Gabe (The Buckhorn Brothers)

by Lori Foster

  “Wake up, Lizzy!”

  Sobbing softly, she opened her eyes and stared at him. For one instant she looked lost and confused, her eyes shadowed, then she crumbled. Gabe turned to his side and held her face to his throat. “It’s all right. It’s all right, sweetheart.”

  She clutched him, and his heart broke at her racking cries. Gabe felt his eyes get misty and crushed her even closer, wanting to absorb her pain, to somehow be a part of her so he could carry some of her emotional burden.

  Long minutes passed before she finally quieted, only suffering the occasional hiccup or sniff. Gabe kissed her temple, then eased her away from him. He kept the lights off and said, “Don’t move, baby. I’m going to go get you a cool cloth.”

  He was in and out of her bathroom in fifteen seconds. When he walked in, Lizzy was propped up in the bed blowing her nose. She had her knees drawn up to her chest, the sheet wrapped around her. The first thing she said was, “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t make me turn you over my knee when you’re already upset.” Gabe scooted into bed beside her and manfully ignored the way she tried to inch away from him. He caught her chin and turned her face, then gently stroked her with the damp washcloth. “You have no reason to be sorry, Lizzy. Everyone has bad dreams every now and again.”

  A long silence threatened to break him and then she muttered, “It wasn’t a dream.”

  Gabe propped his back against the headboard and handed the washcloth to Lizzy. She pressed it over her swollen eyes. Utilizing every ounce of patience he possessed, Gabe waited.

  Finally she said, “I’m a little embarrassed.”

  “Please don’t be.” He kept his voice soft but firm. “I’m so glad I was here with you.” His arm slipped around her shoulders and she didn’t fight him as he pulled her close. “I care about you, Lizzy. Will you believe that?”

  She nodded, but said, “I don’t know.”

  Rubbing his hand up and down her bare arm, he asked, “Is it so strange for someone to care about you, sweetheart?”

  “Someone like you, yes.”

  “What about someone not like me?”

  She went still. “There’s…things about me you don’t know.”

  Gabe tightened his hold, anticipating her reaction. “You mean the awful way your mother died?”

  As he’d predicted, she jerked and almost got away from him. “What do you know about that?”

  “I read the articles you saved.”

  “How dare you!” She struggled against him, but Gabe held her tight.

  “Quit fighting me, honey. I’m not letting you go.” Probably not ever. It was several seconds before she went rigid against him. Gabe could feel her hurt, her anger. But he wanted to get past it, and the only way he saw to do that was to force his way. He spread his fingers across the back of her head and kept her pressed to his shoulder. “That’s why you’re so all-fired determined to understand this nonsense about heroism, right?”

  She shuddered, and another choking sob escaped her before she caught herself. “You…you can’t understand. You aren’t like me. You saw a way to help and you instinctively acted. I…I let my mother die.” Her hands curled into his shoulders, her nails biting, but Gabe would have gladly accepted any pain to help her. “Oh, God. I let her die.”

  Unable to bear it, Gabe pressed his face into her neck and rocked her while she continued talking.

  “We were in a car wreck. I…I was changing the radio station trying to find a song Mom and I could sing to. We did that all the time, playing around, just having fun. It was raining and dark. Mom told me to turn the radio down, and I started to, but then a semi came around the corner and Mom had to swerve…”

  Her voice had an eerie, faraway quality to it. Gabe wondered how many times, and to how many people, she’d given this guilty admission. The thought of her as a twelve-year-old child, awkward and shy, suffering what no child should ever suffer, made him desperate with the need to fix things that were years too distant to repair.

  “The car went off the road and hit a tree. Mom’s door was smashed shut, the windshield broken. She was…bleeding. I thought she was dead and I just screamed and got out of the car and crouched down on the gravel and the mud, waiting and numb. Too stupid to do what I should have done.”

  “Oh, Lizzy.” Gabe kissed her temple, her ear. He murmured inanities, but she didn’t seem to hear him.

