Once Upon a Christmas Night...

by Annie Claydon

  He grinned, and turned his attention to the phone. ‘Gerry? Yes, it’s me. No, you can’t speak to her, she’s driving at the moment. We’re not in her car, we’re in mine.’ He winked at her and held the phone away from his ear. Jess kept her eyes on the road but she could hear a stream of indistinct words from the other end of the line.

  ‘What, you called to tell me this?’

  ‘What’s he saying?’

  ‘Nothing of interest. I don’t know where He gets the idea that I’m over-particular about my car. What did you call for, Gerry?’ He listened intently and then grinned. ‘He says there’s an emergency heart bypass coming in shortly. If you want to sit in… ’

  ‘Yes!’ Jess had been waiting for this chance for weeks. ‘Tell him yes. If we swing past my place so I can pick up my car… ’

  ‘We’ll be half an hour. Yes, see you then. Cheers, mate.’ He cut the call. ‘No point in making a detour all the way over to yours. We’ll go straight there.’

  ‘Sure?’ Greg answering Gerry’s call was one thing, but arriving together at the hospital on a Sunday afternoon looked an awful lot like a public admission that something was going on between them. And Greg had always been so careful to keep his love life well away from his work.

  ‘You’re ashamed to be seen with me?’ He was grinning.

  Hardly. ‘I might want to keep you under wraps.’ The thought occurred to Jess that she might be happier if he wanted to keep her under wraps. As if his job at the hospital was still a long-term proposition.

  ‘Do you?’

  ‘No.’ She didn’t care what anyone said, she was proud to be seen with Greg. And if he didn’t mind being seen with her…

  He nodded, seemingly pleased with what he heard. ‘Next left, then. We don’t want to get caught in traffic.’

  Greg had found himself a cup of coffee and ensconced himself in the back row of the operating theatre viewing gallery. A couple of students sat ready to take notes and Greg ignored their covert glances. Right now they probably reckoned that another few years and they could stop climbing that steep learning curve and relax. He wasn’t going to disenchant them.

  Jess looked delicious. Scrubbed clean, covered from head to toe in shapeless, sterile theatre garb and concentrating hard on what Gerry was saying to her. He could only see her brow and her eyes, and somehow that was just as enchanting as being able to see everything. Like concentrating on one small part of a magnificent painting, admiring the virtues of a detail to enhance one’s appreciation of the whole.

  He leaned back in his chair, stretching his legs as much as was possible in the confined space. It would be a while before they were finished, but that was okay. It would be a chance to brush up on his knowledge of a speciality other than his own, and he could watch her. At the moment, a couple of hours where he had a cast-iron excuse to do nothing else except sit and watch Jess seemed like heaven.

  He was sprawled on one of the chairs outside the cardiac department when she finally emerged. She looked tired, but her face was one broad sweep of a smile.

  ‘Greg! What are you doing here still?’ A trace of guilt intruded on the exhilaration in her eyes. ‘I thought you’d gone home.’

  ‘Nothing much to do there.’ If you didn’t count the boxes of paperwork in his boot. ‘I thought I’d stay and watch. You did a good job.’ Gerry had given her plenty of opportunity to assist and Jess had come through with flying colours. More than once Greg had seen Gerry’s brief nod of approval at her deft, careful work.

  ‘It was really good of Gerry to give me the opportunity.’ She looked up at him, her eyes clouded. One of those looks that let Greg know that there was an awful lot of activity going on in her thoughts but gave him no clue about what it was. ‘I think I owe you an apology.’

  ‘Do you? What have you done?’

  ‘This morning. I heard you downstairs on the phone.’

  ‘I know.’ He stuffed his hands into his jeans pockets. ‘I heard you upstairs on the landing.’

  ‘I was cross with you.’

  ‘Yeah, I know that too.’ Jess wasn’t particularly good at concealing her feelings. He’d never thought that was a bad thing, and his introduction to the business world over the last eight months had only raised that quality in his estimation.

