Gareth opened his eyes and met Cam’s gaze. He let everything show through—all the want, and the desperation flowing through him. All the love he felt. “I need you.”
Cam took a step towards him, then came to an abrupt halt, as though it had taken him a second to realise he was moving. “I can’t.” He took a deep breath, hands in fists at his sides, matching Gareth’s. “I don’t—”
“That’s bollocks,” Gareth roared, as the last vestiges of control slipped through his fingers. Cam’s eyes widened in shock and so did Gareth’s. He’d never spoken to his alpha like that. But he couldn’t stop. “You can try and tell yourself that you don’t feel anything for me, but that bonding scent you smell on me would indicate otherwise.”
Cam took a step towards him, eyebrow raised. “I can see you’ve done some research. But that’s not what I was going to say.” He took another step closer, and Gareth’s breath hitched. “I know what that scent means, Gareth. For both of us.”
Oh.
One more step and Cam stood in front of him. If Gareth reached out just a little, he’d touch him. Cam’s green eyes darkened, reminding Gareth of the woods at night. He licked his lips, his gaze dropping to Cam’s mouth where he caught the barest hint of fang peeking out.
“And what does it mean?” he whispered, afraid anything louder would break the spell they seemed to be under.
Cam’s wry smile caught him off guard, and Gareth’s eyes snapped up to find Cam staring at him with the most open expression he’d ever seen his alpha wear. “It means that despite what I’ve been telling myself, and you, some part of me feels the same as you do.”
The hope that had steadily built up with each step Cam took towards him crumbled at the edges. That wasn’t exactly what Gareth had wanted to hear.
He frowned. “Some part of you?”
Cam leaned in closer, setting a hand on the wall by Gareth’s head. He was shorter than Gareth by a few inches, but all that alpha power, even harnessed as it was now, made him seem so much bigger. Warm breath tickled Gareth’s cheek, and his heart pounded, anticipation of something, sending his blood roaring through his veins. “You need to understand that I’ve buried a part of myself, kept it locked away for the last ten years because I thought I’d never want to feel, never could feel, that way again.”
Gareth’s mouth went dry, and his voice was barely audible when he spoke. “And now?” The warmth from Cam’s body seemed palpable in the air between them, and it was all Gareth could do to keep his hands to himself. If anything was going to happen, and Gareth desperately hoped that it would, it needed to be on Cam’s terms.
“It’s complicated.”
Gareth laughed, a little high pitched. “Do you think I don’t know that? I’ve spent the last few years—”
Cam slid a hand up Gareth’s neck to cup his jaw, and Gareth’s words failed him. “Not just because I’m your alpha—although that fact creates complications of its own—but it’s complicated for me.” He stroked his thumb back and forth over Gareth’s cheekbone, the soft repetitive motion, hypnotic. Gareth didn’t think he could move even if he wanted to. “On some base level, I want you. My wolf wants you. And instinct tells me if we explored this potential bond, then we’d be a great match.”
Gareth sighed and closed his eyes, breaking the spell Cam had him under. “But?” He knew one was coming.
“Look at me.”
Helpless to do anything else, Gareth looked at him.
Putting his free hand over his heart, Cam said, “In here is where it gets complicated.” He tapped his head with his forefinger. “And here. Because in my heart and my head, I still feel like this is a betrayal of Mia and everything we were together.”
The sadness and the hurt in Cam’s eyes tugged at Gareth’s soul, guilt taking hold as he witnessed the pain his alpha was in. The pain that he was causing. He looked away and whispered, “I’m sorry.”
“What for?” Cam’s eyebrows drew together and he angled Gareth’s chin until their gazes met again.
“For making you hurt like this. I know you still love her. I know you’ll always love her—she was an amazing woman and I never wanted to make you feel like you were betraying her memory.” Tears prickled his eyes, and Gareth bit his lip. “I just… I’m sorr—”
Cam’s mouth covered his, stealing his words and his breath, and Gareth’s head swam.
They were kissing.