  “The nearest telephone was only two miles away. If…if I’d gone for help…she’d have lived if only I hadn’t frozen, if I hadn’t become a useless lump crying and waiting to be helped when I was barely hurt.” Her hand fisted and thumped once, hard, against his shoulder. “She was pinned in that damn car unconscious and bleeding to death and I just let her die.” Sobbing again, her tears soaking his neck, she whispered, “By the time another car came by and found us…it was too late.”

  Keeping her in the iron grip of his embrace, Gabe reached for the lamp and turned the switch. Lizzy flinched away from the harshness of it, but Gabe was so suffused with pity, with pain and mostly with anger, he refused to let her hide. Her ravaged face was a fist around his heart, but he never wavered in his determination. Forcing her to meet his gaze, he said, “You were twelve goddamned years old! You were a child. How in the hell can you compare what a child does to a grown man?”

  She looked stunned by his outrage. “I was useless.”

  “You were in shock!”

  “If I’d reacted…”

  “No, Lizzy. There is no going back, no starting over. All any of us can do is make the most of each day. You’re such an intelligent woman, so giving and sincere, why can’t you see that you were an innocent that day?”

  “You…you said you read the articles.”

  “And I also know how the damn media can slant things deliberately to get the best story. One more human death means little enough to them when people pass away every day, some in more horrific circumstances than others. But a human-interest story on a young traumatized girl, well, now, that’s newsworthy. You were a pawn, sweetheart, a sacrifice to a headliner. That’s all there is to it.”

  “I let her die,” she said, but she sounded vaguely uncertain, almost desperate to believe him.

  “No.” Gabe pulled her close and kissed her hard. “You don’t know that. It was dark, it was raining. Even if, through the trauma of seeing your mother badly injured, you’d been able to run to the nearest phone, there’s no guarantee that you’d have gotten there safely, that you’d have found help and they’d have made it to her in time.”

  She searched his face, then reached for another tissue. After mopping her eyes and blowing her nose, she admitted in a raw whisper, “My dad has said that. But I’d hear him crying at night, and I’d see how wounded he looked without my mother.”

  Gabe cupped her tear-streaked cheeks, fighting his own emotions. “He still had you.” He wobbled her head, trying to get through to her, trying to reach her. “I know he had to be grateful for that.”

  Her smile trembled and she gave an inelegant sniff. “Yes. He said he was. My father is wonderful.”

  Relief filled him that at least her father hadn’t blamed her. The man had obviously been overwrought with grief. Gabe couldn’t begin to imagine how he’d react if something happened to Lizzy. If he ever lost her, he’d—Gabe froze, struck by the enormity of his thoughts. He loved Lizzy! It didn’t require rhyme or reason. It didn’t require a long courtship or special circumstances. He knew her, and she was so special, how could he not love her?

  He touched the corner of her mouth with his thumb, already feeling his body tense with arousal and new awareness. “You’re a wonderful person, sweetheart, so you deserve a wonderful dad.”

  Her eyes were red-rimmed, matching her nose, and her lips were puffy, her skin blotchy. Gabe thought she was possibly the most beautiful person he’d ever seen. The sheet slipped a bit, and he looked at her lush breasts, the faint sprinkling of freckles and the tantalizing peak of one soft nipple.

&n
bsp; He tamped down his hunger and struggled to direct all his attention to her distress. “Will you believe me that you weren’t to blame, Lizzy?”

  She bit her lip, then sighed. “I’ll believe you don’t blame me. But facts are facts. Some people possess heroic tendencies, and some people are ineffectual. I’m afraid I fall into the latter category.”

  Gabe caught her hips and pulled her down so she lay flat in the bed. He whisked the sheet away. “Few people,” he said, while eyeing her luscious body, “are ever given the opportunity to really know if they’re heroic or not.” He placed his palm gently on her soft white belly. “Personally, I don’t think you can judge yourself by what a frightened, shy, injured twelve-year-old did.”

  She stared at his mouth, firing his lust. “That’s…that’s why I’m studying this so hard. I want to help other adolescents to understand their own limitations, to know that they can’t be completely blamed for qualities they don’t possess. We’re all individuals.”

