Trapper Dan held her from him and looked into her face.
“Ya find yerself a woman friend ta help ya through it. Onlys the right thin’ ta do is marry Raven. He wants ya an ya know it.”
“He won’t stay here, and I can’t go to a Sioux village. There is no way it can happen. Like you told me before, we are just star-crossed lovers, and nothing can change it. I just wanted to let you know so when you return you will be prepared when you see me with a new baby. Don’t bring Raven with you when you come. Make some excuse, cause I don’t want to face him. No telling what he will do if he sees his child.”
“Ya’d keep em from his own child?”
“As it is, the people here will probably shun me for having a half-breed out of wedlock. I don’t want to make anything more complicated than it already will be. I may have to tell people a wild Indian raped me, to appease their judgmental attitude.”
“Ya know it was no rape,” Trapper Dan muttered.
“I won’t implicate Raven,” Marcel exclaimed. “The Indians did try to stop us from going through their land. It could have happened anywhere for all anyone else would know.”
“Ya should tell em. He may remain with ya if ya do.”
“If he will not do it willing without knowing, I don’t want him offering out of obligation, making me feel any worse than I do already! If he doesn’t love me enough to remain by my side, not knowing I carry his child, his love is not strong enough to hold us together, even if he knew he was to be a father.”
“What about yer love? Ya’d hide the truth from the father of yer child? What kind of love is thet fer Raven?”
“I shouldn’t have told you,” Marcel said, lowering her head. “Only I had to tell someone. You have to promise me you will keep my secret.”
“I’ll keep it, but I won’t like it. It is not fair ta Raven an ya know it!”
“Thank you!” Marcel cried, throwing her arms around Trapper Dan’s neck. “You are the best friend I have ever had!”
Trapper Dan patted Marcel’s back as he looked over her shoulder at Raven who was watching them. Their eyes met, and Raven knew something was wrong, but he felt it was only because he was leaving Marcel and going back to his people.
Then Marcel was hugging Raven goodbye, with tears in her eyes. He could barely stand it, but he tried to remain resolute. This woman had already torn his heart apart. He had to put it all behind him now. He gave her one last passionate kiss and then turned to his horse.
As Trapper Dan and Raven rode away, with Marcel waving after them, Raven turned to Trapper Dan.
“I’m going to have to take a wife from my own village to get that woman out of my head,” he said.
“I wouldn’t be so hasty,” Trapper Dan commented.
Raven gave him a long look. There was something Trapper Dan was not telling him. He looked back over his shoulder at Marcel. What had she told Trapper Dan, he asked himself. Whatever it was, Trapper Dan was not ready to reveal it yet.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
arcel looked around at her small house feeling completely abandoned and lonely. She sank down on the piano bench and began playing the song Raven had first heard her play. She played it over and over again, letting the notes be absorbed by her body. She wondered if that little beginning of life within her could hear the music and knew it was Raven’s favorite? She had told Trapper Dan not to bring Raven back, so she knew she, most likely, would never see him again.
When she finished playing, she felt spent. She fell upon her bed and began sobbing. She didn’t believe her life could be happy again. The only saving grace was that she would have Raven’s child to love. It would be the one connection between them that could never be broken, she thought.
Living alone in the middle of nowhere was not an easy task. She had to do everything on her own but it kept her occupied. She hooked up the plow Josiah had gotten to bring with them, to Big Blue. If she tilled the field now, it would be easier to do it again in the spring, she decided. It was difficult to figure out how to plow the field at first, but once she got the hang of it, she managed to turn the fertile soil over, watching the sod turn from green prairie grass to tumbled dirt. She discovered a wild apple tree and cherry bush on her plot. The cherries were ripe but the apples still had more time to go before they would be ready to pick in the fall. She made cherry preserves and planned to dry the apples so she could have them later to make pies out of. She had brought her grandmother’s cookbook, which instructed her in ways of preserving food.
Trapper Dan had made a small chicken coop for the chickens on the other side of the lean-to for the mules, so she would have fresh eggs, until the colder weather hit and they stopped laying. She heard the winters were mild but rainy in Oregon unless you were up in the mountains on Mt. Hood, where the snow was deep.
She had been there for a little over a month when she got her first visitor. A buggy pulled up in front of her house, and a woman and man stepped down. The woman was carrying a baby in her arms.
“Hello,” she smiled. “I am Sara Jones, and this is my husband, Albert. This little one is Nellie. We got the plot next to yours and thought we would come visit. You are the woman with the big wagon,” she said, as she glanced at the wagon parked nearby.
“Yes. I am Marcel. My brother Josiah was supposed to come with me, but he married a woman in our company and went to California with her instead.”
“Yes, we heard. Someone told us you had a Sioux Indian traveling with you, along with an old trapper.”
“They built my shelter but had to return to their own homes,” Marcel informed them. “Would you like to come in for a cup of coffee?”
“Then you have no men-folks to help you out?” Albert asked.
Marcel shook her head.
“My younger brother could come over if you like. He lives with my parents and we have other brothers to help them out on their plot. They wouldn’t miss him much if he came to help you a bit.”