In all the years he’d loved Cam, he never thought this was even a remote possibility. But those were Cam’s lips on his, Cam’s body pressed against him from thigh to chest. The solid weight of him was real enough to bring Gareth to his senses. He reached for Cam’s hips, fingers digging in as he tugged him that bit closer, and spread his legs a little to allow for their height difference.
Cam slid his hand round to grip the back of Gareth’s neck, claws grazing a trail across his skin, eliciting a full body shiver.
The half-moan half-growl Gareth let out seemed to spur Cam on, and he ground his hips against Gareth’s, the hard length of him a delicious pressure that had Gareth’s grip tightening.
Cam’s scent enveloped him, setting him alight inside, and if his claws came out, he had no idea at that point, lost in the burning heat of Cam’s mouth, the myriad of sensations stealing his focus.
He barely registered the opening of a door, but the gasp and the “Oh shit, I’m so sorry,” had them both pulling back sharply.
Glancing over Cam’s shoulder, Gareth met Rachel’s startled gaze. It quickly morphed into a smirk as she took in their positions, and an irrational surge of anger mixed with jealousy rushed through him. His rumbling growl sounded deafening in the silence, and Cam immediately put both hands on his jaw.
“Easy. There’s no threat here.” He waited until Gareth focused on him instead of Rachel and then slowly leaned forward to kiss him again—just a press of lips this time, but Gareth felt it all the way down in his bones. When he pulled back, he asked, “You okay?”
Gareth gave a little shake of his head. “Not even close.” His mind reeled at what had just happened. If Cam wasn’t still touching him, he’d have thought he’d imagined the whole thing.
A small smile appeared, and Cam touched his forehead to Gareth’s. “Me neither, if it’s any consolation.”
“It is. I don’t want to be the only one feeling like this.”
“You’re not.” He gave Gareth a look which was hard to decipher, then glanced over his shoulder at Rachel. “Could you give us a minute?”
“Of course.” She pointed to the kitchen. “I was just going to make a cup of tea. I promise not to listen in. Or I can go back in my room if you’d prefer?”
“Go ahead and make your tea, we won’t be long.”
She shot a quick look at Gareth, who had no idea what he must look like, slumped against the wall with Cam’s hand on him. “Would either of you two like a cup?”
No, he did not want a bloody cup of tea. He wanted to haul Cam off into his bedroom and—
Cam turned to Gareth expectantly, and Gareth nodded, knowing full well they weren’t heading anywhere but the kitchen. To Rachel, Cam said. “Yes, please. I think we could both do with one.”
She nodded and left the room, muttering, “Or a cold shower,” as the door closed behind her.
Much to Gareth’s dismay, Cam dropped his hands and took a small step back, putting some space between them.
Letting his head fall back against the wall, Gareth sighed. “Is this where you tell me that was all a big mistake and you regret it?”
Strong fingers wrapped around his, and he glanced down to find Cam holding his hand.
“No. This is where I tell you I have absolutely no idea what comes next or what the repercussions will be from what we just did.” He squeezed Gareth’s hand. “It’s also where I tell you that I’m still struggling with the guilt I feel about this—even more so now—and I can’t promise how things will turn out for us. The timing couldn’t be worse considering what’s going on
with our pack, but no… it wasn’t a mistake, and I don’t regret it.”
Thank fuck for that.
Gareth closed his eyes, took a deep breath in, then let it out slowly. His heart still raced, adrenaline coursing through him, but any negative emotions were gone. “So now what?”
“I need time.” Cam stroked the back of his hand, that simple, repetitive touch soothing Gareth and his wolf until his heart rate slowed and his breathing steadied. “Both to get my head around what this means for me and to sort out the mess within our pack at the minute. Neither of those things can be rushed. I know this isn’t ideal, feeling the way you do, but I’m the alpha; the pack must come first.”
A selfish part of Gareth wanted to argue that he was pack, so surely he should come first, but he bit the words back. Cam was right. “I understand.”
“I need some distance from you to clear my head, because I’m having a hard time concentrating with you standing there smelling like you do.”
Gareth couldn’t help the smug smile from appearing. “Yeah?”
Cam met his gaze, eyes dark and intent. “Yes.” He took a deep breath in and Gareth saw the moment the scents in the room registered—Cam shivered, his lips parting on a soft moan.
