Wicked Payback

by Daisy Dexter Dobbs

“What the— No! Meredith, you can’t do this.” Jack thrashed back and forth. “You can’t leave me helpless like this. You wouldn’t dare!”

  Meredith slanted Jack a saccharine smile. “You’re right, Jack. Even after all you’ve done to me I can’t be cruel enough to leave you completely exposed like this.” She scavenged in the plastic bag and pulled out one of his socks. A few quick dabs of cheesecake made the cutest little white face against the black background. Meredith slipped the adorable little sock puppet over Jack’s petered-out pecker, then stood back to admire her slapdash creation. “Oh yes…that’s much better, don’t you think?” She bent over Jack’s face, kissed the tip of her finger and dabbed it to his nose. “It’s been great fun seeing you again, Jack, but I really do have to run. I’ve got another hot and heavy kitchen table date with my neighbor in the morning and I need my beauty sleep.” Then, plastic bag in hand, she turned to leave the bedroom.

  “Meredith, wait!”

  She paused at the doorway.

  “Aw, I get it.” Jack broke into panicky laughter. “This is all a big joke, right? Just to get back at me, right? Right, Meredith? You’re not really going to leave me like this.” He laughed again. She folded her arms across her chest and leaned against the doorjamb, disdain written across her features. “Okay, okay,” Jack continued. “Very funny. You got me good. Ha-ha-ha. I forgive you. Now come on and untie me.” Meredith didn’t move a muscle. Jack’s jovial expression morphed into a scowl. “Now you listen to me, Meredith. You’re skating on thin ice here. If you don’t untie me at once, I just may decide not to marry you again after all. Does that tiny brain of yours have any conception of the opportunity you’d be passing up to be the wife of a man as well known and successful as Jack McKenna?”

  Meredith rolled her eyes and chuckled. “Oh, poor Jack. You really are clueless, aren’t you? I never wanted your success…just your heart.” She gave him one last look, smiled and blew him a kiss. “Maybe you’ll get lucky and have some sexy little prepubescent housekeeper find you there, all trussed up and ready to perform for her.” Flinging the plastic bag with his clothes over her shoulder, she left the bedroom. And before exiting the hotel suite, she called out, “Have a nice life, Jack,” wincing at the highly imaginative string of profanity that the international babe-magnet, mega-successful speaker and about-to-be talk show host shouted after her.

  Meredith pushed the call button for the elevator just across the hall. She could still hear Jack’s vastly creative diatribe and for a moment, just the briefest interlude, she took pity on her poor, oblivious ex-husband and considered letting him off the hook because, damn it, she realized she still loved the big sexy obnoxious jerk. Her gaze lingered on the door of Jack’s hotel suite as the elevator doors parted. With a fortifying breath, Meredith stepped across the threshold—and down into oblivion, because the elevator car wasn’t there.

  Chapter Six

  With a slow pirouette, Meredith surveyed her sumptuous surroundings and gaped, drop-jawed, at the wealth of gold, crystal, marble and a host of other fine-quality accoutrements. The area made Jack’s luxurious suite look like a ramshackle hole in the wall by comparison. “This doesn’t look like the hotel lobby,” she mumbled to herself. “I must have taken a wrong turn after I got off the elevator.”

  “Ah! I see that you’ve arrived. Wonderful!”

  With a sharp intake of breath, Meredith clapped her hand to her chest and swiveled towards the woman’s voice. “Oh, you startled me.” She gave a nervous laugh.

  “Sorry,” said the woman standing before her. The raven-haired beauty was so stunning, so faultlessly beautiful, that Meredith found herself staring. “It seems to be a nasty habit of mine. Delighted to have you staying with us, my dear.” The woman extended her hand—the one without the foot-long cigarette holder. Awestruck by the costly array of glittering gems adorning the long fingers, Meredith clasped the proffered hand and shook it.

  “You must be mistaking me for someone else.” Meredith quickly released the woman’s jarringly hot flesh. “I’m not checking in. I was just on my way out.”

  The woman shook her head from side to side causing her sleek chin-length bob to swing. “No, you’re the one who’s mistaken, dear. As a matter of fact, you’re already checked in. I’ve seen to the arrangements myself.” She absently flipped her bangs with the cigarette holder as she smiled.

  Meredith laughed. “No, honestly, I’m not who you think I am,” she explained. “I was just visiting one of the guests and when I stepped off the elevator I—”

  “Watch out for that first step. It’s a doozie!” The woman’s pealing laughter reverberated throughout the opulent room as it sprang from her glossy blood-red lips. “Whoomp—splat!” Dramatically gesturing with her arms, she continued to laugh.

