Sleepless Nights (The Donovans of the Delta)

by Peggy Webb

  “Mrs. Claus keeps me warm.” He swung her up for a resounding kiss. “Are you jealous?”

  “Extremely. I don’t want you fooling around at the North Pole with anybody else.”

  “Speaking of poles . . .” He set her on her feet and pressed his hips against hers.

  “We must do something about that condition, Santa,” she murmured.

  And they did—under the Christmas tree with the blinking lights making patterns of red and green and gold on their bare skin.

  Afterward they exchanged gifts. For once Tanner had agreed to keep it simple. Hers was a simple gold bracelet, engraved with the date. His was a pair of silver spurs, to complete his courting outfit, she told him.

  Claude’s card was completely forgotten as they made a huge brunch and ate it at Aunt Emma’s rosewood table.

  Knowing that the next day Amanda would go back to work and their time together would be limited, they tried to cram as much into Christmas Day as they could. They carried gifts to Amanda’s neighbors, visited the Donovans long enough for Christmas hugs and Christmas turkey, then loaded Napoleon into the horse van and set off for the river.

  They arrived in time to see the sunset over the water.

  “What a beautiful way to end a day,” Tanner said.

  “What a beautiful way to end anything.”

  “Amanda . . .”

  “You’ll be leaving in a week, Tanner. We might as well face that.”

  “Not without you. I want you in Dallas with me. As my wife.”

  “I’m tempted, Tanner. I’m so tempted.”

  “Then what’s holding you back?”

  The Christmas card slipped into her mind, a stark reminder that the past would always be with them.

  “The past, Tanner. You say you’ve forgotten it . . . .”

  “I have.”

  “But I’m afraid we’ve simply shut the door on it. It’s there, waiting to jump out at us. I failed at one marriage—partially, I think, because I could never forget you. I won’t go into another marriage dragging the past with me.”

  “Hellfire and damnation, Amanda.” Tanner jumped up and began to pace alongside the river. “If I could see Claude right now, I’d thrash him. Damnit all, Mandy. I love you!”

  “And I love you—just as I did more than eleven years ago.”

  She saw the barely controlled fury in his face, watched him reign it in. Suddenly he lifted her into the saddle.

  “Let’s ride.”

  And they did. They raced along the river as if they were trying to outrun the demons that pursued them. Napoleon’s hooves pounded the ground as the knowledge of their inevitable separation pounded into their hearts.

  When the ride was over, they returned Napoleon to the barn and sought to push away reality with their lovemaking. Desperate to forget, their joining became almost a battle in the hay.

  Napoleon whinnied and pawed the stable floor. He didn’t know that the disturbance in the barn was the futile attempt of two people to wipe out the past.

  o0o

  For the next two days Amanda was jumpy, her nerves stretched tight, and she was tired. Spending her days at the shop and her nights with Tanner, trying to make every minute count, she felt as if she’d become frayed at the edges.

  Maxine, never one to hold her tongue, felt obliged to offer advice. “For Pete’s sake, Amanda. When are you going to stop this foolishness and say yes to the man?”

  “It’s not that simple, and you know it,” Amanda said, snapping at her friend, something she rarely did. She felt an immediate twinge of regret. “I’m sorry. I have no right to take out my problems on you.”

  “Shout, yell, scream—do anything you want to. I’m thick-skinned. Besides, I’m your best friend.” She came and put her arms around Amanda’s shoulders. “Take my advice and face whatever is bothering you.”

  Maxine didn’t press for a reply; she continued her work in the shop, doing her cheerful best to dispel Amanda’s gloom.

  A winter gale developed in mid-afternoon. The shrieking wind and thrashing rain matched Amanda’s mood. She felt bleak inside, and the urge to rage against fate was so great that she had a hard time containing it.

  “There’s no need to keep the shop open,” she told Maxine. “Nobody will come out in this storm. Besides that, I’m sick of smiling when I don’t feel like it.”

  “There’s a cure for that, you know.”

  “If you tell me it’s Tanner, I’m going to scream.”

