Jagged Love

by Nicole Simone

  He yanked me back to his chest. “Where do you think you’re going?”

  “I have to take a shower.”

  “What kind of shower? Dirty or clean?”

  “You’re insatiable. We have already done it three ways to Sunday.”

  “I think you mean six ways to Sunday,” he corrected.

  “Whatever.”

  His erection was visible through his basketball shorts. I itched to feel him in my mouth. My tongue licking him like an ice cream cone. Andrew had ignited a 24/7 sex vixen

  I shot him a devilish smirk. “Come on, let’s go wash away our sins.”

  He fist bumped the air, jumped out of bed and threw me over his shoulder. I squealed as he smacked my ass. Running into the bathroom, he put me down. Andrew adjusted the shower to the ideal temperature while my clothes fell away. Steam enveloped the space.

  “I feel like I’m in a porno,” I said.

  Andrew’s gaze darkened as he turned around. “This is better than a porno because it’s real.”

  I couldn’t disagree. For the next twenty minutes or so, we ruined the entire concept of a shower and got more dirty than clean. By the end, my legs felt like Jell-O and I had twenty minutes until I had to drop off the money to Big Ted. Towel drying my hair, I changed into a pair of slacks and a shirt. I look like I’m going to an interview at a bank.

  Andrew smoothed his hands down my arms. “Are you nervous?”

  “I wasn’t until you said something.”

  “Sorry.” He placed a kiss on top of my head. “I’m going to make coffee. I’ll be in the kitchen when you’re ready.”

  My hand shook as I applied mascara, getting black smudge on my eyelid. Flinging the wand across the room in frustration, I inhaled, counted to three and exhaled. It helped a little.

  48204 was considered one of the top most dangerous zip codes in the United States and once my home. In the in-between periods when my mom didn’t have a sugar daddy, we’d lived on the top floor of a crumbling Victorian. Instead of imaginary friends, I had rats that lived in the walls. They were a family with a single dad and his two daughters. Hector, Luanne, and Lucy. Big Ted lived in the apartment two doors down. Swapping drugs was the equivalent of borrowing a cup of sugar. For my mom, it was the ideal set up. For me, it was a house of horrors. I used to think the shadows dancing on the walls were monsters, waiting until my eyes closed to eat me. My saving grace was Monica. We’d met in third grade when she let me borrow her crayons because she thought the clouds I was drawing weren’t pink enough. We were attached from the hip from that day forward. Adopting her home as mine, Monica’s grandmother basically treated me as her own granddaughter. I left home at the age of seventeen and hadn’t been back to my neighborhood since. The homeless shelters, Monica’s house, and street benches were on the other side of the 39 freeways. Far away from 1936 Rosemary Lane.

  Adding a swipe of blush, I twisted my hair into a knot. The mirror reflected a scared little girl whose tough exterior was crumbling. Since moving into Andrew’s, the need to put on an act wasn’t as dire anymore. He knew who I was and liked me all the same. Nonetheless, that mask was essential to surviving this money drop off. I slipped it on. My features hardened, my eyes became flat, and my lips thinned. Shaking out my shoulders like a boxer preparing to battle, I psyched myself up. There was no other choice. Sumiko depended on me. Once my armor felt locked into place, I walked into the kitchen. Andrew had poured coffee into a thermos and set a blueberry muffin on a plate. While normally my appetite was a black hole, my stomach couldn’t handle anything at the moment.

  Andrew handed me the thermos. “We should get going.”

  “Yeah, we should.” Yet my feet wouldn’t move.

  “This is a simple job, Haven. You give the money to Big Ted and leave. Then this whole thing will be behind you.”

  “Will it though?” My eyebrow arched. “What if this is just a ploy to shake me for more money? I give him this check and then what? Walk away? Nothing is that simple.”

  “I don’t know how to reassure you because your past and the people attached won’t go away. Physically maybe, but not mentally. That’s a whole other battle you have to fight. Just know that I’ve got your back.”

  Gratefulness wrapped me in its embrace as I looked at Andrew. “Thank you.”

