Carry My Baby_BWWM Romance

by Shanade White

  When Amanda woke the next morning, Theo was gone and for that she was thankful, it had been embarrassing enough for him to hold her hair while she puked the night before, to wake up with him in her bed would have been mortifying. As embarrassed as she was, she couldn’t help but smile at the memory of him taking care of her, he’d been awkward but he’d tried and that alone told her that somewhere deep below the surface there was a man who would be a good father to the child she was carrying.

  But she was still going to have to face him and that thought made her stomach do flip flops, they were the good kind, but not the kind she should be having about Theo. Not only was he gay, he had a partner living right in the house with him, she’d just have to figure out a way to stamp out these feelings she was developing. She’d tried to do some research and find out if this reaction was just hormones, after all her body was going through a lot of dramatic changes. But she couldn’t find anything that applied to her situation, and there was no one she could ask.

  Determined not to let her feelings get in the way of the kindness he’d shown her the night before, she got out of bed realizing that she was starving. The thought of her usual oatmeal and berry breakfast wasn’t very appealing, but she’d been sticking to the diet she’d designed and so far, it had been working, in fact she lost a few pounds since she’d cut all the fast food and junk out of her diet. If it hadn’t been for the little baby bump that had shown up last week, she was sure that she could have worn a size smaller than her usual 14, of course it wouldn’t last but for now she was enjoying being a little lighter than she’d been in years.

  When she got down to the kitchen Theo was sitting at the table a cup of coffee in front of him talking to Angel who was stirring something on the stove. “Good morning,” he said, and got up to help her to a chair. “How are you feeling this morning?”

  “I feel much better, thank you,” Amanda said, having a hard time meeting his eyes.

  “I’m glad to hear that. Are you hungry?”

  Amanda finally looked his straight in the face, her breath whooshing out of her when he smiled at her. “I’m starving,” she said, smiling back at him.

  “Me too,” he said, then turned to Angel. “What’s for breakfast?”

  Angel couldn’t help turning to look at him, it was suddenly like he was a different man, gone was the cold one she’d been seeing for the last few days, replaced with the man she’d always known. Smiling, she pointed to the stove. “Oatmeal and berries.”

  “Yuck. That doesn’t sound very appetizing. Let’s have something else,” he said, walking over to the refrigerator and opening it. “Eggs, bacon, and pancakes.”

  “I can’t eat that stuff,” Amanda said, thinking that she’d give anything to eat that for breakfast instead of oatmeal.

  “I don’t think one breakfast is going to hurt anything, besides I think you need the extra calories, you look a little thin to me,” he said, digging through the panty for pancake mix and syrup which he plopped down on the counter.

  Amanda was immediately on the defensive. “The diet I’ve been following is perfectly balanced, if I’ve lost a few pounds it’s because I’ve stopped eating junk food and stuff like bacon and pancakes,” she said, wishing she could just go back to her room.

  “I’m sure it is, but you have to spoil yourself every once and a while. I was thinking that after breakfast you might like to go shopping or something, get out of the house for a while,” Theo said, cracking eggs into a bowl casually, as if he wasn’t suddenly a changed man.

  Chapter 5

  Three nights later, Amanda was sitting on the porch as the moon came up, the nausea was still bothering her, but the doctor had prescribed some medication that helped. The only problem was that it kept her up all night, then she slept all day, which was no way to live, but the doctor had promised that the sickness would pass soon. She was counting the days until that prediction came true, wondering what she was going to do with her time once she felt better.

  It was clear that writing wasn’t possible, at least not right now. Her brain seemed to be muddled, words escaping her every time she tried to write, making her frustrated which just seemed to make it worse. So, she’d long ago given up and accepted the fact that for now, she wasn’t going to get much done on her novel, but didn’t let it bother her that much because when this was all over she’d have as much time as she wanted to write.

  She hadn’t seen Theo since the morning they’d shared breakfast, he’d been out of town on business, but Julien had begun making a point of joining her for dinner. His company was always welcome, but she hoped that Theo hadn’t forced him to play nurse maid to her while he was gone. “You know I can eat dinner by myself,” she’d said, not sure if she really meant it.

  “I know, but I like having dinner with you. You haven’t heard all my stories yet and you’re a captive audience,” he said, flashing her a big smile.

  “I’m not sure if that makes me feel better or not, but I’m glad you’re here. It can get kind of lonely here. Angel is great but she has a job to do, she can’t spend her entire day entertaining me,” Amanda admitted.

  Julien flashed her another one of his glowing smiles. “It’s my pleasure,” he said, then dug into his dinner.

  They ate in silence for a while, each content with the silence between them. Taking a deep breath, Amanda asked the question she’d been dying to ask for days. “How did you and Theo meet?” As snoopy as it was she wanted to know more about their relationship, which they kept so carefully hidden that if she didn’t know better she would think that they only were friends.

  They never showed any affection around her, and she’d begun to question her assumption.