  ‘I should have been a bit more understanding. The way you’ve been about me wanting to work this afternoon.’

  That was the whole thing, in a nutshell. He resented getting out of bed at five in the morning just to settle a dispute between grown men who were only interested in scrambling to gain a bit more territory. Jess had considered this afternoon an opportunity.

  ‘Don’t you think this afternoon was worth it?’

  ‘Yes, of course. I’m just saying… ’

  A pause and a slight grimace that made Greg wonder just how much of this she really believed.

  ‘I’m saying that you’ve respected what I do. I should do the same and respect what you choose to do.’

  Choose was stretching it a bit. The only thing that he had chosen to be was a doctor. And he was still unmoved by any definition of the word ‘emergency’ that didn’t include some pressing threat to life or limb. If Jess thought that the Sunday working she’d done was more important than his, he was inclined to agree with her.

  This was a genuine effort to meet him halfway, though. ‘Thanks. I appreciate it, Jess. Your support… ’ Support was probably stretching it a bit as well, he could tell from the look in her eyes. But she nodded.

  ‘I’ll take you home.’ He pulled the car keys from his pocket.

  She hardly hesitated. ‘Mmm. Thanks.’ She fell into step beside him.

  Greg closed his fingers around the car keys, smiling to himself. It was reassuring to be back in the driving seat.

  You couldn’t really call going out with Greg going out. When their shifts allowed, Jess would go to his flat in the evening and Greg would order some food in from a list of restaurants that seemed to be more than willing to make an exception to the normal insistence on actually turning up and eating on their premises when the name of Greg’s father’s company was mentioned. Jess could never bring herself to think of it as Greg’s company. It was an unknown behemoth that he never talked about but which he seemed to be endlessly thinking about.

  When he wasn’t eating, he was answering emails. And when he wasn’t answering emails, he was apologising for being about to. The long hours between eating and sleeping she spent alone, with just the TV for company. Was this what people meant when they talked about the beginning of the end?

  ‘Can I help you?’ Jess had decided to make a change. She’d brought some groceries in for dinner, and cooked for him then stacked the dishwasher while he sat at the kitchen table, staring at his laptop.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Can I help you? I’m a lot faster on a keyboard than you are so you could dictate your emails and I’ll type.’

  He tore his gaze from the screen for a moment. ‘No, honey. Why don’t you go and relax in the other room? I won’t be long.’

  She’d heard that one before, and each time he repeated it, it got just that bit harder to take. ‘I’d rather be with you.’

  ‘I have to work.’

  ‘I know. I don’t care what I do, I just want to be with you.’ The words sounded a bit too much like something a whining girlfriend might say and Jess recoiled from them. ‘I might find it interesting.’

  He sighed. ‘I doubt it. Trust me, it’s not riveting stuff.’

  That was the worst of it. She could have borne it if Greg was ignoring her in favour of something that was important to him, that he enjoyed. But this was, somehow, the ultimate insult.

  Jess turned away, pressing her lips together. She should be supportive. She wanted to be supportive. But it was difficult when she had no idea where she stood with Greg.

  ‘Can’t I just have a minute? There’s something I want to ask you.’

  ‘Of course.’ A couple of keystrokes saved whatever
it was that he was doing, and he closed the lid of his laptop. ‘I’m all yours.’

  He wasn’t, but the look on his face made Jess’s world suddenly tilt. The worries, the nagging doubts, the questions about whether Greg really wanted to spend time with her or not all slid to the back of her consciousness and were replaced by that smile. The one that seemed to tell her everything she needed to know.

  ‘I know you’re busy, Greg. Why don’t you let me do the model of the hospital? Or I can find someone else to do it. I was talking to Ash the other day and he said he’d help.’

  ‘Ash?’ He raised one eyebrow. ‘The young guy in Orthopaedics?’

  ‘He’s the same age as me. And he’s just split up with his girlfriend so he’s got a bit of time on his hands.’ Jess tailed off as Greg’s brow darkened. That was just crazy. Ash was good looking, fun to have around and could no more measure up to Greg than any other man she’d ever met. ‘What?’