  “Anytime.”

  I unscrewed the top of the thermos and drank deeply. Wiping my hand across my mouth, the smooth acidic taste of coffee lingered on my tongue. Since it was too early for a shot of tequila, liquid courage in the form of caffeine would have to do.

  I nodded. “Ok, let’s go.”

  Andrew’s car roared to life and before I could let doubt creep in, we drove head first into my childhood.

  The neighborhood hadn’t changed a bit. Houses that were skeletons of their former selves loomed over the streets, paint peeling off in ribbons. The crater-sized holes I almost killed myself riding my bike over weren’t fixed and the lawns weirdly green as ever.

  Slowing to a crawl, Andrew peered out the window. “Which one is it?”

  “It should be up ahead to your left.”

  My hands knotted in my lap while nerves tumbled in my stomach. I hoped Big Ted met me outside. I didn’t want to go inside that rat infested shit hole called an apartment building unless necessary. Did Sumiko live there now? I hoped not, however, addicts stayed wherever the drugs were.

  “It’s that one.” Pointing to the Victorian house with the gingerbread trim, my stomach lurched. “Jesus, it’s worse than I remember.”

  “It’s not so bad,” Andrew said skeptically.

  “What are you talking about? A gust of wind would knock it down.”

  Three men sat on the sagging porch, smoking a cigarette. Their beady eyes trained on Andrew’s beamer. Rap music blasted from a stereo next to them and an urge to clutch my pearls overcame me—even though I didn’t own pearls, never had. Six years away and the street kid inside me had been obliterated. No time like the present to reclaim it.

  “Stay in the car.” Unbuckling my seat, I tried to keep the quiver out of my voice. “I’ll be right back.”

  “Are you kidding me? I’m not letting you go inside there alone.” His cheeks reddened with anger as he drew an imaginary line in the air. “You see this? This is the rational side and right now you’re on the insane side. Let’s jump back over.”

  Although Andrew didn’t appear as if he had money, due to the fact he dressed like a skater boy, his mannerisms and the way he talked were a dead giveaway. Big Ted would certainly want additional income as soon as Andrew opened his mouth. Drug dealers saw people as two things: banks and clients. Andrew was a bank and he was already risking his career by loaning me the seven hundred dollars.

  I laid my hand on his arm. “I appreciate your concern but this is between me and Big Ted. You have done enough. Please, let me know handle this on my own.” Andrew scowled and my gaze softened. “I have survived twenty-three years without you.”

  “I know you have but I don’t like the idea of you going in there unprotected.”

  “I have my cellphone on me. If anything bad happens, I’ll text you 911 and you can bust in there, guns blazing like Rambo.”

  Trying not to smile, his upper lip twitched. He ran his hand through his hair and sighed. A telltale sign I had won this round.

  Kissing Andrew on the cheek, I opened the car door. “Remember Rambo.”

  “I would channel Rambo and a million other action heroes to save you,” he said sincerely.

  My heart grew five times over. “I know you would.”

  The car door slammed shut and I faced the house that stored my demons. The men on the porch curled their lips as my shoes smacked against the cement pathway. They clicked off the stereo. Tension coated the silence. I squared my shoulders while my hand reached into my pocket. The canister of mace rested comfortably in my palm.

  The man closest to the railing stood. Burn marks mottled his cheek. “Where do you think you’re goin
g, girly?”

  “I’m here to see Big Ted.”

  The other two cackled. I looked at all three of them like the scum they were. “It’s not a joke. He is excepting me and if you would step aside, I can go along with my business.”

  The man with the burn marks stepped closer. His sour breath reeked of sauerkraut and cigarettes. I resisted the urge to puke on his grime-covered sneakers. “What business do you have with him?”

  My eyes met the man’s in an unspoken challenge of who would back down first. It sure as hell wouldn’t be me. Rolling over meant getting kicked until your ribs broke.

  “Hey! She’s with me,” Big Ted barked.

  The air of hostility shattered. The man’s head swiveled over his shoulder and when he saw Big Ted standing in the doorway, he shrunk three sizes. He hunched his body in on itself.

