Wild Abandon

by Cassie Edwards

  To go with him to his village to be his wife would be paradise.

  Yet she just wished that she could experience what she had missed at least once.

  “If I would allow you to come courting, would it be understood between us that I am only accepting your company for the fun of it, not to be seriously considering becoming your wife?” Lauralee blurted out, giving him a guarded glance.

  “It would be understood.” Paul nodded. “But would you also understand that you just might enjoy my company enough to want more of it?”

  “I imagine that is a gamble we both shall be taking,” Lauralee said, smiling as their eyes locked.

  Again he swept her into his arms and kissed her.

  This time she did not shove him away. For now it was all right to experience things that she had been denied as a young girl blossoming into a woman.

  Surely Dancing Cloud would understand if he ever found out!

  She continued returning his kiss with a wild abandon....

  Chapter 14

  Love me for love’s sake, that evermore

  Thou mays’t love on through love’s eternity.

  —ELIZABETH BARRETT BROWNING

  The bed on which Dancing Cloud lay asleep was illumined by a beam of morning sun. Having arrived before dawn, Lauralee sat beside his bed, deep in thought.

  The night had been a long and restless one for her. She had not been able to forget how foolish she had been to allow herself to feel anything for Paul Brown. She truly realized now that she had only been swept away by the idea of courting a man like most women whose lives were normal. If she had not been deprived of so many things while growing up in the orphanage she would not be swayed as easily by smooth-talking men today.

  On the other hand, there was Dancing Cloud. Although she had been as swept away by him and his night-black eyes and his finely chiseled features, she knew from the depths of her heart that her feelings for him were nothing less than genuine.

  And after tossing and turning and thinking the long night through in her soft feather bed at the Peterson House, she now knew for certain that in her heart there was room only for one man.

  That man was Dancing Cloud.

  She sighed heavily. She now had the unpleasant chore of telling Paul Brown that she could no longer see him. She hoped they might remain friends. He was a sweet man; he would have no trouble finding a woman who would fall under the spell of his deep, mesmerizing blue eyes. Lauralee gazed lovingly at Dancing Cloud. She so badly wanted to wake him up and tell him that she loved him. Although he could not be aware of her one small infidelity to him, she carried the burden for them both. She knew that this burden would not be lifted until she met with Paul and revealed her feelings to him.

  “Today,” she whispered to herself. “I must find a way to break away long enough to go to Paul and tell him before tonight.”

  When Dancing Cloud stirred in his sleep Lauralee leaned closer to him. She wanted to be the first thing he saw when he awakened. She felt she owed him so much because of her behavior with Paul Brown.

  She most definitely owed him a lifetime of loving.

  When he did not awaken, Lauralee eased back in the chair. She continued watching him, never getting enough of looking at his lean, bronzed, and handsome face.

  Hungering for his kiss, she gazed at his lips.

  She shifted her gaze lower and looked at his powerful hands as they rested beside him on the bed, a blanket covering him only past his waist.

  She shivered with rapture when she recalled how he knew so well the skills of teasing and stroking the supple lines of her body. When he had touched her that first time between her thighs, everything wonderfully sweet had been awakened inside her.

  She was glad that no one else was in the room with her and Dancing Cloud. They would see her blushing while thinking such brazen thoughts so early in the morning at the bedside of a man who had nearly lost his life.

  She cleared her throat and squirmed in the seat, then stiffened and again leaned closer to Dancing Cloud. He was not waking up. Instead, he seemed to be dreaming. His closed eyelids were twitching. For a moment he grimaced, then smiled.

  Puzzled, Lauralee continued to watch him. She wondered what the dream could be about that it could cause him to react so?

  Dancing Cloud felt himself being drawn into a hazy world of white light. As he seemed to float through a long, swirling tunnel of white he heard soft voices on all sides of him, as though whispers in the night.

