Milk Money

by Cecelia Dowdy

  One day, following a fun-filled Saturday of sightseeing in Ocean City, they returned to Monica’s house for dinner. “I’m going to start the oven,” said John, kissing Monica’s cheek before heading into the kitchen. He was making lasagna for their meal while Monica visited with Emily in the living room.

  “John is very affectionate toward you,” Emily commented.

  Monica chuckled. “Yes, he is. I just never thought I’d fall so deeply in love.”

  “I’m sorry I missed your wedding last year. Dad had the flu, and I had to stay and take care of the farm.”

  Monica smiled. “That’s okay.” She stood and walked to the other side of the room, opening an oak cabinet and removing a large leather book. “Here are our wedding pictures.”

  Emily admired the photos. “These are beautiful.”

  “Thanks.” Once she had looked at all the pictures, Monica told Emily some news. “I’m pregnant.”

  Emily’s heart filled with joy. “You’re kidding.”

  “Nope! We can hardly wait.”

  She hugged her cousin. “I’m so happy for both of you; I really am.” When they broke their embrace, tears slipped from Emily’s eyes, and Monica handed her a tissue.

  She touched Emily’s shoulder. “Cousin, why are you so sad?”

  Emily wondered if Monica would truly understand her problems, but she had to tell Monica all that had happened since her father’s death. “I just can’t believe my father was a gambler.” She told her about Frank, his drinking, his salvation, and his sudden disappearance from her life. “He’s e-mailed me a few times, but I miss him like crazy.”

  “Why do you like him so much?” Monica asked.

  “He’s kind, he’s caring, he’s conscientious, and I like being with him. I like being around him. I hated his drinking, and the fact that he was unsaved really bothered me. Now that he’s saved, I’d hoped we could work things out. But it looks like I was wrong. I just wish he wasn’t afraid of turning into an alcoholic again, but I can’t make his desire to drink go away.”

  “Does he still talk to you? Other than the e-mails?”

  “He doesn’t call me, but he is in Chicago right now, and I know his father died. We don’t have constant contact, just an occasional e-mail.”

  “Have you thought about calling him?”

  “No. I sense he doesn’t want to talk to me.” Another thought occurred to her. “You know, maybe he doesn’t like me very much.”

  “He offered to save your farm for you. I think he likes you a lot, but he’s working through his issues right now.” She shook her head. “No. There’s no hope for us.”

  “Girl, where’s your faith? If the Lord allowed John and me to be together, then I know there’s hope for you and Frank.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Monica gazed at the photo album. “John was an agnostic.”

  “Really? I didn’t know that.”

  “Yeah. He didn’t even know if he believed God existed. When he first started tutoring my nephew, we shared an instant attraction, but I knew there was no hope for us because of his beliefs.”

  “But he accepted Jesus,” Emily guessed.

  “He sure did. So, since God saw fit to bring John and I together, then He might see fit to bring you together with Frank.”

  “I just wish I could get Frank off my mind.”

  “Are you involved in any of the ministries at your church?” Emily told her about the outreach ministry. “Is there a singles group at your church?”

  “There’s one that just started shortly after Frank left. Kelly, Christine, and I joined, but I just haven’t felt like going to the meetings. Why do you ask?”

  “It might be more fun and fulfilling to hang out with other Christian singles. I remember when I was in the singles group at my church a long time ago, I never met anybody to date, but I had a good time. We’d have fun and fellowship time, and we’d go bowling, out to dinner, out to the movies.” Monica shrugged. “It was fun, and it gave me something to do. Also, what do you like to do in your spare time besides work on your dairy farm?”

  “Years ago I used to read novels, but it’s something I just stopped doing.”

  “Well, why don’t you start doing that again? If I recall, during the winter you don’t have as much to do on your farm as you do during the summer months since you’re not harvesting any crops or baling hay. If you’re worried about spending a lot of money on books, you could always go to the library or a used book store.”

