From Now Until Infinity

by Layne Harper

  When he’s finished with his typing, he says, “Mark would like to have a private conversation with you today.”

  I’m a bit perplexed. I know Mark. He started representing Colin as soon as he declared himself for the draft out of college. I don’t necessarily like or dislike Mark. He’s Colin’s agent. From what I can tell, he’s represented him fairly through the years. I have no clue why he would want to talk to me privately.

  Colin continues, “Mark knows how difficult it’ll be for you to leave here today so he said that he doesn’t mind coming to the house if you’re comfortable with that.”

  “Do you have any idea what he wants to talk about?” I ask hoping for a clue.

  “I have a feeling that he wants to get a read on where your head is at before we sit down with your practice’s attorneys. He asked my permission, and I gave it to him. I’ve got nothing to hide from you, Charlie.” Colin reassures me.

  “Okay. I guess that would be all right. We can meet in your office while you stay here in the bedroom,” I acquiesce.

  Colin picks up his phone and dials Mark. There are no pleasantries when Mark answers. Colin just says, “Come over.”

  I’ll never understand how my good Southern, Texas boy can be so impolite on the phone to his agent. Mark has seen his share of abuse through the years.

  I make my way into the bathroom and turn on the shower. Colin yells from the bedroom, “Can I join you?”

  “No. I need to get my head on straight. I don’t need the Colin McKinney patented methods of distraction.”

  He laughs at my corny joke. “Fair enough.”

  I take the opportunity of being alone in my shower to evaluate my life and options. My world’s spiraling out of control. My professional and personal lives are in complete upheaval. I’m at a crossroads. Option one is that I can sink back to my old coping mechanisms and run until I feel in control and self-destruct my relationship with Colin so that he disappears for good. I’ll be left where I was before he reentered my life. It wasn’t a bad existence. Part owner in a thriving medical practice at twenty-nine is nothing to scoff at. Not much of a personal life, but maybe finally giving up Colin will allow me to open my heart to other men. There’s got to be other proverbial fish in the sea.

  Or, I can choose a new normal. I can step out of my comfort zone, tell the “what ifs” to take a hike, and be brave enough to consider following Colin into this crazy whirlwind relationship, without a single guarantee of where we’ll end up. I can give up my medical practice, start over in my career, and essentially gamble my entire professional life for the idea of a fairytale, happily ever after that few couples actually get. This option may take more inner strength than I have.

  By the time that I’ve showered, dressed in a comfortable pair of jeans and nice sweater, blown dry my hair, brushed my teeth and smeared on some makeup, Mark’s having a cup of coffee at my dining room table. There are still remnants of melted candle wax on it.

  When I walk into my great room, Mark and Colin both stand to greet me. Colin uses his long legs to glide to my side. He grabs my hand and gently squeezes it as he walks me over to Mark. “I know that you remember Caroline. It’s been a few years.”

  I put my hand out and shake Mark’s. “Of course,” he replies. “It has been along time.”

  “If you don’t mind, Mark, I am going to fix another cup of coffee and then we can go downstairs to my old guest room which is now Colin’s office.”

  Mark agrees, and I fix both of us another cup. I notice Mark flashing Colin a look. Colin replies, “I got it. I’ll go take a shower and leave you and Charlie alone.”

  Colin very protectively saunters over to me wrapping his arms around me and planting a kiss on my lips that could melt hearts around the world. This is his way of demonstrating to both Mark and me just how much he cares about me. We both get the message loud and clear.

  Mark follows me down to the first floor of my home. I take a seat behind Colin’s new desk. I laugh to myself thinking about the insane sex that Colin and I had in this chair and on this desk. My body floods with warmth at the memory, and I inwardly smile. Mark sits on the other side of the desk in a folding chair that was previously in my garage.

  It’s hard to describe Mark’s appearance. You can’t put an age on him because he obviously has either had a face lift or does cosmetic dermatology. He’s neither tall nor short. His hair is dark mixed with some grey. The first time that I met him, I instantly thought he looked like Count Dracula from Sesame Street. I don’t necessarily think that anymore. Now, I think that he looks like a politician - the kind drawn in cartoons. He knows when to flash his kiss babies and flip pancakes smile, and when to pull out his dagger and shove it in someone’s back. I have a feeling that I’m going to get the dagger during this meeting.

