“What will change is me having a child. A half Indian child!”
“Like I said. That is a long way off. Don’t let it interfere with what enjoyment the two of us can share until then.”
Marcel got up from the table. “I…I don’t think it would be right. It seems so…cut and dried… so calculating…so indecent.”
“What you did with that Indian was indecent and you didn’t seem to care,” Ben said, as he stood up too and took her hand.
“I’m attracted to you already. I know I’m halfway good-looking. Are you attracted to me in the least?”
“You do have a nice look about you,” Marcel admitted.
“Then why don’t we see if you like anything else about me?” Ben said as he stepped closer to Marcel. He bent his head and kissed the side of her neck.
The feel of his lips on her skin brought a shiver to Marcel. She knew it was just physical and the fact that she missed a man’s touch. She wondered if she could look beyond that? He seemed to be nice and wanted to help her out. Was she trying to talk herself into it, she wondered?
As she wondered, his lips moved up her neck to her cheek and then they settled on her mouth. Marcel started to pull away, but Ben brought his hand to the back of her head and persuaded her to accept his kiss.
When he lifted his head, he looked down into her eyes. “Now that wasn’t so bad, was it?” he asked, his breath starting to deepen.
“You kiss nice enough,” she murmured.
“There are other things I could do nice enough too,” he told her, as he slowly started to let his lips travel down to where her breasts mounded at the edge of the collar of her dress, his fingers began working with the buttons down the front.
“You.. you shouldn’t, be doing this,” Marcel said in a quivering voice, feeling his lips soft against her skin.
“Only I must,” Ben replied, as he continued his task.
“I love another,” Marcel complained.
“Someone you can never be with, and you know it,” Ben reminded her, as his hand worked its way down the front of her dress, once he had it opened. Then his mouth was following the path of his hand, smoothing lightly over Marcel’s skin, as his fingers pulled the ties to her shift causing it to fall away and expose her white skin to his view.
“You are as beautiful under this dress as you are with it on,” he told her and he began pushing the sleeves of her dress off of her shoulders.
“I am crazy to let you continue,” Marcel breathed as her heart started working double time.
“We can be crazy together,” he suggested, his mouth finding one shivering bud and playing it with his tongue.
Marcel could not stop herself from gasping at the feel, knowing her whole body was responding to the touch of his lips and tongue. If she allowed this she would be worse than a woman making love to a man she could never marry. Only he had already started on a path of no return, as he gently pushed her down on the bed and removed the rest of her clothes.
Marcel had to admit that Ben was gentle. He handled her with great care, causing her body to tremble at every touch. There was no love involved like it had been with Raven, but there was a tenderness and a need shared between them that she could not deny. Her body was craving what his body was craving as well. It could be a mutual agreement, she thought. Then she stopped thinking as she found herself accepting Ben’s offer. She feared she would live to regret it, the same way she was regretting loving Raven. Only Ben was right. They both could benefit from the comfort it gave them, whether it was right or wrong.
The agreement seemed to become sealed with more than just a kiss. Marcel found herself surrendering completely, allowing this young stranger to take pleasure from her, as he gave her pleasure in return. However, the only face she saw when she closed her eyes was Raven’s. He would haunt her for the rest of her life, she thought, trying to erase the vision of him by turning her mouth toward Ben’s and willingly trying to put passion into her kiss.
Marcel found her own fulfillment through Ben’s efforts and let that familiar excitement wash through her, bringing all its promises with it.
“You are more woman than I expected,” Ben breathed, as his movements brought them closer to completion. “There’s something about you that makes me glad you have complied with my suggestion. Albert claimed you would be shy around me. I can see that is not the case.”
“Only this is all wrong,” Marcel panted. “It has nothing to do with love. I barely know you.”
“I’m hoping we will get to know each much better over time and this is the start of it,” Ben said, lifting to capture a breast in his mouth.
Marcel responded with a whimper as she felt herself responding to his every move. She felt wicked, yet needing. Trying to separate the two was only confusing her. How could she be letting this happen when she knew Raven was the only man she could ever love?
When they both tried to catch their breath, as their hearts started to slow, Ben took Marcel’s head in his hands and looked down into her face.
“I promise never to harm you, Marcel. I won’t let anyone think a bad thought about you. Even after that baby of your’s is born if you need me to stay on to help you, I will, no matter what anyone says. Until then, you can keep counting on me to keep your secret, no matter what it takes. Once you have to admit it, there won’t be anything anyone can do.”
Ben sat up and pulled Marcel up beside him. “Would you mind going over and playing your piano, the way you are right now with your hair down over your shoulders and your white skin showing through?”
Marcel looked at him, then slowly rose from the bed and sat at the piano. She played other songs she knew. Not the one that reminded her of Raven. As she played, she felt Ben put his hand on her shoulder. He pushed her hair aside, his lips touching her shoulder as she played. She started to stop, but he insisted she continue while he slowly began to kiss over her body making her skin shiver at his touch. She felt his fingers roam over the front of her as his lips kissed her back, insisting she kept playing even when her body began to shudder at his touch. Then he was lifting her, placing her on his lap as he took her place on the bench with his back to the keys, lowering her down over him until he could feel her desire rising with his own. Yes, he thought, he needed this and he felt Marcel needed it too.