  “So you’re saying that I need to keep myself busy and not worry about Frank so much?”

  “Exactly. I certainly can’t predict if he’ll come back, but if it’s the Lord’s will, then Frank will come sweeping back to Monkton to be with you again. But if he doesn’t come back, at least you’ll be so occupied with your new activities that you’ll barely notice. When I was pining after a man, another thing I did was get more acquainted with God. Why don’t you try reading some more of the Word and focusing on God? I know it’d help.”

  “You make it sound so easy.”

  Monica touched Emily’s shoulder. “By no means is it easy. I’m not saying doing all these things will make Frank disappear from your mind, but it might help. I can honestly say that I know how you feel, but you just have to take it one day at a time and try and focus on yourself and God until you find out what Frank’s going to do.”

  Emily pondered Monica’s words for the rest of the evening.

  twelve

  Four months later

  “Would you like another soda?” Cameron Jacobs held Emily’s hand, leading her to their seats at the spring gospel concert. People milled about, trying to find their seats in the arena as several waited near the stage, eager for the performance to start.

  “I’m fine, Cameron.” She put her cold soda aside, no longer thirsty.

  Emily continued to think about Frank periodically and wondered why he had only e-mailed her briefly a few times. She still clung to Monica’s hope that Frank would find help for his issues and return to Baltimore County; however, as time passed, her prayers remained unanswered, and she wondered if maybe the Lord was nudging her to let go of her fantasy of being with Frank.

  During the holiday season a few months ago, she’d mailed him a Christmas card. She’d hoped and prayed for a response, but she had only received Frank’s silence.

  She gazed around the arena. The gospel concert was one of her favorite yearly events. This year, however, the festive music failed to lift her spirits. Sighing, she ran her fingers through her hair.

  “I like your new haircut, Emily. It looks good on you.”

  Emily smiled her thanks to Cameron, although “new” wouldn’t describe her haircut. A short time after her visit to Monica, she felt the weight of her long, dark hair to be too much to handle. She’d visited her hairdresser and asked for a short, snazzy cut.

  The band warmed up, and Emily thought about the last four months of her life—about how she ended up coming to this gospel concert with Cameron.

  Weeks following her visit with Monica, Cameron had asked her out yet again, so she finally relented and went out with the man. He was a person of strong faith, and she wondered if the Lord was trying to tell her that Cameron was the man she should pursue.

  This was their fifth date, and so far Emily felt nothing for Cameron except feelings of friendship. He barely crossed her mind throughout her day, and he didn’t haunt her dreams, unlike Frank.

  “Emily!” Emily snapped out of her reverie, gazing at Cameron’s confused expression. “The concert is over.”

  “Oh, sorry.” She smiled and stood, gathering her coat. Cameron helped her with her garment, and she watched several other members of the audience retrieve their things as they headed to the large parking lot.

  They drove home in silence. Emily gazed at the brightly lit windows of the stores downtown. Huddling into her coat, she was eager to return home and finish reading the Christian cozy mystery novel she’d started ea
rlier that week. When Cameron pulled into the lot, she noticed another car in her driveway.

  “Are you and your mother expecting company tonight?”

  Emily frowned at the unfamiliar car. “I don’t think so. But sometimes people from the church will drop by and visit.” She remained silent when Cameron rushed out of the car and opened her door for her.

  He walked her to the bottom of her porch. Emily sensed from the eager expression on Cameron’s face that he was anticipating a good night kiss or an invitation inside for a piece of Laura’s apple pie. She quickly bid him good night and turned away, not even giving him a chance to kiss her.

  He stopped her with a question. “You don’t like me very much, do you?”

  She turned toward him again. “I think you’re a nice man.”

  “Nice? You don’t like me the way you liked that accountant that used to work out here. I saw the way you used to look at him in church.”

  Emily didn’t want to hurt Cameron’s feelings. “I think you’re a strong, good man, and I admire your faith in God.”

