Saying Goodbye, Part Two (Passports and Promises Book 1)

by Abigail Drake

  “You have the worst possible timing.”

  I opened my mouth to yell at him, but he didn’t give me the chance. He covered my lips with his, kissing me until my knees got weak and my head spun. I dropped everything on the floor and reached up to tangle my fingers in his thick hair. I’d missed him. Terribly.

  Sighing, I tried to press closer against him, but the obi got in the way. “Damn it,” I said, reaching down to untie it. I couldn’t quite get one end of it, so Thomas helped, spinning me around in front of him to unwind it and then tossing it to the floor. Now the kimono hung loose and open slightly in the front, giving him a glimpse of my bare skin beneath. He stared at me.

  “Every time I think you couldn’t possibly look more beautiful, I see you again and I’m proven wrong. You are the bonniest thing I’ve ever beheld.”

  “Do you still feel that way? Really?”

  He swallowed hard. “You hurt me, Sam. Badly.”

  “I know,” I said softly. “I’m sorry.”

  “I’m sorry, too. I was cruel to you. I should have danced with you at the club. I should have been kinder. But I was so angry and so hurt. It made me feel better to hurt you, too.”

  “I understand. I really do. And I deserved everything you said, everything you did to me.”

  “Well, I wouldn’t go that far, but I was stuck in stubborn ox mode for quite some time. It took you showing up tonight and babbling on in Gaelic to snap me out of it.”

  He traced a finger along my jaw, then down my neck until he reached the opening at the top of the kimono. He didn’t stop there. He ran his finger down to the valley between my breasts and all the way to my stomach.

  “You aren’t wearing any underthings,” he said, swallowing hard.

  I opened the kimono wide. “I have panties on. Just no bra.”

  The panties, a scrap of lace Hana had given me as a joke on White Day, made Thomas suck in his breath and pull me close.

  “Speaking of underthings,” I said between kisses, “I have a question for you. It’s bothered me for some time. Is it true what they say about Scottish men and what they wear under their kilts?”

  He raised an eyebrow at me. “Why do you ask?”

  I nibbled on my lip. “After that day I saw you in your kilt, it’s basically all I can think about.”

  “Really?”

  “The kilt. It seriously works for me. I have no idea why, but I found it very, very hot.”

  He smiled. “So you like a fine, braw man in a kilt, do you, Sam?”

  I reached up to cup his face in my hands and kiss him softly on the lips. “I like you in a kilt. I think I may have drooled. Sophie made fun of me. It was completely embarrassing.”

  He let out a laugh, then his face grew serious. “I’m so tired of trying not to love you. It’s exhausting.”

  “Then stop,” I said, reaching for the belt of his yukata so I could untie it. The yukata, in shades of blue and grey, barely covered Thomas’ chest and showed a rather generous portion of his thighs. “This thing looks ridiculous on you anyway.”

  I pushed it over his broad shoulders and it ended up on the floor right next to my obi. I spread my hands over his chest. He had just the right amount of hair, more muscles than I’d ever imagined, and a series of scars, probably old rugby injuries. I felt compelled to kiss those scars. I couldn’t stop myself. I wanted to kiss away every hurt, every injury, even the old ones. Even the ones I hadn’t caused.

  I wiggled out of my kimono because I wanted to feel him next to me. Skin to skin. My heart beating next to his. I reached up, wrapping my arms around his neck. Pressing my breasts against his chest. Letting out a soft moan at the pure joy of being next to him.

  He kissed me thoroughly, his hands in my hair, murmuring soft words in Gaelic against my lips. I understood some of it.

  Tha gaol agam ort. I love you.

  Brèagha. Beautiful.

  Leamsa.

  “Wait. What was that last one? Let me get my dictionary. I should look it up.”

  “You don’t have to,” he said, as he removed his boxer briefs. He gave one last admiring look at my lace panties before pulling them off and climbing onto the futon with me. I stared up at him, his weight a welcome delight as he rested, naked at the juncture of my thighs.

