The French Don't Diet Plan

by Dr. William Clower

  Like any good brew, this sauce definitely qualifies as a Saturday concoction to simmer through the day.

  Time to the Table: 1 to 2 hours Makes about 6 cups

  YOU’LL NEED

  2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil

  1 cup finely minced onion

  3 cloves garlic, minced

  1 hot pepper, such as jalepeño, seeded and minced

  ¼ cup red wine

  2 28-ounce cans tomato sauce

  ½ cup Worcestershire sauce

  ¼ cup cider vinegar

  2 tablespoons molasses

  2 tablespoons Tabasco sauce

  2 tablespoons Dijon mustard

  ¼ cup brown sugar

  1 tablespoon chili powder

  1 teaspoon ground cumin

  5 to 7 turns of a-pepper grinder

  Salt to taste

  IN A 2-QUART SAUCEPAN

  Heat the olive oil over medium heat, add the onion and garlic, and sauté until the onions soften. Throw in the hot pepper and move it around the pan for another couple of minutes. Add the wine, and simmer for 5 minutes before adding the tomato sauce, Worcestershire sauce, cider vinegar, molasses, Tabasco sauce, mustard, brown sugar, chili powder, cumin, pepper, and salt to the pan. Taste at least twice to correct the seasonings.

  Bring to a boil, reduce to simmer, and then cover and let it gently stew for an hour or so. It only gets better as it cooks. You can leave it simmering as long as you like, but an hour is about the minimum. Then turn off the heat, cool, and store in a clean leftover ketchup bottle or other container in your refrigerator. It keeps in the refrigerator for 6 to 8 weeks.

  Play with Your Food

  You can adjust the flavors as you go. It takes a bit of time for a new addition to get infused into the sauce, so what you taste just after the addition won’t be exactly how it will taste after another 20 minutes.

  FAUX-FOOD EQUIVALENT: Kraft Original Barbecue Sauce

  Ingredients: High-fructose corn syrup, vinegar, water, concentrated tomato juice, modified food starch, salt, molasses, paprika, spice, mustard flour, caramel color, guar gum, natural flavor, Red No. 40.

  Everyday Bacon Bits

  In France, you can buy little fatty ham pieces already cut up, called lardons. To get the same effect, all you need is a slab of bacon.

  You don’t need to cook the entire slab at once. Once you slice it into its little pieces, store it in the refrigerator in a Ziploc bag and pull out a few when you are frying something. You can also cook an entire slice of bacon and then crumble it up afterward, if you like it very crispy.

  These bacon bits can be used for cream sauces, salads, risottos, omelets, or any dish that needs a little savory flavor.

  Tricks of the Trade

  When you’re cutting your bacon, it’s easiest if you cut across the entire slab. If you try to cut up one bacon slice at a time, the slice will tear and you’ll never finish.

  Time to the Table: 10 minutes Make as much as you need

  YOU’LL NEED

  Bacon, thickly sliced

  FIRST

  Cut your bacon into the number of little ¼-inch pieces you will need for your dish.

  IN A MEDIUM SAUCEPAN

  Over medium heat, simply cook the bacon until it reaches the desired level of crispness. Remove to a paper towel set on a plate.

  FAUX-FOOD EQUIVALENT: Bac*Os

  Ingredients: Defatted soy flour, partially hydrogenated soybean oil, water, salt, sugar, artificial and natural flavor, Red No. 40 and other color added, soy sauce (water, wheat, soybeans, salt), hydrolyzed vegetable protein (corn, soy, wheat).

  Balsamic Vinaigrette Dressing

  Time to the Table: 5 minutes Makes 1 cup

  YOU’LL NEED

  ¼ cup balsamic vinegar

  ¾ cup extra-virgin olive oil

  Spices: some combination of salt, pepper, oregano, garlic powder, cayenne pepper, and parsley to taste

  Tricks of the Trade

  Try adding a touch of Dijon mustard to this dressing. It emulsifies the oil and vinegar into a nice, even consistency.