  “We met in high school, I was a freshman and he was a senior, he saved me from a group of bullies who’d honed in on me. I know it doesn’t look like it now but I didn’t always look like this,” he said, laughing. “I was a scrawny kid, didn’t hit my growth spurt until I was out of high school, so I was an easy target.”

  “I find that hard to believe,” Amanda said, looking at Julien who stood well over six feet tall.

  “Theo was the star of the football team, once he took me under his wing, the bullies left me alone and by the time he graduated they’d moved on to someone else. We lost contract after he graduated, but hooked up again a few years ago, we’ve been together ever since then,” Julien said, not adding that Theo had pulled him out of a dead-end job and given him the break he needed. “I own Theo a lot and there isn’t much I wouldn’t do for him.”

  “Including babysitting me,” Amanda said, with a laugh.

  “It’s been my pleasure,” Julien said, beginning to understand that sitting in front of him was a very lonely woman.

  When he talked to Theo that night, he said all the same things that Angel had said, and a few more forcing Theo to see that his plan to have Amanda live with him had been a bit short sighted. “I’ll figure something out,” he said, hanging up the phone, unable to help himself from taking his frustration out on Julien.

  He had no idea what to do to fix the situation, so he called the one person who might be able to help. When he told Seth about Amanda, Seth didn’t even hesitate. “Bring her up here.”

  “To Alaska?” Theo asked, not sure he’d heard him right.

  “Sure, there’s plenty to keep her occupied here. Lots of people to talk to, beautiful country to explore, and we have a first-rate doctor right in Homestead now.”

  “But she’s pregnant,” Theo said, thinking of all the things that could happen on the trip to Alaska.

  “So, we have pregnant women here too,” Seth said, then laughed. “This isn’t the first pregnancy in the world, Theo, you need to chill out.”

  The more Theo thought about it, the more he began to think that taking Amanda to Alaska was a good idea. She’d have lots of people around her to keep her from feeling so isolated, the food was fresh, and if there was a doctor he wouldn’t have to worry about her medical care. They co
uld drive instead of flying, take as much time as they needed to get there, the trip alone would be good for her, and if she liked Homestead she could stay for several months as long as she stayed healthy.

  Amanda heard the sliding glass door when it slid open, and turned expecting to see Julien, but it was Theo standing there instead. She hadn’t expected him home that night, but felt a little thrill to see him illuminated by the light from the kitchen, he looked tired, a day’s growth of beard on his chin and dark circles under his eyes. When he came over and sat down next to her, he actually groaned as if he hadn’t sat down all day.

  “You look tired. Was it a difficult trip?” she asked, when the silence got too oppressive.

  “I’ve been trying to clear some time, I was thinking about taking a trip to Alaska to visit my cousin Seth,” he said, closing his eyes and leaning his head back.

  “Oh, that sounds nice. How long will you be gone?”

  “I’m thinking a few months,” he said, trying not to smile.

  “Oh, that’s a long time,” Amanda said, her heart sinking at the thought of not seeing him for that long.

  “Yes, it is, that’s why I was thinking that you should come with me. You’ll love it in Homestead, there’s a little town complete with a doctor. It’s right on the ocean and they grow all their own food,” Theo said, then held his breath hoping that she’d think it was a good idea.

  “You want me to come with you?”

  “I think you should, it might do you some good to get away from here for a while. We’ll come back before the baby’s born, but I think you need to be around more people,” Theo said, sitting up an expectant look on his face.

  Amanda loved the idea of going to Alaska, even as close as she lived in Seattle, she’d never been there and had always wanted to go. “I think that sounds like a great idea. It has been a little lonely around here.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” Theo asked.

  “I didn’t want to sound like I was complaining, I agreed to your terms,” Amanda said, shrugging her shoulders.

  “Will you promise me something?” Theo asked, his face getting serious.

  “If I can,” Amanda said, shooting him a confused look.

  “If something makes you unhappy, tell me. I want this to be as pleasant an experience as possible for you,” Theo said, his face showing nothing but concern for her.

  Amanda couldn’t help the tears that sprang to her eyes. “Thank you,” she said, wiping them away. “Sorry, it’s the hormones. It seems like everything makes me cry right now.”

  Theo felt an overwhelming sense of protectiveness for Amanda, a feeling that went beyond his concern for the baby, a feeling that made him both uncomfortable and happy in a strange way. “Okay then, we leave the day after tomorrow. If you want to buy some new clothes, tomorrow would be the time, there’s not much shopping in Homestead.”

  Amanda had been feeling mixed emotions about the trip to Alaska, it was a long drive and she wondered how uncomfortable it would be to spend hours alone with Theo. Her attraction to him aside, she had no idea if they had anything in common, but the trip turned out to be much more enjoyable that she thought it would. Since her nausea was worse at night, she felt relatively good during the day while they were traveling and the pills the doctor had prescribed helped her sleep at night. So, when they arrived three days later, she wasn’t as exhausted as she’d thought she’d be.

