by Julie Kenner
“Hello?” Leah’s perky tone filtered through the phone, but Ella barely heard her. Instead she slammed the phone shut and tried to catch her breath. For half a second she considered dialing back. The truth was, Leah was a good friend. And even though she was Tony’s sister, Ella could trust Leah to shoot straight with her. More, Ella knew that Leah would be there for Ella even if Tony wasn’t.
With a frown she flipped open the phone again and dialed. Not Leah but another friend. Funny that, despite everything, Shane had been right. He might have been her best friend, but he wasn’t her only one. She did have other confidantes. And right now she really hoped that Ronnie was answering her phone.
BRUNO LOUNGED ON THE COUCH, his droopy eyes never leaving Shane and his tail thumping a rhythm against the overstuffed pillow. Normally Bruno wasn’t allowed on the sofa. That he was comfortably settled there now was testament to how distracted Shane was.
He had to get out of there. Not easy when there was no power, but there wasn’t any point in staying. He needed to get in a car, get on a plane, somehow get the hell out of Dodge. All his work was wrapped up in Manhattan, but there was a truckful of case files on his desk in Houston. If he could just get down there, he could lose himself in the work. And maybe if he was lucky, he’d forget that his heart was broken.
He moved into the kitchen and pulled open the fridge, withdrawing a lukewarm beer and popping the top. The sun was barely up, but he didn’t care and he took two long swallows, then raised the glass to Bruno. “You’re going to like Houston, boy. You’ll have a yard. Your own little square of grass. Canine heaven.”
Bruno whined, and Shane tipped his head at the dog. “My sentiments exactly.”
Since there wasn’t any point in standing around feeling sorry for himself, he went to his closet for his suitcase. There was no way he could finish packing up in just a few hours, but his subtenant wasn’t moving in for another month. He could get down to Houston, then come back for his stuff in a week or so.
The task force had access to a private jet, and considering the amount of work being generated, he imagined that it was currently cooling its rudders at LaGuardia, just waiting for the blackout to lift or the backup generators to provide enough juice to authorize clearance. All he needed to do was call his boss, get a seat on that plane, con Danny into watching Bruno for a few days, then head to the airport to wait.
Not a perfect plan but better than getting drunk in his tomb of an apartment.
And on that upbeat note he picked up his bag and started to pack.
RONNIE LEANED BACK AGAINST the wooden kitchen chair, a warm Diet Coke open in her hand. “Wow. You really had a busy night.”
“Very funny.” Ella took a sip from her own soda can, then made a face at the temperature. “What am I going to do? He was right. Shane was absolutely right. I’m more in love with Tony’s family than with Tony.”
She still couldn’t believe that she’d dialed Leah instead of Tony. He was supposed to be her soul mate, the love of her life, the man she was going to marry.
“Just because you called Leah doesn’t mean you don’t love Tony. I mean, you were planning to discuss your relationship with another man. No one would fault you for not bringing Tony into the loop on that one.”
“I told myself that, too,” Ella said. “But it was a lie. Same as all the times I’ve said I’m in love with Tony. It wasn’t just that I didn’t immediately want to call him, it’s that it didn’t really matter to me if he was even there to call. Does that make sense?”
“A little.”
“Matty and Leah are great. We have so much fun. And I have all these fantasies about us with our kids and grandkids around the Christmas tree years and years from now. And you know what? Shane’s always there, too.”
“And Tony?”
“I usually remember about halfway through the fantasy and have him walk in carrying eggnog or something.” She brushed a hand under her eye, surprised to find her cheek dry. She’d cried so much the past hour, it just seemed natural to find her cheeks wet. “I do love Tony, but not like that. He’s a sweet, honorable, good man. But…” She trailed off with a shrug, then looked at Ronnie, sure her eyes were pleading. “Why the hell couldn’t I have realized this before? Why did it take sleeping with Shane—and Shane walking out—for me to realize?”
“Because you want it easy,” Ronnie said with a shrug. “You want the fairy tale. But it doesn’t always work out that way. Sometimes it’s really messy.”
“You’re talking like a professor.”
Ronnie laughed. “Sorry.”
She ran her fingers through her hair. “You’re right, though. I thought I could have it all. My perfect friend Shane. My perfect husband with the perfect family. I saw it all as perfect because all the pieces were there. But take Shane out of the equation, and I’m suddenly forced to see the real picture.”
“A very astute analysis.”
Ella frowned, not feeling particularly astute. “What do I do now?”
“You tell Tony,” Ronnie said. “Tell him before he gives you a ring. You owe him that.”
She nodded. “I know. I’d already thought of that. I meant what do I do about Shane?”
“Go after him.”
“He tricked me.”
“He knocked some sense into you.”
She grimaced. “He knocked me, all right.”
Ronnie’s mouth curved into a small grin. “You’re doing the right thing.”
“It still scares me. I want the package Tony comes with. Shane’s just like me. His family’s a mess. It would just be us. Just the two of us against the world.”
“And your friends. Jack and I aren’t going anywhere, and I bet Matty and Leah aren’t either.”
Ronnie was right. She may have come to New York without a family, but she had one now. Not by blood but just as strong.
