Don't Die, Dragonfly

by Linda Joy Singleton

  Reading over my shoulder, Penny-Love chuckled. “Amanda? A fashion designer? That’ll be the day.”

  “How come?” I asked.

  “She wears faded army fatigues and oversized hiking boots. She has zero fashion sense.”

  I thought Penny-Love was being kind of harsh, but our friendship was still new, so I didn’t say anything.

  Returning my gaze to the newspaper, I skimmed over the next predictions. Some of them were my suggestions, like the lucky color. Glancing down at the vines embroidered up the leg of my jeans, I hoped green would indeed prove lucky.

  When I reached the end of the column and found no mention of the girl with a dragonfly tattoo, I felt relieved—and disappointed. I was glad my silly idea wasn’t in print for everyone to see. But I felt uneasy, too, as if I’d let someone down.

  “Cool, huh?” Penny-Love said as we reached our homeroom class. “I mean, I don’t believe it or whatever, but it’s fun. Where does Manny get all his ideas?”

  “He has a good imagination. If he doesn’t get that Pulitzer he’s always talking about, he’ll make a great tabloid writer.”

  “Is that a prediction?” she teased.

  “No!” I said a bit too sharply. “I only believe facts.”

  “Like the fact that you’re hot for Josh.” She nudged me and pointed to a dark-haired boy as we took our seats. “You ever gonna tell him how you feel?”

  My gaze drifted across desktops. The room suddenly felt warm and I couldn’t stop staring. Josh DeMarco. Student council junior president, A+ student, a dedicated volunteer, and so fine that my heart sped up just being near him. He was too good to be true—maybe too good for me. And I hadn’t found the nerve to talk to him. I probably never would.

  The morning went by quickly with a surprise quiz in English lit and extra homework in Spanish. I always ate lunch in the cafeteria with Penny-Love and her group of cheerleading friends, but I’d forgotten my calculus book, so I made a detour to my locker. As I grabbed my book, out of the corner of my eye I glimpsed dark hair and a smile so sweet it took my breath away.

  Josh.

  Waving as he left his friends Zach and Evan, Josh was walking this way. In seconds, he’d pass by, just inches from me. This was my chance to talk to him, find out if he knew my name and might want to know more. Yeah, like that was going to happen! If I managed to utter one word that would be a miracle.

  But I couldn’t let him catch me staring, so I leaned closer to my locker—too close! I banged my head on the door, then lost my grip on my book, and it went crashing to the floor. By the time I’d picked it up and shut my locker, Josh had passed.

  With a low groan, I watched him pause to talk to a girl with long brown hair, then laugh at something she said before continuing on his way.

  Sounds faded and a fog rolled through my mind, clouding everything except Josh. It was as if I was standing next to him, moving in step and sharing his heartbeat. I could even hear this thoughts. He was thinking about his car—a secondhand Honda Civic—and planning to stop by an auto parts store after school to repair a broken taillight. Not paying attention, he walked into his auto shop class. I smelled grease and saw the instructor helping a skinny boy move a car on a lift.

  Josh headed straight for a tool cabinet, crouching low to sort through a bottom drawer. He was directly in front of the lift, with his back to it.

  My mind was still with Josh as I closed my own locker and began walking towards the auto shop, just at the end of the hallway.

  I entered the classroom that was just outside the actual shop. A couple kids noticed me; one was a girl from my calc class.

  “Hey, Sabine,” she said, but I didn’t say anything.

  Josh was still hunched over the drawer, looking for something. “Spark plug gapping tool,” I heard in my mind. The skinny boy had the control for the lift in his hand now, but the instructor had turned to help someone else.

  I was standing in the doorway to the shop, just a few quick strides from Josh. I took a small step toward him.

  There was a loud grinding noise and sparks from a machine on the other side of the shop. Josh was still searching. He had no idea. The boy at the lift timidly pushed a green button on the control. The wheels weren’t secure; I just knew that. The noise was so loud, but I could somehow hear in Josh’s head, “Where is that stupid thing?”

