by Tarrah Betts
I knew, without a doubt, that I loved him, that’s for sure. There was no doubt in my mind. And that love had grown and matured over the past year from the childlike hero worship I had for him as a kid to this barely contained inferno of lust and longing that threatened to spill over and scorch everything in it’s path.
This entire thing was so unlike him. The bracelet. The note. The “Love, Roan.” And yet, here it was, and in his own handwriting, no less.
I was truly content for the first time since Roan had left for the training camp, over a month and a half ago. It was a long time and I had been feeling the distance more acutely lately.
Roan had said he’d be home soon and I couldn’t wait to see him. I missed him so intensely; my entire being was saturated with yearning and desire to occupy the same space as him once again.
Where was my phone? I wanted to take a picture of me wearing my bracelet and send it to Roan and to let him know that I loved it.
I thought my Mom’s gift of driving lessons had been the best gift I’d ever received but I was so wrong! This bracelet from Roan was, by far, the most precious gift someone had ever given me because it was more than just a gift.
It was an expression of love.
And therefore told me that Roan had feelings for me, just as I did for him.
He had to. I mean, why else would he have sent me such a personal gift?
I put the bracelet on and went off in search of my phone. It was on my bedside table, under the book I had been reading before falling asleep last night. I quickly turned it on and snapped a picture of it draped across my wrist. The bracelet sparkled and shined and somehow looked like it belonged there.
Excitedly, I composed a few words and ended the text with “Love Aspen”, just like he had done. I was about to hit send, when something inside me made me hesitate.
It was a gigantic, hefty dose of doubt. What if I was wrong? What if I was reading into things too much? Maybe it WAS just a beautiful, thoughtful present and nothing more?
Oh lord.
If I looked at things clearly, on one side there was Roan. Muscular, dominant and the pack Beta. He was the type of man that women would fight each other and draw blood for.
Then there was me: short and skinny with a mop of horribly curly hair. I never got asked out on dates and I was sure that I was going to die a virgin. Yeah, I’m so sure I was Roan’s dream girl.
Give your head a shake, Aspen. You’re not in his league.
You never will be.
Roan was too beautiful and seductive, like a dancing flame that beckoned the hapless moth. I didn’t want my fate to be similar to the one suffered by the moth.
But it’s just that thinking about Roan made my body feel tight all over and ready to explode, that’s how badly I wanted him to be mine. I longed for him. I don’t think I had ever felt such unfulfilled desire for anything in my entire life.
I worried that these feelings weren’t normal, like maybe something was psychologically wrong with me because the hunger I felt for Roan had grown stronger over the past year and was physically painful at times. Painful. I mean, what kind of weird Were mojo had Roan cast over me to make me feel physical and emotional pain for him?
Roan had never given me any indication that any of these intense feelings were reciprocated in the least on his part and I really needed to accept that just because I felt those feelings towards Roan, it didn’t mean that he did too. Besides, if I stood back and looked at the situation logically, there was no way he could have meant what I thought he did when he was writing those words out to me.
So, I erased my text and replaced it with the message “Thank you Roan, it’s beautiful, I love it.”
Reluctantly, I jumped up from my bed and went to the living room to show my mom and Caver what Roan had given me for Christmas.
But, I really wanted to curl up in bed and have a good cry. Loving Roan was painful.
Chapter 26
***
I heard my phone go off next to the bed. I picked it up and squinted at the screen with sleepy eyes.
It was from Aspen.
I opened the text and saw a picture of her delicate little wrist wearing the bracelet I’d bought her for Christmas and I smiled. I was glad that she liked it as much as I thought she was going to.
My wolf was rather pleased with himself.
“We have taken care of our mate’s emotional needs, of course I am pleased,” my wolf said haughtily.
“Yes, I know, relax. She’s very happy with her bracelet,” I replied.
“It is not the bracelet that makes her happy, it is the implied bond and sense of intimacy behind it that is important to her,” my wolf said.
I knew she would like it as soon as I saw it in the store. I worried that maybe it was too personal of a gift, but who was I trying to kid here, I had two pictures of her breasts and three or four of her wearing nothing but panties and a tiny tank top saved to my phone.
She had really enjoyed toying with me over the last month and a half, sending me pictures and dirty texts with the promise that I could have the real thing if only I would ask for it.
And how I wanted to ask for it.
It had shocked the hell out of me at first. I mean, this was Aspen we were talking about here. Small, cute, little girl Aspen. But over the past month, it became apparent really quickly that the cutesy version of Aspen was no longer the one in control.
Every time she would send me a text dripping with sexual innuendo, I would shut my phone off, then take the new Were out into the forest and run him half to death. I’m sure the new Were thought I was a real hard ass, but truthfully, the physical release of running was more for me than him.
Reading the sexual texts from Aspen was difficult. It was a literal, and sometimes visual, representation of her increasingly sexuality and my wolf wanted to crash through the woods and run to her like a horny teenager.
I would usually take a cold shower instead.