  IN A SMALL MIXING BOWL

  Mix the vinegar, olive oil, and spices with a fork. Taste, and correct the seasonings.

  Play with Your Food

  The classic ratio of oil to vinegar is 3:1. But don’t feel bound to this. We like a bit more vinegar in our dressing, especially when it is a good balsamic variety. Also, lemon juice is a good tangy addition to help balance the sweetness of the balsamic. Depending on the kind of veggies you have in your salad, throw some blue cheese into the mix, too.

  FAUX-FOOD EQUIVALENT: Kraft Balsamic Vinaigrette

  Ingredients: Water, canola and/or soybean oil, balsamic vinegar, sugar, salt, dried garlic, spice, xanthan gum, mustard flour, dried parsley, potassium sorbate, calcium disodium EDTA, oleoresin, paprika, sulfating agents.

  Double-Almond Biscotti

  The word biscotti is derived from bis (twice) and cotto (cooked). Because they are cooked twice, biscotti are dried enough to keep well for quite a long time, without preservatives.

  The biscotti you buy in the store are often too dry and crunchy. That’s because they were shipped in on a truck from the regional baking facilities in Walla Walla, Washington. But real biscotti resembles a good baguette—a crunch on the outside and a soft, even texture in the middle.

  Time to the Table: 90 minutes Makes 25 to 30 biscotti

  YOU’LL NEED

  ½ cup sugar

  ½ cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, softened

  2 large eggs

  1 ¾ cups all-purpose flour

  2 teaspoons baking-powder

  ½ teaspoon salt

  Pinch of baking soda

  ¼ teaspoon almond extract

  1 cup slivered almonds

  Preheat the oven to 350°F.

  IN A LARGE MIXING BOWL

  Add the sugar and, with an electric blender (or a whisk, a good strong arm, and plenty of patience), cream in the butter and then the eggs. In a separate bowl, mix the flour, baking powder, salt, and baking soda together.

  Then fold the dry ingredients into the sugar-butter-egg mixture with a spoon. As you blend these together, add the almond extract and slivered almonds until they’re evenly distributed.

  Tricks of the Trade

  When “oven drying” these biscotti, ten minutes per side in the oven should be enough to keep them moist on the inside. But if your oven tends to cook hot, reduce the heat to 325° F before baking the cut pieces.

  ON A LIGHTLY DUSTED BOARD

  Knead the dough several minutes and then form it into a broad loaf that will fit your cookie sheet, flattened to about 1½ inches high and 4 inches wide.

  Place the dough on an ungreased cookie sheet and bake for 30 minutes. Let cool for 10 minutes on a wire rack. Slice crosswise into ½-inch, biscotti-size pieces.

  Place the slices, cut side down, back onto the cookie sheet and bake for 10 minutes. Turn them over and bake on the other side for another 10 minutes. Remove and cool the biscotti on a wire rack.

  Play with Your Food

  For vanilla biscotti, substitute vanilla extract for the almond extract.

  For chocolate-orange biscotti, substitute vanilla extract for the almond extract. Add 1 tablespoon orange juice, 1 teaspoon grated orange rind, and 1 cup bittersweet chocolate shavings or chips. It also wouldn’t hurt to throw 2 tablespoons cocoa into the mix.

  FAUX-FOOD EQUIVALENT: The Bake Shop Traditional Almond Biscotti

  Ingredients: Flour, malted barley flour, potassium bromate, sugar, eggs, partially hydrogenated soybean oil and/or cottonseed oil, salt, artificial color and flavor, almonds, baking powder, molasses, natural and/or artificial flavors.

  Hot Cocoa

  Real hot cocoa is perfect for cold winter evenings when it’s late and you don’t want a caffeinated drink like coffee or tea, and you don’t want to give your kids that packet of hot chocolate mix that has been around since Elvis appeared on The Ed Sullivan Show.r />
  Time to the Table: 10 minutes Enough for 1 person

  Tricks of the Trade

  Be careful heating the cocoa because it scorches easily. Keep your burner at medium or lower.