  The farther he traveled into the vastness of the swirling tunnel, as though some unseen force was pulling him, the voices became louder and more distinct. They were familiar voices of his past.

  Dancing Cloud realized now that his wound was healed. The bandages were gone!

  He reached out his hands in a beckoning gesture. And in a response to the voices, he found himself speaking his mother’s name, then his sister’s and brother’s, and so many more of his loved ones whom had passed on to the afterlife before him.

  When he finally reached the end of this strange, misty-white tunnel he found himself in a large meadow of wildflowers. In the distance were a widespread range of mountains. Bordering the mountains were vast forests. Overhead, birds of all kinds soared, their wings shadowing the land beneath them.

  The feeling that overcame Dancing Cloud was that of total peace. He no longer felt any pain; only a serenity never known to him before.

  And then suddenly before him, in a film of white, glorious light, came his beloved family who had died during the war at the hands of the enemy Yankees.

  “E-tsi, Mother?” he said.

  His eyes widened as she stepped forth in her beautiful doeskin dress decorated with beads in designs of flowers.

  Then his younger ten-year-old brother, Young Elk, came and stood at his mother’s side, his breech clout softly flapping in the wind.

  And then he gazed with a total serenity and happiness at Little Firefly, his sister of five winters, when she stepped forth and took his mother’s hand.

  “How can this be?” Dancing Cloud said, looking incredulously from one to the other.

  “For a short time you are in the spirit world, the hereafter, because Wah-kon-tah has bid you here,” his mother said, reaching a hand out for Dancing Cloud. “Come and let me embrace you, my son. Your time with us will be gone quickly.”

  Dancing Cloud went to his mother and drew her into his powerful embrace. He trembled with happiness as he sank his nose into the depths of her black hair, enjoying the familiar fragrance of his mother who he remembered so well.

  “E-tsi, I have missed you so,” Dancing Cloud said, clinging to her. “I do not understand why I have been allowed to be with you again, but I give thanks to Wah-kon-tah because of it.”

  “Your sister and brother have also missed you,” his mother said, easing away from Dancing Cloud. “Give them an embrace also, my son. They have missed their older brother.”

  Dancing Cloud hugged them each, savoring the moments, then again turned to his mother. “Mother, I have carried guilt with me for so long because I was not there for you when the Yankees came and ravaged our village,” he said thickly. “Had I been there . . .”

  She placed a soft hand over his mouth to silence his worried words. “My son, your father was there,” she said gently. “Was he not a powerful warrior chief?”

  “Ii, yes, that is so,” Dancing Cloud said, nodding as she slipped her hand away.

  “Had anyone been able to stop the Yankees that day your father would have seen that it was done,” his mother softly explained. “It was beyond his power to stop the many soldiers with their blazing guns. He was not slain only because the soldiers saw how much losing his loved ones affected him. They thought it was more cruel to allow him to live, than to kill him. My spirit hovered above your father as the soldiers mocked and mimicked him. My son, I witnessed your recent ambush. The man who did this to you is also the same man who laughed at your father and led the attack against our pe
ople.”

  Another voice spoke up.

  Dancing Cloud turned and stared at the swirling white shadow, where the voice originated.

  “What she says is true, my son,” James Talking Bear said, slowly materializing for Dancing Cloud to see. Instead of walking with the aid of his tall staff, he walked on his own, his shoulders squared, his back straight. “You see, my spirit also witnessed your ambush. I have watched over you, since, as you have lain in the white man’s bed, healing.”

  Dancing Cloud was stunned to see his father now among the other spirits of his past. He would only be there had his spirit passed on from earth!

  It meant only one thing.

  In Dancing Cloud’s absence his father had passed onto the land of the hereafter.

  His father was dead!

  Yet Dancing Cloud felt no remorse. While among his loved ones in this spirit world he could not experience regrets or remorse. He felt blessed to have been given the chance to be with them at least one more time.

  “E-do-do, Father?” Dancing Cloud said, reaching a hand out for him.