Sometimes even that wasn’t enough and I would lay awake in bed at night, consumed with thoughts of her. Thinking about her led to looking at the pictures she’d sent me and then my dick would get painfully hard and throb with need.
Usually, I would end up touching myself when things got out of control like that. I would think about dominating her, being buried between her legs while we blood bonded and I would orgasm hard and fast with the image of us together burned into my soul.
Still, I was not satisfied.
Touching myself gave me some relief but it was always short lived. What I needed was to mate with Aspen but there was no way I would allow that to happen, not for a while at least.
I ran my hands through my hair and sighed. My body felt tight and uncomfortable. I needed to phase and go out running.
I was glad that Aspen liked my gift though. I liked that she was happy because of something I did for her. It made my wolf prance around, puffed up with pride at pleasing her.
Aspen didn’t know it yet, but I would do absolutely anything for her.
Anything.
She was my entire life; my reason for being and maintaining distance between us was getting more and more difficult with her newly acquired sexual awareness.
Although I had made sure that Aspen was sheltered from the rougher, unsavory aspects of life as a little kid, she was pretty darn spoiled. I made sure she had the best of absolutely everything and she certainly never lacked for attention either. I was hers and did whatever her little heart desired.
Can we go to the park Roan? Absolutely. Can you read me another story? Of course. Can you play with me, Roan? I would love to. Wanna have a tea party with me? There’s nothing else I would rather do.
She was mine. My little girl and there was nothing I wouldn’t do for her.
When she began expressing disappointment and then sadness through her texts that I would not be home for Christmas, I knew I needed to do something to help lessen the sting. So I called up Caver and gave him instructions to take he
r out to Johnson’s Tree Farm to look for a Christmas tree, complete with hot chocolate, just as I would have done with her.
Caver really didn’t want to, of course, he was watching a hockey game, but there’s no way in hell he would have disobeyed an order from me because he was below me in terms of the pack hierarchy. Besides, had he refused, I would have drug the new Were all the way back to Spruce Hollow just to teach Caver a lesson in respecting his Beta.
And he knew it. However, he was still pissy about it but he’d grudgingly agreed.
Aspen had marched him around for an hour before she picked out an enormous tree, which Caver then had to get home and maneuver into the house. He’d called me to tell me that he’d completed the task but then proceed to tell me what a complete pain in the ass I was because the score was now 3-1 and he’d missed it, thank you very much.
"Thanks Caver, I'm sure you've made Aspen very happy," I laughed.
"Yeah, yeah, I know. She was pretty hyper and excited. You know, she freaking talks an awful lot when she's happy."
I could picture Aspen, smiling and happy, in my head and that was all that was important to me, Caver and his hockey game could go pound sand.
It was the same with the bracelet, even though I was stuck at the training camp, there was no way that I was going to miss Christmas entirely.
I’d asked Griff to come up to the training camp to stay with the new Were for a day or so while I went into town to pick out a Christmas gift for Aspen. I knew I could trust Griff to look after him; he wouldn’t let me down. Besides, the new Were was almost ready to come and live with the pack and wouldn’t give Griff any problem in the short amount of time that I would be gone.
As soon as I saw the delicate bracelet sitting in the sparkling case of our local jewelry store, I knew that it was meant to be worn on Aspen’s delicate wrist. There was something about the fragile beauty of the filigree that stood out from all the others in the case. Just like Aspen stood out above all other women, in my eyes.
I wondered if I was being too bold by including the two charms with it? I couldn’t resist after spying them in a jewellery display case sitting on top. It was too perfect and the symbolism was pretty hard to miss. A wolf and a little girl. Me and Aspen.
Together.
I didn’t care if she made the connection or not. I wanted her to wear it, this bracelet with a representation of me on it.
Aspen was mine and eventually not only would she wear this bracelet, she would also bear my mark, two tiny scars on her neck from where we’d blood bond together. I wanted to blood bond with her so badly, thinking about it lately had taken on a life of it’s own and had started giving me shivers just from thinking about it.
But for right now, I’d have to be content to mark her with this bracelet.
I’d brought the gift home, signed the tag and wrote her a note to place inside. It was short and sweet and to the point. I didn’t have time to sit and write a lengthy declaration of my undying love for her. I had to get back to the training camp, and besides, I wanted to go and take a look at Aspen at school before I left.
As an afterthought, I wrote “Love Roan” on the note and tucked it inside the box before I changed my mind. I did it more out a sign of possessiveness than anything else. I didn’t want her to think that I actually loved her, which I did, but she didn’t have to know that yet. It would just confuse her and cloud an already murky situation even further.
I left the present in my room, which was presently a mess and being occupied by Caver for the past month and a half. I shook my head in irritation as I moved the pile of clothes hanging off my dresser put Aspen’s gift in the top drawer with instructions for him to give it to her on Christmas morning.