  YOU’LL NEED

  1 cup milk

  1 heaping tablespoon cocoa powder

  1 tablespoon brown sugar

  1 teaspoon vanilla extract

  IN A MEDIUM SAUCEPAN

  Heat the milk over medium heat, and add the cocoa, brown sugar, and vanilla.

  Whisk until all the cocoa is incorporated into the milk. Heat the milk until just steamy, stirring all the while.

  Play with Your Food

  If you don’t have cocoa, simply substitute 1 to 2 squares of chopped bittersweet chocolate. Warm the chocolate slowly and whisk in ¼ cup of the milk until thoroughly melted. Then continue with the rest of the recipe.

  For fancy hot cocoa, add a pinch of cinnamon and top with a healthy dollop of whipped cream, sprinkled with finely shaved chocolate.

  FAUX-FOOD EQUIVALENT: Nestlé Rich Chocolate Hot Cocoa Mix

  Ingredients: Sugar, corn syrup solids, dairy product solids, vegetable oil (partially hydrogenated coconut and palm kernel oils, canola, hydrogenated palm, soybean, cottonseed or safflower oils), cocoa processed with alkali, cellulose gum, salt, sodium caseinate, dipotassium phosphate, sodium silicoaluminate, mono-and diglycerides, guar gum, artificial flavors.

  Buttered Popcorn

  On movie night number one, start with the microwave popcorn you picked up to go with your movie. Open up the plastic packaging and take the bag over to the microwave. Put it in and set the timer for 4 minutes. On movie night number two, take a jar of popcorn and pour some into an oiled pan. Turn on the heat and wait 4 minutes, while you melt some butter in the microwave.

  The only real difference between these two approaches is a pan to wash. The second method replaces heart-clogging hydrogenated oils with real butter—which contains vitamins and minerals.

  Time to the Table: 10 minutes Makes 2 to 3 cups

  Tricks of the Trade

  To prevent burning the popcorn: Once the corn starts popping, hold either side of the pan with pot holders and shuffle it back and forth to the rhythm of whatever song you are listening to. This serves a dual purpose. It also ensures that all the kernels sift to the bottom to be popped.

  YOU’LL NEED

  Enough vegetable oil to cover the bottom of a saucepan

  ½ cup popcorn kernels

  2 tablespoons unsalted butter

  Salt to taste

  IN A MEDIUM SAUCEPAN

  Add the oil until it just barely covers the entire bottom of the pan, then pour in the popcorn until it forms a single layer. Cover.

  Heat the popcorn over medium-high heat until the first kernels start to pop. Then shake the pan until the number of pops is fewer than 1 every 2 seconds. Pour the popcorn into a large serving or mixing bowl.

  Melt the butter in a separate pan or in the microwave. Pour the melted butter over the top of the popcorn in a thin stream, making sure the corn is evenly coated by tossing it around at the same time.

  Play with Your Food

  Infuse your butter with garlic or rosemary by warming 1 crushed garlic clove or 1/8 teaspoon dried rosemary in the melted butter for about 2 minutes. You might also try adding just a few crushed walnuts or almonds to the popcorn as well.

  Other suggestions for popcorn include grating some hard cheese such as Parmesan very fine and sprinkling it all over after the butter is tossed in.

  FAUX-FOOD EQUIVALENT: Pop-Secret Popcorn

  Ingredients: Popcorn, partially hydrogenated soybean oil, salt, butter, artificial and natural flavors, color added, propyl gallate.

  Brown Sugar Cinnamon Oatmeal

  This oatmeal tastes so good that it’s hard to believe how good it is for you. The insoluble fiber found in this hearty breakfast can help reduce the risk of heart disease and lower your LDL cholesterol.

