Secret Indiscretions

by Trice Hickman

  Reading had been her passion since she was a little girl, and today she was going to merge her love of books with her love of children by volunteering at Sandhill Elementary School.

  She’d been floating on a cloud since the open house event last week, and she couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt this happy. She was energized with the kind of inspiration and purpose that made her feel as if all the worries and problems she’d been going through over the last few months were behind her. Not only was volunteering at the school going to help the children, it was going to fuel her spirit.

  “What dress should I wear?” she said to herself as she stood in front of her neatly organized closet. She looked to her right and her eyes landed on a brightly colored sundress draped on a black velvet hanger. “Canary yellow,” she said with a smile as she ran her hand across the dress’s soft fabric. The color matched her lively mood and the material had just enough stretch to give the garment a wow factor.

  Geneva pulled the delicate sundress from the hanger, reached for a pair of sandals from her shoe rack, and then combed her eyes through her hanging jewelry organizer to select the perfect earrings and bracelet that would complete her outfit. As she admired her ensemble, she felt a small glint of guilt, knowing that the reason she wanted to look extra special today was because of another man. She’d been thinking about Samuel Owens since their intense conversation last week. They’d made a definite connection, and she hoped she would see him this morning when she read to the first-graders on their first day of school.

  She walked back out to the bedroom and paused for a moment when she saw that the bed was empty. The sound of water running in the master bathroom, music blasting on the radio, and Johnny’s voice accompanying the beat in perfect harmony, made her roll her eyes. It was a small miracle that he was home at all. Most of the time he’d rise early and be out of the house before Geneva opened her eyes, relegating their time spent together to the few moments she’d see him before she drifted off to sleep after he came in late at night or the wee hours of the morning.

  Johnny had apparently awoken while she was standing in her closet, and hadn’t even bothered to say good morning or let her know that he was up. He’d just rolled out of bed and gone straight to the shower, no doubt to wash off the scent of whatever he’d gotten into last night when he came dragging into the house shortly after midnight.

  Normally, Geneva would have been upset and hurt by her husband’s inconsiderate, low-down behavior, which had been going on for months. But ever since last week her attitude had changed, and surprisingly, she was beginning to care less and less about his misdeeds or on whose pillow he laid his head.

  Last week when he’d stayed out all night, she’d been so furious the next morning that she couldn’t speak to him. But later that evening, after she’d come home from Sandhill’s open house, her entire outlook on things had changed. Samuel Owens had spoken with her in a way that made her feel valued. He’d looked into her eyes when they talked, and she felt a comfort and attraction that gave her goose bumps. The fact that she’d flirted with him had surprised her, but then again, he’d flirted with her, too, and it felt so natural that she welcomed it. When he’d stood in front of the auditorium full of people to deliver his speech, he’d glanced at her every so often, making her feel as though she was the only person in the room. She was mesmerized as he talked about setting goals, pursuing dreams, helping others, and being a good steward of the community. She’d been so beaten down by Johnny’s disrespect and neglect over the years that she’d forgotten what it was like to feel empowered, stimulated, and encouraged by a man.

  “What’s that smile for?” Johnny said, startling Geneva from her thoughts.

  He was standing in the bathroom doorway wearing a mischievous smile that accompanied a rock-hard erection. Droplets of water still clung to his sculpted, naked body as he walked toward her. “I know how I can make that smile even wider,” he said, planting himself in front of her.

  There was a time, only several days ago, in fact, that Johnny’s words and actions would have made Geneva tingle with excitement. But looking at her handsome husband, standing before her in all his rugged, naturally sexy, tantalizing glory, she didn’t feel anything at all, not even a tiny spark. The only urge that rose inside her at the moment was the overwhelming need for him to move out of her way so she could go to the bathroom, take a shower, and get dressed so she could leave for Sandhill.

  “Can you move, please,” Geneva said, looking past her husband, focusing her eyes on the bathroom door.

  Johnny smiled and tried to sidle next to her. “What’s wrong, baby? Don’t you want none’a this?”