  “It is too soon for me in this spirit world for you to physically touch me,” James Talking Bear said, nobly squaring his shoulders. “It is enough, is it not, that Wah-kon-tah, the Great Spirit, has granted this one last reunion with family?”

  “Ii, yes, it is a wonderful thing that Wah-kon-tah has done for us,” Dancing Cloud said. “But why? Is it because I lay perhaps between life and death in my bed? Is that why I have been beckoned here? To prepare me for what is to come? If so, I welcome it. I welcome being with my family again. Except . . .”

  “Except that the woman of your heart is not among us?” James Talking Bear said, completing his son’s sentence. “My son, you will be with your white woman again soon. But not in the spirit world. You will return to her after I prepare you for your future. You are now chief of our Wolf Clan of Cherokee. Rule our people with a firm hand, but with much love and from the heart. Keep peace, my son. At all cost keep peace so that our people can multiply in number. Not dwindle away from warring with the whites.”

  “I am chief, yet I am not with our people,” Dancing Cloud said. “And I will not be there for some sunsets to come. My body needs time to heal before taking the long ride on horseback to the mountains.”

  “Our people are faring well enough under the direction of the elder statesmen of our village,” James Talking Bear said. “They know you will return. They know that your heart is with your people.”

  “My heart is also with Lauralee,” Dancing Cloud said. “She will sit at my right side as my wife during future councils.”

  “It would be best if you choose a woman of our own culture, but I have watched you from the spirit world while you have been with this woman named Lauralee,” James Talking Bear said. “And I see that you have chosen well. She will blend well enough with our people. But your children, Dancing Cloud? Had you considered children by this woman? What if you bring a white-skinned child into the life of the Cherokee? Thus far we are all full-blooded and are proud that we are.”

  Dancing Cloud did not have a chance to respond. Another figure was emerging from the bright light of the tunnel behind him. He turned and shadowed his eyes with his hands.

  He then sucked in a wild breath of surprise when he saw a massive figure of a man whose buckskins were the whitest white, and whose face was the noblest of all.

  “Wah-kon-tah?” Dancing Cloud said softly.

  “Ii, it is I,” the Great Spirit said, his voice gentle as all spring breezes. “I allowed you to come to the spirit world to be with your family so that your father could ease your sadness when you discover back on earth that he has passed on to the other side. I allow you to return to earth, to lead your people. But I promise you, Dancing Cloud, that I will call you again at a later time, to be with your family forever in the hereafter spirit world.”

  A hand reached out from Wah-kon-tah and placed it on Dancing Cloud’s shoulder. “Go now,” he said. “Return to your other life. Lead your people well.”

  Dancing Cloud turned and gazed at his loved ones one last time and felt no sadness in leaving them. He now knew that he would be reunited with them one day. They would walk these beautiful meadows, mountains, and forests together. They would be as one until the end of time.

  Suddenly he felt himself being drawn again into that vast vacuum of white, swirling light.

  He felt no pain.

  He felt no regrets.

  He felt no remorse.

  Only total peace, and very blessed.

  He awakened. He found Lauralee there, leaning over him, her eyes questioning.

  “What were you dreaming about?” she asked, gently stroking his brow. “Darling, I could tell that you were dreaming about something that disturbed you.”

  “I was not disturbed,” Dancing Cloud said, in awe of what he had just experienced. “I was with family.”

  “With family?” Lauralee asked, easing her hand from him. “How could you be?” Then she laughed lightly. “Oh, I see. You were dreaming of your family.”

  “No. I was with them,” Dancing Cloud insisted. He forced himself to a sitting position, fighting off the pain that this caused him. He looked down. The bandages were there again. His wound was not healed as it had been in the land on the other side.

  “And my father was among them,” he said as he looked up at Lauralee. “My father has passed on to the other life. I must return to my people. I must gain my strength back quickly so that I can make the journey back to my mountain. I am now chief. My people need my leadership.”

