at least the next few years. It was a major commitment and one that needed significant consideration. Stay in Rambling Rose for years? Without Layla by his side? He wasn’t sure he could do it. But the alternative was to take the job in Houston or head back to New York.

  Did it matter where he lived if Layla and Erin weren’t part of his life? Probably not.

  “If I can pick my own project crew,” he said after a moment, mentioning a few names.

  Callum nodded. “Sure. Anything else?”

  “I’ll need a few weeks before I can start. Personal stuff.”

  Callum, who was usually mostly business, regarded him with concern. “Everything okay?”

  Kane didn’t flinch. “Fine.”

  They ended with the commitment to meet at Paz Spa on Thursday, which did make him flinch. Paz Spa meant one thing—Layla.

  Late on Wednesday afternoon, Kane headed to Adam’s. He and Laurel were watching Brady’s kids for the afternoon. The boys were in the living room playing a video game and Kane sat in the kitchen with his brother.

  “I saw Layla today at the day care center when I picked up my son,” Adam said. “She waved and then left. Everything all right between you two?”

  Kane sugared the coffee his brother had made. “I think we broke up.”

  “You think?”

  “I haven’t spoken to her since Sunday.”

  “You could call her,” Adam suggested. “Just sayin’. Everything looked cozy on the weekend.”

  He shrugged. “Well, you know how it is, things can quickly change.”

  Adam regarded him soberly. “Does she know that you’re in love with her?”

  Heat crawled up his neck, but he didn’t deny it. “Yep.”

  “And?”

  “And...nothing. She wants to step back.”

  “Ouch,” Adam remarked. “That’s gotta hurt.”

  “Yeah,” he admitted. “It sure the hell does.”

  He didn’t get into it any more than that and thankfully Adam let the subject go. He hung around for another hour and then bailed, stopping at the gym on the way home, and then the supermarket. By the time Kane pulled into his driveway it was close to nine o’clock and he was glad he could simply put the groceries away, hit the shower and then flop into bed.

  And not think about Layla at all. Or dream about her.

  Or miss her so much he could barely breathe.

  Of course, when he arrived at Paz Spa the following morning, she was the first thing he saw. She looked tired, he noticed, and he figured she’d been hit by the same sleepless train he had.

  He regi
stered the exact moment she saw him and their gazes clashed. She was on the phone and then busy with a client and by the time Kane’s meeting with Callum was done she was nowhere to be seen. Kane didn’t search for her. He’d said his piece and she needed to come to her own decision about them.

  So when he left the building and saw her standing by his truck, he faltered midstride.

  “Hey,” she said, and pressed a hand nervously to her smooth hair. “How are you?”

  “I’m pretty sure we both know the answer to that.” He clicked his keys. “What do you want, Layla?”

  “I just wanted to say that...” Her words trailed off nervously and she shrugged her slender shoulders. “Well, I wondered if you’d like to come over for dinner tomorrow.”

  “I can’t,” he replied. “I’ve got something to do.”

  “Oh,” she said with a sigh. “Sure. It’s just that, well, Erin misses you.”

  “I miss her, too,” he said, his heart hammering behind his ribs as he jerked open the driver door. “But that’s not enough.”

  He got in the truck and drove off, seeing her figure fade in the rearview mirror the farther he got up the street, and feeling like he’d left his heart back on the sidewalk.

  And loving her so much he hurt all over.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Layla worked late that afternoon and got her grandmother to pick Erin up from day care. She could use the extra money and figured she owed Hailey and the spa plenty for the times she’d left early. Plus, work took her mind off things. Particularly off Kane. The way he’d regarded her before he drove off was imprinted in her brain. She didn’t want to get home to a house she suspected he might never be in again. She didn’t want to see Erin’s disappointed look every time a car drove up the street because her daughter was looking out the front window waiting for him to arrive.

  The whole week had been like that, with Erin standing watch, waiting for him, grabbing books and walking in and out of her playhouse, her little heart clearly breaking more every day. And Layla didn’t know how to fix it. She didn’t know if she could fix it. Fixing it meant risking herself. She knew what Kane wanted. He wanted all of her. And she was terrified of how raw and vulnerable the idea made her feel. Feelings weren’t her strong suit.