Forgotten Memories

by Candis Vargo

  I knew Em well enough that when she tapped on my bedroom door I wasn’t surprised. I figured she would want to come over and bitch at me for taking off last night and talk about finding Chace.

  She didn’t bitch me out, she simply asked if I was okay. I noticed that she looked as worn down and tired as I felt.

  “Shit,” I said after I looked at her. “Heck with me, are you okay?”

  “I’m fine, just tired. Tell me about last night,” she said as she sat down on my bed.

  I closed my laptop and joined her on the bed. I went over everything that happened. Starting with the dream, I told her every detail I remembered. I left out the part about me not leaving with Ethan. I didn’t want her to think I felt he may have the hot’s for me or anything like that.

  When I told her that I saw my mother above the pond, she smiled and lowered her head.

  “What could all of this mean? There’s the dream, my mother and Molly. I don’t understand any of it! Every time I think I get close I feel more confused than ever,” I said throwing my head in my hands.

  “So you did see her,” Em said quietly.

  “What? How…yeah I saw her. Unless I’m losing my mind,” I looked at her with a mix of feelings. I began to play with the charm bracelet that was now on my wrist.

  She let herself fall back on my bed with her head landing on my pillow. I went to get her some coffee hoping it would wake her ass up. I needed some help. The best way to get that was to have my best friend actually awake for the conversation.

  “Here, drink up,” I waved the cup full of coffee near her face when I came back.

  “Thanks,” she said as she took it. I figured I would let her sip on some of it before I tried to get her to function. I was going to wait until I was sure the caffeine was running through her enough before I said anything else, but she beat me to it.

  After a few sips she asked, “So, what was she like?”

  “The same as I remember. She was beautiful. Her voice was as soft and gentle as it used to be. I’m just trying to make sense of what she said to me.”

  “I’m glad it worked,” Em looked down into her cup.

  “What worked?”

  “How do you think she got there?”

  “I don’t’ know. She said something about magic. But we don’t have magic that can do that. Our magic is-” I stopped and stared at Em. Realization fell over me as she sat there and smiled. “It was you. You did it didn’t you. You brought her to me. How? Why?”

  “The ‘how’ is by my magic. The ‘why’ is because you were losing faith, I could tell. You were losing hope and you needed reassurance. I knew she would be able to give it to you. You need to stay strong and believe you can do this.”

  I knew Em was right. I was losing my faith when I needed it the most. My internal strength was always the greatest quality in me, but it was weakening. I looked at Em in astonishment not knowing what to say.

  Finally able to speak again I said, “Thank you.”

  I embraced her in a hug that was probably choking her. She didn’t seem to mind because she hugged me back. That must have been the reason she looked so worn out today. I could only imagine the amount of magic it would take to do something as powerful as bring my mother’s spirit back, even if it was only for a few moments.

  I knew I needed to find my powers soon and I realized I was the only one who could. I wasn’t going to get the answers from any one. I had to figure this out on my own. There were no easy answers in life and there definitely weren’t any ‘get out of jail free’ cards. It was all up to me.

  “Okay,” I said removing myself from her embrace. “I need to figure out my powers. When I’m at the pond I’ve always felt the most comfortable, like it was a place that held all of the answers for me. But Ethan told me I needed to stay out of the woods alone so I was wondering if you’d go with me. Because if you did my father couldn’t say I didn’t listen to him. I know if I went there and was able to actually sit and think about it without worrying about getting slaughtered in the process…I feel like I would get my answers Em. Or at least something to lead me in the right direction.”

  “Yeah, I’ll go. I have no problem going. When do you want to?” She looked at me like she couldn’t believe what I was saying. I didn’t know if it was fear or anxiety I saw in her eyes but I just brushed it off.

  “We can go whenever you want. I know, you’d think with how often I went there I would have found out my powers by now. But I know that’s where I need to be. I just know it.”

  “It happens,” she shrugged her shoulders, “All you need to do is follow your instincts. We can go now if you want.”

  “Okay, the sooner the better. I don’t think we should tell my father where we are actually going. I think we should tell him that we’re going to your house or something.”

  When I went to move the sound of my charms clinking together on my bracelet caught her attention.

  “Oh wow, that’s really pretty. Where did you get that?” she asked as she reached out to touch it.

  “The letter Gram gave me led me to it. My mother got it for me before she died. She hid it away.”

  Em held on to the bracelet as she smiled and sighed, “It’s charmed. Strength and Confidence. It has my Gram’s signature.”

  “Yeah,” I smiled too as I looked at the bracelet. “Your gram and my mother did it for me before she died. They couldn’t tell what my full powers were going to be but they knew it would be something. I hope they’re right. Anyway, they charmed this for me and mother hid it. I had to have Molly lead me to it. Okay, well, let’s get moving shall we?” I reached out to grab her hand.

  “We shall,” Em said laughing as she took my hand.

  Side by side we ran down the stairs together. Em looked just as excited as I was about finding out what my powers were. I nearly ran into Roland once we made it to the bottom of the stairs.

  “I need to talk to you,” he said sternly.