The sight alone was enough to make Gareth’s semi harden in his jeans.
Collecting himself, Cam rolled his shoulders and laughed softly. “I need to talk to you and Rachel together, and then for the sake of my sanity, you need to leave.”
The words didn’t sting. Gareth knew exactly what Cam was saying, but disappointment was unavoidable. To his shame, Gareth would quite happily abandon all their responsibilities right then and spend the next few days locked up in Cam’s bedroom. Instead he nodded. “Okay. As soon as we’ve spoken to Rachel. I guess I’ll leave you to it.”
“Thank you.” Cam moved away, letting go of his hand. “We need to take this slowly, Gareth. Whatever happens from here on out, it’s going to affect more than just us.”
The thought of other members of the pack knowing both excited and terrified him. His wolf preened at the idea of everyone knowing they had a potential bond, but Gareth worried what the reaction of the other betas might be. Not to mention the members of his unit and the rest of the pack.
“Oh, I should tell you that Alec knows.”
Gareth wasn’t surprised and strangely, not all that bothered. “I thought he might.”
Cam didn’t offer up any more information than that, so Gareth assumed he didn’t want to discuss it further.
“Come on.” Cam smiled and led the way into the kitchen.
Gareth followed him, unable to do anything else.
Rachel eyed them curiously as they walked through the door. “There you go.” She pointed to two mugs of tea on the worktop. “I didn’t know if you took sugar or not, Gareth, so I only added milk.”
“Milk’s fine, thanks.”
Cam picked his up and took a sip. “Thank you.”
Gareth gritted his teeth against the wave of jealousy rising again. So she knows how he has his tea. Big deal. After everything Cam had said, rationally he knew Rachel was no threat, but the ease with which she’d settled into Cam’s home irked him. He picked up his tea for a distraction.
Rachel watched him over her cup. “It passes, you know.”
Gareth frowned. “What does?”
“The urge to bite anyone’s head off who even looks his way.” She nodded in Cam’s direction. “Of course, you’ll still feel possessive, but it won’t be as obvious to those around you.”
The answering growl slipped out, making her smile and Gareth glare at her. “How would you know?” The harshness of his tone surprised him, and Gareth immediately wanted to take the words back, or at least soften his question, when he saw the abrupt change in her expression. He’d hit a raw nerve
Fuck.
Running a hand over his eyes, he sighed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it to come out like that. I’m just…” The right description eluded him, so he shrugged and went with, “a bit of an dick at the minute.”
Cam snorted, and Rachel’s lips curved up into an almost smile.
“Yes, you are,” she said but raised her hand before he could reply. “But I understand. And to answer your question, I know because I’ve been through it. Kind of.” She glanced at Cam, who nodded in return. “It’s one of the reasons I’m here.”
Curiosity piqued, Gareth set his tea down and crossed his arms. He shouldn’t ask, it was clearly none of his business, but she’d offered that tidbit of information, and focusing on Rachel helped take his mind off Cam, whose scent taunted him with every breath he took. “Can I ask what happened?”
“You can,” Cam cut in. “But not now. I need to get this conversation out of the way.” He looked pointedly at Gareth. “And then you need to leave.”
Only the tightness of Cam’s jaw betrayed the strain he was under, but Gareth saw it. “Sorry. Go ahead.”
“Gareth, I’m putting Rachel with your unit while she’s staying with us.”
Gareth had sort of guessed this was coming. He swallowed down any objections and kept his expression as neutral as he could. “Okay.”
Rachel rolled her eyes. “Wow, try and contain your excitement. I feel so welcome.”
Gareth curled his lip in a half-hearted attempt at baring his teeth at her. She laughed at him, and despite his mood, he felt himself smiling back.
Cam ignored them both. “I trust this won’t be an issue for either of you?”
“Nope.”
“No.”
“Good. Starting tomorrow, Rachel, you’ll be working with Gareth’s unit at the warehouse.” He faced Gareth, and Gareth’s heart stuttered as he met Cam’s gaze. Something in his expression had changed. When Cam looked at Gareth now, the intensity in those green eyes stole Gareth’s breath. It wasn’t his imagination. “I’ll leave you to organise shifts, et cetera.”
