Carry My Baby_BWWM Romance

by Shanade White

  Amanda didn’t want to think about what Theo’s part was, but she couldn’t help the mental image that popped into her mind, or the stirring deep inside her that was the hallmark of sexual attraction. Wishing that she could leave the room before the discussion went any further, she jumped down from the exam table and slid into the bathroom, picking her clothes up along the way. When she came out of the bathroom, Theo was gone and the nurse was just finishing up her chart.

  “We’ll call you when you need to come in for the procedure. Follow these instructions and Mr. Taylor asked me to give this to you,” she said, handing Amanda a stack of papers and an envelope.

  When she got to her car, she opened the envelope and gasped, it was full of cash. Quickly pulling out the note that was stuck between the bills, she stuffed the envelope in her purse, feeling like she’d done something illegal. The note was short, more a list of orders than a note, but she reminded herself that this was a job like any other, if her boss was a bit of a jerk, it wasn’t forever.

  Here’s some money so that you can quit your job and get ready for the baby. Buy some healthy food and get some exercise. Call me when it’s time for the procedure.

  Amanda tried not to be annoyed, but he hadn’t even signed the note, just written a list of other things he wanted her to do. Closing her eyes and leaning her head back against the seat, she fought the urge to dig out her phone and call him, cancel the entire thing. But when she opened her purse the money was sitting right on the top, so instead she pulled it out and looked at the money again. Feeling greedy, she counted it, realizing that the amount of money Theo had given her would allow her to quit her job now.

  Pulling out her phone, she did just that, if for some reason this didn’t work out there were plenty of other jobs just like the one she’d had so it was no big loss. As she drove home she decided that this whole experience would be much easier if she approached it like a job, if she set goals, made lists, and developed a schedule then she’d feel more in control. The first thing on her list was to stop at the bookstore and pick up some books on pregnancy, she had research to do and there was no time like the present.

  Theo walked away from the doctor’s office excited, his dream of becoming a father was so close to coming true that he could practically feel the baby in his arms. Amanda wasn’t quite what he’d expected his surrogate to be like, but she seemed like a nice woman, and certainly wasn’t a child. She’d made it very clear that once the baby was born that she’d be out of their lives, which was absolutely fine with him, was in fact what he wanted. But strangely enough, that thought made him feel a little bad, made his stomach clench with the feeling of loss. It was a strange way to feel since he hadn’t even spent a full day with her, but there was something about her that made him feel good.

  Deciding that it was simply gratitude that she was going to make fatherhood possible for him, he pushed her from his mind. He had a lot of things that he still needed to do today, the trip to the doctor’s office couldn’t have gone better, but now it was time to push it to the back of his mind and handle his business. But his heart wasn’t in it, by five o’clock he was home, a drink in his hand telling his housekeeper about his day. Of course, Angel was more than just his housekeeper; she’d been with his family for years and when he’d moved out on his own she’d come with him.

  “She’s not what I expected, but I think this is going to work out great,” he said again, when Angel set their dinner on the table.

  “I know you have your mind made up, but I have to ask once more if you’re sure about this,” Angel said, sitting down across from him.

  “I understand your concern, Angel, but I’ve waited as long as I’m willing to wait. I don’t want to be an old man when my kid graduates from high school. I’m already thirty-five, Angel, and I don’t think that perfect woman is going to show up any time soon.”

  “Maybe not,” Angel said, feeling sorry for the man sitting across from her. Whoever said that money brings happiness had never met Theo Taylor.

  Chapter 3

  Amanda rolled out of bed at seven a.m. like she’d been doing for two weeks and stumbled to the bathroom. Grabbing a pregnancy test off the bathroom counter, she ripped it open and did exactly as the directions instructed, then sat and waited not sure if she was hoping for a positive or not. It had been two weeks since the embryo had been implanted and she’d been on an emotional rollercoaster since then. Half the time, she was excited to think that her dreams were that much closer to coming true and the other half she spent questioning this crazy idea.

  Most of her friends had been supportive after she’d explained what she was doing, Michelle reaction had been the strongest though. “I only sent that to you as a joke. I didn’t really think you’d do it.”

  “But it’s the perfect solution, don’t you see that?”

  “What I see is someone who’s making a choice that’s going to haunt her for the rest of her life. If you were doing this for something besides just the money it might be different, but I just don’t think it’s going to work out like you think,” Michelle had said, a scowl on her face.

  “I know it’s hard for you to understand, but I’m going to do it,” Amanda had said stubbornly.

  Michelle had come around eventually, still not happy about what she was doing, but there to support her friend. Thinking about Michelle had distracted her from the test she was holding in her hand, which when she looked had the two pink lines that meant she was pregnant. Heart hammering, hands shaking, she set the test down on the side of the sink and got in the shower. Now that the baby was a reality she was suddenly scared, letting the hot water wash over her, she tried to get herself under control, tried to figure out where the sudden terror had come from.