  His shoulders drooped. “I won’t ask you out anymore, Emily. I feel like I’m wasting my time.”

  She didn’t want him to feel bad. “Cameron. Don’t get mad.”

  “I’m not mad. It’s just … whenever I’m with you, I feel like you’re not with me.”

  She frowned, squinting at him in the darkness. “What do you mean?”

  “Your mind is always on something. Half the time when I speak to you, I have to repeat myself. I almost get the feeling you can’t wait for our dates to end.”

  Emily inwardly winced, hating that Cameron could read her so easily. “I’m sorry, Cameron.” She held out her hand, not wanting things to end on a bad note. “We’re still friends, right?”

  He gave her a small smile, shaking her hand. “Yeah, we’re still friends. I’ll be seeing you when I come to get your milk tomorrow.” He gestured toward the porch. “Since your house is dark and you don’t recognize that car in your driveway, I’ll just walk you to your door and make sure you get in okay.”

  “Thanks.” His heavy footsteps followed her up the porch steps as she opened the creaky screen door. Cameron was right behind her as she tried to locate the door handle to the house in the darkness.

  “Emily.” A figure appeared, and Emily almost screamed when Cameron jumped on the person trespassing on their porch. Cameron and the trespasser landed on the floor, making a huge racket. “Get off me! Emily, it’s me, Frank!”

  “Oh my.” Her voice trembled and her hands shook as she jerked the kitchen door open, turning on the light. The men stood simultaneously, Cameron glaring at Frank.

  “You could have let Emily know you were on the porch instead of scaring her,” Cameron said. “Emily, do you want me to stay, or are you okay alone with him?” Cameron shot a look at Frank.

  “I’m fine, Cameron. Thanks for seeing me to my door.” Cameron nodded, took his exit, and drove away, his taillights disappearing as he rounded the corner.

  Her fright subsided when she entered the kitchen, and she quickly disarmed their recently installed burglar alarm before beckoning Frank inside. Her heart was pounding so hard, she felt it would pop out of her chest.

  Suddenly, Frank was bathed in a warm glow, and Emily noticed the changes in him. He removed his leather jacket, and her breathing intensified when she looked up into his cocoa brown eyes. She gazed at his face, which now sprouted a thick beard and mustache.

  “Frank, I … Why are you here?” Her voice shook, and she slowly sat at the kitchen table.

  He shrugged, continuing to stare. “I came to see you. Laura wasn’t home, so I decided to wait for you on the porch. Didn’t you notice my car outside?”

  Emily nodded. Her legs felt weightless as blood rushed to her head. “It’s not the same car you had … you had when you left.”

  He chuckled. “That’s right. I’d forgotten that you haven’t seen my new car.”

  She shrugged. “When I saw your car, I just figured we had a visitor. I don’t know where Laura is,” she began before she spotted the note on the refrigerator. Emily read the note, which said that her stepmother was going to be spending the night with a troubled church member. “Laura won’t be home tonight. She’s been really busy since she joined the church’s outreach program.” She placed the note on the table.

  “I don’t recall Laura being in the outreach ministry before. I thought you were a part of that ministry.”

  She didn’t feel like talking about church activities. But she forced herself to comment on Frank’s observation. “I decided to stop being in that ministry, and my stepmother offered to take my place.” She shrugged. “I had other ministries I wanted to be involved with.” She pointed to the pile of books in the corner of the kitchen. “I’ve been reading some good Christian novels lately, and I’ve started a book club at my church. I’ve also been involved with the singles ministry, too. These things keep me busy. I still have a lot of chores to do on the farm, but not nearly as many as during the summertime.”

  When he began asking questions about her farm and her herd, Emily answered before she finally stopped herself, not wanting to act like things were okay between them. “Are you here visiting?” she asked abruptly.

  “Emily, I’m back in Monkton for good now.” Emily stared at Frank, wondering if this was another dream. “A lot has happened to me over the last six months.”