  Suddenly, there was a jarring noise and one of the wheels slipped off the platform. The skinny boy frantically pushed the red button, but the car slipped forward. I was now moving in large strides toward Josh. There was so much noise! Running, I reached Josh and pushed him, hard, and we both tumbled over as the car came all the way off the lift and rolled forward, smashing into the tool cabinet where Josh had been standing.

  The noise stopped. Josh looked at me. Everyone looked at me.

  “Huh?” Josh said in bewilderment. “What just happened?”

  Brushing dirt off my jeans, I stood up on shaky legs. I couldn’t say anything because all the breath had been knocked out of me.

  He smoothed back his dark hair, standing tall so he towered at least a head over me. “Do I know you?” he asked.

  “Uh … well … ” There goes Miss Conversationalist!

  Realization seemed to dawn on him as he looked at the smashed cabinet and the lopsided car. “WOW! That almost hit me! Unbelievable!”

  I managed a weak nod.

  The instructor rushed over, and, after quickly making sure Josh was okay, he called some students to help move the car.

  I started to go, when Josh touched my arm. “Wait.”

  I waited.

  He pushed his hair from his eyes as he studied me. “I don’t understand exactly what happened, but I know I owe you a huge thanks.”

  “Well … ” Being near him stole my thoughts.

  “How did you know?”

  “I—I uh … ” I took a deep breath. “I heard the wheels slip.”

  His dark brows arched. “How could you? It was too noisy to hear anything.”

  “Everyone says I have unusually good hearing.” Did I just say that?

  “Lucky for me.”

  “It’s the color green.” I pointed at his shirt. “It’s lucky.”

  Josh blinked like he hadn’t a clue what I was talking about.

  “Don’t you read Mystic Manny? He has a weekly column and it’s mega popular, so you must have heard about it,” I babbled like a fool. Now that I was finally talking to my dream guy, I didn’t want it to end.

  “Oh, yeah. I know who you mean.”

  “Then you know Manny writes for the Sheridan Shout-Out.”

  “Oh. The school paper. I was interviewed in it a few weeks ago.”

  “The September thirteenth issue.” I didn’t add that I’d clipped the article and tacked it to the bulletin board in my bedroom. I kept right on blathering, “In every issue Manny picks a lucky color and it’s green this week. See, I’m even wearing green vines on my jeans.”

  “Nice design,” he said.

  Was he checking me out? Did he like what he saw? I was kind of skinny, not much on top, more like a twelve-year-old than a sixteen-year-old. But my face was okay and Penny-Love said my long blond hair was my best feature, that the ribbon of black streaking through my hair was cool. Still, I was unsure. Afraid Josh would take one look at me and run away.

  But he wasn’t leaving. He was smiling—in a way that made me feel warm inside.

  “I’ve seen you around,” he said. “In English.”

  I stared up into his dark brown eyes and nodded.

  “Sabrina?”

  “Sabine.”

  “And I’m Josh.”

  “I know.”

  His grin widened into dimples. “Guess I owe you a big thanks. If you didn’t have such great hearing, I could have been, like, dead.”

  “Nah. Only a broken leg or two.”

  “But I’m all in one piece. I really owe you big-time.” He paused. “There must be something I can do to pay you
back—”

  “No, no! You don’t have to—”

  “But I want to—want to get to know you.”

  “Well … that would be cool.”

  “Are you doing something later this week? Want to see a movie?”

  Did I ever! Of course, I didn’t say this; instead, I kept my dignity and answered simply, “Sure.”

  A date!

  Penny-Love nearly choked on her pompoms when I told her. After school, the other cheerleaders crowded around and wanted to know all the details. I was reluctant to talk so much about myself, not comfortable as the center of attention. But they kept after me, so I gave in and enjoyed the rush of being almost popular. So different than how I was treated at my last school.

  And I couldn’t wait to tell my grandmother about Josh. Nona was the expert on romance. She ran an online dating service called Soul-Mate Matches. Totally high tech, using compatibility analysis charts and personal videos. Of course, her amazing success rate had little to do with technology—but her clients didn’t know that.