When Ben got dressed, Marcel was lying under the covers of her bed, blinking up at him, trying to hold back tears because she felt she had desecrated the love she felt for Raven.
“I will return tomorrow with my clothes,” Ben told her. “You have me through the winter and beyond if you wish.”
Marcel did not say anything. She realized that without Ben she would be facing a long lonely winter. Raven was lost to her. The sooner she faced the fact the better she was going to feel under the gentle touch of Ben’s hands. Only was this fair to Ben? Did he just want the feel of her body, or was he hoping for something more than that, eventually? For now, she decided she would just take it a day at a time.
CHAPTER TWELVE
arcel was surprised at how easy it became to look forward to Ben’s caresses. He came to stay and worked during the day, finding different projects to do for Marcel. When he came in for lunch, she would laugh when he kissed her on the mouth before he ever started eating. Sometimes, during the day, while the weather was still warm, he would pull Marcel to the stream, bathing her and himself before he enjoyed her body and she enjoyed his.
In the evening, she would often bath him as he stood in the wooden tub, enjoying the look of his strong, muscular body as she drew the cloth across it. Then he would bathe her in turn, before he took her to her bed. She started to forget about the fact she was doing this to fill her lonely days and nights because now, she no longer felt lonely with Ben there. They spent long nights learning more about each other’s every desires. Marcel would always push thoughts of Raven aside when they came to haunt her, trying to forget the deep feelings she had for Raven, being replaced by the light and happy feelings she
was having when Ben tried to please her. She never played Raven’s favorite song on the piano. She wanted to forget the notes, even if they did suddenly circle her head when she least expected it.
Marcel never let Ben’s feelings for her touch her deeply in the same way as Raven’s love-making had. She had learned her lesson about loving someone who could not remain in her life after a certain point, and she knew that when she had Raven’s baby, her relationship with Ben would end and she would have to rely on her child to make her happy.
As the child grew within her, Ben seemed mesmerized, wanting to feel the baby moving beneath his hand when he caressed her stomach. He treated her more gently, and eventually, only used his hands and mouth to show his desire for her. They never spoke of the future, and the few times his brother and wife came to visit, the two of them acted as proper as expected.
However, when it was impossible to hide Marcel’s condition, Albert invited Ben to his home giving Ben an ultimatum.
“You cannot go on like this, pretending that Marcel is not in a mothering way. You need to make an honest woman out of her,” he demanded.
“She’s a stubborn woman, Albert. I have to admit I have fallen in love with her, only she would refuse to marry me, even if I asked.”
“Why?” Albert demanded. “The two of you get along famously. What would there be to hold you back?”
“She is in love with someone else. He is the father of her child. That is why she told you she would never marry. That is why she won’t marry me, even if I asked her.”
“Will the man ever come back to her?” Albert asked in astonishment.
“Even if he did, she could not marry him either. Others would not approve.”
“Then take on the role of father to her child and insist she marry you,” Albert insisted.
“Maybe, after the child is born she may change her mind. It all depends on how she is treated by others. She doesn’t want me to become a part of her shame.”
“Then why do you remain with her to make others believe you are the father of the child she carries, living in shame yourself.”
“We may be living in shame, but it doesn’t matter what others think. I try to convince her of that, but she won’t listen. Only when it is time for her to have her child, Sara has to promise to come help. No matter what happens she must promise to treat Marcel kindly.”
“Of course, she will treat her kindly. What do you take her for?”
“Then that is all I ask,” Ben said. “I must get back to Marcel. I hate leaving her alone when the days are growing so close to her delivering.”
When Ben entered the small house, shaking the rain off of his overcoat, he glanced at the bed where Marcel was lying.
“Are you feeling all right?” Ben asked.
“Hold me,” Ben she said in a quivering voice.
“What is the matter?” he asked, grasping her up in his arms.
“Something is wrong!”
“Are you ready to deliver?”
“No. It shouldn’t be for a month or more. Not until after Christmas, at least.”
“Then what is the problem?”
“I think I am dying,” she said. “I have been bleeding, and it won’t stop.”
“I should go get my sister-in-law. She will know what to do,” Ben insisted.
“It is God’s punishment, Ben. I am being punished for my sins. I am going to die and Raven’s child will die with me. Just hold me.”
“You are not dying, Marcel! I won’t let you die! I’ll go get Sara and send Albert for the doctor in Oregon City.”
“I don’t want to die alone, Ben. Don’t leave me!”
“If we are to save you at all, I have to go. I promise I won’t be gone long!”
Ben pried Marcel’s fingers from his arm and raced to the door, jumping on his horse without saddling him, not even pausing to throw his overcoat back on. He galloped out over the path that led to his brother’s house, as sleeting rain fell upon him.
Sara took the buggy, while Ben leaped back onto his horse to get to the house before her. When he entered, water dripping from his wet clothes, he could see Sara with her hands grasping the bars of her headboard, crying out in pain. He could see the blood pooled around her, on the sheets, and tried not to look away.