  She wanted to say no, but instead she decided to be diplomatic. “I have to take a shower and get dressed.”

  “What I have in mind doesn’t require showering, and you definitely won’t need any clothes,” he said in his deep voice that sounded as though he was still singing. “Come on.” He tugged at her nightgown. “You know you want this.”

  “Stop playing around, Johnny. I have things to do.”

  He gave her an incredulous look. “What could be more important than making love to me?”

  “Believe it or not, my world revolves around more than just you.”

  Johnny stepped back. “This is the kind of bullshit you do that drives me crazy. First you complain about me not coming home at a certain hour that you think I should, and then you nag and whine that I don’t show you any attention. But when I’m here, looking into your eyes, ready to be with you and telling you that I want you, you don’t want to be with me.”

  Geneva couldn’t believe his nerve and enormous ego. “You didn’t say you wanted to be with me, you said, ‘Don’t you want none’a this.’”

  “It’s the same damn thing, Geneva.”

  If she weren’t so irritated, his self-indulged attitude would have been funny. But she was more than irritated, she was pissed. He’d changed her mood from sunny to overcast in a matter of minutes. She was none too pleased, and she was ready to let him have it. She looked at him with steely eyes as she delivered her words. “You have some nerve acting like you’re a dutiful husband whose nagging wife won’t cut him a break. I complain about you never being at home and not showing me any attention because that’s our reality. You stay out in the streets seven days a week, and now because you decided to come home, and late, I might add, I’m supposed to be impressed? Sorry, but I’m no longer operating on your time.”

  “I’ve been making an effort lately, but you don’t give me credit.”

  “Ha! Who do you think you’re fooling? You drug in here and slipped under the covers last night a few minutes shy of midnight after being out with Lord only knows who. Then you hurried out of bed this morning and took a shower so you could wash off whoever you were with. And now you expect me to be grateful that you want to screw me after the fact? Please! If there’s anything I need to do, it’s change these sheets,” Geneva said as she glanced at the bed.

  “I don’t have to listen to this bullshit,” Johnny boldly said. He walked over to his chest of drawers and removed a pair of boxer briefs and a t-shirt. He pulled them on as he spoke. “I might as well get dressed and get out of here, too.”

  Geneva was glad that he’d moved out of her way. She knew he was expecting her to apologize and beg for his understanding, but that wasn’t going to happen today.

  She walked past him without saying another word and headed straight to the bathroom. She looked at the wet towel that Johnny had left on the floor. “Typical.” She rolled her eyes and sucked her teeth at the sight. Normally, she would have picked up behind him and put his things in the hamper, but instead she simply kicked his towel to the side and turned on the hot water.

  Geneva stood under the large shower head and took deep breaths to calm herself as the water cascaded down her body, loosening her tense muscles, making her feel more relaxed. I can’t and I won’t let him ruin my day, she repeated to herself. By the time sh
e toweled off, she felt brand new again. She looked at herself in the wide mirror above the vanity and smiled. “I’m going to make this a great day, no matter what,” she said with confidence.

  She walked back into the bedroom and was startled to see that Johnny was still seated on the edge of the bed, clad only in his t-shirt and boxers. Although he didn’t say a word, the look on his face let her know exactly what was on his mind. His eyes and the tilt of his head expressed a mixture of anger and confusion. Her dismissal of him was a foreign situation, and Geneva knew that if it was slightly surprising to her, it had to be downright unbelievable to him.

  “Geneva, I don’t know what’s gotten into you,” Johnny said with frustration, “but we need to talk.”

  She wanted to tell him that she’d been begging him to talk to her for months, and she wanted to scream in his face and let him know that she was fed up with his treatment and lack of respect for her and their marriage. But doing those things would put her back in the place she’d been before she stepped into the shower and cleaned away her worries, and right now she had no intention of revisiting those feelings. She looked at Johnny and shook her head. “I don’t feel like talking to you right now.” She walked over to her dresser, pulled out her underclothes, and proceeded to get dressed.