  Time to the Table: 10 minutes Serves 1

  YOU’LL NEED

  1 cup water

  ½ cup rolled oats

  Pinch of salt

  1 tablespoon unsalted butter

  1 tablespoon brown sugar

  ½ teaspoon ground cinnamon

  IN A MEDIUM SAUCEPAN

  Boil the water, then add the oats and salt. Lower the heat to medium and cook until the water is absorbed (for whole oats, about 15 minutes; for quick oats, 5 to 10 minutes). Add the butter, brown sugar, and cinnamon. Correct the seasonings.

  Play with Your Food

  Add any fruit: whole, sliced thinly, or quickly pureed with a touch of sugar.

  Replace the brown sugar with maple syrup and add a touch of pure cream.

  FAUX-FOOD EQUIVALENT: Quaker Instant Strawberries and Cream Oatmeal

  Ingredients: Oats, sugar, maltodextrin, partially hydrogenated soybean oil, whey, sodium caseinate, dehydrated apples treated with sodium sulfite, artificial strawberry flavor, citric acid, Red No. 40, salt, calcium carbonate, guar gum, artificial flavors, citric acid, niacinamide, vitamin A palmitate, reduced iron, pyridoxine hydrochloride, riboflavin, thiamin, mononitrate, folic acid.

  Banana Nut Pancakes

  A staple of Saturday mornings, these pancakes are easy to throw together and very versatile.

  Time to the Table: 15 minutes Makes 9 to 12 pancakes

  Tricks of the Trade

  You can make only a few pancakes at a time. So, to allow your family to eat all together, put a large plate in a warm oven (150°F) and set the pancakes on it until they’re all made and you’re ready for everyone to eat.

  YOU’LL NEED

  1 large egg, beaten

  ¾ to 1 cup milk (see below)

  1 cup all-purpose flour

  2 tablespoons vegetable oil, plus more for the griddle

  3 teaspoons baking powder

  1 tablespoon brown sugar

  Pinch of salt

  Pinch of ground cinnamon

  1 pungent ripe banana, mashed until smooth

  1 cup crushed walnuts

  IN A LARGE MIXING BOWL

  Beat the egg and milk (if you like your pancakes thick, use less milk; play with the amount to make your perfect pancakes) together, then add the flour and mix until smooth. Fold in the oil, baking powder, brown sugar, salt, cinnamon, banana, and walnuts.

  TO A FRYING PAN OR GRIDDLE

  Add about a tablespoon of oil and place it over medium heat. Then add about ¼ cup of the batter to the pan. You can vary this amount depending on the size of the pancakes you prefer. Look to see when the batter develops bubbles, indicating the underside is golden. When ready, give it a flip and repeat the process for the other side.

  Play with Your Food

  Try sliced strawberries or blueberries instead of bananas.

  These pancakes are just as good with maple syrup and butter as they are with some all-fruit jelly and whipped cream.

  FAUX-FOOD EQUIVALENT: Mrs. Butterworth’s Complete Pancake and Waffle Mix

  Ingredients: Wheat flour, sugar, leavening (baking soda, sodium aluminum phosphate, monocalcium phosphate), soy flour, whey, dextrose, partially hydrogenated soybean and cottonseed oils, salt, whole eggs, calcium carbonate, soy protein isolate, nonfat milk, sodium caseinate, mono-and diglycerides, natural and artificial flavors (includes dairy derivatives), caramel color.

  Quick Ham and Egg Scramble

  You will never in your wildest dreams imagine the behemoth of a faux-food-ingredients list for what should be a simple ham and egg scramble or omelet. Check out the faux food below, but I warn you: It’s ugly.

  Instead, a few real foods make for a fabulously easy Saturday breakfast that takes a few minutes to cook.

  Time to the Table: 10 to 15 minutes Serves 2

  YOU’LL NEED

  2 tablespoons unsalted butter

  ¼ cup fully cooked diced ham

  ¼ cup diced sweet red bell-pepper

  Salt and freshly ground pepper to taste