  Mark, being the agent and attorney that he is, begins our conversation with flattery. He flashes me the kissing babies smile. I look so great. Very healthy. Blah…Blah…Blah…

  I’m not stupid. I know that this isn’t a friendly conversation because he’d have said all of this in front of Colin. My patience has worn thin. “Mark, what’s the nature of this private meeting?”

  I think that I just knocked Mark for a loop, but he recovers quickly. “You are one brilliant lady, Doctor Collins.”

  I politely smile and wait for him to continue.

  “Alright Caroline. I’m going to lay all my cards out on the table.” If anyone believes that then I’ve got oceanfront property in Arizona to sell them. Mark shifts in the metal folding chair and crosses his legs as if he’s about to give me the deal of a lifetime. “When you left Colin after his rookie season, I almost lost my client. I won’t go into specifics, but you broke him mentally and physically. Clay South, a couple of coaches, Aiden, and myself saved him. I don’t mean save him in some sort of metaphorical way. I mean we saved his life.”

  Colin had mentioned that he had a rough time after we broke up. I knew about the drinking and rebound marriage. I’m not sure if that’s what Mark’s referring to or not. I keep my poker face on and let him continue.

  “In the two weeks that you’ve been back in Colin’s life, I’ve dealt with more shit than I have in all the previous years that I’ve represented him. I’ve got a crazy ex what-ever-in-the-hell-she is trying to ruin his endorsement deals and kill his reputation which, I might add, he doesn’t seem to care about anymore. I have Colin killing his ten million dollar worldwide underwear endorsement deal and trying to get out of everything but the shoe and clothes commitments. Then, I have this heap of shit with your father dropped in my lap. Either you’re some sort of dark angel sent by the devil to punish me for my misdeeds while I’m still here on earth, or you’ve been hired by one of my ex-wives to seek revenge. Now, which one is it, and don’t tell me you’re in love with Colin because I don’t believe you.” When he finishes his speech, he uncrosses his legs and leans forward as if he’s anxiously awaiting my reply.

  Wow! Okay. I wasn’t exactly prepared for that level of animosity to be slung my way. Apparently, he’s decided to use his dagger in my heart so I could see it coming. I inwardly cringe at his words. I hate that my relationship with Colin has created this level of drama for Mark. Is Mark trying to convince me to walk away from Colin? Is Colin’s professional life in as much jeopardy as mine? It never occurred to me that Colin was making bigger sacrifices professionally than I’m considering making. I guess I’ve thought all along that Colin will still get to throw a football every Sunday so I’m the one having to start over, but if he’s walking away from all that money and fame for me, then he’s sacrificing also. This revelation is definitely helping me see that maybe he/we are strong enough for option two. Maybe we can make this relationship work despite all the drama that’s sitting in our laps. Maybe Colin isn’t manipulating me.

  I take a deep breath and reply. “First, let me tell you how much I appreciate your candid speech. I now understand why you wanted Colin to not overhear this conversation becaus
e he would fire you on the spot for talking to me that way.” Mark knows how to play poker also because he doesn’t so much as bat an eyelash.

  I continue. “I’ve got nothing to do with the Sasha Stone story. From what I understand it wasn’t a serious relationship on Colin’s part. Although, I can see how she could fall in love with him so quickly.” I pause for affect. “I know that I have. I have no response on the endorsement deals. Colin and I’ve only briefly discussed why he wishes to no longer pose essentially nude. I support his decision if it’s what he wants. As for this mess, as you call it, with my father, this is my career at stake. I’ve worked my entire life to be a doctor. When my friends were out drinking and partying in college, I was studying. I made a lot of sacrifices in my life to get my medical degree from Harvard. Unfortunately, Colin seems to have been a victim of my determination, at least in your eyes. Forgive me for wanting to have it all. Why can’t I get the dream job and the boy?”