  “Hold up. How you gonna just tell me that you don’t want to talk. I’m your husband.”

  “I didn’t say that I didn’t want to talk. I said I didn’t want to talk to you. There’s a difference.”

  Johnny stood up and gave her a hard look. “Why you trippin’, Geneva?”

  She didn’t say a word. She knew he was stunned, but she also knew that he was purposely trying to get under her skin. She decided to do what he’d done to her so many times she couldn’t count. She ignored him. She walked over to her side of the bed and slipped her beautiful yellow dress over her head. She walked over to the full-length mirror that sat in the corner and admired how the material of her dress graced her soft curves as though she’d been born in it.

  Geneva could see that Johnny was watching her closely, and the more he stared her up and down, the more perplexed he became. But she could honestly say that she couldn’t care less. She pushed her gold hoop earrings into her lobes, slid her gold bangle bracelet over her wrist, and slipped her strappy sandals on her feet. She didn’t even look behind her or tell Johnny goodbye when she walked out of the room and headed out the front door.

  Geneva smiled to herself as she steered her car into the Grove Park shopping center to get a mint–chocolate chip Frappuccino from Starbucks before heading to Sandhill. She felt nervous, excited, and a little apprehensive all at once. Here she was, a married woman, rushing out of her house, dressed to impress another man.

  “I should be ashamed of myself,” she whispered as she pulled up to the drive-through window at Starbucks. She couldn’t believe how she was acting, and she imagined this was the kind of feeling Johnny had when he left the house to meet up with whomever he was seeing on the side. But she knew there were a few differences between her behavior and that of her husband. She felt a little guilty, and he, no doubt, didn’t. And unlike him, she had no plans to act out the fantasies she’d conjured in her mind.

  She was pulled from her thoughts by the call coming in through her car’s Bluetooth system. She smiled when she saw it was Donetta. “Hey, girl, what’re you up to this morning?” she asked.

  “Chillin’ on my sofa, enjoying a cup of English breakfast tea with my blueberry scone.”

  Geneva shook her head and laughed. For Donetta to be as loud, unruly, and often brazen as she was, she believed in refined luxury and made sure she bathed herself in that lifestyle. Most of her paycheck was spent on decorating her beautiful home and pampering herself with luxuries.

  “It’s a thousand degrees outside and you’re drinking hot tea?” Geneva teased.

  “Honey, it’s never too hot to drink tea, and this shit right here, it’s the bomb.”

  “I’m sure it is.”

  “And what’re you up to, sounding all giddy?”

  “I just got my Frappuccino and I’m headed to Sandhill to read to the kids. This is my first volunteer day. I’m so excited.”

  “Uhhhh-huhhhh. I bet you are.”

  “Why do you say it like that?”

  “You know why.”

  Geneva knew exactly what her friend was talking about, but she wasn’t going to say a word.

  “I don’t know what’s got you more excited, the children or that principal.”

  “Oh, stop it.”

  “You stop it. You know I’m right. You had a twinkle in your eye when you talked about that man last week. Go ’head and admit that you’re interested in him.”

  “I’ll admit that I do find him attractive. But being interested in someone and being attracted to them is two different things.”

  “Well, at least you admitted that you’re attracted to him. That’s a start. And there ain’t nothing wrong with that, honey.”

  “Exactly. It’s not like I crossed any lines.”

  “Yet!” Donetta said with a giggle.

  “Didn’t I tell you to stop.”

  “Why? This is fun. And it’s time you had some fun in your life. That bastard you’re married to has practically sucked all the joy out of you. I’m just glad to see you excited about something.”

  “Yes, I’m excited, and helping the kids is going to help me. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for years and now I finally can.”

  “What are you wearing?” Donetta asked.

  “A sundress and sandals.”

  “Which one?” Donetta was a fashionista and had borrowed so many of Geneva’s blouses that she knew the contents of Geneva’s closet as if it were her own. “My yellow one,” Geneva replied.

  “Huuunnnneeeee,” Donetta squealed. “That dress is fierce. It’s the right combination of modern class and sexy sass, and it looks gorgeous on you! You gonna have that principal reciting his ABCs and counting to a hundred!”

