Defender
Page 42
Lacey avoided Alex’s eyes when the woman glanced over her shoulder. Instead, she dug her chin down into the Boy Scout’s bandana that was tied around her neck and hunched up her shoulders, an irresistible urge to look back bearing down on her, simply to turn around and go back to the house where she’d buried her friend.
Voice stopped her. You leave pieces of yourself everywhere you go. Looking back doesn’t return them to you. Best thing to do is place one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward.
It sounded like something the Boy Scout would say, and she liked that.
She breathed through the warm cotton over her mouth, counting her breaths. When she hit ten, she lifted her head and straightened her shoulders and, fingers firmly gripping her niece’s hand, moved up level with Alex so that they bracketed the girl between them.
DEFEND HER.
The words seemed to echo in her head, unspoken yet clear.
The three of them started forward again, hand in hand.
Lacey didn’t look back.
A NOTE
The theory behind the bicameral mind argues that there was not such a thing as an internal mindscape, that we didn’t learn to internalise our thoughts until well after the Bible was written (sources such as Homer’s Iliad bear no evidence of ‘self-conscious introspection’). Only an external dialogue existed between people.
Bicameral man heard auditory hallucinations. He believed them to be gods.
Remnants of the bicameral mind remain. As much as 10 per cent of the population hear voices and as many as 35 per cent report sensing a loved one’s presence after their passing. Other examples include the Third Man Factor (a guiding presence detected by mountaineers in extreme conditions) and the muses of artists who visit in the dead of night to bestow inspiration. And let’s not forget that around 65 per cent of children admit to having imaginary friends or anthropomorphic toys that protect them. For some, imaginary friends continue to appear well after adolescence.
On the cusp of sleep, have we not all heard a voice call out our name?
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
This part of the book is where I get to express my gratitude to everyone who has helped me along the way, so batten down the hatches – I’m going in.
Much love to my mom for generally being the most supportive mom ever. Thanks, too, to my wonderful dad, who always told me to do something with my life that would make me happy, irrespective of money or prestige. I never expected writing to bring me either of those things, but it’s always made me happy. I wish you were here to see this, Pops.
Also, thank you to the rest of my family and friends for their patience; I know I spend a lot of time in front of a screen, which may be brilliant for an introverted day-dreamer like myself, but not so great for when I should be socialising and generally being part of the ‘outside world’ (which I still think is largely overrated). I know my nieces will be excited to see their names here, so bundles of love to Isabelle and Scarlett for being my two favourite people in the whole wide world.
An especially big thank you goes out to my beta readers, Tom Bissell and Cath Hancox, who’ve kept me on the straight and narrow, writing-wise, and still do.
Huge admiration and authorly love go to my agent, Camilla Wray, and everyone at Darley Anderson for their constant enthusiasm and hard work. CW, you’re truly the Elton John of the literary agent world!
And last, but certainly not least, my thanks go to my editor Mari Evans (a Wonder Woman in her own right) and the talented folk at Headline – especially Team Defender – for taking a massive gamble on an unknown element. They have been passionate advocates for Pilgrim and Lacey from the start, and for this I am eternally grateful.
RESOURCES
This book is a work of fiction, but suicidal thoughts and auditory hallucinations are very, very real. I spent a lot of time researching and reading within these areas, so if you’d like more information, or need help and support for yourself or a loved one, please take a look at the following websites.
Mentalhealth.org.uk
Papyrus.org.uk
Rethink.org
Mind.org.uk
Hearing-voices.org
Samaritans.org (their helpline is free and available 24/7 on 116 123)