  “But how else will I learn?” I asked, kissing my way up his scruffy jaw, tracing the curve of his ear with my tongue, enjoying the shiver that went through his entire giant body at my slightest touch.

  “Because I can translate for you,” he said, kissing my lips. He rubbed against me, kneading my breasts and working me into a frenzy. Just when I couldn’t stand another moment of this exquisite torture, he paused, staring deep into my eyes.

  “Leamsa,” he said. “Mine.”

  He thrust into me, filling me. Making me arch against him, my fingers digging into the firm muscles of his back.

  “Mine,” he said again, repeating it with each thrust. “Mine.”

  I held him close, his voice echoing in my ears, his heartbeat chiming along with mine, until at last we came, together, in a sudden shattering explosion. Afterward, I clung to him as we slowly descended back to earth and our breathing returned to normal. I kissed his shoulder, tasting his skin with my tongue. Sighing with total and absolute contentment. Then I remembered something he had said.

  “What did you mean about bad timing?”

  He rolled onto his side, pulling me close. “A few hours before you gave your lovely speech and called me a fat cow…”

  “A total accident,” I said, shaking my head.

  He kissed my cheek. “I know. The Scottish National Team made me an offer. They phoned me several weeks ago.”

  “Malcolm told me.”

  “Right before you showed up here, I called and accepted it.”

  I tried to keep my voice steady and even. “So, what’s the problem?”

  “I got into the Institute for Applied Linguistics as well.”

  “Malcolm told me that, too.”

  “Malcolm is quite the source of information, isn’t he?”

  “He wanted me to know so I wouldn’t ruin your life.”

  He laced his hand with mine. “I’m going to call the team tomorrow and tell them I’ve changed my mind. Then I’ll send a response to the institute and let them know I plan to attend after all.”

  “No, you won’t.”

  He looked at me in shock. “You don’t want me to come to school with you?”

  I smacked his arm. “Of course I do, you big dummy. This is me being unselfish. Don’t you get it? You can’t play rugby forever. This is a rare opportunity for you. You can go back to school anytime.”

  “That sounds like Malcolm talking.”

  “I don’t say this often, but Malcolm happens to be right.”

  Thomas lay down on his back, his hand on his forehead, one brawny arm still holding me close. “It’s not just you. My da…”

  I kissed his shoulder. “Your dad wanted you to be happy. I’m sure of it. If you don’t do this, you’ll regret it. Do you really want to be that sean dulne, sitting on his rocking chair, telling our grandchildren how you once almost played for the Scottish National Team? I don’t think so.” I tried to make him laugh and it worked.

  “Did you just call me an old man in Gaelic?” He grinned. “But I like the sound of that. Our grandchildren.”

  “It does kind of have a ring to it.”

  His blue eyes grew serious again. “Are you sure? I’d give it up for you. I would.”

  “I wouldn’t ask you to, and it’s not like we won’t see each other. You have the offseason, right? And I’ll have spring break, summer vacation…”

  He pulled me on top of him, staring up at my face. “Will you wait for me?”

  I answered him with a kiss, pouring all my hopes and dreams and emotions into it. When I looked down at him, his eyes were slightly unfocused and he wore an adorably bemused expression on his face.

  “I take it that is a yes?”r />
  I nodded, kissing him again. “That is definitely a yes.”

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  We spent the next two days making love, soaking in the hot springs, and talking until late at night under a cloud of pink cherry blossoms.

  I told him all about Dylan, and the letter he wrote to me before he died, while we were at the onsen. He shared stories about his dad, about being the oldest son, about not wanting to disappoint anyone. Ever. I definitely got that.

  “But I don’t understand why you said it was a waste for me to learn Gaelic,” I said once, as we soaked alone in one of the hot springs.

  I had my bathing suit on. He was naked as a jaybird and didn’t bother using the teeny washcloth they’d provided for him to cover himself. It wouldn’t have done the job anyway. Thomas was a big man. Everywhere.

  He pulled me closer so my thigh rested against his. He couldn’t stand any distance between us, and he couldn’t seem to stop touching me. I enjoyed every minute of it, snuggling up to him like a cat. I almost purred.