  ‘Nothing.’ He scrubbed his hand across his face. ‘I suppose you’re right. But… ’

  ‘But what?’ Jess wasn’t going to let him go back to work now. There was already too much that was being left unsaid between them.

  ‘I promised you that I’d do it.’ A quirk of a smile and suddenly he was back with her, his dark eyes seeming to see nothing else. ‘I might start getting jealous if you and Ash disappear off together to build my model.’

  ‘Jealous? Are you?’ What the hell was she doing? She hated mind games and had no time for jealousy, particularly when it wasn’t warranted. But suddenly Greg seemed to have started taking notice of her, and she was desperate for even these crumbs of his attention.

  He saw through her in a moment. ‘You think I don’t have it in me to be jealous?’

  ‘Just testing.’ She broke off as he leaned over, his lips finding hers. Gentle hands, propelling her to her feet and then backwards. He perched her on the counter top, sliding his hips between her knees.

  ‘Getting any answers?’ One hand cupped her cheek and Jess struggled for control then gave up as pleasure oozed across her skin.

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘What are they?’ He pulled her tight against his body and she gasped. Nuzzling at her neck, he whispered into her ear, ‘What are they, Jess?’

  She was trembling. She wanted to tell Greg that the only thing she wanted was a little more of his time, his attention, but that seemed like a recipe for disaster. Her mother had always told her that you never begged a man for more of anything and she’d never questioned that. Suddenly it occurred to Jess that she might be about to beg, and she wondered whether her mother had done the same with her father.

  ‘The only answer I have is that I must be getting a little crazy. I’m not going to play any more games with you just to get your attention. I’d rather just walk out of here now.’

  He was suddenly still. ‘You have my attention.’

  Not for long, though. She felt as if she was on a ship, pitching in a storm. Sliding helplessly between doubt and love as the deck tilted back and forth beneath her. ‘Do I?’

  He stepped back, planting his hands on the counter top to either side of her, eyes clouded with frustration. ‘What do you want from me, Jess?’

  Frankly she had no idea. She wanted more than her father had given her mother. That was about as far as Jess had ever really considered the matter. ‘This is not how I thought we’d be, Greg.’

  ‘I can’t do anything about that right now.’ He turned away from her abruptly, leaving Jess to push herself down from her perch on the counter top.

  ‘You always have a choice, Greg.’

  ‘Yeah? What choice do I have? You don’t seem to understand, Jess.’

  The world tilted again and this time Jess was slammed hard against a wall of anger. ‘Trying to understand is all I’ve been doing for the last few weeks. If you’re too busy for me then you should just say so and stop stringing me along.’

  He rounded on her. ‘Oh, so I’m stringing you along now, am I? You don’t think much of me, do you?’

  ‘I’m not saying that’s what you mean to do.’

  He gave a short bark of a laugh. ‘Well, that makes me feel so much better. I might be callous, but that’s okay because I’m so knuckle-headed that I’m not aware of what I’m doing.’ He marched over to the kitchen cupboard, seeming to need to do something. Flipping it open, he banged two cups down onto the counter.

  ‘That’s not what I said. If you want to think that about yourself, be my guest. But don’t you dare put those words into my mouth.’

  He didn’t turn. He seemed to have switched into autopilot, reaching up for the coffee and measuring the last of the packet into the machine, spilling some as he did so. Jess huffed with frustration. ‘Can’t you at least look at me? We had coffee ten minutes ago.’

  He slung the empty coffee packet into the sink, along with the measuring spoon. When he turned, his gaze was cold, proud, but there was something hot-blooded about it that made Jess shiver.

  ‘I never chose to have anything to do with Shaw Industries, but I’ve been given that responsibility, and I can’t walk away from it. That’s all it is. This is not about you and me.’

  ‘But it affects you and me.’ That was about as close as Jess’s pride would allow her to get to asking him for more.