“And you’ll have kids, too.”
Ella blinked, thinking suddenly about being pregnant, carrying Shane’s child. Of picnics in the park with a baby on a blanket. Maybe another one toddling through the grass.
“Start our own family,” she said simply.
“Why not? You both made your own life. Who better qualified than the two of you?” Ronnie reached across the table and grabbed her hands, giving them a squeeze. “And wouldn’t you rather have your family? Not one that you squeezed into?”
“I can’t go back to Texas.”
“I think you can do whatever you set your mind to,” Ronnie said.
Ella shook her head, and on this one point she was unmovable. “Not that. I can’t. Not to live, anyway.”
“So you visit. He’s only there to get the firm started, right?”
Ella nodded. “Then he’s supposed to get a transfer to D.C.” She made a face. D.C. was not on her list of favorite cities, but it was heaven on earth for Shane, who wanted to do all sorts of legal work that was tied to the government.
“Could you live there?”
“Sure,” she said automatically, then realized it was true. If it was important to Shane, she could do it. “I mean, they have museums there, too, right?”
Ronnie’s smile was almost maternal, even though they weren’t that many years apart in age. “That they do.”
Ella sighed. “The thing is, I can picture a future without Tony. Without New York. But I can’t picture one without Shane.” She sighed. “I should have listened to you yesterday morning.”
“Probably true,” Ronnie said with a grin. “What brilliant thing did I say?”
“About how marriage is about being yourself, only more. I’m not myself with Tony. But I am with Shane.”
“Don’t tell me,” Ronnie said. She nodded toward the door. “Go tell him.”
SHE COULDN’T FIND HIM. She pounded on the door, but nothing. Then she pressed her ear against the wood, listening for the clack of Bruno’s toenails against the battered hardwood. Nothing.
He must be out walking the dog.
She consider
ed waiting—after all, how long could it take?—but she couldn’t bear it. So she headed back down the elevator. The elderly doorman, Max, had been busy helping one of the tenants when she’d arrived, but now he smiled at her. “Miss Ella. Good to see you. You getting something outta Shane’s apartment?”
“I was hoping to get Shane.”
“Ah, well. You missed him by about an hour.” He looked at his watch. “No, it’s goin’on two hours now.”
“Two? Is he walking Bruno?”
“Be a long walk to Texas,” Max said.
A chill settled over Ella, and she reached out and took the old man’s hand. “Max, what exactly are you talking about?”
“Decided to leave a day early. Took the dog and a suitcase and got into a taxi. Streets still aren’t that clear, but he didn’t seem to care.”
“He’s taking a taxi to Texas?”
“To LaGuardia. Guess them government attorneys got access to some nice private jets.”
“He’s leaving.” She said the words more to herself than to Max, but the doorman patted her shoulder.
“Now, now. He’s coming back in a few weeks. Still has to make arrangements for the rest of his stuff. Left in a hurry. Work, he said. Must’ve been important, too. Never seen his face so serious.” The doorman shrugged. “I imagine he’s either in the air by now or sitting in a lounge in LaGuardia waiting for clearance.”
“Right. Thanks.”
She headed outside to the little courtyard that filled the space between the street and the building’s entrance. She took a seat on a stone bench and pulled out her cell phone, turning it over in her hand. She should have called first, but the phone was so low on juice, she hadn’t wanted to risk having no battery if she had an emergency.
No. That was a lie. She hadn’t called because she’d been afraid he’d tell her not to come. Now she wished she’d called and begged.
She couldn’t believe he’d really left for Texas. And without saying goodbye.
Except he had said goodbye. They’d said their goodbyes, however unpleasant, in her bathroom. And now she was kicking herself for that.
With a sigh she stood up. Nothing to do now but head back to her apartment. When the power returned, she could charge up her phone. Call his cell. Maybe catch him at the airport. She’d wanted to talk in person, but she could grovel over the phone if she had to.
That he’d left so quickly, though, made her wonder if groveling would do any good at all. She may have already blown it, and the realization made her queasy.
She headed down the street, not paying attention to where she was going. Just walking. After a few minutes, though, she realized that her feet had taken her to a nearby park, the one where they used to come to walk Bruno. And the one where they’d once seen the couple making out under the tree.
Not where she wanted to be right now, and she started to turn away to walk in the opposite direction.
That was when she heard it—a deep and familiar bark. She frowned, sure her mind was playing tricks, but she walked toward the sound anyway.
And then, as she rounded the curve, the dog run came into view and there was Bruno, romping on the grass. And there stood Shane, leaning against a railing, looking out toward the river, his suitcase beside him.
And right then her heart just about stopped in her chest. She forced herself to walk forward, even though she was seeing the scene through vision blurred by tears.
The power was still off, and the city seemed unusually quiet, the streets flooded with more bicycles than cars. She hurried toward him, dodging a woman on a mountain bike, then slowed as she got near, wondering if he’d sense her presence and turn.
He didn’t, but Bruno did, barking a greeting as she moved past the run. Shane turned at the sound of the bark, his expression at first curious and then, when he saw her, guarded.
