The Tome of Bill (Book 5): Goddamned Freaky Monsters

by Rick Gualtieri

  “But what about those vamps that ambushed us?”

  “Those were nothing. Cannon fodder left behind as an afterthought, if I had to guess. The recently turned know nothing of us or our ways. Most of our kind would sacrifice them without a second thought.”

  “Go ahead and eat one. We’ll make more,” I commented under my breath.

  “More or less, true.”

  “Well, let me grab a few things and then let’s get going,” Sally said. “We need to find this asshole and get our people back.”

  “Oh, is that caring I hear creeping into your voice?”

  She shot me a glare, but to my amazement, it softened as she replied, “Starlight’s the best admin I ever had. Would be a shame to let some other employer have her without at least making a counteroffer.”

  I decided to keep any asshole remarks to myself for once. Her tone betrayed her words and I understood what she meant. There were also Dave and Firebird to worry about. Hell, even the HBC vamps probably deserved...

  While you idle like fools, your seat of power shall burn around you.

  My roommates and I jumped again at the disembodied outburst. Damn, that was getting annoying.

  “And that’s one of the things I need to grab,” Sally blithely said as she stepped back toward her office.

  “Yeah, about that,” I called after her. “Any chance you care to explain why I keep hearing Harry Decker’s fucking voice reverberating around in my head? It’s starting to creep me out.”

  James turned away from the windows, his eyebrows raised. “That was the Magi we temporarily aligned with, was it not?”

  “Also the one who blew the shit out of most of my coven,” I helpfully reminded him.

  “The one and the same,” Sally said over her shoulder. “He was one of the unfortunate casualties of that little adventure.” Her tone conveyed that she found his passing to be about as sad as I did. “Once the dust settled and our alliance dissolved, I figured nobody would mind if I made an ashtray out of his noggin.”

  That was surprising enough for me, but it definitely caught Tom’s full attention. “Oh, shit, Christy’s gonna fucking flip when she hears that.”

  “Well then, make sure she doesn’t find out. Loose lips sink dipshits.”

  James stepped forward, his look thoughtful. “Are you saying you have the skull of an Arch-Magi?”

  “Sounds like it,” I said. “Pretty fucked-up. Although I can’t say I’m not tempted to put out a cigar in that dickhead’s eye socket.”

  “No,” he replied, following Sally toward the back. The rest of us joined him, intrigued as to where this was going. “These outbursts, have they happened before?”

  “Been happening on and off since I got him,” Sally said, stuffing items from her former desk into a shoulder bag. “Used to really freak the others out.”

  She picked up the skull I’d seen earlier and packed it away. Harry Decker, former VP of marketing at my old job, I presume. I was half-tempted to steal it and mail it to the CEO of Hopskotchgames. Let it serve as warning to all overpaid, but nigh useless, executives.

  James, however, seemed to have a more practical use in mind. “I think we may be able to deduce where our friend is going.”

  “How so?” I asked. “For all we know, he just got freaked out by all the technology around him and decided to head for someplace simpler - maybe hole himself up in a barn or some shit.”

  “I don’t think so,” he replied. “My sire once told me a tale of how his father used the bones of a sorcerer to help plot out his campaigns, learning his enemies’ weak points so as to strike them down more efficiently. We have not been at odds with the Magi in centuries, so I have not seen it personally, but I have no reason to believe he was lying.”

  “Really? How?”

  “The Magi are able to tap their own essences into extra-planar forces. It is said an experienced mage’s entire being will become infused with that magic the more they utilize it. It is why witches were often burnt at the stake - to ensure no part of them remained viable. It is why it was once customary for chieftains to devour the hearts of any captured shamans so as to absorb their power.”

  “So you’re saying this thing has residual magic in it?”

  Sally stopped what she was doing to roll her eyes. “Well, duh. How many other screaming skulls have you come across? When most people put Grandpa’s urn up the mantle, they don’t expect it to keep yelling at them to get off the lawn.”