  Millions of women gave birth every day, it wasn’t like she was going to be the first and thanks to Theo and his money she’d have the best medical care available. No, that wasn’t it, she thought, it was the fact that she now carried a human life inside her, a very fragile human life. A life that for the next nine months was hers and hers alone to care for and nurture, it’s fate was in her hands. It might not have been a good idea to read as much as she had, the stories of things that went wrong had definitely been a bad idea, but she was as prepared as she could be she told herself to stave off the demons that had suddenly sprung to life.

  When she got out of the shower, she felt better, calmer. But she knew that the phone call she’d been dreading was coming soon, so she went to the kitchen and made some coffee, decaf didn’t pack the same punch but it would still help. The phone rang right on time at nine o’clock. If Theo was nothing else he was predictable, and for a second, she almost didn’t answer, knowing that once the words were out of her mouth, her life was no longer completely her own.

  Clicking on the call she said, “It’s positive,” without even greeting Theo.

  She couldn’t help but smile when she heard an excited “Yes!” on the other end of the phone. Then Theo cleared his throat and said, “That’s good news. I’ll have the moving van at your house by the end of the day.”

  Amanda was disappointed, she’d expected more than just that little exclamation, but she knew that she shouldn’t have been. To Theo this was nothing more than a means to an end, he wasn’t in love with her, this wasn’t their baby, it was his. Again, she realized just how difficult the next nine months would be, but she took a deep breath and tramped down her disappointment.

  “I don’t know where your house is,” she said, striving for the same professional tone Theo was using.

  “I’ll send you the address, let me know when you’re on your way and I’ll meet you there. We have a suite ready for you, the view isn’t as good from that side of the house but you’ll have plenty of privacy,” Theo said, then surprised her by adding, “I want to thank you for doing this, I know it can’t be easy.”

  She was so shocked by his abrupt change of demeanor that it took her a few seconds to reply. “Um, your welcome. Thank you for thi
nking about my comfort.”

  It took more than 45 minutes to get to Theo’s house outside of Seattle, it was set on a bluff of land with a view of not only the city but the ocean. The house had the look of a place that started out small but had been added onto over time, the stone used in its construction a slightly different color where each addition had been made. The grounds had been left to go wild, except for a well-groomed area right in front of the house, which only added to its appeal.

  She was standing staring up at the high towers that looked like something out of a romance novel when Theo came out the front door. He met her coming up the stairs, a smile on his face. “Quite the place, isn’t it?”

  Amanda spoke without thinking, “I thought this place was a museum.”

  Theo laughed. “Sometimes it feels that way,” he said, taking her bag. “The movers have already put your stuff in your rooms. Let me know if you need any help unpacking. I don’t want you pushing yourself too hard.”

  Amanda smiled up at him charmed by his concern. “I think I can handle it. It’s just some books and my clothes, I put everything else in storage,” she said, then stopped and stared.

  They’d come through the huge front doors into the tiled entryway which soared a full three stories ending in the towers she’d seen from outside. Their footsteps echoed in the huge space as she followed him past a steep staircase, through a formal parlor, and into the kitchen. The kitchen was huge, with a huge stone fireplace at one end and a large wooden table in the center, shining pots and pans hung from the rafters and it smelled like cinnamon.

  “We spend most of our time in here or out on the deck since it’s summer,” Theo said, gesturing to a large deck attached to the back of the house.

  “Oh, it’s wonderful,” Amanda said, crossing the room to the sliding doors that led off the kitchen. “You can see all the way to the ocean.”

  “It’s the best part of the house if you ask me,” Theo said, grimacing and gesturing back toward the entryway.

  “I get the feeling that you don’t really like this house,” Amanda pointed out.

  “No, not really, but it’s been in my family for generations, so when I took over as CEO it came to me,” Theo said, then took a deep breath. “Enough of that. Let me show you your room.”

  Amanda could take a hint, no talking about personal things, so she let the subject drop and followed Theo back toward the stairs they’d passed earlier. “I’ll show you the back door and another set of steps but for now I thought we’d use the main ones,” he said, pausing to let her go up the steps first.

  Amanda wondered if she’d ever be able to find her way around the huge house, it felt huge and empty as they climbed, and when they stepped into the hallway on the second floor the temperature dropped. She shivered a little wondering what it was going to be like living in this huge place with only Theo for company, and to think she’d been worried that they’d be in each other’s way. Now she understood why he’d said that she’d have plenty of privacy.

  “I keep the heat turned off in the hallways, even in the summer this place is freezing and the electric bill was through the roof. The bedrooms are better and yours has a nice southern exposure so it’s warm in the winter,” Theo said, leading her down the hallway.

  When he finally opened the door to her room and she stepped through, she stopped so abruptly that Theo ran into her and nearly knocked her down. Looking around she was instantly charmed by the room, done in the palest yellow it was warm and inviting, and had its own little fireplace. Besides a bedroom which she could see through a doorway, there was a little sitting room, a small kitchen, and a bathroom. Best of all, she had a little terrace off her room, and although she couldn’t see the ocean from here, the forest made a nice background.

  “This is bigger than my apartment,” she said, then wished she hadn’t. “I mean, it’s a beautiful room, I’m sure I’ll be very comfortable.”