  The other nice surprise was that she and Theo had no problem making conversation, they talked about her writing and his business. She slept a lot but that didn’t seem to bother Theo who put on music and sang quietly while he drove, making Amanda smile because she was sure that he wasn’t even aware he was doing it. The attraction she felt for him was still there, but thanks to their talks, she was able to separate it from the man, although that didn’t stop her from wishing that he wasn’t gay.

  Of course, it wouldn’t matter if he was straight, he’d never be interested in her, especially since she was his surrogate and he’d made it perfectly clear that when this was over they’d go their separate ways. But it was nice to imagine what it would be like to have him hold her in his arms like he had the other night, but for it to mean something. Since that was never going to happen, she’d have to learn to accept their relationship as it was, and that meant stopping herself from fantasizing about anything more. It wasn’t good for her, could never be real, and was only making it harder to be around him.

  When Theo helped her out of the car in Homestead, she stood and looked around her, thinking that she’d never seen anything like it. Theo had explained a little about Homestead and how it had come to be, but she’d never expected to find the bustling little town around her. What had once only been the Montgomery family home had grown into a small community, with stores, a restaurant, and medical facilities. The barns and pens where the animals were kept had been moved far enough away from town that only the faint smell of them could be detected.

  “I couldn’t believe it either the first time I saw it, it’s like going back in time except with all the modern conveniences we love so much,” Theo said, leading her to what she assumed used to be the Montgomery mansion.

  Before they could get there, a tall handsome man who looked a little like Theo stepped out on the porch, followed by an African American woman, who he wrapped his arm around when she came to stand beside him. “I see you finally made it. How was the drive?”

  Amanda and Theo glanced at each other before answering in unison. “Long.” Then they both laughed.

  Without even thinking, Theo draped his arm over Amanda’s shoulders and gently propelled her onto the porch. “Seth and Lauren, this is Amanda Grady,” he said, when they’d reached the couple.

  “It’s nice to meet you, welcome to Homestead, I hope you’ll enjoy your stay with us,” Lauren said. “Lunch is about ready, you can get unpacked afterward.”

  “Thank you, it’s nice to meet you too,” Amanda said, wondering what these people must think of her.

  Theo must have felt her body tense with anxiety because he squeezed her shoulder, leaned over, and whispered in her ear, “They’re really nice. I think you’ll like them and I know they’ll like you.”

  Amanda relaxed a little bit, thankful that at least they wouldn’t have to explain the relationship between them, Seth and Lauren already knew and they seemed nice enough. When they stepped into the huge house, she had to stop for a second and look around, the place was a marvel of glass and wood, and the sunlight streaming through the floor to ceiling windows that faced the ocean was almost blinding.

  “Oh, it’s beautiful,” she couldn’t help but say.

  “We think so too, and that we’re lucky to live here. It can be a little harsh in the winter but I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else,” Lauren said, pulling Amanda away from Theo and out onto the deck. “I love to sit out here at night in the summer and just look at the stars.”

  Amanda took several deep breaths of the salty and air almost instantly felt better. “I can understand, that’s become one of my favorite things to do since…” She trailed off feeling suddenly self-conscious.

  “Can’t sleep at night?” Lauren asked, then nodded her head when Amanda shrugged her shoulders. “I remember having that problem when I was carrying the twins, I spent a lot of time sitting out here. I don’t know what I would have done if they’d been born in the winter.”

  Amanda sent Laruen a silent look of gratitude; clearly, they weren’t going to have any lengthy conversation about how and why Amanda was pregnant. That was fine with her, the less said, the more normal she felt around people. They stood in silence looking at the view of the ocean crashing against the shore until Theo and Seth came out, hands full with their lunch.

  “It’s such a nice day, I thought we’d eat out here,” Seth said, setting their plates down on the table.

  Seth had been watching Theo and Amanda carefully during lunch, sensing something beneath the surface and had finally decided that h
e was right. There was a spark between them that spoke of more than friendship, a spark that he was dying to ignite. Once a confirmed bachelor who planned to spend his life alone living in the back country, he was now married and a father of two and couldn’t have been happier. In fact, he was convinced that the only way to be truly happy in life was to find that one person who was the perfect match, and Theo had found his, even if he didn’t know it yet.

  When Amanda asked to use the restroom and Lauren offered to show her the way, he jumped on the chance to test his theory. “So, it looks like you and Amanda have hit it off,” he said, trying to sound casual.

  “She’s a nice person,” Theo said, narrowing his eyes at Seth.

  “That’s good and the surrogacy thing is going well,” Seth prodded.

  “Sure, we’ve gotten to know each other better, the car ride helped, we spent a lot of time talking,” Theo said, shrugging his shoulders, deciding that Seth wasn’t up to anything after all. “I told her about my business and she talked about her writing, she’s got some really good ideas.”

  “I didn’t think you were much of a reader,” Seth said, not missing the sound of pride in Theo’s voice.

  “Well, I’m not, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t recognize a good story when I hear one. I even gave her a few ideas, she said that she usually doesn’t talk about her writing, but that I was a good person to talk to since I’m not a reader.”

  Seth was even more sure that he’d been reading the signs right and it was time to quit beating around the bush. “And there’s nothing more than that going on?”