  Dumping my backpack on the living room floor, I looked for my grandmother. Only she wasn’t in the kitchen or her office. The light on her answering machine blinked, as if asking, “Where’s Nona?”

  Good question.

  Heading outside, I checked the garden, chicken pen, and pasture. All that remained was the barn.

  I still resented Nona’s hiring of Dominic, but not even that could get me down today. I was imagining my grandmother’s excited reaction to my news as I peeked into the rambling red barn.

  “Nona?” I called out.

  No answer, but I caught the scent of burnt lavender. Curious, I pushed open the door. Sunlight cascaded down through a high window, shining gold on stacks of hay. My footsteps on loose hay were soft. A calf, penned for its own safety because it was lame, mooed at the two barn cats who chased each other across a wood rail. I’d always loved this barn, the musty hay smells and all the animals, even the occasional scurrying rat.

  My gaze drifted up a staircase, to the loft apartment. The room had been off limits when Nona’s last husband was alive and used it as an art studio. I heard the murmur of voices through the closed door—my grandmother and Dominic. A clunk and a rolling sound piqued my curiosity. So I crept up the stairs. After some hesitation, I reached for the door. At my touch, it fell open a few inches.

  My grandmother sat cross-legged on a round carpet across from Dominic. Candles flickered and lavender incense wafted a sweet trail toward the ceiling. Whispering, Nona held out a handful of small stones to Dominic. Sparkling crystals, amethyst, and jade. Stones for meditation and healing. The true tools of Nona’s romantic trade.

  But why was she showing precious stones to a stranger who’d been hired to repair the barn, feed the animals, and muck out stalls? I felt sick inside, knowing Nona was keeping something from me. A secret was almost the same as a lie. And I knew too well how one lie led to another and another.

  Backing away, unnoticed, I fled.

  It was childish to feel hurt, left out, like the last kid chosen for a team. But that’s how I felt. The happy bubble that I’d floated home in had popped.

  I slammed the door behind me as I entered the house, heading for the kitchen, where I poured a glass of milk and ripped open a bag of wheat chips. I had just put the milk away when the phone rang.

  Instead of answering right away, I played a childhood game. Closing my eyes and concentrating hard, I tried to summon an image of the caller. Not my parents, I realized with relief. Someone younger, but neither Amy nor Ashley, my nine-year-old twin sisters. Someone older and not related. A dark-haired male …

  “OHMYGOD!” I blurted out. I snatched up the phone before the fifth and final ring.

  It was Josh, wanting to know if I would mind doubling on Friday with his friend Evan and his latest girlfriend. Yes, yes, yes! Anything you say, Josh.

  And with one short, magical phone call, my happy bubble was back. For the rest of the evening, I mentally tuned into a channel where Josh starred in every show. I called Penny-Love and we talked forever, debating what I should wear on Friday and discussing how far to go on a first date.

  “It’s not like I’ve never been on a date before,” I told her. “Although it’ll be my first since moving here.”

  “Did you have a boyfriend at your old school?”

  “A few,” I said evasively, not wanting to get on the topic of my past. “Besides, I won’t even be alone with Josh on a double date. I’ll be lucky to get a kiss goodnight.”

  Penny-Love then proceeded to tell me in dishy detail about some of her very memorable goodbye kisses. We were still talking when Nona finally came in after dark. My grandmother didn’t tell me what she’d been doing, and I didn’t tell her about Josh.

  When I got ready for bed, I chose a heart-shaped nightlight and hoped for sweet dreams of Josh. The dark had always scared me; so, childish as it was, I never slept without a nightlight. This led to a huge nightlight collection. Plug-in lights shaped like kittens, dolphins, rainbows, angels, butterflies, and a stained-glass flaming dragon.

  Instead of hearts, though, I dreamed of dragons. Dragons chasing after me, blowing molten fire, their razor teeth white knives of death. I ran and ran, calling out to Josh to rescue me. And there he was, tall and handsome, grasping my hand. He protected me with a silver shield, dodging bursts of flame. We raced through a maze of spindly spines that became a giant dragon.