  “For once in my life I’m not going to be flippant.” She put on her coat and began to button it. “Tanner probably is the cure, Amanda. At least it appears to me that the man really loves you. But the only way to chase the blues is to search your heart and mind until you find the cause— then do something about it!” She fastened the last button on her coat and grabbed her purse. “There. I’ve had my say. I feel just like Dear Abby.”

  Amanda hugged her neck. “You look just like dear Maxine. Thank you.”

  “Don’t mention it. Just put it in the form of a bonus check.”

  Both of them were laughing when Maxine left the shop. Amanda stood at the window until she saw her friend get into her old Ford and drive off, then she turned back to close up. To help chase her blues, she turned on the radio. The station was playing Glenn Miller songs. Picking up a red satin gown one of her customers had dropped across the back of a chair, Amanda waltzed across the floor. Pretending to be gay and carefree made her feel better.

  She held the gown at arm’s length. “My dear, you look lovely in red. May I have this next dance?”

  “Certainly, you devastating thing,” she said, answering her own question.

  Alternately chuckling and humming, she waltzed on toward the clothes rack. Behind her, the shop bell tinkled.

  She whirled around, her cheeks almost as bright as the dress. Tanner stood in the doorway, dripping all over the floor. Such love flowed through her, she thought she would faint with the intensity. She stood facing him, clutching the dress to her chest, and suddenly she knew that she could never let him go. Whatever had happened in the past, whatever was between them now, had to be resolved. Some wonderful twist of fate had brought them together again, and she had been blind to think she could ever part from him.

  Without saying a word, Tanner closed and locked the door. His eyes were bright with purpose as he stalked her. When he was close enough to touch, he reached out and removed the dress from her hands.

  “May I cut in?”

  “Always.” She went into his arms. The sounds of rain and the Glenn Miller Orchestra invaded the shop as they waltzed.

  “We fit together so well,” Tanner said.

  “Yes. As if we were made for each other.”

  “We were.”

  “I agree. It would be a shame for us to part.”

  “A sin.”

  She sighed against his shoulder. “I suggest we make this arrangement permanent.”

  His arms tightened, but he kept on dancing. “Is this a proposal?”

  “Yes.”

  “You’re asking me to marry you?” She could hear the exultation in his voice.

  “Yes.”

  “I know a preacher.”

  “Shall we call him?”

  “Not unless you want him to be a part of this victory celebration.” He waltzed her into the lounge at the back of the shop without missing a beat.

  “What celebration?”

  He stopped dancing and gazed down at her in that long, languid look of absolute possession and unadulterated desire she’d come to know well.

  “This one.” He undressed her with reverence and care, then stood back in admiration. “I will cherish you forever.” Reaching out, he ever so gently traced her cheekbones. “That face has never been far from my mind, not in all these years.”

  She stood very still, scarcely daring to breathe. She didn’t want a thing to mar this precious moment. Today she was entrusting herself to the man she loved. She was making a commitme
nt, and there would be no going back.

  His hands moved down the side of her throat and across her shoulders. New life tingled through her. She felt wonderfully vibrant, gloriously happy. Her hands smoothed his dark hair. It was a gesture of tenderness, comfort, and reassurance.

  “You are a special man, Tanner Donovan. I love you, and nothing will ever change that.”

  “And you are a special woman—my woman. Nothing will ever change that.” He looked deep into her eyes. “That’s a promise, Mandy.”

  Their lips met tenderly, softly, sealing the vows they’d made. As always with them, their passion was explosive. The sweet kiss quickly escalated. Tanner crushed her close, bending her body under his so he could thoroughly claim her mouth. Their moans were lost in the raging of the storm against the shop windows.

  “You’re wearing too many clothes, Tanner.” Amanda’s hands were eager, tearing aside his shirt so that buttons flew all over the room. He helped her by flinging aside his shirt and shoving off his pants. His belt buckle clanged against the floor.

  He lifted her hips against his just as thunder rattled the shop.

  “You certainly know how to make an entrance.”

  “Wait until you see the performance.”