  Her eyebrows knitting, Meredith balled her hands at her hips, resting her weight on one leg. Clearly the woman was either drunk or nuts. Probably some bubble-headed society matron who’d lost her way back to her event after a pee break. “I beg your pardon?”

  “Oops.” The woman’s bejeweled fingers flew to her lips and her eyebrows arched high. “Evidently you don’t remember yet.” She gave a dismissive flick of her wrist. “No matter, it will all come back to you soon.” She sauntered across the marble floor, the train of her skin-hugging red gown trailing behind her. Long sleeved, floor length and sequined, it looked like one of those preposterously expensive designer creations that upper echelon celebrities wore.

  “Remember what?” Meredith said. “What’s this all about?”

  The woman studied Meredith’s confounded expression and smiled. “Why, your unfortunate twelve-story fall down the elevator shaft of course.”

  “My what!?” Breathing an exasperated sigh, Meredith rolled her eyes. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m not in the mood for dim-witted dark comedy.” Tsking, she brushed by the woman and began walking. It had been a long, tension-filled evening fighting her emotions as she exacted retribution on Jack and she didn’t have time to indulge some flighty, inebriated socialite.

  “And just where do you think you’re going, Meredith McKenna?”

  “I don’t really see where that’s any concern of—” Meredith stopped abruptly and turned to face the woman in time to see her lip curling into a half-smile as the woman folded her arms across her chest. “Wait a minute… How did you know my name?”

  “Well, that’s what it says here.” The woman flipped through the stack of papers that suddenly materialized in her hand, fastened to a glistening gold clipboard. “Born Meredith Annie Collins on…oh!” She stopped reading and looked up at Meredith, grinning. “Happy birthday.”

  Meredith’s eyes popped wide. Okay, this was getting strange. Weird Woman not only knew her maiden and married names but her birthday too. And where the hell had that clipboard full of papers come from? Suddenly relief bathed Meredith’s features. “Oh, I get it. Karyn put you up to this for my birthday, didn’t she?” She laughed while craning her neck left and right. “Come on out, Karyn, I’m on to you. Very funny. Ha, ha.” Her merriment was met with silence.

  “Karyn Archer? Hardly,” the woman said with a disinterested sigh. “Your dull, plump, pistachio-munching friend had nothing to do with this. I’m afraid she’s not nearly that witty or clever.” She returned her attention to the documents scrolling down the lines of data with her finger. “Let’s see…yada, yada, yada…yup, here it is—married name McKenna. No doubt about it, it’s you all right.” Fixing her powerful gaze on Meredith again, she beamed a bright smile. “Married him twice, I see.”

  Still trying to fathom how the mysterious papers detailing her life had appeared out of nowhere, an awestruck gasp escaped Meredith’s lips. “Where did you get that information about me? What in the hell—”

  “Yes! That’s it! Finally you understand,” the woman interjected. The documents vanishing as quickly as they had appeared, she clapped enthusiastically as Meredith slanted her another bewildered look. “Yes, my dear Ms. McKenna,
you’re in Hell. H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks. You’ve been damned here for eternity. Welcome!” the woman said in buoyant tones as she broke into a wide inviting grin and extended her hand to Meredith.

  Ignoring the hospitable gesture, Meredith felt frozen in place, like one of the massive stone statues that lined the great gold-veined marble walls. Finally, she shook her head hoping to clear it. “I must be dreaming.”

  “Hmmm, I suppose some people might consider it a nightmare,” the woman offered thoughtfully. “But no, dear, you’re not dreaming. You’re really dead, Meredith. As a doornail. As a dodo bird. As a—”

  “Yeah, I get it, I get it,” Meredith said, flicking her hands with a dismissive wave. “And this,” she gestured to her extravagant surroundings, “isn’t the Northwest Passage Hotel. It’s Hell, right?”

  “Exactly. Give the little lady a cigar!” With those words a stogie immediately appeared in the woman’s hand and she held it out to Meredith, who ignored the ludicrous offer. With the shrug of one elegant shoulder, the woman tossed the cigar aside only to have it disappear into thin air before it had a chance to reach the floor.