  Geneva laughed. “I can’t fool with you today!”

  “I’m just sayin’, I ain’t mad atcha’. Work it out and do your thang.”

  “I told you, it’s not even like that,” Geneva said. “I’m going to meet with the home room teacher I’m assigned to, read to the kids, and then go home and enjoy the rest of my day. If I happen to see Mr. Owens, that’ll be great, but if I don’t . . .”

  “Oh, but you will,” Donetta said with a chuckle. “And when you do, don’t hold back.”

  Geneva shook her head. “I just pulled into the school parking lot, I’ve got to go.”

  “Have fun and do everything I would do . . . and then some.”

  All Geneva could do was smile as she hung up the phone. She put her car in park, turned off the engine, and drank the last of her Frappuccino. “I needed that boost,” she said, placing the empty cup in her console. She ran her hand across the soft fabric of her dress and once again admired its vibrant color. “What am I doing?” She looked at the large brick building in front of her and inhaled a deep, cleansing breath as she thought about the children inside and the real reason she’d decided to wear the beautiful sundress she saved for special occasions. The truth was that she wanted to look good for Dr. Samuel Owens. She wanted to impress him. And deep down, she was scared of what that meant.

  As Geneva thought about Samuel Owens, she suddenly began to have second thoughts about Sandhill. “This is how trouble gets started. I can’t do this.” She turned the key in the ignition and started the engine. “I’ll have to find another school where I can volunteer.” Just as she was about to drive away, she saw Samuel walk outside the building. He stood in front of the entrance talking to a well-dressed man. She watched him closely, noticing his friendly smile and the self-assured body language that had drawn her to him last week. Before she knew it, she was smiling, as if it was she with whom he was having a conversation. She continued to watch him as he and the man shook hands before Samuel turned and walke
d back into the building.

  “I don’t know if what I’m about to do is right, but I know what I feel is real, and I can’t deny it,” she whispered. Geneva turned off the engine again, opened her door, put one foot in front of the other, and walked toward new possibilities.

  Chapter 10

  JOHNNY

  Johnny sat motionless on the edge of his bed trying to figure out what the hell was going on with his wife. He knew that Geneva was upset with him, and that she was still carrying a salty attitude from last week when he’d stayed out all night. But he thought the way she’d treated him this morning was uncaring, uncalled for, and completely out of character from the woman whom he knew his wife to be.

  Johnny rubbed his chin and fell back onto the soft comforter on the bed. He looked up at the ceiling, closed his eyes, and then let out a deep breath filled with frustration. “Here I am trying to do the right thing by coming home, and she’s still giving me attitude,” he said as he thought about Geneva. “I can’t win with that woman.”

  Over the weekend Geneva had avoided him, keeping her distance wide and her words short. She normally bugged him about attending Emmanuel AME Church with her every Sunday, but yesterday she’d dressed and was out the door without saying one word to him. He didn’t mind her silent treatment at first because it had been better than hearing her nag and complain, as she usually did. But when the afternoon rolled around and there was no home-cooked after-church meal on the table, Johnny’s jaws became tight and his stomach longed to be fed. Geneva had been so mad a few nights ago that she’d thrown away the leftovers from the dinner she’d made for him, and she hadn’t cooked a thing since.

  Johnny knew he needed to do something to get Geneva back in line before things got out of hand, so last night he cut his date short with Vivana so he could get home at a decent hour. In addition to trying to work his way back into Geneva’s good graces, he knew that spending less time with Vivana would help him gradually end their affair without drama.

  Last night was the first time he’d seen Vivana since they’d overslept at the hotel last week. She’d been texting and emailing like a mad woman, bugging the shit out of him with demands about when they were going to hook up again. She’d gotten on his nerves worse than his wife, but he knew he had to play it cool with her. He’d come to see a new side of Vivana that she’d never shown him, and he didn’t like it. He couldn’t risk her hijacking his marriage, as Bernard had said she might.