Just Another Girl

by Melody Carlson

  But I am not going to think about that now. Here I am with only me and my own life to focus on for a pleasant change. Why not enjoy it? Besides, didn’t Rose just lecture me about being codependent? Why shouldn’t I take her advice and think about myself instead of her?

  I cannot even describe how absolutely fantastic it feels to be home alone. Or to be in my own room, a room I share with no one, although I suppose that could change at any given moment if things with Jared and Rose don’t go smoothly. Plus a lot of Rose’s junk is still in here, although I might box it up in a week or so and put it in the garage.

  As I get ready for my date, I still can’t believe I’ve pulled this off—this brand-new sort of freedom. To be able to take a shower and fix my hair without having to sneak around, without having Lily asking me what I’m doing and why, without having to make sure everything is all set for her.

  I turn on my CD player, loud, and I actually dance for a while, daydreaming about that night when Owen and I danced in the parking lot at the Greek restaurant. I take all the time I want to primp. I even use a pale pink shade of Rose’s fingernail polish to do my fingernails and then my toenails.

  As I do these things, I also pray that all is well with Lily and Dad. I need things to be well with Lily and Dad. This could be the beginning of my whole new life!

  18

  It’s weird, but tonight’s date is starting to feel like a rerun of the last time we ate at the Greek restaurant. Only not as much fun. I’m not even sure why that is, but I suspect it has to do with what happened at Katie’s house on Saturday night. It’s sort of like I’ve put my guard up against Owen. Like I’m not really sure I can trust him anymore. Like some of that old magic is gone. And, sadly, there is no dancing in the parking lot after dinner.

  “Miles and Katie are meeting us at the movie,” Owen says as he drives across town.

  “Oh . . .” Now, for some reason I don’t receive this as good news. And I feel sort of tricked by it. I mean, why didn’t he tell me sooner?

  “Is that okay?”

  “Yeah, sure,” I say. And, really, why isn’t it okay? But there’s just something . . . something about this whole evening that bugs me.

  We get to the theater, and Miles and Katie have already gone through the line and purchased our tickets with theirs. Owen pays Miles back, and Katie announces that she needs to powder her nose. I actually need a potty break myself, so the guys give us our tickets and say they’ll get seats and meet us inside the theater.

  After using the toilet, Katie and I stand in front of the poorly lit mirror, and I touch up my lip gloss while Katie actually does powder her nose. Go figure.

  “It’s so cool that you’re not holding Saturday night against Owen,” she says. She snaps her compact closed and drops it into what looks like a really expensive designer bag. Katie has always had a taste for the “finer” things.

  “He told you about that?”

  She kind of shrugs. “Well, he didn’t really have to tell me anything. I mean, it was kind of obvious why you left, Aster.”

  “Obvious?” I actually thought I’d been rather subtle. I don’t recall anyone seeing me slipping out. They were too wasted to notice.

  “And, seriously, who could blame you for taking off?” She gives me a quirky smile.

  Okay, I am truly puzzled. “You mean because of the drinking, right?”

  Now Katie looks puzzled. “Huh? The drinking?”

  “The reason I left.”

  “No, I mean because of Emily Davenport.”

  “What?”

  Katie’s hand flies up to her mouth. “Uh-oh . . .” Now she turns to leave the restroom, but I hold on to her arm.

  “What are you saying, Katie?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Come on,” I urge her with a forced smile. “You can tell me. We’re old friends. What about Emily Davenport?” I don’t know much about Emily, except that she’s very pretty and has this obnoxious laugh that sounds like a chicken cackling.

  “Well, Emily pretty much threw herself at Owen that night, Aster. Everyone saw it. Anyway, you shouldn’t hold it against him.”

  “Hold what against him?”

  “Oh, you know.”

  I want to shout at her in a Lily-like way, saying that I don’t know and she better tell me! But instead, I act all chill and calm, like no big deal. “Oh, you mean they slept together.”

  Her eyes grow wide as she nods. “But really, Owen was pretty much wasted by then. I don’t think he really meant to . . .”

  “No, of course not.”