  “Can it wait a little bit? I was headed over to Em’s.” I gestured toward her.

  “No, now. I know where you are really going Karma.” His voice was cold as ice.

  “I’m just going to go…take care of this,” Em flashed her empty coffee cup in the air. “I’ll meet you guys outside.”

  Em scooted away as fast as she could. Way to leave me to the wolves Em I thought.

  “Why are you doing it? Why are you going back into those woods? After what’s been happening, you’d think you would want to be more careful. Do you have any idea what everyone would go through if we lost you too?” Roland grabbed my shoulders, not strong enough to hurt me but to get his point across.

  “I’m not going alone. Em is going with me. We will be fine. I need to go there to figure out what my powers are. It’s the only way,” I said. Finally I felt my strength come back to me.

  “The only way for what exactly. The only way to find out what your powers are or the only way to try to get Chace back? The way I see it, it is the only way to get yourself killed.”

  “And what exactly did you hear? Did you listen to everything I said? Christ is nothing personal anymore!” I didn’t want to yell at him but he was really pissing me off.

  “No, not when it involves you trying to get yourself killed Karma!”

  “I’m not trying to get myself killed. I am trying to find my powers to send this fucking Demon back to where he came from to make everyone safe again. That is my duty. That is my fucking job Roland!”

  “Is that the only reason you need to figure out your powers so soon? Because what I heard, it’s not.” If looks could kill me, I would have died right there.

  “Yes, I want to find Chace too. I need my powers for that as well, but that is not the only reason. I found a way to bring Chace back and I’m going to do it. I don’t care if you like it or not. I never asked for your help and hell, I never even wanted you to know. You took that upon yourself.”

  I turned to walk away but Roland gently grasped my wrist.
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  “Wait,” he said. There was no longer any anger in his voice.

  “What?” I didn’t look at him because I felt if I did I was going to punch him. I really didn’t want a broken hand.

  “I’m sorry. I just want to keep you safe. Let me help you.” He spoke softly.

  “What? Why would you want to help me?”

  “You just told me I was going to get myself killed and yelled at me. Why would you want to help me? And of all things, help me try to get Chace back?”

  “If you insist on putting yourself in the path of danger I want to be there to keep you safe. I’ve always told you that I have wanted the best for you. If you need to try to get Chace back I will help. Just tell me what I need to do. I said I was going to look up the Soul Dagger and I did. I didn’t need to hear your conversation to know what you were going to end up doing. I’m sorry. Just let me help you so I can at least try to keep you as safe as possible.”

  I didn’t know what to think of him wanting to help me. I never pictured Roland as someone who would be willing to help me with this situation. Then again, I never really knew him like I should have. The more we actually talked the more I was able to see the type of man he really was. I realized he was a lot different than I had thought.

  “Not today. During the next Blood Moon we’re going to go get Chace. You can help me then,” I said.

  With a sigh he said, “Fine. But if you run into any trouble, if you need anything…anything at all just yell. I will still be able to hear you as long as I keep you tuned in.”

  I couldn’t hold back my laughter, “Tuned in? What like a radio?”

  “Exactly like a radio,” he said as he laughed with me. “I’m serious. I pick up whatever I tune myself into.”

  “Well stay tuned Vamp 101.2,” I said in my best radio host voice.

  “Ha ha. Very funny,” he said as I started to walk away.

  After I walked away from Roland I nearly ran into someone else. Today must be my day to be clumsy.

  “Hi Daddy. What…what are you doing?” I hoped he hadn’t heard any of the conversation I just had with Roland.

  “I’m just on my way to see Roland. I know he’s around here somewhere. Have you seen him? I’ve been looking all over for him,” my father asked.

  “Yeah, he’s in the living room.” I stuck out my thumb to gesturing toward the archway that led into the living room.

  “Thank you my dear,” he said. He gave me a kiss on the forehead before he walked toward the living room.

  “Oh, Daddy, I’m going to hang out with Em for a little bit okay.”

  “Sure my dear, go along,” he said before he disappeared through the archway and into the living room.

  When I walked outside and didn’t see Em I knew she went to go see Molly. I headed over to the stable and saw the two of them outside of the fence; they were ready and waiting for me.

  I stood there and watched the two of them for a moment. Em was always so strong and so diligent. I knew if I let my suffering get the best of me it would tear her in two. Sometimes I thought she had more faith in me than I had in myself. If it wasn’t for Em, I don’t know if I would have made it through my mother’s death. I knew she would be just as strong for me throughout this whole ordeal with Chace and the Demon.

  Somehow it felt wrong to have her be the strong one. She always told me I was the stronger of the two, I didn’t believe it. Em always knew exactly how to get me back on the right track when I would lose my way. That’s why she sent my mother for me. She didn’t care how much power she would need to use to be able to do it, she just did it. I wished she gave herself more credit.

  When I looked at Molly standing next to Em I wondered how I couldn’t have known there was something more to her. The way it always seemed like she knew things…how she was always there for me. It all started to make perfect sense.

  I thought everyone was giving me riddles, but I now realized they weren’t. Everything they have said to me has done nothing but help me. It has helped me in more ways than one.