  She listened to him, still finding it hard to believe he was in her kitchen, talking as if they’d just seen each other yesterday. He ran his hand over his head, and the familiar gesture warmed her heart. “You know I was pretty messed up when I left.”

  “You mean with your drinking?”

  He nodded. “You know I had a big problem with that. It was the only way I had to deal with Julie’s death and my parents’ decision not to accept her into the family.”

  “Have you stayed sober since you’ve been gone?”

  “I haven’t had a drink since that day I told you I’d stopped. But it’s been a real struggle.”

  “Has it been more of a struggle since your father passed?”

  “Yes. My father’s death hit the family hard. It was so much to handle all at one time. My sister helped me out a lot with strengthening my faith.”

  “How are Trish’s children? I’m assuming you spent a lot of time with them while you were in Chicago.”

  “Mark and Regina are fine. Trish and I are thankful that Mark hasn’t gotten into any more trouble, but we still think he feels hurt because his father won’t come to visit him very often.”

  “Did you find a nice church home in Chicago?”

  “Yes. Although I have a church family in Chicago, I call Devon Crandall a lot since we’ve become friends. I also kept thinking about what you told me right before I returned to Chicago. You told me that I didn’t need to fix myself before coming to Jesus, that He’d accept me as I am. I thought about that a lot over the last few months.”

  “I’m glad I said something that could help you. But did your father’s death make you want to start drinking again?”

  He stared at her with his beautiful brown eyes. “I was tempted to drink, yes. But I didn’t. I had to pray to the Lord every day to make it through the day without having a drink.” He opened his mouth as if he were going to say more, but he remained silent.

  “Were you going to say something else?”

  “No.” Silence filled the kitchen, almost as if each of them had to digest the presence of the other.

  Frank massaged her fingers, and she didn’t have the strength to pull away. “I’ve missed you so much. You don’t know how many times I’ve picked up the phone to call you but then decided against it.”

  She shrugged as feelings of joy and apprehension continued to course through her veins. “Why didn’t you call? I wondered how you were doing. I sent you a Christmas card, and you never responded.”

  He sighed. “Because I had so many things to sort through a
nd to work out in my life, I didn’t want to call you before I’d set my life straight,” he repeated.

  “So everything is fine with you now?”

  “Yes, it is. I asked if I could transfer back to the Monkton office, and they let me transfer.”

  “And now what are you going to do?”

  “I’d like for us to date and get to know each other again.”

  Emily couldn’t believe his words. “Date me?”

  He sat up. “I’m a new man now. I’d like for you to get to know me better, and I’d like to spend some time with you again.”

  “I can’t believe you did all this—relocated and everything—without calling me first. You could have warned me you were coming.”

  “I was sitting on the porch when you were talking to Cameron. I heard everything he said. I know you don’t have feelings for him.”

  Emily inwardly winced, upset that Frank had heard such a private conversation. It was also highly upsetting that Cameron had mentioned Frank when they were talking. Before she could speak, Frank made another comment. “Are you dating somebody else besides Cameron?”

  “I don’t think that’s any of your business.” He dropped her hand, frowning. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

  “You’re angry with me.”

  “I’m just … I’m just surprised to see you. You didn’t even call me to tell me you were coming. You could have at least called and let me know you’d be here instead of sneaking on my porch and waiting for me.”

  He frowned. “I wasn’t sneaking. It’s not my fault that you were out on a date when I decided to come.”

  “You could have at least warned me that you’d be here.”

  “I felt the Lord leading me to come back here and live. I should have called you, but I guess I just wasn’t thinking clearly. I wanted to surprise you.”

  “Well, you did surprise me. I—”

  “I love you.” His voice was so low that she had to strain to hear it.

  “What?”

  “I said I love you, Emily. I know it’s hard to believe, but I do. I’ve loved you for months, but I knew there was no hope between us until I straightened out my life.” He scooted closer to her and kissed her palm.