  He treated her to a glorious love waltz around the room. The frenzy of their lovemaking kept pace with the frenzy of the storm. Tanner’s waltz became a frantic jazz number. Not a single prop went unused. With the table under her hips and the rain battering the shop, she knew the full force of him. He eased into a fox-trot as he moved them, still joined, to the sofa. Outside, the winds roared and moaned, and lightning split the sky. Tanner and Amanda matched the storm, mood for mood.

  When both the storm and their passion were spent, Tanner held her in his and caressed her.

  “I came to the shop to rescue you from the storm.”

  She smiled. “It seems you brought it inside.”

  He kissed the top of her head. “Are you cold?”

  “No, but keep holding me. Don’t ever let go.”

  “I don’t intend to. That’s another reason I came to the shop. Today while I was at home waiting for you, I realized that you had been right all along.”

  “Right about what?”

  “The past still being between us. I can’t let you go; I won’t let you go. But I believe the only way to keep you is to face Claude.”

  “I’m scared.” She squeezed her arms around his chest. “You’re right. It’s the only way. I’ve known it for a long time and simply didn’t want to face it. Today I was miserable knowing I had chosen the coward’s way out. Oh, Lord, Tanner.” She buried her face in his neck. “I was going to let you go rather than face the past.”

  “But you didn’t.”

  “No. When I saw you standing in the doorway, I knew I had to have you. Forever.”

  He eased her out of his arms far enough so that he could look into her eyes.

  “Everything will be all right, Amanda. We’ll make it work.”

  CHAPTER NINE

  They decided to drive to Fulton, Missouri.

  Amanda made arrangements for her Christmas clerks to come in and help Maxine with the shop, and Tanner talked with his business manager in Dallas. Because Tanner was so frequently out of town making personal appearances, his corporations were set up to operate with a minimum of his attention. Business matters ran smoothly for them.

  It was the personal matters that got out of hand. Both of them dreaded the confrontation with Claude, and they had vastly different ideas about how to handle the situation.

  The night of the storm, Amanda and Tanner were in the kitchen discussing their plans. She stood at the chopping block dicing vegetables to stir fry while he worked at the sink washing spinach for a salad. Rain still peppered against the windows.

  “I think we should call him.” Amanda’s knife lopped off the head of a fat carrot. “Let him know we’re coming.”

  “No. He might tell us not to come.” Tanner ripped into the spinach. “We have to see him in person in order to get all this out into the open.”

  “What if he’s not there?” Her knife clicked rapidly against the chopping block. Severed vegetables rolled away as if in fright.

  “Doesn’t he run a newspaper?” Tanner attacked the spinach as if it were a threat to world peace.

  “Yes, but. . .”

  “Dammit all, Amanda, if he’s not in Fulton, we’ll find him.”

  “How?” She brandished a carrot stick in the air. “Wave a magic wand?”

  Tanner reigned in his temper. He’d come too far to let a foolish argument over Claude spoil everything. “Businessmen simply can’t disappear,” he said more calmly. “Their secretaries always know where to find them.”

  Amanda abandoned her vegetables and flung her arms around him. “I don’t know why I’m letting a little thing like this get me so upset. I’m sorry, Tanner,”

  “That’s a relief. For a minute there I thought you were going to beat me with that carrot stick.”

  She laughed, squeezing him harder. “You won’t let anything happen to us, will you?”

  “Never. We’ve come this far. Only a few more hurdles to go and we’ll be walking down the aisle and living happily ever after.”

  Amanda went back to her chopping block. “Tanner, do you think we can live happily ever after on this?” She held up the pitiful remains of the vegetables. They weren’t diced; they were mutilated. “I suppose we’ll have to depend on your salad tonight.”

  He grinned sheepishly. “This poor stuff?” He held up shred of spinach no bigger than a toothpick. “I guess I got carried away.”

  “Maybe I have some olives and cheese in the refrigerator.”

  “I need something more substantial for the task ahead.”

  “Facing Claude?”

  “No. Kissing and making up.”

  They made quick use of Aunt Emma’s rosewood table and ended up eating at Doe’s.

  o0o

  Later that night Tanner lay in bed staring at the ceiling. He was remembering Claude.