  Gasping, Meredith nodded in understanding. Okay…it wasn’t the woman in red who was drunk, it was Meredith herself. Yes, she must have surpassed her limit sucking down all that cognac with Jack and now she was hallucinating. It was the only logical explanation. Meredith’s head bobbed up and down and she started to laugh. “And I suppose you’re, what? The Mistress of Darkness?”

  “Ooh, I like that.” The woman tapped a blood-red talon against her jaw. “Most people say she-devil, but Mistress of Darkness is so much more colorful, don’t you think?” She glanced back at Meredith, whose expression was deadpan. “Well, in any case, just call me Dev.” As she said the name, the room reverberated with the ovation of thousands of unseen disciples, giving Meredith a start. “And, sugar…” she reached out and lifted Meredith’s chin with her cigarette holder, “you’re wrong. You’re not drunk and neither am I. This is the real deal, babycakes. Deal with it.”

  “You can read my thoughts,” Meredith said as more of a statement than a question. Dev nodded. Oh God. She was dead. Really and truly dead. And by some hideous mistake in paperwork she’d landed in Hell instead of Heaven. Surrendering to an involuntary shudder, Meredith’s chin quivered and one fat teardrop scrolled down her cheek.

  “Oh, now don’t be a crybaby, darling,” Dev said, wrapping her arm around Meredith’s shoulder and pulling her into a buddy-hug. “Why, in no time at all you’ll be ready to begin your new way of life as one of my adoring minions and an eternal resident of Hell. It will be great fun…you’ll see.” Dev twisted her hand with a flourish. “Here, this will help you feel better.” She offered Meredith chocolates that were suddenly resting in her palm. “They’re Belgian…your favorite. Better take them quickly before they melt. I’m rather, uh, hot-blooded.” She cackled.

  Meredith took one confection from Dev’s palm and studied it warily.

  With a loud tsk, Dev coaxed, “Well, go ahead. It’s not like it’s deadly poison or anything. I mean, duh, you’re already dead, Meredith.” She erupted into gales of laughter.

  Meredith popped the chocolate into her mouth and closed her eyes, enjoying the richest, creamiest, most exquisite truffle she’d ever tasted. A spontaneous moan of pleasure escaped her lips. “Oh my God, this chocolate is del—”

  “Ahem,” Dev interrupted with a laugh as she wagged her finger. “First rule…you’ll need to work on finding more appropriate expressions here, dear. I’m not too keen on mentions of my chief competitor.” She pointed heavenward and rolled her eyes.

  Snatching the rest of the chocolates from Dev’s open palm, Meredith shook her head and sighed. “This is all so weird and surreal. I mean, I don’t remember dying. The last thing I remember is leaving Jack’s suite and waiting for the elevator.”

  “Mmm-hmm.” Dev nodded. “And then?” she encouraged, beckoning with her fingers.

  “I…I can’t remember.” Meredith frowned.

  “Here, let me help.” Dev raised her arm high over her head and gave an elaborate swirl of her hand, before splaying her fingers and thrusting them in Meredith’s direction.

  As if a bolt of lightning had struck her, Meredith’s body stiffened and quaked. A lifetime of memories flooded her brain, racing through her thoughts with implausible velocity. The memories slowed as they neared the present. After replaying her morning tryst with Cristoval, her discussion with Karyn and then the nasty little trick she’d played on Jack, Meredith saw herself stepping into the elevator—and screaming as she plunged into the dark abyss.

  “Oh my God, I do remember.”

  Dev covered her ears and scowled. “Will you stop with the G word already?” She shuddered and then took on an eager, enthusiastic air. “Would you like to see what you looked like once you hit bottom?” Dev asked hopefully.

  Meredith slapped her hand to her chest and gasped. “No!”

  “Oh.” Her buoyant expression sagging, Dev shrugged. “Too bad. They’re wonderfully grisly images.” She made a diving motion with her arm. “Whoomp—splat!” she repeated her earlier words and laughed.

  Giving Dev a sideways glance, Meredith sneered and then shivered. “But why am I in Hell? I’ve never been a bad or evil person. On the contrary, I’ve spent the better part of my life as a boring goody-two-shoes type. There must have been a mix-up of some sort. I mean, shouldn’t I be up there,” she gestured upwards, “in Heaven?”

  “Nope. No mistake.” Stroking her fingers along her jaw in a contemplative motion, Dev slowly strode in a wide circle around Meredith. “But,” she added, “I’ll admit that there was some lively debate about your final destination—between them,” Dev pointed skyward, “and us. But I finally won out. The evidence I presented was overwhelmingly condemning.”