Gareth had to swallow before answering, his mouth suddenly dry again. “Of course.”
Cam drained his mug and put it in the sink, then hesitated.
“Right, I think that’s my cue to disappear.” Rachel pushed off the worktop, mug in hand. “I’ll talk to you later, Gareth.”
Gareth nodded absently, attention solely on Cam now.
“Okay then,” she muttered and left the room.
Out of the corner of his eye, Gareth caught a glimpse of her shaking her head. But then she was gone, and seconds later, he heard her bedroom door shut.
Like a switch had being flipped, the tension in the room ramped up tenfold, and Gareth gripped the edge of the worktop for dear life as the urge to push Cam against the wall overtook him. “I should go,” he whispered, fang tips already sliding out.
Cam’s gaze zeroed in on them, and he ran his tongue across his bottom lip. “You should.” His voice came out rough and gravelly, alpha tone mixed in with it.
Gareth’s jeans tightened across the front of his groin as his cock swelled. “I—”
Cam moved across the kitchen lightning fast, capturing Gareth’s mouth and silencing him for the second time that morning. Gareth should stop this, Cam needed space….
Instead he grabbed Cam’s hips, holding him close as he returned the kiss. The faint taste of blood teased his tongue as sharp teeth nicked here and there, but all it did was fuel Gareth’s fervour. He wanted to rip Cam’s clothes off and fuck him against the kitchen worktop. He wanted to bite—
Cam ended the kiss as abruptly as he’d started it—already halfway across the room before Gareth came to his senses. The trickle of blood running down Cam’s chin caught his attention, and when Gareth ran his tongue over his teeth, he found his fangs fully extended. When the fuck had that happened?
It took every bit of his concentration to force them back in. “Sorry.” The thought of biting Cam lingered in his mind, and his mouth watered.
“Don’t apologise.” Cam’s laugh sounded forced. “Part of me wanted you to do it.”
“Only pa
rt of you?” Gareth tried to say it teasingly but failed.
“Yes.” He rubbed a hand over the back of his neck and sighed. “Which is why you need to go. Now.”
Not one bit of him wanted to leave that kitchen. Only Cam’s soft, “Please, Gareth,” had him forcing his feet to move.
Cam didn’t see him to the door, and each step he took made leaving that little bit easier—the pull on his heart lessening but not going away entirely.
As soon as he was outside in the hallway, Gareth sucked in harsh gasps, filling his lungs with air that wasn’t heavily laced with Cam’s scent. His head cleared, and Gareth had to lean against the wall for a moment as the enormity of what just happened hit him like a ton of bricks.
Not only had Cam admitted that the potential bond wasn’t one-sided, but he hadn’t said no to it. Admittedly, he hadn’t said yes to it either, but he’d asked for time to sort out his feelings, and that was more than Gareth had ever expected.
One thing he knew for certain, though, if he wanted to respect Cam’s wishes and let him have his space, Gareth needed to keep his distance.
And that was the last thing he wanted to do.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Cam stayed rooted to the spot, even after he heard his front door close. The deep breaths he took did nothing to calm him down because Gareth’s scent still filled his kitchen, taunting him.
The mix of emotions flooding his body was dizzying in its intensity. Cam hadn’t allowed himself to feel in so long that he’d forgotten what a rush it was. He loved his pack with everything he had, but this was different, more personal, and Cam struggled to control it. He clung to the high, though, knowing full well, the pang of guilt was hot on its heels.
Sure enough, as the seconds ticked by and his heart rate returned to normal, Gareth’s effect on him settled to a manageable level. Cam dropped his head to his chest as the inevitable guilt crept in.
It wasn’t so much that he was starting to have feelings for someone other than Mia—Gareth had been right, he would always love her, no matter what happened, and she’d forever hold a special place in his heart. No, the part that cut him to the core was that even at this early stage, even with their bond just a possibility and not a fully-fledged connection, what he felt for Gareth was far stronger than anything he’d felt with Mia.
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