  “She has a point,” Ed needlessly replied, no doubt trying to work his own form of magic on her. And yet they dared call me pathetic.

  “A short while ago, the skull declared that we’d be attacked. That came to pass,” James said, refusing to allow the rest of us to sidetrack him. He began to pace, his brow furrowed in thought. “Earlier, it told us our downfall would be by one of our own. Perhaps it was picking up what we were beginning to suspect about the danger of this cultist.”

  “Didn’t it say something about the prophecy being bullshit?” Tom asked.

  “Yes, but alas, we are already aware of that. The Icon’s death has proven the future is malleable in ways...”

  “It said something to me earlier, too,” I interrupted, hoping to steer the conversation elsewhere. “Pretty much told me I’d get my ass kicked, and then voila...I got my ass kicked by this guy.”

  “It happened to me, too,” Sally said, her eyes wide. “A couple of weeks ago, it said something about drowning in filth. I just never made the connection.”

  “What happened?” I asked.

  “Let’s just say the Las Vegas sewer system isn’t a great place to be when a flash flood hits.”

  “Ewww.”

  “You have no idea.”

  “Okay, so this thing can somehow see things...sometimes before they happen,” Ed surmised.

  “Yeah, but why is it only bad things? I mean, it hasn’t spit out any winning lottery numbers, has it?”

  “I wish,” Sally muttered with a sigh.

  “Perhaps it has become an oracle of doom,” James said. “Or, more likely, some part of its owner’s spirit remains.”

  “And said spirit pretty much couldn’t stand any of us,” I pointed out. “The only thing the asshole seemed to like better than trying to kill me was gloating about it. Sounds like a logical theory to me.”

  “So, going with that,” Ed said, “any time it speaks up, we’d do well to listen because shit is probably going to get real.”

  James nodded solemnly, his gears obviously spinning.

  “Where’s my gun?” Sally asked, still going through the drawers.

  “Err...I think that guy stole it,” I replied, earning a dirty glare from her. She no doubt saw through my lie. “Um, let’s not worry about that for now. What was that thing Decker was just talking about?”

  “Something about a seat of power being burnt to the ground,” Tom said.

  “Yeah, but that already happened. That asshole took down this place hours ago, unless there’s some other super-secret coven hangout I don’t know about.” I looked toward Sally for that last part.

  “Nope. I’ve been concentrating on recruiting, not real estate, these past few months.”

  “Maybe its City Hall,” Tom stated, looking smug, as if he’d just solved a Rubik’s Cube in record time. “He’s gonna declare himself Duke of New York.”

  I narrowed my eyes at him, wondering how he came up with this shit. “This guy’s been stuck in a jar for God knows how long. I’m pretty sure his first order of business upon kidnapping our coven wasn’t to sit down with them and watch Escape from New York.”

  “Dr. Death is right,” James said flatly as he looked at all of us. “In fact, New York isn’t even in the equation any longer. He’s gotten what he needed here.”

  “Two covens’ worth of vampires?”

  “Yes, vampires, some of whom are knowledgeable about our power structure. Coven Master Alice, the one you call Starlight, she’s familiar with the layout, the staf
f...” He trailed off, looking almost ill. I really didn’t like seeing him like this. Somehow, in the space of a second, it managed to erase all the hope I’d felt when he’d first arrived to help us out.

  “You don’t mean...?” Sally asked, leaving the question hanging.

  “Sadly, I do. Our seat of power in this region. The stronghold from whence we have been coordinating all war efforts in the Northeast.”

  “Oh shit,” I said, realization sinking in. “He’s going after Boston.”

  It Sure Beats Driving

  The first rays of sunlight had started to peek over the buildings of downtown Manhattan when we arrived back at the safe house. Due to the late hour and the chaos in the streets, we’d been forced to use the tunnels to make the return journey. Sadly, that rendered cell service unusable - something that in our rush we didn’t bother to remember until we were well under way.