“Sara is coming,” he told her. “Just hold on. You are not dying.”
“I am, Ben. I know it. The pain is too great, and there is so much blood!”
At that moment Sara burst through the door to assess the problem.
“I think she is losing the baby,” Sara said. “How far along are you?” she asked Marcel.
“I think seven months, maybe more. I’m not sure,” Marcel breathed between pains.
“Even if it is born alive, it probably won’t survive,” Sara said. Besides, there is so much blood, and I don’t know what is causing it.”
“Albert should be here with the Doctor soon,” Ben mumbled as he shivered from the cold, while he held Marcel’s hand. He worried that he must be to blame for making love to Marcel while she was carrying a baby. Only he hadn’t touched her for over a month or more. He sat on the side of the bed, holding her hand, while he tried to stop himself from shaking.
Doctor Baldwin arrived, just before the infant was expelled. When he saw it, he looked shocked.
“Who is the father of this child?” he asked.
Sara also looked shocked. “It has such dark skin,” she murmured.
“Who cares if it is just going to die?” Marcel cried.
“I don’t think it is going to die,” Doctor Baldwin said. “It is born a little early, but not that early. He looks like a healthy son.”
Marcel was surprised when she heard the baby crying.
“You are the one who might die,” the doctor murmured. “You have lost a lot of blood. If I can’t stop the bleeding…” he did not finish.
“If I die, you have to promise to find Raven, Ben, and give him his son.”
“You are not going to die, Marcel. I won’t let you die! You are going to live to raise your son. If you want me to find Raven and bring him to you, I will, but you can’t die!”
“No! If I live, Raven must never know,” she whispered.
“But you love him. You can’t even love me because you love him too much,” Ben wailed.
“What is going on,” Sara asked. “Who is Raven? I assume some heathen, considering the color of that baby.”
“You are upsetting her. I am trying to stop the bleeding,” the doctor grumbled. “You need to clean the baby up and give it to Marcel to try and nurse. It may help with stopping the bleeding and expelling the afterbirth.”
“I am staying right here until I know Marcel is safe from danger,” Ben insisted, clinging to her hand.
“Suit yourself, but just don’t upset her anymore.”
Sara busied herself cleaning the baby, looking down on its features in disbelief. It must have been that Sioux that had been traveling with her, Sara thought. She handed the baby to Marcel as though she was afraid to hold it any longer than necessary.
Sara edged over to Albert, who had remained near the door after he brought the doctor in. “You have to make sure your brother has nothing to do with that girl,” she whispered. “From what Ben said, Marcel was in love with a wild Indian. She does not deserve Ben’s care or concern.”
“Ben told me she loved someone else but could never marry the man. Now I see why. He said she didn’t want Ben to share her shame either, though.”
“At least she is wise enough to realize that,” Sara mumbled.
“Ben begged her to marry him, but she refused. Apparently, she had enough respect for Ben not to allow him to be dragged down by her own mistakes.”
“You have to talk to him and make him see reason. He can’t remain with her now, not with a little red bastard as her son.”
“He already knew it was what it was. This is not the time to talk to him though. I’ll wait until Marcel is out of danger. If she dies,
there will be nothing to talk about except how to find the father so he can come claim his son.”
Ben remained beside Marcel as she nursed the baby. After the afterbirth was expelled, Doctor Baldwin, drew an easier breath. “I think we are past the worst of it. It looks like the bleeding has slowed. Bring some rags to use as pads for her,” he told Sara, who hovered in the far corner with Albert, looking at her brother-in-law and Marcel in disbelief. Marcel had been with an Indian, and she didn’t even try to deny it, begging Ben to take the heathen’s child to him if she ended up dying.
“I’ll get them,” Ben said, feeling weak and suddenly chilled. “I know where they are.”
As he stood, he started to lose his balance when his head felt light and a dizziness came over him.
“You are pale as a ghost,” Doctor Baldwin stated, looking at Ben who was about to collapse to the ground. “Lay down on the bed beside Marcel,” he ordered, giving him a slight push before he fell to the ground instead.
“I just feel cold,” Ben said. “I forgot to put my overcoat back on when I went to get Sara.
“Lie still for a bit. Sara, go get some clean sheets, and something to use as pads for Marcel. I think your brother has caught a chill. We need to change this bed for Marcel and her son, then your brother needs to take Ben back home and put him in bed.
“Everything is in the loft,” Ben murmured, then closed his eyes as he grasped Marcel’s hand, vowing to remain by her side.
He had heard Sara and Albert talking. It didn’t matter what they thought, he would not leave Marcel on her own to raise her son with no help.
Sara brought the rags to make into pads and the sheets down from the loft. After the doctor placed a clean nightgown on Marcel and tied the pads on, Albert picked her and her son up and placed them in the rocker. Then he helped Ben to a chair, while the doctor and Sara changed the bed. Once it had clean sheets on it and the others thrown in a bucket of water out on the front porch, Albert put Marcel back in the bed.
Sagebrush Serenade Page 14