  When they were six, they’d started school together. By the second week they were fast friends. It was an unlikely friendship: Tanner was big and brash and outgoing: Claude was small and studious and quiet. A frog was what brought them together. Tanner had caught the biggest bullfrog in his pond and brought it to school in his lunch pail. His intention was to take bets at recess on how far the frog could jump. He had his eye on a red wagon in Tudberry’s window. He could imagine himself sauntering up to Tudberry’s after school, his pockets full of money, buying the wagon. He knew just how it would feel when he whizzed down the hill in back of his barn in that new wagon.

  But the frog had other ideas. Around midmorning it pushed open the lunch box lid and hopped out to investigate its new surroundings. Unfortunately it chose to investigate the underside of Miss Margaret Riley’s dress. When the teacher started screaming, nobody knew what it was all about except Tanner and Claude. Both of them had seen the frog leave the safety of the lunch pail.

  The frog soon made itself known. Finding nothing exciting in Miss Riley’s bloomers—at least, that’s the way Claude later told the story—it hopped onto her desk. Fifteen little boys and ten little girls gave merry chase. It was Claude who helped Tanner corner the frog.

  “Is this yours?” he’d whispered.

  “Yeah.”

  “Golly. He’s a whopper.”

  “You won’t tell, will you? Miss Riley will wear my britches out.”

  “Naw.”

  When Miss Riley had recovered enough to question her pupils about the frog, Claude had stepped forward and told the biggest tale Tanner had ever heard. “I saw that big ol’ frog this morning down beside that little pond behind the schoolhouse. Seems to me it looked mighty bored. Matter of fact, it got interested in my reader and followed me to school. I saw it come creeping through our door a little while ago. Miss Riley, I guess that ol’ frog wanted to learn how to read.”

&n
bsp; Miss Riley had been so enchanted, she’d forgotten about punishment. After that Claude and Tanner had been best friends. Tanner was the school hero, and Claude was the school storyteller. They’d made quite a team.

  Later they’d both fallen in love with Amanda. It seemed that both of them noticed her at the same time. Until the seventh grade she’d been just another little redheaded girl with pigtails Suddenly she was the prettiest thing they’d ever laid eyes on—and both of them wanted to marry her. It took a fight in the dirt behind the cafeteria to settle the matter. Claude had ended up with a bloody nose, and Tanner had ended up with a black eye—and Amanda. After that the matter was settled. Amanda was always Tanner’s, and Claude was always their very best friend.

  Until eleven years ago.

  Tanner reached across the bed and touched Amanda, just to reassure himself. She was there, warm and soft, hips curved under the covers, outlined by the moonlight. Quietly he rose from the bed.

  At times like this he almost wished he smoked. He looked at the bedside clock. Two A.M. The next day they’d be leaving for Missouri—a two-day drive. He needed his rest. But memories of Claude beat through his mind. The hammer blows wrecked his peace and destroyed any chance of sleep.

  Dressing quickly in a sweat suit and jogging shoes, he eased out the door and down the stairs. He would run until he could regain some semblance of tranquility.

  Then he’d be ready to face Claude.

  o0o

  Amanda woke with a start.

  She’d been dreaming that Claude wanted to marry her again. She kept seeing him over and over, arms outstretched, calling to her—love, love, love. She sat up and brushed her hair back from her face.

  “Tanner?”

  Turning, she saw the empty spot where he had been. Panic seized her. Maybe it wasn’t a dream. Maybe Claude had come for her, and Tanner was gone again.

  Her feet hit the floor running. Without even bothering to cover her nakedness, she raced down the stairs. “Tanner?” If he was anywhere in the house, he would hear her. She was yelling loud enough to alert the fire department all the way across town.

  She flicked on lights as she ran. By the time she got to the kitchen, she was fully awake and feeling rather foolish. She’d been dreaming, and Tanner would never leave her. Hoping she hadn’t awakened the neighbors, she went back upstairs, turning off the lights behind her. With her sanity restored, she surveyed her bedroom. Tanner’s sweat suit and shoes were missing. She should have known. He always ran when he was disturbed, and certainly the prospect of facing Claude was disturbing—to both of them.