  Calibra was in the living room, watching the news, when we walked through the front door. She barely even flinched when we entered. Obviously, she wasn’t immune to the general arrogance any vampire over a century old seemed to be inflicted with.

  “Wanderer,” she said, rising. “Your timing is impeccable. Another few minutes and I would have carried out your orders. I trust the hunt was successful.”

  “Anything but,” he replied, clearly agitated. “We will need to follow through, regardless. I just wish I had the foresight to have done so sooner.”

  “Wanderer?”

  James ignored her, though. He already had his cell out and was dialing a number.

  Calibra looked toward the rest of us, her eyes briefly settling upon Sally as if to size her up. “I know you.”

  Recognition flashed in Sally’s eyes after a moment. “Aren’t you that bitch who...”

  “Prefect,” she corrected, her tone dangerous. “I am Calibra, Prefect of the Northeastern Covens. Now would you care to reword that question?”

  “About you being a bitch? Not at all. I’m outside of your jurisdiction. Sally,” she said, holding out her hand, “master of Pandora Coven, Las Vegas.”

  “Please,” James hissed, “we do not have time for games.”

  “Oh yeah,” I said, trying to ward off any potential conflict. “Listen, Calibra, you need to get on the horn with Boston now.”

  “I don’t take orders from...”

  “Don’t argue! Just do it because if we’re right, then they’re about to receive some very unpleasant company.”

  She narrowed her eyes at my insolence, but stopped short of kicking my ass in front of company. “I was speaking to my staff manager just an hour ago, going over invoices from the past quarter. There was nothing amiss to...”

  “There will be,” James said as he hung up from his call. “I regret the breach in protocol, but I have put Colin temporarily in charge of the Boston office until such time as we are able to relieve him personally.”

  Calibra looked ever so slightly miffed, her ego probably superseding the urgency she should have noticed in his voice. Or it could have just been about Colin. I’d have blanched, too, if someone told me they’d handed over my job to that shit-burger.

  She composed herself quickly, though, no doubt remembering that she was speaking to one of the Draculas. Their word was law. If they ordered you to jam a pogo stick up your ass and like it, you’d best start bouncing around with a smile on your face. “How bad is it?”

  “Unknown,” James replied, “but we can ill afford any disruption at this time. Our troops are mobilized around the globe. They are counting on us to provide them with guidance and intelligence. If one of our seats of power falters this early in the conflict, it could very well have a domino effect.”

  She nodded, finally getting the hint. “I’ll put our people on high alert.”

  “Already done.”

  “The strike teams?”

  “Taking up defensive positions.”

  “Strike teams?” I asked. “Where...”

  “Trust me, Dr. Death,” he said. “You have seen but the very tip of the iceberg of our operations up north. Believe me when I say our facilities house far more than just offices.”

  “What kind of chance do they have if this guy shows up?” Ed asked.

  Calibra visibly bristled, displeased as what amounted to a walking juice box voiced an opinion. “That is none of your concern, human.”

  I stepped up next to my friend. “Fine, what about me asking, then?”

  “I have placed the entire facility on high alert,” James replied. “They will be able to repulse a sizable force now that they are aware of the threat.”

  “But what about this other vamp?” Ed pressed. “You said it yourself - only someone really powerful could do what he did. Couldn’t he just compel them all to surrender and join him?”

  Calibra chuckled in response, as if my roommate had told a clever knock-knock joke. “Believe me, human, unlike the covens of this city, our facility is not staffed by children. They have been conditioned against all such contingencies.”

  “Conditioned?” Tom and I asked in unison.

  “Via compulsion,” Sally said. “Not unlike how thralls are made, if I’m not mistaken.”

  “As usual, my dear, you are quite insightful,” James replied fondly. “Yes. All of the staff at regional facilities are given several deep compulsions over time, subtly reinforcing their subconscious minds and creating a barrier of sorts.”