  I pause for a moment. I do this because I really want to drive home my final point. I lean forward and look Mark in his beady, little, eyes. My elbows are on the desk where my behind was so recently. It gives me strength knowing how much Colin enjoyed me coming home that day from work. “I am not the devil or a hired gun sent by your ex-wives. I’m a girl, who happens to be a doctor, who’s in love with a boy, who happens to throw a football and have been blessed by the gods in the looks department. If that makes your job more difficult, then I apologize.”

  Mark sits stone faced for a moment. I know that he’s contemplating how to handle me. He was expecting the twenty-year-old girl who stood quietly along Colin’s side trying to support him by keeping my mouth shut. Instead, he found me, Doctor Caroline Jane Collins, Harvard trained doctor, who (after years of therapy) is intimidated by no one.

  Finally, Mark says with a slight smile on his face, “Doctor Collins, I’m glad that we had this talk. I underestimated you. Let’s call a truce. Let’s agree that we both want what’s best for Colin.”

  His comment makes the hair on my arms stand at attention. “No Mark. I will not agree to that. I want what’s best for Colin and myself,” I reply stoically.

  Mark decides to play to my tender side. His voice drops to a near pleading level. “Charlie, he can’t take another broken heart. Do you see how he looks at you? Do you know how he talks about you? He breaths because he knows that you’re standing by his side. You’re the man’s oxygen. I’ve watched him spend years going through the motions of life. Since, you stepped on that elevator, he started caring again. I could tell by our phone conversations that he had fallen hard for you again, but I didn’t realize just how much until I saw him last night working us like dogs to fix the mess that he feels like he’s made for you. As Colin’s friend, I’m asking you to be gentle with him.”

  It’s one thing to hear Colin declare his love. It’s another to hear someone who doesn’t particularly like me tell me how much Colin cares about me. Actions speak louder than words, and right now, my man’s actions are screaming his love for me.

  “Mark, I can assure you that I feel the same way about Colin. I don’t wish to discuss our relationship any further without Colin being present. Are we finished with this talk? I know that Colin’s anxious,” I reply giving nothing way. I want Mark to leave so I can crawl in Colin’s lap and plant tender kisses all over him. The thought of him with a broken heart makes my own heart ache. I want to hold him and reassure him that everything will be okay, but I know that I can’t do that yet. Not with the meeting with my practice’s attorneys hanging over my head.

  Mark and I exit Colin’s makeshift office and head upstairs. Colin’s sitting at my kitchen island listening to music on his phone. When he sees me, his face lights up. “Everything okay, beautiful?” he asks as he removes his headphones. I can hear the band that we listened to play in New Orleans still singing on Colin’s iPhone.

  I hug him, and he pulls me to his side. “Everything’s great. I think Mark and I are on the same page,” I say shooting Mark a look imploring him to reassure Colin.

  Mark chuckles and says, “I’ll see you both in a couple of hours. I’m going to start fighting my way through the vultures on your front lawn.”

  As Mark’s about to open the front door he turns. “Doctor Collins, it was a pleasure getting to know you better.”

  I think, “I bet.” But, I just smile and say some sort of nicety back.

  When my front door is opened, I hear the questions and comments being hurled at him. I’m secretly happy that he’s being harassed also. We might as well all share in the fun of this exercise in ridiculousness.

  As soon as the door closes, Colin grabs my hand and leads me to my linen sofa. He asks me what Mark wanted to discuss that was so private that he couldn’t hear.

  I’m not going to lie to Colin, but I also don’t want to upset him. “Mark’s concerned about you.” I take Colin’s gorgeous face in my hands so I can look into his green eyes. “He’s concerned that you’ve fallen too hard, too fast for me again. He’s looking out for your best interests and doesn’t want a repeat of Rebound Chick.”

  Colin looks away from me in disgust. “You make one fucking mistake when you’re in your early twenties and nobody will let you move on. Shit!”