  “And you don’t want any other child to hurt as you’ve hurt?”

  Her beautiful eyes filled with tears again. “Yes.”

  “I love you, Lizzy.”

  Her eyes widened and she stared. Stock-still, she did no more than watch him with wary disbelief. Gabe had to laugh at himself. He hadn’t quite meant to blurt that out, and he felt a tad foolish.

  Elizabeth was everything he wasn’t. Serious, studious, caring and concerned. She had a purpose for her life, while he’d always been content to idle away his time, shirking responsibilities, refusing to settle down, priding himself on his freedom. She was at the top of her class, while he’d gone from one minor to another, never quite deciding on any one thing he wanted to do in his life. His time in college had been more a lark than anything else; he’d gone because it was expected. He’d gotten good grades because his pride demanded nothing less, but it had been easy and had never meant anything to him.

  Lizzy would never consider letting someone like him interrupt her plans. She was goal-oriented, while he was out for fun. She’d told him that she wanted the summer with him, but she’d never even hinted that she might want more than that.

  Trying to make light of his declaration—though he refused to take it back—he said, “Don’t worry. I won’t start writing you poetry or begging you to elope.”

  She blinked and her face colored, which added to her already blotchy cheeks and red nose, giving her a comical look. Gabe forced a grin and kissed her forehead. Damn, but he loved her. He felt ready to burst with it.

  “Have I rendered you speechless, sweetheart?”

  She swallowed hard. “Yes.” Then: “Gabe, did you mean it?”

  “Absolutely.” He cupped her breast and idly flicked her soft nipple with his thumb until it stiffened. “How could I not love you, Lizzy? I’ve never known anyone like you. You make me laugh and you make me hot and you confuse my brain and my heart.”

  She scrunched up her mouth, trying not to laugh. “How…romantic.”

  Gabe shifted, settling himself between her long slender thighs. “I’m horny as hell,” he admitted in a growl, letting her feel the hardness of his body. “How romantic did you expect me to be?”

  She looped both arms around his neck and smiled. “Thank you, Gabe.”

  “For what?”

  “For making me feel so much better.” Her fingers caressed his nape, and she wound her legs around him, holding him, welcoming him. “For being here with me now, for saying you love me.”

  He started to reassure her that he hadn’t said the words lightly, that he meant them and felt them down to his very soul. But he held back. Similar words hadn’t crossed her lips, and he needed time to get himself together, to sort out this new revelation. So all he said was, “My pleasure,” and then he kissed her, trying to show her without words that they were meant for each other whether she knew it yet or not.

  He felt as if his life hung in the balance. He needed her, but he didn’t know if he could make her need him in return.

  * * *

  SAWYER STOOD behind him, leaving a long shadow across the planks of wood that extended over the lake. Gabe didn’t bother to turn when he asked, “You want something, Sawyer?”

  “Yeah. I want to know why you’re mangling all those nails.”

  Gabe looked at the third nail he’d bent trying to hammer it into the new dock extension he was building for his brother Morgan. Normally he did this kind of work without thought, his movements fluid, one nail, one blow. Over the years he’d built so many docks, for his family and for area residents, that he should have been able to do it blindfolded. But he’d hit his damn thumb twice already and he was rapidly make a mess of things.

  In a fit of frustration he flung the hammer onto the shore and stomped out of the water, sloshing the mud at his feet and sending minnows swimming away. Sawyer handed him a glass of iced tea when he got close enough.

  “From Honey?”

  “Yeah.” Sawyer stretched with lazy contentment. “She was all set to bring it to you herself, but I figured you might not welcome her mothering right now, since you’ve been a damn bear all week.”

  Gabe grunted in response, then chugged the entire glassful, feeling some of it trickle down the side of his mouth and onto his heated chest. “Thanks.”