  Lauralee’s head was spinning from what he was saying. She was also amazed at how determined he was to leave the bed. “I don’t understand,” she murmured. She took him by the arm and helped him as he insistently swung his legs over the side of the bed. “Darling, how could you know that your father is dead? How could anyone know how to find you to tell you here in Mattoon? When did they tell you?”

  “No one came here. Although I do not understand myself how, I crossed over to the spirit world today,” Dancing Cloud said, sweat pearling his brow in his effort to place his feet solidly on the floor. “But I was. I met with my family who died during the war. Also my father was there. He has passed on to the spirit world. I was there momentarily. I saw. I talked with him. I talked with my whole family. I talked with the Great Spirit. Now I must get my strength back so that I can return to my people.”

  “Do you mean you were actually separated from your body?” Lauralee asked, rising from the chair as Dancing Cloud rose slowly and shakily from the bed. “I have heard of people who have spoken of such a rare thing as that. Until today I thought it was a hoax. But, Dancing Cloud, you are not the sort to play games of the mind with people. I believe you. Oh, Lord, I believe you.”

  “Help me pace the floor,” Dancing Cloud said, wrapping and tying a blanket around himself so that he would not be totally nude.

  “Dancing Cloud, it’s too soon,” Lauralee pleaded, yet saw his determination.

  Still in awe of what he had told her, she allowed him to sling his left arm around her shoulder. He leaned against her as he slowly began to walk across the floor, then back again.

  “It was good to see my family again,” Dancing Cloud said, panting as he continued walking back and forth. “Although I mourn my father’s death, I feel no deep remorse, for I know, I have seen his happiness. It is complete. And his body is mended. He is a strong and vital man again.”

  The pain in his shoulder was excruciating. But the need to return to his people was far more overwhelming to him.

  “Oh, if I could but just once see my mother and father again,” Lauralee said, sighing as tears sprang to her eyes. “But at least I now know that they are together, hand in hand, waiting for me, when I die.”

  “It is a place of paradise,” Dancing Cloud said, giving her a soft smile. “We shall be there together, my love, after we have walked a full and happy life on this side of the spirit w
orld.”

  Lauralee suddenly remembered with much pain and guilt her fleeting moments with Paul Brown. Most certainly she had something that needed done to make things right in her world again.

  Chapter 15

  Many waters cannot quench love,

  Neither can the floods drown it.

  —KING SOLOMON

  Lauralee glanced over at the window. It was growing dusk. She had wanted to leave and go to Paul’s farm before now and break the news to him that she did not wish for him to call on her this evening. She would tell him, then get Dancing Cloud’s horse and take it back to the Petersons’ stable.

  But she had felt that Dancing Cloud needed her with him for a while longer. He was driven to get his strength back. He felt a strong need to return to his people, which had to mean that she would also be saying a much earlier goodbye to her aunt and uncle than what she had expected.

  Lauralee’s promise that she would look after Nancy in her weakened condition came to her in a flash. A deep feeling of melancholia swept through her knowing that she wouldn’t be able to keep her word to her aunt.

  And it was sad that they had been allowed only a brief acquaintance. Had things been different there could have been such a long, lasting, and wonderful relationship between herself and the Petersons.

  Lauralee only hoped now that Abner and Nancy would not hate her. It was never her intention to play with their affections.

  Fate, her destiny, had changed everything.

  “You are in such deep thought,” Dancing Cloud said, shifting his weight on the bed to get more comfortable. His legs ached from the persistent pacing.

  And that wasn’t all that he planned to do to heal his body. Tonight he was going to escape from the hospital long enough to go to a small pond that he had seen at the edge of town on his and Lauralee’s arrival to Mattoon. He would seek the healing powers of water, that which was practiced by all Cherokee warriors.

  The heroic treatment of the plunge bath in the water healed wounds more quickly than any of the white man’s medicines.