  ‘I’m not going to make any promises I can’t keep, Jess. I have no idea how long this is all going to take. I wish things were different, but they’re not.’

  ‘You can’t just allow it to take you over, Greg. At some point you’re going to have to decide where your own priorities lie.’

  He let out a short, sharp breath. A gesture of helplessness that told Jess he was out of ideas on this one. This seemed to be tearing him up inside. More precisely, she seemed to be tearing him up…

  ‘Perhaps we should take a break. Just a couple of weeks to figure things out.’

  He stared at her. Clearly Jess wasn’t the only one who was having trouble believing that she was saying this. But they both needed a little space, to sort their own issues out, before they ripped each other to bits.

  ‘A break. You mean we should call it a day?’

  ‘No. I mean a break. A couple of weeks to take the pressure off. Work things out.’ Right now, looking at him, it was impossible to credit that ‘goodbye’ should feature anywhere in this. Ever.

  Her heart was yelling at him to say no. To turn his back on the seemingly hundreds of people who waited for him in a not so orderly queue, out there in cyberspace. If he offered to take the night off, just this once, she’d say yes in a heartbeat.

  ‘Perhaps you’re right.’ She felt his hand on her arm. So nearly enough to make her stay and yet so far from what she needed right now. ‘I’ll take you home.’

  He really hadn’t been paying attention. ‘I’ve got my car with me tonight. I brought some shopping in, remember?’ Jess wondered whether he’d get around to restocking the fridge after she was gone. Probably not. At least he had enough in there to last for a while, though.

  ‘Yeah, of course. I’m sorry about all this, Jess.’ He scraped his hand across his face and she almost relented. But if she did that, they’d only be having this same argument again soon.

  ‘Don’t be. We’re just taking some time off, eh?’ So why did this seem so final? Perhaps because there was no way back for Jess now, unless he gave a little. And she wasn’t sure that he’d do that.

  He walked with her to the lift and they rode down to the car park in silence. Greg watched her to her car gave her a wave and turned back into the lift. It appeared he wasn’t going to watch her go. Jess waited, gripping the steeringwheel, her gaze fixed on him as he jabbed the call button for the lift. He wasn’t going to look back. She started the engine and drove out of the car park, revving the engine into rather more of a roar than was strictly necessary. His mind was probably already on the problems that waited for him upstairs and he hadn’t even heard her go either.

  Greg kept his finger on the lift button,
ignoring the insistent ‘ding’ that accompanied the twitch of the doors as the machine hinted to him ever so gently that there were probably people waiting on other floors and they should get going now. He heard her car slow as she approached the ramp up to street level and turned when he was sure that she could no longer see him in her rear-view mirror.

  He didn’t blame her for what she’d done. It would have taken considerably less neglect on Jess’s part before Greg would have considered himself hard done by and left. There was nothing to say either in his own defence or in terms of promises for the future. He’d heard enough promises from his father to know just how much damage a broken one could cause. But things would change. She’d see.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  JESS HAD BEEN trying very hard not to miss Greg for almost two weeks. It had been a stupid argument, she’d said things she hadn’t really meant, and she guessed that he had too. But the main stumbling block remained. Was she just the latest in a long string of girlfriends that Greg had loved then lost interest in? If so, she couldn’t bring herself to tell him that this one still loved him.

  She had other things to think about, though. Like getting through the day, doing her job the best she could and smiling as if nothing had happened. Ignoring the nagging thought that her body’s monthly rhythm had missed a beat. It was nothing. She’d been working hard, sleeping badly and not eating properly, that was all.

  Today had been a busy day, but she’d kept on top of things and it seemed that she’d be leaving work on time tonight. And then, at five-thirty on the dot, the department secretary paged her.

  ‘What have you got for me, Bev?’ By the time she got down to the office she’d convinced herself that she didn’t really want to go home after all.

  ‘Some people were looking for you. I asked them to go to the waiting room.’

  ‘Who? I didn’t have a clinic today.’

  Beverly shook her head. ‘No, I think they might know you. One of them is a doctor.’