  “I meant you could have given your speech in any language and I would have forgiven you. I’m fairly good at holding a grudge, but I’m not bloody stupid.”

  “The jury is still out on that,” I said, giving him a playful shove.

  “At least I didn’t think the world’s primary Zen scholar was a janitor.”

  “You got me there.”

  We had looked up Mr. Ando online. It turned out he really was a big deal. As soon as we got back to Kyoto, we went to visit him. As we approached the gate of Ryoanji, Thomas looked nervous.

  “Why does he want to meet me?”

  “Because he’s my friend, and he’s really into rugby. He asked me what position you played. I had no idea.”

  Thomas rolled his eyes. “You learned Gaelic, but you can’t understand rugby. Unbelievable. I play center. And I’m team captain.”

  I gave him a thumbs up. “Good to know.”

  I could tell part of Thomas’ anxiety at meeting Mr. Ando had to do with the fact he had cancer. After living through it with his dad, the idea of being around it again made him skittish. I was relieved when I saw Mr. Ando in the garden, sitting in a wheelchair. He had his face tilted up to the sun and he was smiling. As soon as I pointed him out, I felt Thomas relax. Mr. Ando, although obviously very sick, did not seem to be in pain.

  His face lit up when he saw me. “Sami-chan. I see you brought your ikigai.”

  Thomas looked at me in confusion. “My reason for waking up in the morning. My passion. The thing I care about most in the world,” I said softly. “Mr. Ando understood long before I did that you are my ikigai.”

  Thomas gave me a crooked smile, his heart in his eyes. “I like this gentleman already.”

  Thomas bowed deeply to Mr. Ando. “Arigatou gozaimasu, sensei.” Thank you, teacher. “I owe you one.”

  “Do itashimashite.” You are welcome.

  I sat down on a bench next to his wheelchair and Thomas joined me. “You look good today, Ando-san,” I said.

  He tilted his face back up to the sun. “How could I not be well on such a beautiful spring day?” Then he turned to look at me. “How were the cherry blossoms?”

  “More beautiful than I could have imagined.”

  “Iyi desu.” That’s good. “I’m glad you got to see it.”

  “Me, too.”

  He reached out to stroke a leaf on a nearby tree. “I’m saying goodbye to my garden today. I’ll leave soon. I’m fortunate to have this chance. Not everyone has the opportunity to say goodbye to the things and people they love before they go, but I’ve always been a lucky man. Did you know I was the fifth son born in my family? My name, Gourou, means ‘fifth son,’ but my mother liked to call me Kichirou.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “Lucky son. I was Lucky Number Five,” he said with a grin.

  I felt a chill go over me in spite of the warm weather. Thomas looked at me in shock. Mr. Ando didn’t notice. His nurse came out to check on us, warning him gently not to get overtired. He waved her away, chatting with Thomas about rugby. Asking him about the Scottish National Team. Giggling at Thomas’ attempts to speak Japanese, but impressed with his knowledge of kanji.

  When the nurse came out to issue a second warning, Mr. Ando turned to me. “Sami-chan, I have to go soon. They insist I rest, although I don’t really see the point. I’ll do nothing but rest very soon,” he said with a laugh.

  “This is the last time I’ll see you, isn’t it?” I fell to my knees in front of him, my heart heavy with grief. He placed his hand on my head.

  “Yes, it is, child.”

  I promised myself I wouldn’t cry, but I couldn’t help it. “I’m going to miss you so much.”

  Thomas got up to look at a tree, trying to give us a bit of privacy. This was hard for him, too.

  Mr. Ando made a tsking sound at my tears. “Please remember, there is no sadness in my passing, only joy.”

  “I’m not feeling very joyful about it. You are my dear friend. You were here for me during the worst time of my life, and you made it better. You changed everything for me. Completely. I don’t want to lose you.”