“There really isn’t that much to do,” Marcel mumbled, not wanting to get involved with anyone, knowing her condition.
“I see you’ve been plowing your field to get ready for next year’s planting,” Albert said. “Now that’s not woman’s work. Ben could do that for you. He’s a hard worker. If you don’t have a place for him, he could sleep in your wagon until the weather got bad, and then he could come as often as the weather allowed.”
“I wouldn’t want to put him out, even though the company would be nice. I am going crazy being all by myself here.”
“I’ll send him over when we get home. If you get along, you can discuss it with him,” Albert offered. “Will your brother be coming back?”
“If he does, he will get his own plot,” Marcel told him.
“Well, a woman out here needs a man to help, and my brother is looking for a woman if you don’t mind me saying so. He’s a good-looking lad. You’re nice looking yourself.”
“Oh, I am not looking for a husband,” Marcel corrected him.
“You’ll need one eventually. Might as well see if my brother might fill the bill.”
“Maybe you should not send him, I am certain I can manage on my own,” Marcel said, fearing what she would be getting herself into if the brother showed up expecting to see if she would make him an acceptable wife.
“Don’t be so shy. How else are you going to meet someone out here?” Sara smiled. “Ben is a good boy and I am sure the two of you will get along well. You don’t have to decide right away. Just let him come work for you and see what the two of you think.”
“I am never going to get married,” Marcel stated. “He would be wasting his time.”
“Why ever not?” Sara asked, looking as though she didn’t believe Marcel.
“I’m… I’m not the marrying kind.”
Albert laughed. “I think the real reason is you are just shy around men. You look like good wife material and you already have yourself a little house and land. If you plan to build a big house to put all tho
se things you carted out here in that huge wagon of yours, you’ll need a man to build it for you. My brother’s good at building.”
“He is?” Marcel asked, starting to get more interested. Since she told Trapper Dan not to bring Raven when he came to build her house, he could probably use some extra help. “I will need some help, come spring. My trapper friend says he will return to build a bigger house for me. If Ben wishes to help, I wouldn’t turn him down in the spring.”
“Then I’ll send him over to get your approval and if you find other jobs for him to do, don’t hesitate to ask him for help.”
“Thank you,” Marcel said, knowing she could not change the man’s mind about sending his brother over. “Tell him to come by for supper tonight. I just made a cherry pie, he might enjoy.”
“That he would. Cherry pie is his favorite,” Albert claimed. “We’ll be heading back and take you up on your offer for coffee another day. I’ll be sending Ben over tonight then.”
“Hope to have your company again,” Marcel said out of politeness. Once she started showing, neither them or Ben would want to be around her, she thought with remorse.
After her neighbors had left, Marcel took a big wooden tub and filled it with water to take a bath. She could not remember the last time she ever had guests. When she was living with her grandparents, they often had social affairs at the house, for special occasions. Marcel had enjoyed the social events held there. However, this house was a hovel, compared to her grandmother’s townhouse. Still, it was all she had and she wanted everything to look its best, including herself.
She made the meal, and then dressed in one of her nicer dresses, instead of the brown work dress she wore when she wasn’t wearing her brother’s trousers to plow the field or do more taxing chores. She wanted to feel like the woman she was. It had been a long time since she actually felt like the woman she had been before she left St. Louis.
The only time she had felt like a woman on her way out here, was when Raven was making love to her. Now she didn’t even have that to make her feel feminine anymore.
Marcel sat in a small rocker on the front porch of the shelter, watching as Ben rode up on his horse. She was surprised at his good-looks and his care-free smile as he swung down from his horse, removing his battered hat, and giving her a little bow.
“I hear you have fixed supper for me,” he said, greeting her blue eyes with his green ones.
He had shaggy, dark hair that contrasted with his striking green gaze, and she could detect a slight Irish accent. Marcel liked his looks. He appeared friendly enough, she thought.
“I merely wanted to discuss you helping my friend, Trapper Dan, build my house next spring,” she told him, to make sure he understood this was a business meeting.
“I hear you probably need more help than that,” he said, looking around the yard. “I could help you build a better barn, for your mules, and you can’t be lugging up water from the stream on your own every day. I see your working on tilling the soil, for planting in the spring, and you’re going to need someone to till it again before you plant. You can’t do everything on your own. Albert says your brother is in California and you have no men folk to help you out.”
“That is all true. I suppose we can discuss it,” Marcel stated, her eyes resting on his well-shaped face and body.
He gave her a grin, that pulled her to him in a friendly way, but she knew he was not a man she could marry, and even if he was, there was that baby growing inside of her to consider. He would want no part of her if he discovered the truth. Perhaps she should tell him, so she would be saved the rejection later, she thought.
“Your brother tells me you are looking for a wife,” Marcel stated, wanting to get it out of the way.
“You could say I was. Most young men out here are hankering for a woman to call their own. I am no different. Are you looking for a husband?”
“No. I explained to your brother…”
“Don’t be so hasty. You might learn to like me,” he smiled.