  “So, you’re not mad, are you?”

  “No,” I say calmly. “I’m not.”

  And the truth is, I’m not mad. Not really. In a way I’m actually feeling somewhat relieved. Okay, I suppose I’m a little hurt too. Or maybe it’s just my pride that’s taken a blow. But I don’t feel angry. And yet I have no desire to sit next to Owen now. I know I can’t pretend like I still care about him. And I cannot sit through an entire movie like everything is just peachy keen. I think by then I really would be mad.

  Just as we get back to the lobby, my cell phone starts ringing. “I better get this,” I tell Katie. Actually, I’m relieved for this little break. That is, until I see that it’s my dad’s number, which cannot be good.

  “Hello?”

  “Aster,” Dad says in a quiet voice. “There’s, uh, there’s been an accident.”

  “What?”

  “It’s Lily. She fell and maybe broke her arm.”

  “What? What happened? How did she—”

  “Can you come?”

  “Come? Where?”

  “The hospital. Lily is asking for you. She needs you.”

  “I don’t have a car, Dad.” Then I realize that the hospital is only a few blocks away from the theater. “But that’s okay. I can be there in a few minutes. Tell Lily I’m on my way.” I snap my phone shut, then hurry to where Katie is waiting. “I have to go,” I tell her. “My sister is in the hospital, and—”

  “Is it serious? Do you need a ride? Should we get the—”

  I quickly explain it’s a broken arm, but that Lily is very upset. “You know how she can get?”

  Katie nods with serious eyes. “Oh yeah.”

  “Anyway, I’ll just run over there. Tell Owen what’s up, okay?”

  “Yeah, sure.”

  I turn and hurry out of the theater with my ticket still in hand. I see an older woman at the end of the line, so I shove the ticket toward her. “Here,” I say. “Pass it forward.” Then I start running down the street toward the hospital. Poor Lily!

  I have some very mixed emotions as I run. On one hand, I feel like I just made a good escape from Owen and an uncomfortable situation. On the other hand, I’m really worried about Lily. She hates hospitals, and any kind of medical treatment totally freaks her.

  As I turn toward the hospital entrance, I start to feel angry at Owen. How dare he ask me out, acting like nothing was wrong, after he’d slept with Emily Davenport at a party that he’d taken me to! But then I think about Lily and wonder how she broke her arm. Wasn’t Dad watching her? What kind of parent is he, anyway?

  Finally I’m there at the ER, and Dad is in the waiting area. Just Dad by himself. No Jana or Nelson, which is actually a relief. “Where is Lily?”

  “Through that door,” he says. “She’s making a lot of noise in there. I’m sure you’ll find her easily enough.”

  He’s right. She is making a lot of noise, screaming “No, no, no!” over and over. And I do find her, huddled in the corner of the examining room. “Lily,” I say in my most comforting voice.

  “Aster!” she screams with wild eyes, running toward me.

  I go to her and put my arms around her. “It’s okay,” I say soothingly. “Everything is okay.”

  “I need to give her a shot,” the nurse informs me. “Can you get her to the examining table?”

  Lily’s eyes are full of fear. “No shot! No shot! No shot!”

/>   “Shh, shh,” I say, eyeing the nurse as if to hint that this is not a good moment and can’t she just wait. “Calm down, Princess Lily,” I say as I ease her over to the table. “Just sit down, okay?”

  “You sit down too,” she says.

  And so I do. “You hurt your arm,” I tell her, “but it’s going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay. The nice nurse just wants to help you.” I stroke her back and glance at the nurse, who is not looking particularly nice or kind as she approaches with a hypodermic needle all ready to shoot. Fortunately, Lily’s back is to her now. But she’s still sobbing and clinging to me with her good arm, which I notice is her right arm. A small relief since Lily’s right-handed.

  “What is that?” I quietly ask the nurse, nodding to her needle, which she is tapping and holding high.

  “Sedative,” she says quietly. “We need to calm her down so we can set the arm.”

  “Oh, okay.” I nod. Of course, there’s no way Lily will let them touch her arm without being sedated.