  A self-satisfied smirk spread across Big Ted’s face like he was pleased at the amount of power he still held. His gaze focused on mine. “You’re here.”

  “I am. Where else would I be? Your threatened the lives of everybody I love if I didn’t get you this money.”

  He shrugged. “I didn’t think you loved anybody.” Crossing his arms over his chest, he looked at the street. “Guess I was wrong.”

  I followed his gaze. Andrew was halfway out the car with a strained expression. I knew he wanted to act on his alpha tendencies and come to my rescue. He had no idea how much it meant that he respected my wishes to stay put. Andrew’s dark eyes wordlessly asked if I was ok. Nodding, his features didn’t appear any less strained.

  Do I love Andrew? It was too early to tell but I did care about him a whole heck of a lot more than I was comfortable with.

  Big Ted cleared his throat. “Do you have the money?”

  “Yes.” Reaching into my pocket, I unearthed the check Andrew had given me. Before I handed it to Big Ted, there was something I had to be clear of. “As soon as I give you this, you and me are done. You stay out of my life, my sister’s life, and everybody else’s. You are dead to me. Understood?”

  His eyes black as coals sparked with anger. “You really think you can tell what I can do or not do? Don’t you see how my own men cower with fear when I’m around?”

  “I’m not one of your men and I’m sure as hell not scared of you. Why should I be? You have already taken a sledgehammer to my life and destroyed everything close to me.”

  Taking a menacing step forward, I held my ground as a sadistic smile spread across his face. “I can make you watch the blood leave your boyfriend’s body.”

  Fear catapulted straight to my heart but my face remained emotionless. “That’s not who you are, Ted. You don’t kill people; you have your minions doing your bidding. A real man would hold the gun in his hand and be responsible for the bullet that tears into a man’s body.”

  “You are toeing the line, girly,” Ted growled.

  I stood toe to toe with him, my chin jutted upwards, and we locked eyes. A bravery that didn’t dive below the surface seeped into my words. “Then prove it. I’m sure you have a gun somewhere on you. Aim it at my head and kill me.”

  Big Ted’s jaw ticked while his hand moved behind him. My breathing became shallow and my pulse kicked up three notches. I wanted to swallow my dare but it was too late for that. Waiting for the cold nozzle against my temple, time slowed.

  Abdication entered Big Ted’s gaze. “You are fucking crazy.”

  “I learned from the best—my mother.” Wasting no time, I brushed past him and smacked the envelope against his chest. “Where’s Sumiko?”

  “Living room.”

  People lay passed out on the overstuffed couches, their heads lulled to the side. Discarded needles and bags of drugs haphazardly littered the floor. Sumiko stared blankly up the ceiling, motionless. I chose my footsteps carefully as I walked to where she lay.

  “Sumiko?” I whispered furiously.

  Her unfocused gaze roamed the room until it settled on me. Saliva pooled in the corner of her lips. Bending down at the knee, I took her limp wrist into my hands. Her pulse was weak and threaded. Jesus.

  Lifting Sumiko to her feet by her armpits, I snaked my arm around her waist. “How much did you shoot up?”

  As if she couldn’t support her head, her chin tucked to her chest. Based on my years with my mother, Sumiko was borderline overdose. Andrew and I needed to get her to a hospital pronto. Dragging her through the house like a rag doll and onto the porch, I signaled for help. Andrew bounded up to us, swept Sumiko into his arms and laid her on the backseat of the car.

  “How far is the hospital?” I asked him.

  “About fifteen minutes.”

  “Ok, let’s go.”

  As the car peeled out into the street, I glanced back at Sumiko. Despite the mistakes and choices she had made, at the core she was a good person. As a little girl, she was a ray of sunshine but her father had stolen her spirit. I should have protected her. Unbuckling my seatbelt, I climbed into the backseat and put her head in my lap. As my hands stroked her hair, I softly sung our favorite song, “You Are My Sunshine,” underneath my breath.