  “I simply reassured him that I feel as strongly about you as you do about me. He brought up the article that Sasha did and the impact of our relationship being made public has had on our careers.” Then, I gently move Colin’s face so he’s looking into my lavender eyes again. I raise my eyebrow. “He also mentioned you attempting to exit out of your endorsement deals. I’ve got too much on my plate today, but that’s a discussion that we need have sooner as opposed to later.”

  I’m expecting Colin to jump up and get angry that Mark discussed Colin’s business deals with me. Instead he says in a very calm voice, “You’re right. We’ll save that talk for another day.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  “WHAT’RE YOU wearing?” Colin asks me as I’m sitting in my walk-in closet staring at the racks of clothes in front of me.

  “I have no clue,” I reply as I look at my dresses.

  “Should I wear a suit?” He asks.

  “Sorry Colin. You’re asking the wrong person. I’m not sure what the proper dress is for a lynching. This’s my first time to attend such an event,” I reply as smartly as possible.

  He saunters into my closet completely naked. The sight of him should make me horny as hell. Instead, I just gasp at his beautifulness and turn back to my racks of clothes.

  I’m scared to death of this meeting. It’s almost funny how my career, my future, and everything that I’ve worked for hang in the balance while I debate whether I should wear the navy sheath dress with high heels or the red business suit with black heels. In the end, does it really matter if you’re losing everything that you’ve worked your whole life for?

  “I’ve got something for you,” Colin says as he joins me on my closet floor.

  “What?” I ask as I pry my eyes off of my dress choices.

  He shows me a diamond ring that barely fits on the first knuckle of his pinkie finger. “This is the engagement ring that I bought you while you were still in college.”

  I gasp at the sight of it. God, please don’t let him be proposing. I don’t think that I can mentally deal with it right now.

  It’s a beautiful princess cut diamond mounted on a Tiffany setting. The band is made up of small diamonds. I have no clue how big the diamond is, but it’s pretty and simple. It looks like something that I would’ve loved back then. “It’s magnificent.” I reply evenly.

  “I bought it hoping that one of the days that I asked you to marry me that you’d say yes instead of not today,” he gently laughs. Before I can interject, he continues. “When we broke up, I thought about selling the ring. I didn’t because I didn’t need the money, and it also reminded me in a painful way of you. I swore that if we ever got back together that I’d give it to you. I wouldn’t wait for you to say
yes.”

  “Colin, I,” I stammer. He can’t seriously be asking me to marry him while we’re both naked sitting in my walk in closet about to go through the most stressful meeting of my life.

  “Let me finish, Charlie,” He says cutting me off. “When I proposed to her, it never occurred to me to give her this ring. It’s your ring. It always has been and always will be. However, since we’ve gotten back together, I’ve decided that this ring’s tainted. It’s not good enough for you. It was bought by someone who didn’t know what it was like to really love you.”

  He pauses for a second and swallows hard. Then he continues. “I thought that I loved you, and I’m sure that I did. But it took you leaving me, and seeing what my life is like without you in it, to realize that love’s not the right word for how I feel about you. You bring meaning to my life, and make me see a future that’s so much more than just football.”

  “So with that being said, I’m going to have the diamond taken out of the mounting and made into a pair of earrings. You deserve something more than this as a symbol of my love.”

  I’m floored. I try to assemble an answer to his statement but come up woefully short. “The ring is beautiful, but I love your words even more.” I pause for a second, “but, don’t you think that it’s a little premature to be talking about… ummm… earrings?”

  Okay! I know that it’s a pathetic thing to say, but I just can’t say the word marriage yet.

  Colin laughs at me. He actually laughs. “You’re so cute when you’re nervous,” he says as he picks up my left hand and gives my ring finger a kiss. “I’m not proposing to you. I know that I’d scare you away. I’m just showing you this ring that I’ve had for over eight years, and still have, as proof that I never stopped thinking about you, loving you, or hoping that we’d find our way back together. You don’t have to wear the ring on your finger. I really don’t want you to. Maybe you can just slip it on a chain for this meeting so it will be close to your heart. That and your infinity necklace can remind you that no matter what sort of shit your dad’s accountants and attorneys hurl at you today, my love will protect your heart.”