  “So you’re insulating them,” she replied. “Kind of like what you did to me with Jeff...”

  “Similar, but far more complex. A more powerful vampire can undo a simple compulsion under normal circumstances. There is simply no way to fully insulate another from that. What we can do, though, is provide protection against specific directives. Loyalty to their station and the First are continually compelled within them by multiple levels of management, each weaving their own strands of the thread. Where one rope may snap under pressure, a finely woven net will hold strong. Do you understand?”

  She nodded, as did me and Ed. Tom, unsurprisingly, had a blank look on his face. “So you...put a net in their heads?”

  “Yeah, everyone wears a psychic hairnet, Einstein,” I said, then turned back to James. “So everything is good, then?”

  “Perhaps. But the same cannot be said of the covens along the way. If he were to raise a sizable enough force...”

  “They’d be decimated by our tactical teams,” Calibra said smugly. “No offense intended, Wanderer, but Boston is equipped to repel an extended assault from the Grendel themselves, even if aided by up to a class six entity. I very much doubt...”

  “Grendel?” Tom asked.

  “Class six entity?” I echoed, voicing my own confusion.

  “The Feet,” Sally explained, at least answering my roommate’s question.

  “Yes, of course,” Calibra corrected herself. “The Feet.”

  “Regardless of our preparations, I believe it is time for us to return,” James stated. “The others of the First must be made aware of this.”

  I was tempted to ask about that class six thing again, but decided to let it drop for now. There was every reason to believe I’d probably learn what that was eventually - most likely because one would be trying to eat my face off. Besides, his mention of the First was the more pressing concern to me at the moment.

  “Do we really need to do that?” I asked. “I mean, if Boston can repulse this clown like a gnat, then there really isn’t a problem.” I left unsaid that I really preferred not to wake up tomorrow to find a pissed off Alex standing over me.

  The look James gave told me he wasn’t entirely unsympathetic to my cause. “This has escalated beyond your coven. Were times different, I might be persuaded to keep this matter as an internal affair. Now, though, any distraction could prove misfortunate to our cause. At minimum, the others must be briefed.”

  “At minimum?”

  “As a group, we shall decide the best course of action.”

  That wasn’t good
. I really didn’t fancy learning what that course of action would be. I had a feeling it wouldn’t end in my favor.

  “You’re not going back, so stop worrying about that,” Tom said. “We won’t let it happen.”

  “Yep,” Ed added. “We’ll figure out...something.” By his tone, it was obvious he understood that promise was easier said than done, but I appreciated the solidarity, regardless.

  I looked toward Sally, expecting her to say something both insulting and supportive at the same time, but she just said, “I need to pack some things.”

  “Why?”

  She turned toward one of the other rooms. “I don’t know when I’m going to be back here again.”

  “You’re leaving now?”

  She stopped to stare condescendingly at me. “Yep.”

  “But...”

  “Oh, stop being so fucking dense, Bill. You are too.”

  “That will not be necessary,” Calibra said. “You would be best served staying here and...”

  “And what? Watching this city crumble around us? Going back to Vegas and defending a bunch of casinos against the fucking Jahabich, while the rest of the world goes to Hell?”

  The Jaha...? Oh well, one more thing in a long list of items I’d apparently missed. Whatever they were, it wasn’t important. Sally was trying to clue me in as to what was, and I think I understood the hint. “Want to go get our coven back?”

  She smiled in return. “I’d say it was a date, but you’d get the wrong idea.”

  * * *

  My roommates, bless their insane hearts, both agreed with that course of action, despite lacking any vested interest in my coven. Friends to the end, as far as they were concerned.

  Calibra had different plans, though.

  “Absolutely not. I will allow the Freewill to accompany us, as this involves him. I suppose his hanger-on,” she glanced sideways at Sally, “will follow regardless of what I say. But this affair is not for human eyes.”