  Sawyer lowered himself to the dry grass and picked at a dandelion. He wore jeans and nothing else, and Gabe thought it was a miracle Honey had let him out of her sight. Ever since she’d announced her pregnancy three weeks ago, Sawyer had been like a buck in rutting season. When Honey was within reach, he was reaching for her, and there was a special new glow to their love. Honey wallowed in her husband’s attentions with total abandon. It was amusing—and damn annoying, because while their marriage grew visibly stronger every day, Gabe watched the time slip by, knowing Lizzy would be heading back to school soon. Three and a half weeks had passed, and he was no closer to tying her to him than he had been when he’d met her. Not once had she told him how she felt about him, yet their intimacy had grown until Gabe couldn’t keep her out of his mind. He had one week left. One lousy week.

  It put him in a killing mood.

  Cursing, he looked at the clouds, then decided he might as well make use of Sawyer’s visit, since it was obvious that’s what Sawyer intended by seeking him out. He looked at his oldest brother and said grimly, “I’m in love.”

  Sawyer’s smile was slow and satisfied. “I figured as much. Elizabeth Parks?”

  “Yeah.” Gabe rubbed the back of his neck, then sent a disgruntled glance at the half completed dock. “I might as well give up on this today. My head isn’t into it.”

  “Morgan’ll understand. He’s not in a big hurry for the dock, and we’ve got plenty of room to keep the boat at the house. Besides, he suffered his own black moods before Misty put him out of his misery.”

  “But that’s just it.” Gabe dropped down beside Sawyer and stretched out in the sun. The grass was warm and prickly against his back, and near his right ear, a bee buzzed. “I don’t see an end in sight for my particular brand of misery. Lizzy is going back to school. I’ve only got a few more days with her.”

  “Have you told her you love her?”

  “Yep. She was flattered.” Gabe made a wry face and laid one forearm over his eyes. “Can you believe that crap?”

  A startled silence proved that wasn’t exactly what Sawyer had been expecting to hear. Compared to the way he and Morgan had fought the notion of falling in love, it was no wonder Sawyer was taken off guard.

  “You’ve only known her a few weeks, Gabe.”

  “I knew I loved her almost from the first.” He lowered his arm to stare at his brother. “It was the damnedest thing, but she introduced herself, then proceeded to crawl right in under my skin. And I like it. It’s making me nuts thinking about her going off to college again, this time with the knowledge that she’s sexy and exciting and that plenty of men will want her. She hadn’t known that before, you know. She thought she was too
plain, and it’s for certain she was too quiet, too intense. But now…”

  “Now you’ve corrupted her?”

  Gabe couldn’t hold back his grin. “Yeah, she’s wonderfully corrupt. It’s one of the things I love most about her.”

  Lizzy was the absolute best sex partner he’d ever had. Open, wild, giving and accepting. When she’d said she wanted to experience it all, she hadn’t been kidding. Gabe shivered with the memory, then suffered through Sawyer’s curious attention. No way would he share details with his brother, but then, there was no way Sawyer would expect him to.

  And just as special to Gabe were the quiet times when they talked afterward. He’d shared stories about his mother with her, and in turn Lizzy had told him about her childhood before the accident. Their mothers were exact opposites, but both loving, both totally devoted to their children.

  She’d cried several times while talking about her mom, but they were bittersweet tears of remembrance, not tears of regret or guilt. Gabe sincerely hoped she’d gotten over her ridiculous notion that she’d somehow held responsibility for her mother’s death. He couldn’t bear to think of her carrying that guilt on her slender shoulders.

  “How much longer will she be in school?” Sawyer asked.

  “Depends.” Gabe sat up and crossed his forearms over his knees, staring sightlessly at the crystal surface of the lake. The lot Morgan had chosen to build on was ideal, quiet and peaceful and scenic. But Gabe preferred the bustle of the bait shops, the boat rentals, the comings and goings of vacationers. He’d always loved summer best because it was the season filled with excitement and fun on the lake. He’d invariably hated to see it coming to an end, but never more so than now, when the end meant Lizzy would leave him.

  “Depends on what?” Sawyer pressed.

  “On what she decides to do. She could easily graduate this semester and be done, but knowing Lizzy she may well want to further her education. She’s so damn intelligent and so determined to learn as much as she can.”