“Only you may not learn to like me,” Marcel stated. “I…I am not the kind of person you would want to have for a wife. I… I had a Sioux Indian traveling with me to Oregon. He and his trapper friend offered to escort me when my wagon fell behind and my brother refused to remain with me.”
“So?” Ben said. “What does that have to do with anything? There are lots of friendly Indians, I hear.”
“Only he and I became more than friendly,” Marcel mumbled.
“Are you trying to tell me you are a loose woman?” Ben said, stepping closer.
“Not intentionally. It’s just that I ended up falling in love with him, only our culture was so different, there was no way we could have a future together. As a result, I am carrying his child. Therefore, I don’t think it would be wise for you to be associating with me, seeing as how your family and friends might look down on you for helping out someone who was involved with a heathen in the way I was involved.”
“You are going to have a child?” Ben asked. But instead of stepping back like she expected, he stepped a little closer. “An Indian Child?” He was now standing next to her and touched her shoulder.
Marcel stood up and nodded. “So you see… I needed to let you know since if you worked for me, you would have found out anyway.”
“Does my brother and his wife know?” Ben asked.
“No. I didn’t tell them,” Marcel lowered her eyes.
“Then I won’t tell them either,” he said. “I heard you had fixed a cherry pie to have for dessert,” Ben said, changing the subject. “I surely love cherry pie,” he smiled, looking down into her eyes. “What did you fix for supper?”
Marcel looked at him, not quite knowing what to say. It was as though he hadn’t heard what she was telling him or just wanted to ignore it.
“Are you going to invite me in, or not?” he asked as she stood there staring at him. “We need to discuss the terms of my helping you out,” he added.
“Yes, of course. Come in and sit down. Supper is about ready to be put on the table.”
“I am looking forward to it.” he smiled, following her in.
He sat down and Marcel put the food out on the table. Ben looked around the room.
“I heard how you played the piano on the way out here. I wish I could have heard you playing,” he said, looking at the piano.
“I will play for you after supper if you like,” Marcel offered.
“I would greatly like that,” Ben said. “I see you have a nice-sized bed.”
“I brought it from my grandmother’s home in St. Louis,” she mumbled as they began dishing themselves up.
“The trek was hard. It’s a wonder you were able to get all your stuff here in one piece,” he commented.
“It wasn’t easy. I was so determined in the beginning, so I couldn’t back down even if it meant being on my own.”
“So you like being on your own with no man or Indian to keep you warm at night?”
“Both are impossible at this point,” she murmured.
Ben raised an eyebrow. “Maybe,” was all he said.
Ben began eating and Marcel ate her own food. She wasn’t sure how to feel about Ben. He was nice-looking and friendly but there was something else about him she was trying to put her finger on. What she had told him about Raven didn’t seem to bother him much or if it did, he wasn’t letting on that it had.
“Well, you see,” Ben said, eyeing her, “for a long time now, I’ve been wanting a woman to keep me warm at night. The way I am seeing it is you can’t have a man or your Indian because of circumstances beyond your control. Now those circumstances shouldn’t stand in the way of a mutual agreement between the two of us,” Ben said, looking closely at her. “It would be purely an advantage to the both of us. I help you out and you help me out.”
“What are you suggesting?” Marcel said, staring at him. “If you think…”
“Don’t get all in a huff. I like you fine. I know you’ve been wi
th a man. I am willing to overlook that. I can stay and help you, but I don’t want to be staying out in your wagon at night. Your bed looks comfortable, and you look like you could make a man like me comfortable as well.”
“A man like you?” Marcel asked. “You think because I am this fallen woman that I am fair game for you to use?”
“I wouldn’t be using you. We would be using each other. Nothing could come of it since you already have something growing inside of you. I could fill your lonely nights and you could fill mine. It is as simple as that. Now, it doesn’t have to happen right off. You can warm up to me if you want to give it some more thought. If you don’t think I can fill the bill, then I’ll mosey on my way. But if you want me to stay, and help out, it will be part of the bargain. I’ll never mention a thing to my brother.”
“What will you do when I start showing?” Marcel asked.
“It depends on what you want to tell people by then,” Ben said. “I’ll go along with whatever story you think up.”
“You know there is no story to think up,” Marcel stated.
“Then don’t say anything if you don’t want to. You don’t have to explain yourself. Let people think what they want. At least you will have someone here with you that can help you through it all.”
“What are you going to do once the baby is born? I won’t be able to keep pretending then. One look at it and…”
“We’ll think of something. Only that’s a long way off and I need to know where I stand until then.”
“I could never marry you. You know that. Your family would prevent it even if you wished to marry me. Besides, I don’t think I could love anyone other than Raven.”
“That Indian buck must have treated you special,” Ben said. “I can treat you special too if you give me the chance. Only you will have to agree.”
“I don’t think I can.” Marcel sighed. “You are suggesting something that is unnatural. I would be like your woman of the night. It would only be physical.”
“Better than nothing at all. We could both benefit from it. I can see you are lonely. If you had a man touching you before, you must crave some part of it now. As far as anyone knows I will be sleeping in your wagon. It can be our secret until something changes.”
Sagebrush Serenade Page 13