  There was a loud flapping, and the dragon sprouted wings. Josh slipped and started to fall, only I lunged forward and grasped his hand. Holding on tight, we clung together as the dragon flew higher, higher, soaring into the unknown. Then the dragon changed, spines smoothing into silky feathers and fangs curving into a sharp beak. Soaring along on a strong breeze, we rode the giant bird. A falcon. When I looked at Josh, he was different, too. His dark hair grew longer and lighter, to a sandy brown, and his eyes shone as blue as the sky. Dominic …

  I sat bolt up in bed.

  My heart revved and my hands were sweaty. Despite my nightlight’s reassuring glow, the shadows around my room moved and breathed, and I sensed I wasn’t alone.

  I was never alone.

  Climbing out of bed, I walked over to the wall and snapped on the light.

  Then I slipped back under my covers and sank into a fitful, dreamless sleep.

  *

  The next morning when I went to my locker to meet Penny-Love, instead I found Josh. And this was only the beginning of a perfect day.

  Just like that, I was Josh’s girl. Instead of sitting with the cheerleaders at lunch, Josh and I sat outside under a willow tree, sharing sandwiches and chips and talking. Mostly, I listened while he described his interest in magic. Not the kind of magic I’d avoided all my life, but entertaining magic tricks.

  He was apprenticing to join a professional magician’s organization. So secret, he couldn’t reveal much, except that only the most respected, skilled magicians belonged. And his mentor, the Amazing Arturo, was rumored to be a distant cousin of Houdini.

  “How’d you get interested in magic?” I asked, impressed that a popular guy like Josh had such an unusual hobby.

  “Arty—the Amazing Arturo—showed me some tricks and I was hooked.”

  “How long have you known him?”

  “Seven years.” Josh hesitated, taking a sip of cola. “We met at Valley General Hospital where he was giving a show in the children’s ward.”

  “What were doing you there? Were you sick?”

  “Not me. My older brother.” His tone had grown serious.

  “What was wrong with him?”

  “A car accident. He was in a coma for five months.”

  “I’m sorry. How is he now?”

  “He didn’t make it.” Josh spoke calmly but I sensed deep loss and I regretted asking the question. “It’s been a long time,” he quickly added. “And because Arty noticed me hanging around the hospital with nothing to do, one thing led to another, and now I’m
the one performing for sick kids.”

  “That’s great of you.”

  “It’s the kids who are great. And it’s so cool to amaze them. Wait till you see my latest sleight-of-hand trick. You’ll never guess how it’s done.”

  “I wouldn’t even try. I’d rather be mystified.”

  “Then you gotta watch me the next time I perform at the hospital. Will you come?”

  “I’d love to.” And I loved staring at his face, his soft lips, straight nose, and long, dark lashes. He was so perfect. And he liked me. Amazing.

  Penny-Love came over that night, just one day from The Date, and searched through my closet for the right outfit. Unfortunately, all my clothes were wrong. So I broke down and admitted to my grandmother why I needed a new outfit. She had a million questions about Josh, and was impressed when I told her about his volunteer work. Always a fan of romance, Nona gave me encouragement—and her credit card—then told me to have fun shopping.

  We headed for Arden Fair Mall in Sacramento, about thirty miles away. Penny-Love borrowed a station wagon from one of her older brothers. Nick or Jeff or Dan—with a family as large as hers, all redheads with freckles, who could keep them straight?

  The perfect outfit was a dark-green skirt with a yellow Lyrca top. Penny-Love talked me into buying one of those pushup bras, which made me blush when I looked in the mirror. For the first time in my life, I had curves in the right places.

  *

  When Friday night arrived, I breathlessly watched Josh walk up to my front door. I didn’t need to be psychic to know my outfit was working a subtle magic. This was my moment and nothing could spoil it. Not even Dominic, whom I saw standing in the shadow of the porch, scowling as Josh opened his car door for me. What was his problem anyway? He’d barely spoken two sentences to me since we’d met, yet I had the weird feeling he disapproved of my going out.

  “You look great,” Josh said as we drove off to pick up his friends.

  My cheeks warmed. “Uh … thanks.”

  “I’m glad you don’t mind doubling with Evan and Danielle.”