  “You are not losing me. I am part of your journey, just as you are part of mine. You were my last student, a precious and unexpected gift. You took the time to indulge an old man. To listen to his stories and share in the last golden hours of his life. I had a good life. A long life. A life filled with contentment. I wish the same for you.” He looked over at Thomas, who stared at the branch of a bare tree, struggling to keep his emotions in check as well. “And I think you have found it, haven’t you?”

  As I knelt beside Mr. Ando’s wheelchair, the sweet smell of fresh spring flowers lingering on the breeze, I realized every person I’d met, every boy I’d dated, had been part of my journey. They hadn’t been mistakes. They’d had a role in bringing me to this point, to this garden in Japan, to Thomas’ side. Even Dylan.

  We said goodbye, and Mr. Ando waved to us as the nurse wheeled him away. Thomas put his arm around me, let me have one last long cry as he held me close, then took me out of the garden and led me home.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  The test for the Institute for Applied Linguistics was administered exactly one week before I was scheduled to depart from Japan. I knew as soon as I finished it I had done well. Dr. Brown confirmed it for me. He proctored the exam and smiled at me over his glasses after he looked over the test.

  “Nice job, Sam. Congratulations. You should hear back from the institute in a few weeks, but I don’t think you have anything to worry about. All you needed to do was to pass the written part, and I can already tell you’ve done that with flying colors.”

  “I did?”

  He nodded. “I’ve spoken with Dr. Tanaka several times about the wonderful work you’ve done here, and I’d like to offer you a position next year as one of my teaching assistants. Would you be interested?”

  Controlling the urge not to squeal and jump up and down took a great deal of effort, but somehow I managed. “Of course. Thank you, Dr. Brown. I would be honored.”

  He picked up his pen and capped it. A pile of research projects sat in front of him. He’d been grading them as I took the test. He handed me the one on the top of the pile. It was the project Thomas and I had worked on about mizu shobai.

  “You two had the highest score in the class. Well done. I think there is a great deal of merit in this paper. If you and Mr. MacGregor don’t mind, I’d like to share it with my colleagues. There is a good chance I might be able to get it published.”

  “Wow. Really?” It seemed crazy our little project about bars and sex had academic merit.

  “Yes. The mizu shobai is still a bit of a mystery to outsiders, but the two of you have somehow managed to infiltrate it. Your interviews are amazing, and I’m impressed with the amount of time and research you put into this project.”

  I almost giggled, trying to imagine Thomas’ reaction. He would hav
e thought the whole thing hilarious, since our research mostly consisted of hanging out in bars and talking with people about their sexual kinks. But, more than that, it was about the darker side of human nature, and about the secrets we all keep.

  “I found it fascinating,” I said. “And I learned a lot about myself and people in general in the process.”

  He nodded. “That is the whole purpose of study abroad. Not only to learn about other cultures, but to understand your own better as well. You were a different person the first time I met you, Sam. You’ve been through a lot, I know, but you’ve come out on the other side stronger than you were when you went in. I expect great things from you, and Mr. MacGregor as well. You are quite the team.”

  When I stepped out the door and into the gentle spring sunshine, Thomas waited for me. He paced back and forth, checking his watch and running a hand through his hair. It looked like he’d been doing quite a bit of that, since his hair now stood on end in a wild tangle of messy curls on his head. He froze when he saw me, and then exhaled in relief when I grinned at him and gave him a thumbs up. He let out a whoop, and lifted me into his arms, swinging me around until I got dizzy and begged him to stop.

  “You passed.”

  “Dr. Brown seems to think so. And he offered me a job next year as a TA. And we got the highest score in the class on our research project.”

  I handed it to him, and he scanned through Dr. Brown’s comments. “Of course, we did. We’re bloody brilliant.”

  I looped my arm through his as we walked back to my dorm. “We are.”

  He kissed the top of my head. “We make a good team.”

  “Dr. Brown said that, too.” I tried to keep the smile on my lips, but knowing these were the last few days we had together tainted every moment with sadness.

  Thomas noticed immediately. Once again, his radar at reading my emotions was spot on. He led me over to a bench under a blooming cherry tree and pulled me close.