  The hospital smelled like cleaning fluid and the air felt like a walk-in freezer. Why hospitals always blasted the air conditioning on high 24/7 was a mystery. I had half a mind to complain to the nurses, however, I didn’t want to be that person.

  Andrew and I had been twiddling our thumbs for the past hour, waiting on news about Sumiko. When we brought her into the E.R, she was straddling the line between life and death. For a terrifying moment there, I thought I’d lost her. The doctors zapped her chest and got sinus rhythm after she flat lined for a full ten seconds. Whatever heroin she shot into her veins was potent. As the doctors wheeled her back through the swinging white doors, Sumiko’s arm slipped off the gurney, bringing forward a memory of my dead mother getting removed by the paramedics. She’d looked a lot like how Sumiko did. Losing another person to drugs would have caused me to run away to the woods and became a hermit—the world too cruel of a place to live in.

  Andrew returned from his trip to the vending machines with a bag of mini Oreos and a hot chocolate. He set the chocolate fest onto the side table. “Breakfast of champions.”

  Pulling my knees to my chest, I cocooned myself inside my coat. “Thanks.”

  “Do you want me to ask the nurses for a blanket?”

  “No, it’s fine. I’ll survive.”

  Andrew plopped into the hard plastic chair next to mine. He stretched his long legs out in front of him and watched the Telemundo soap opera blaring on the television. Sneaking a side-glance, he looked as exhausted as I felt. Once Big Ted had the check, Andrew and I were supposed to have a clean start. No family drama, no drug dealers, no death threats, a normal healthy relationship. I should have known that wouldn’t happen. Normal didn’t exist in my vocabulary.

  “Hey, are you ok?” I asked softly.

  Andrew tore his attention away from a woman getting slapped on the screen. “I’m fine.”

  “Are you sure?” I pried. “My life isn’t the easiest to handle. If you want to leave, you can. I won’t hold it against you. Shit, I would leave if I could, but Sumiko is my sister and she needs help. I’m going to put her in rehab come hell or high water.”

  His brow furrowed together as he attempted to follow my train of thought. I longed to smooth away the lines on his forehead, but instead kept my hands in my lap.

  “I told you once and I’ll tell you a thousand times in order to get it through your thick skull. I’m. Not. Going. Anywhere.” Andrew emphasized each word. “Is that clear? You can’t get rid of me, Haven.”

  While clear, it didn’t make sense. Andrew had the looks of an Abercrombie model and had droves of women that would love to date him. Why did he choose me? My mistrustful, independent personality usually scared guys away.

  Andrew grinned. “What did I say about thinking too much?”

  “I just don’t get it.”

  “Get what?”

  I t
hrew my hands in the air, exasperated. “Why don’t you leave? It would be easy. We haven’t known each other for very long and you can go meet a nice woman like a preschool teacher or a nurse or something. Chalk up this period in your life to lapse of judgment.”

  He threw the questions back in my face. “Do you want me to leave?”

  The thought of Andrew being a stranger caused my heart to collapse. I wanted to him with every bone in my body but I didn’t deserve him. That’s what it came down to. I didn’t deserve his love and unrelenting support. Girls who grew up like me didn’t get happy endings.

  Andrew tipped my chin. Compassion churned in his dark eyes. “I have no idea why you keep questioning this connection between us. A picture of your soul now hangs in an art gallery because I wanted you to witness what I see. You don’t forget beauty like that. How can you?”

  “You don’t want normal?” I breathed.

  “Normal is boring.”

  “My whole life I have strived for normal. I just don’t understand how you don’t want that.”

  “Because I want you. I don’t care about some preconceived notion about what life should or shouldn’t be. Life is about the people you fill it with, the moments that happen, good or bad, and what you make of it.”

  “But…”

  Andrew shushed me by placing his lips on mine, my favorite way to get shut up. It was a quick and tender kiss and while the doubts still lingered, they were quieted for now.

  “I’m gonna get some fresh air. Do you want to come?” he asked when we broke apart.

  “I don’t want to miss the doctor. The nurses said it shouldn’t be long before there was news.”