I didn’t let Aspen know that I was home from the training camp for the day because it would only upset her when I had to turn right back around and leave her again. Besides, I really wasn’t supposed to be in Spruce Hollow and was technically shirking my responsibilities to the pack off on Griff for a few hours. I supposed I should feel bad about it but my dedication to the pack had taken me away from Aspen often enough in her short life and she deserved more than to be left behind all the time. And there was no way that I was leaving her behind on Christmas, it would have broken her fragile little heart.
Nevertheless, I’d phased and had seen her a couple of times throughout the day, drawn by loneliness for her company and also her intoxicating scent.
I could find her anywhere.
I had seen her at the bus stop this morning and then again at the corner store at lunch hour with Sorcha.
I watched her now, outside after school, standing there smiling and talking to that little prick Justin Meyers at the bus stop. She seemed so carefree and happy with the wind blowing her hair around. She kept tucking the soft curls behind her ears to keep it out of her face. I wanted to reach out and tangle my fingers in her riot of curls. To touch their softness and wrap them around my fingers and pull her lips up to meet mine.
Damn.
I had to stop thinking like that before my wolf broke free and went after her to take what I wanted so badly.
She didn’t look like a little girl anymore, standing there with her eyes, bright and shinning and her tight jeans molded to her ass. She looked like a vibrant, young woman standing there with Justin. Was this what she truly looked like? Had she looked this way for a while but I had refused to see it?
I saw the way that Justin looked at her when she wasn't looking and it wasn’t the way one looked at a little girl but a sexy, desirable, young woman. I felt my blood boil, as I stood there in the shadows, until I felt that I could barely swallow my own anger. I forced myself to leave before I pounded Justin Meyers into a bloody pulp in front of Aspen.
Stalking away, to lick my wounds, I placated myself with the thought that Aspen would never really be his. Even if she had a temporary infatuation with Justin, she would only ever belong to me.
Her heart would always be mine.
Chapter 27
***
“New Years Eve, time to let go of the old and let in the new!” I thought to myself as I stood, my dewy, still glistening body wrapped in a fluffy white towel, and gazed at my reflection in my full-length bedroom mirror.
My eyes were bright as I unwrapped my riotous curly hair from the towel on my head and shook it out. I played with it, piling it on top of my head, then letting it fall again while trying to decide if I should wear it up or down tonight. It didn't matter, either way it was a curly mess. I'd been frequently told throughout my life that women would kill for hair like mine and what I want to know is where are these women because I would give it to them quite willing, no killing necessary.
I was going to a New Years Eve party at Sorcha’s house tonight and was filled to brimming with excitement at the prospect of getting out of the house and socializing with anyone other than my mother or Caver. Not that I didn’t love them both, of course. But there was only so many topics that I could talk about with each of them. Caver liked to talk about hockey, music and girls.
And not necessarily in that order.
And my mother? My mother didn’t really like to talk about much of anything. She wasn’t really a motherly, baking cookies, heart to heart having, type of mother. And because of that, we weren’t really the sit around, talking to one another about our day type of mother and daughter.
We had a less emotional and more utilitarian type of relationship. I found, as I got older, she got more and more emotionally distant, like she was pulling away from me, which forced me to rely solely on Roan for almost everything. Emotional and otherwise.
Speaking of Roan, I was being a good girl and had even texted him and asked if it was okay for me to go to the party at Sorcha’s.
I didn’t want to chance pissing him off like I had last time with the Dam party fiasco. He had questioned me to death about the party, asking questions like” Is there going to be drinking or drugs”, or “How many people are going to be there�
�� and most importantly in his eyes, “Are her parents going to be home”.
You know, the kind of stuff that Roan would be concerned about. After the Roan inquisition was over and he felt satisfied with my answers, he said that I could go. I had to promise him “no drinking” and to be home by 1:00am sharp.
I felt giddy, just thinking about it. Roan had never allowed me to stay out until after midnight before! Maybe he was starting to see that I truly wasn’t a kid anymore? My birthday was fast approaching and by the time the Winter was over, I would be seventeen years old.
I wasn’t a kid any longer and it was about time that Roan started to notice it.
One thing I didn’t promise him and the one thing he hadn’t asked me about was if there were going to be any boys there at the party. And the answer was a big 'HELL YEAH' there were going to be boys there!
It was going to be an enormous party, with over 200 guests made up of classmates, friends, neighbors and relatives who were all invited to Sorcha’s parents farm. It was more of event, really, than a simple New Years Eve get together.
Honestly, I was surprised that Roan had said that I could go with so many people invited to the party. So many, in fact, that Sorcha’s parents had to clear out the main barn to make room for whomever would be showing up and rest assured, nearly everyone who was invited would be showing up.
There was no way that people wouldn’t show up for a New Years dance complete with a sound system, DJ and a light show. This was Spruce Hollow, after all, and this was probably one of the most exciting things to happen here all year long! But for me, the most exciting part of all had to be the fireworks show that was going to take place at midnight, when we counted down to the new year!
How exciting was that?
To a town that only saw a seven-minute fireworks show behind the dugout of the baseball field every July 4th, it was pretty freaking exciting!