“I’m sorry,” she said, and it was as if she’d flipped a switch. The ice in his eyes melted, the warmth marred by only the slightest hint of a shadow.
“What exactly are you sorry for?”
She swallowed. “I’m sorry we fought. And I’m sorry I pushed you away. And I’m sorry you went six months without being able to tell me you loved me.”
The shadow faded, replaced with a rare kind of joy. She grinned, her own heart melting.
“I couldn’t stay here,” he said. “Not without you in my life. I was heading out of the city. It’s a miracle I’m not gone already.”
“I know. Max told me.” She frowned. “Why aren’t you gone?”
“Fate maybe? Danny wasn’t able to watch Bruno. I took him to the kennel, but they were shut down. We came here instead. Bruno needed to burn off some energy. He’d had a rather lonely twenty-four hours.”
“Shane, I—”
But he just pressed a finger to her lips. “Later. Right now just tell me one thing—what about Tony?”
“Tony’s okay,” she said. “But he’s not you. And he’s not for me.”
He stared at her for a minute, then smiled, slow and wide and a little bit smug. “Told you so.”
She couldn’t help it. She laughed. “Yeah, you did.”
They spent an hour in the park, not talking about what had happened but not avoiding it either. Just playing. Walking and chatting and tossing sticks for Bruno. She sensed Shane still needed to absorb the turn of events.
When they got ready to head back, she went for broke. She cocked her head toward the single tree that towered over the park. The tree where they’d seen the couple making out so many years ago.
“Wanna try?” she asked, a tease in her voice. “A bit more daring than a fire escape, don’t you think?”
He didn’t answer with words, just pulled her over toward the tree and pushed her up against it. The bark was scratchy even through her shirt, but when his mouth closed over hers, she forgot all about the discomfort. Behind him Bruno whined, eager to go home.
Like a man possessed, Shane attacked her mouth, sliding his hands up her shirt to play with her breasts. “What do you want?”
“I already told you,” she said. “Only you.”
“Good answer,” he said. “But what about now? Right now.”
“Whatever it takes,” she said. “Whatever it takes to get back in your good graces.”
“Really?” His brow raised, and he had a devious expression in his eyes. Oh yeah, it was going to be okay between them. “I want to make love to you.”
“Here?”
“Would you let me if I said yes?”
She hesitated, thinking about the people on the streets and the sun in the sky. “Yeah,” she finally said.
“Another good answer. I think you’re on a roll.” He kissed her—hard—then backed off, taking her hand. “But you don’t really want to do it. Not here.”
“No,” she admitted.
“I know you, El. I know you better than anyone.”
She nodded. “I know. And I love that.” She took a deep breath. “Shane, I love you, too.”
“You could have told me that in your apartment,” he said, grabbing his suitcase.
She shook her head, taking Bruno’s leash as they walked back to his apartment. “I needed a reality check. So I guess I should thank you.”
“I like that better than you calling me a bastard.”
“Well, you were.”
“I was desperate,” he said. “And blinded by love.”
She smiled up at him. “I know the feeling.”
“So what do we do now?” he asked.
“I’m going to call Tony. It won’t be easy, but I need to do it now.” She drew in a breath and faced him. “And you’re going to Texas.”
The corner of his mouth curved up. “I am?”
“Well, not today. But Monday, just as you planned. You can’t walk away from an opportunity like that. And by the time you get the transfer to D.C., I’ll be done with grad school. And in the meantime…” She shrugged. “I guess we’ll rack up the frequent-flier miles.”
“I do,” she said. “But I love you more.”
“Oh, Ella.” They’d reached his door, and he paused just long enough to kiss her, long and deep.
The kiss knocked her a little sideways, the ground seeming to shift beneath her. She smiled to herself, and Shane noticed.
“What?”
“Just reality shifting,” she said.
“A good shift?”
“Perfect,” she said.
Once they’d walked into the apartment, he took her hand, touching her as if he had to make up for lost time. “What made you change your mind?” he asked, helping her peel off her top.
Her fingers closed on a button of his shirt. “I guess I just finally opened my eyes. I don’t just want a lover, I want a friend.”
“And a family?”
“Well, I was kind of thinking we could maybe start one of our own. Unless that scares you away,” she asked as she undid the last button.
“The only thing that scares me is not having you.”
“Then you have nothing to be afraid of.”
With a little pop the power came back on, the light from the overhead lamp flooding the room. Ella looked around, her brows lifting and a smile coming automatically to her mouth.
“What?” he asked.
“I was just wondering if everything would feel different once the magic of the blackout was over.”
“Does it?”
“Yeah,” she said, tackling the button and zipper of his jeans. “It feels perfect.”
With both hands he pushed her pants down, so that she was standing in front of him wearing only panties. He slipped a hand between her legs, and once again she felt lit up.
“So what do you want to do?” he asked.
“Honestly? I want to sleep. With you next to me. And I want to wake up in your arms and…” She trailed off meaningfully.
“I like the sound of that ‘and.’”
She laughed and led him to bed, this friend she’d always known and now saw in a whole new light. “I love you, Shane Walker. I think I always have.”