  Theo didn’t say anything, but he was secretly pleased that she liked the room, he’d never admit it but he’d done the decorating. “I’ll leave you to get settled. My room is in the other side of the house, if you took a right at the top of the stairs instead of a left you’d find it. Dinner is in about an hour, you still need to meet Angel my housekeeper. If you need anything she’s the person to ask, I hope you two get along, she’s been with me for a long time,” he said, then strode across the room as if he was in a hurry and disappeared through the door before she could say a word.

  Angel turned out to be an older woman, somewhere in her fifties, who reminded Amanda of her mother and she immediately felt comfortable with her. After dinner, she volunteered to help with the dishes but Angel refused. “I really don’t need help, but you’re welcome to keep me company,” she said, taking the plates Amanda had picked up out of her hands.

  While she cleaned, she talked about her life, her husband and children, the grandchildren she hoped to have someday, and about her poodle, Mr. Chips. The chatter relaxed Amada, made her feel more at home and she was thankful that the woman didn’t ask her a lot of prying questions, although Amanda was sure that she was dying to. Every once and a while she’d catch Angel looking at her in a questioning way.

  The last thing she wanted to do was explain to one more person why she’d become a surrogate, it just sounded bad when she said it out loud. When the last dish had been dried and put away, Angel made them hot chocolate and brought it over to the table. Amanda could sense that the woman wanted to say something but was unsure how to start, but after a few moments of silence she took a deep breath.

  “I’m not going to ask you why you chose to do this, but I want you to know that I’m here to help in any way I can. The truth is it’s kind of lonely here in this big house all alone. Theo’s hardly ever here and when he is, he’s locked away with Julien in the library,” he said, then smiled at Amanda.

  “I’ll try not to be much trouble, you must have your hands full keeping this whole place clean,” Amanda said, then asked, “Who’s Julien?” Although she was pretty sure she knew.

  “Oh, I don’t clean this huge place. Julien has a service come in, I only clean their rooms and now yours,” Angel said, then added, “Julien is Theo’s assistant, he lives in rooms on the third floor. Even with him living here now, I don’t have that much to do, so it will be nice to have you around.”

  Amanda understood who Julien was then, it all made sense, except the part where she was attracted to a man who didn’t even like women, a man who had a partner living in his home. She’d have to be careful not to get in their way, it was really none of her business if Theo wanted to keep his real life a secret from the world, although it did seem sad that he felt the need to. Still, he was an important man in a world that didn’t always accept those who were different.

  Theo walked away from the dinner table thinking that he’d lost his mind. No matter how hard he tired he couldn’t stop the desire he was feeling for Amanda, it had all started when he’d shown her the suite of rooms that would be hers for the next nine months. Looking at the big bed covered in pillows and a thick comforter had brought images to his mind that he had no business thinking about. He’d been so rattled that he’d rudely left the room without much of a good bye, just an order to be down for dinner in an hour.

  Dinner hadn’t been any easier, the flares of desire catching him unaware and leaving him slightly breathless. He was beginning to think that he was losing his mind, and had no idea what to do about it, other than to stay away from her. It had to be some sympathetic reaction to the fact that she was carrying his child, there could be no other explanation, unless the feelings were real. That thought scared him so much, he immediately blocked it, and made the decision to avoid the woman as much as possible.

  It shouldn’t be that hard it was a big house, their rooms were about as far apart as was possible, but he’d still have to see her at dinner each night, which was his own fault since he’d included that stipulation in the contract. At the time it had seemed like
a good idea, a way to keep track of what was going on with the baby, but now it might be an hour of torture if he couldn’t get himself under control. He was a grown man, it shouldn’t be that hard to control his impulse to take Amanda in his arms and kiss her, but he was finding it more and more difficult to resist.

  Angel came in through the back door like she did every morning and hung up her raincoat and umbrella, then went into the kitchen. The first thing she noticed was a dirty cup and plate by the sink and she knew that Amanda had been up in the middle of the night again. She walked over to the window and saw the blanket Amanda liked wadded up on one of the lounge chairs on the deck. This was the fifth morning in a row that she’d found the house this way when she came in and she was becoming alarmed.

  It wasn’t just the night activities that bothered her; over the last week and a half, Amanda had changed. She still ate the healthy meals and took long walks, but she’d stopped writing and instead had begun sleeping all day. When she did come out of her room, it was to sit on the porch and stare out at the view, motionless for long hours. Angel was pretty sure that it was more than just the exhaustion that comes with the first trimester of pregnancy, it was the isolation of being stuck in this house day after day.

  She’d been against the surrogate moving in, but Theo had insisted that it was the only way he could stay in control, and she knew how important control was to him, so she’d let it drop. But now his need for control had created a problem, a problem that needed to be solved and fast, it wasn’t healthy for Amanda to mope around the house all night and sleep all day. Theo was going to get an earful when he came down for breakfast, she thought, as she put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher, if he’d only listened to her none of this would be a problem.

  Theo wasn’t prepared to find Angel in the kitchen with a nasty attitude that morning, he’d slept badly and wasn’t feeling his best. He’d dreamed about Amanda all night as he had been for days, their dinner together enough to fuel his imagination and leave him frustrated. So, when Angel announced that they had a problem, he groaned and said the first thing that came to his mind.