  I rub Lily’s back and talk quietly to her as the nurse aims the needle for Lily’s upper right arm. Then in one swift movement that I cannot help but admire, she shoves the needle into the pale flesh, shoots it in, and pulls it out. Of course, Lily lets out a loud yelp. But that’s the end of it.

  “Nicely done,” I say quietly.

  “Thanks for helping.” The nurse offers me a smile.

  It’s not long before the sedative takes effect, and the nurse and doctor are helping a much calmer Lily to lie down on the table. I hold her good hand and stroke her sweaty hair while the doctor and nurse work together to set her broken arm. To everyone’s relief, she lets out only a couple of little puppylike whimpers. And then she closes her eyes and falls asleep.

  “What now?” I ask the nurse.

  “We’ll put her in a cast, and when she wakes up in an hour or so, she can probably go home.”

  I nod. “Okay. I’m going to go talk to my dad.”

  The nurse looks slightly worried, like she’s afraid she’ll be stuck holding a tiger by the tail again. “But you will come back, won’t you?”

  I suppress a laugh. “Yes. In a few minutes.”

  “Good.”

  Dad looks understandably stressed when I find him in the waiting area. I can’t even imagine what he’s been through simply getting Lily here tonight. “How is she?” he asks with what seems genuine concern.

  I give him the lowdown, and then there’s a thick silence between us. I wonder if he’s blaming me for all this. Maybe it is my fault. If I hadn’t been so selfish, wanting my freedom and all, maybe none of this would’ve happened. And why did I sacrifice Lily—or her arm—like this? For a stupid date with a stupid boy who is so not worth it! I feel like kicking something.

  “I suppose you want to know what happened,” Dad says.

  I turn and study Dad. He’s running his fingers through his beard with a faraway look in his eyes. I suspect he wishes he were somewhere else. With someone else. I sigh as I imagine Lily pulling one of her horrible tantrums this evening. Some nasty fit that probably resulted in some stupid stunt that broke her arm and created havoc in our father’s otherwise rather calm and peaceful life. Still, we might as well get it over with.

  “Yeah,” I finally say, “what happened?”

  “Lily and Nelson had actually been getting along really well,” he begins slowly. “In fact, I was rather enjoying having Lily there. It gave me a little break with Nelson. Being an only child, he can be kind of demanding. He expects me to play and entertain him all day long. It gets old.”

  I nod and suppress the urge to say, “Tell me about it.” My dad’s been through enough for one day.

  “So anyway, we’d made it through dinner without too much fuss and mess. And Lily was actually trying to help Nelson get ready for bed.” He chuckles. “Which was rather amusing. She definitely has her own way of doing things.”

  “Kind of like the blind leading the blind.”

  He nods. “I was up there sort of supervising them when I heard Jana come home from her shift. She usually gets there shortly before Nelson’s bedtime, just in time to say good night. Anyway, I hadn’t told her about the whole visitation thing or Lily coming. I know I should’ve. But I also knew she wouldn’t be too keen on the idea.”

  “So she didn’t even know Lily was there?”

  “No. And I thought I should probably tip her off so she wouldn’t say something, you know, in front of Lily.”

  “Right.”

  “But Jana was already upstairs, and I was about to explain what was going on when Nelson came streaking by in nothing but his Sesame Street shorts. And Lily was running behind him, yelling something. I’m sure they were just playing some kind of silly game, but Jana thought Lily was trying to hurt him.”

  “Lily would never hurt—”

  “I know. But Jana reacted anyway. I guess it was like that mother bear instinct.”

  I feel my eyes growing wider now. “What happened?”

  “Jana gave Lily a little shove, you know, to keep her away from Nelson, and Lily tripped over this stupid rug that Jana insists we need at the top of the stairs, and, well, she fell . . . down the stairs.”

  “Lily fell down the stairs?” I’m trying to wrap my head around this scene, to picture it in my mind. But all I can imagine is an enraged Jana shoving poor Lily down the stairs, which I’m sure isn’t right. But that’s what I’m seeing.