  If it wasn’t for everyone who has helped me this far, I wouldn’t even know anything about the Prince of Hell. All of the riddles they gave me, I realized they were forcing me to look at the answers myself. They were trying to help me stay strong and not lose my way. I didn’t know if what Chace said in my dream was true or not, maybe he really didn’t want me to try and get him back. I didn’t care. No matter what I was going to find a way to get the man I loved out of Hell.

  I didn’t understand all of those riddles yet, but I knew if I dug hard enough and force myself to open up to the world around me…I would.

  I don’t think I would have been able to stand on my own, but with Em and Molly by my side the whole time, I could. They were my support that my strength was built around, the ones who gave me hope when it seemed too hard for me to go on. I realized that I needed to be their strength too. I didn’t know why, but I had a feeling I needed to be there for Em as much as she was here for me.

  I could see something hidden within her eyes. I don’t know if it was determination or despair, but it was there. I knew that she was hiding something from me and I could tell that it bothering her more than anything else. I had to find all of my strength not just for me, but for everyone around me. Including Chace.

  Chapter 20

  “So what did Roland want?” Em asked as we were walking through the narrow path, making our way to the pond.

  “You know he heard everything,” I said.

  “What do you mean he heard everything? Like…everything! I was hoping he didn’t really hear all of it.”

  “Yeah, he heard every single thing we said.” I couldn’t think of any other way to put it. Everything normally meant everything.

  “Well did he try to stop you?” Em gave me a questioning look.

  “At first, but he asked if he could help me.”

  We came to an abrupt stop so Em could gather her thoughts. Confusion swept over her face, followed by concern and then complete admiration.

  “Wow. I just…I can’t believe he actually wants to help. He’s not going to nark us out or tie us to a fence post so we don’t do this. He actually is going to help us,” she said. She sounded as amazed as I was. I guess if we would have taken the time to actually get to know Roland better we wouldn’t have been so surprised.

  “Yeah, I don’t know what he can actually do to help. I’m sure there is something though. He’s really sincere about it so I’ll let him help however he can.” I shrugged my shoulders and started walking toward the pond again.

  Once we arrived at the pond Em and Molly slowed down to walk behind me. I walked up to the log and sat on it leaving Em and Molly to sit together. They both stayed back as though I needed this time to myself.

  I thought about asking Em what I should do but I knew she couldn’t help me. It was up to me, all of it. I had to figure this all out on my own.

  Sitting on the log I closed my eyes and inhaled the smell of the musky woods. I was reminded of my first and last times here with Chace. How everything felt so right and comfortable. I knew I was led to him by some greater force, but he was taken away.

  Tears built up in my eyes once again as I felt the numbing pain pierce my heart. I knew I had to concentrate but my head was filled with the pain of the memories. How I listened to the sound of Chace screaming out in pain before he was sent to the deepest depths of hell.

  Slowly…very slowly, I started to tear down that brick wall of sorrow and pain. One stone at a time, it came down until I felt myself brave enough to continue on. I had one thing in mind, my powers.

  I had my full potential. I just needed to find a way to receive my powers. I heard my mother’s words in my head as though she was saying them again. She said they were of the earth. I was told that my powers were all around me. I had to find them. I didn’t have any time to waist, so I began to concentrate.

  I don’t know exactly what I was concentrating on. A little bit of everything
I guess. I focused on my surroundings. I listened to the wind dancing in the leaves of the trees. I smelt the sap and pine that seemed to be held in place by the canopy of trees. I could feel the heat radiating from the sun as it warmed me u. I heard the sound of the water running from the pond to the creek, echoing over the rocks which they flowed.

  I let myself feel them. Not just listen to or smell them, but truly feel them. With my eyes still closed I let myself feel the water running beneath my feet, imagining myself standing in the bed of water I heard in the distance. I felt the air, letting it swirl around my body as though a gentle cyclone of wind was taking me over. I felt the sun warm up the earth beneath my feet, embracing me in the safety of the warmth. I let the smell of sap and pine drape over me as I let myself feel like I was moving the trees in which the smell came from.

  When I was able to actually feel every one of my senses surround me is when I was at peace. I was finally and truly at complete tranquility. I stood up as I held my arms out to the side. I didn’t hear or feel anything except for what I willed myself to.

  I don’t know what I was supposed to be thinking about or what exactly I was supposed to be doing. All I knew was that I finally had a piece of mind and whatever I was doing felt right. It felt natural.

  When I thought I felt something crawling on my legs I slowly opened my eyes. That’s when I saw it…when I saw all of it. Everything I felt was there. Everything I heard was there. I don’t know how it was possible…but it was all there.

  The roots from the nearby pine trees moved and were now wrapping themselves around my legs. Water flowed from the pond and stopped underneath my feet, where a puddle had formed. I could visibly see the air circling around me just like the cyclone I had felt. The heat from the sun radiated around me. I could see copper colored speckles glistening off of the cyclone of air.

  I probably should have been afraid. Maybe I should have been in awe. I wasn’t any of those things. I was happy. I didn’t feel a great strength of power like I could rule the world. I was just happy. Pure and simple.