  “I don’t understand.” Meredith heaved a weighty sigh. “What possible evidence could there be that would damn me to Hell for eternity?” She lifted her arms and let them fall, slapping at her sides.

  Dev shook her head and smiled. “Payback is a bitch, darling.” With a swoop of her hand, 3-D, bigger-than-life images of Meredith tying Jack to the bedposts and then leaving him in a compromising manner as she left the hotel suite played above their heads.

  “I don’t believe it.” Meredith huffed a humorless laugh. “I’ve been sent to Hell for playing one admittedly sneaky and perhaps even a bit dirty little payback trick on the man who cheated on me umpteen times since we became a couple twenty years ago? The man who single-handedly turned my life upside down and inside out and practically drove me to dive off a bridge with an anvil clutched to my bosom?” She made a raspberry sound with her tongue. “Oh puhleeze. You have got to be kidding. Once. Just once in my entire life I do something purposefully nasty and I’m damned for it.” She scraped her fingers through her hair. “And on my birthday no less! Shit. What kind of asinine judge and jury decided my fate based on this evidence, huh?”

  “Shhh.” Her fingers to her lips, Dev grimaced and glanced around quickly. “Only the topmost officials of both realms, darling,” she said in a conspiratorial whisper.

  “But all I did was—”

  “Meredith, your seemingly innocuous actions had wide-ranging consequences. Some quite dire, in fact. Here, sit down and I’ll show you.”

  “But there’s no place to—”

  Before she could finish her sentence an ornately carved, plush velvet upholstered chair instantly nudged Meredith’s knees from behind and she fell back into it, rolling her eyes. Dev’s chair looked suspiciously more like an elaborate gem-studded golden throne with blood-red upholstery. With a wave of Dev’s hand, tubs of buttered popcorn appeared on their laps and Dev dug in immediately. A fully equipped bar manifested before them and Dev urged Meredith to soothe her jangled nerves with a little libation. Just the merest notion of a chocolate martini had skated across Meredith’s mind before she found one ensconced in her hand. She didn’t quite know whethe
r to laugh or cry—so she did a bit of both.

  “Keep in mind that while these events are in the future, with all things remaining as they are now, all of these scenarios will come to pass.” Meredith nodded apprehensively. “Now this first clip,” Dev continued, pointing to the image coming into focus, “takes place tomorrow morning. The cutie is Alicia Gonciarz, the greedy little hotel maid who finds Jack tied to the bed with your charming little sock puppet covering his crotchless-panty-framed pecker.” Dev laughed. “Very clever. The little eyes, nose and mouth made out of cheesecake dabs added a definite panache.” Meredith cringed a bit.

  “And here,” Dev said, “we see Alicia telephoning Ricky Scholl, her no-good sleazy but deliciously hunky boyfriend. He’s a hotel security guard who doubles as a freelance photographer. She loves him…well, as much as any ruthless bitch can love a man, but she’d slit his throat in an instant if the price were right. Zipping ahead a bit, we find humiliating images of Jack plastered all over the supermarket rags. Oh that’s a great shot of Jack’s ass, isn’t it, darling? Look how clearly your indelible ink message stands out.” She tossed a handful of popcorn into her mouth and munched. “I’m going to love having Alicia and Ricky down here with me one day. Such a deliciously malevolent little pair.”

  Her eyes glued to the vivid telltale images of her ex-husband splashed all over the media, Meredith winced. “Oh no…that’s terrible. I had no idea. If I had known anything like this would happen I’d never have—”

  “And here,” Dev cut her off, “we see Jack as the keynote motivational speaker in Seattle, his next stop on the tour. Listen…” Dev cocked her head and cupped her ear with her hand. “Hear the snickers as Jack takes his place at the podium?” She grinned while Meredith winced. “Then a trickling of guffaws as he starts to speak…first there’s a heckler in the back of the room…then another heckler closer to the front…rampant chuckling…a couple of nasty comments… Then after he’s struggled to get through his presentation, a sea of eager hands pops up. Ludicrous questions about the photo spreads in the supermarket rags…then another question about the hilarious animated images of Jack on the Internet…and finally we hear the room erupt in belly laughter. And here, after deflecting barbs and struggling in vain to maintain a shred of dignity, we see a defeated and beleaguered Jack McKenna leaving the stage. Take a good look at his face, Meredith. The man has been thoroughly humbled and humiliated.” Dev reached over and gave Meredith a hearty slap on the knee. “Great job, kid. You’ve got real promise.”