  He nods. “Fortunately, Lily didn’t fall all the way down the stairs, the landing midway stopped her. But I heard the snap on the second step.”

  “Poor Lily.”

  “Yeah. I’m really sorry about this, Aster.”

  “Is Jana sorry too?”

  Dad gets a funny look now. “Well, of course,” he says quickly.

  Still, that’s all the answer I need. Jana probably isn’t sorry. She probably thinks she was simply protecting her son. Whatever.

  “Anyway, I had to give a report to the social worker here.”

  “In case there was abuse involved?” I ask with what I’m sure is a suspicious look.

  “Well, because she’s a juvenile, and it’s an injury . . .”

  “And you told them the same thing you told me?”

  “Not exactly. I mean, not word for word.”

  “Did you tell them about Jana’s involvement, Dad? Did you tell them that Jana pushed Lily?”

  He looks down at his lap.

  “You didn’t, did you?”

  He glances around like he’s nervous, then he lowers his voice. “How can I, Aster? She works here. In this very hospital. How would it sound?”

  “Like the truth.”

  “You don’t understand.”

  I shrug. “I think I do, Dad. Anyway, I need to go be with Lily. That sedative will wear off, and she might get scared again.”

  He nods.

  As I sit with Lily, I am feeling furious with my dad. I feel like this is his fault. Like if he’d been doing what he should be doing as a dad, none of this would’ve happened. Okay, I know that’s unfair. But it’s how I feel. Then suddenly I realize that I forgot to ask him if he’d called Mom. I’d wager he hasn’t.

  I call home and tell Mom the whole story. Well, not the whole story. I tell her that Lily is here, her nice pink cast is on, and she’ll be waking up soon.

  “Oh, dear. Should I come and get you girls?”

  I consider this. On one hand, it doesn’t seem too much to expect our own father, the man who is somewhat responsible for Lily’s broken arm, to drive us home. On the other hand, I’m so mad at him and his stupid wife right now, I’m not sure I can keep my words in check.

  “No,” I finally say. “Dad’s already here. He might as well bring us home.”

  “Okay.”

  Lily is still a little dopey when they wheel her out to Dad’s car, but at least she’s in fairly good spirits. And she seems happy to see Dad.

  “Where’s Nelson?” she asks.

 
“In bed by now,” Dad says as he buckles her into the backseat. He’s actually being really careful with her. “How are you feeling, Lily?”

  “I feel good,” she tells him. “I like my cast.”

  “It sure is pink,” I say.

  “Pretty pink.”

  I sit in front with Dad. And I’m beginning to feel guilty for having such hard feelings toward him. Really, this isn’t his fault. Although I do think Jana should take some of the blame. Then I realize, no, she’s letting him take it for her. In fact, Dad is pretty much caught in the middle here. Kind of like I am. Or was. I’m still determined to get out of my trap. Dad, on the other hand, may be stuck in his trap for some time.

  “I’m sorry about your arm,” Dad tells Lily as we both help her into the house. Her legs are still a little wobbly from the sedative. But if we can get her safely in, she should sleep well tonight. “I hope it gets better soon.”

  “So I can play with Nelson.”

  There’s a long pause. Then Dad says, “Yes. Nelson would like that.”

  Of course, Dad and I both know that Jana might not feel the same way. But that’s Dad’s problem at the moment.

  Finally we have Lily settled in her bed, and Dad says good night and leaves. Then Mom comes in and asks Lily how she’s doing.

  “I fell down,” Lily mutters sleepily.

  “I know.” Mom leans down and kisses her forehead. “I’m sorry about your arm, Lily.”

  “That’s okay.” Lily’s expression is serious. “It’s pink.”

  Then Mom leaves, and I finish tucking Lily in. Finally I say, “Good night, Princess Lily with the pretty pink cast.” Lily smiles and closes her eyes. She’s still in her clothes, but there is no way I’ll force her into pajamas or teethbrushing tonight. We both deserve a break.

  19

  I find Mom in the family room. She is pacing back and forth with a deep crease between her brows.

  “Are you okay?”

  She stops and nods, then sits down on the sofa. “Just thinking.”

  “About?”