Friendship on Fire

by Danielle Weiler

  ‘Do I call off the assassination plot?’ he asked, offering me some coffee from his thermos.

  I giggled at his heart-warming, yet violent comment and took a swig. ‘Pretty poor assassin if he hasn’t got him already, don’t you think?’

  ‘Good point,’ he nodded. ‘I could have done a better job myself …’

  ‘You don’t need to worry about me,’ I lied. It was the worst 3 experience of my life. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Maybe Skye.

  He raised his eyebrows in disbelief. ‘Are you sure about that? I thought we had the talk a few months ago and you still went ahead with it. Now look at you.’

  ‘What’s wrong with me?’ I challenged, slight twitch on my lips.

  Shane waved his free hand at me. ‘You’re all skinny and puffy eyed. How do you expect to pull a rebound guy looking like that?’

  ‘Yes. That is my goal in life,’ I replied dryly.

  ‘And, you don’t talk to your big bro anymore. That means something is wrong in your head,’ he said, tapping his skull with his index finger.

  I rolled my eyes. ‘Thanks. I’m ugly and crazy now, is that it?’

  ‘Uh …’ Shane wasn’t good at digging himself back out of verbal holes.

  ‘Kidding. It’s nice that you care. I’m sorry I’ve been off the last few weeks. I’ve been pretty rocked.’

  ‘Wanna talk about it?’

  ‘Maybe one day,’ I said demurely.

  ‘I’m here for you, Daisy. If only to spit in his Big Mac the next time he shows his face in McDonald’s with Rachael and …’

  Back up. ‘What?’

  ‘What? Fine, I’ll only put a hair in it,’ he shrugged.

  ‘No not that. You can poison him if you want. Maccas. You’ve seen him there with Rachael?’ I could barely contain my dark curiosity.

  ‘Yeah. A few times. I figured they were friends because of you and her.’

  His innocence was endearing but I wished he had the foresight to tell me earlier.

  ‘I would have thought so, too,’ I mumbled to myself.

  Shane put the Thermos on the coffee table and shook his head to clear it.

  ‘Hang on. Are you telling me the other weekend might not have been the first time they were together?’

  Sighing, I prepared myself for the possibility. ‘I wouldn’t put it past them. For all I know, it’s been going on since the party at Rachael’s house when Nate and I hooked up.’

  Like a flood washing over my head, I remembered times when I could have been suspicious but was too trusting not to be. The scene that kept flashing before my eyes was my last soccer match Rachael came to watch. She’d invited herself to it and spent a good portion of the time looking after me after I got clocked with the ball. The vision of her and Nate talking like they were good friends, her hand on his arm …

  The coffee I’d just drunk threatened to exit my stomach ungracefully, along with the rest of our expensive dinner. The familiar sinking, sick feeling returned as my favourite unwanted guest. I didn’t want to know the truth, but I had a feeling I wouldn’t let myself move on until I knew the full extent of her betrayal.

  ‘Daisy, are you OK? Here, have some more coffee,’ Shane held the flask up for me, concern furrowing in his brows.

  I shook my head, one hand on my stomach. ‘No, thanks. I need to go do something.’

  He eyed me suspiciously.

  ‘You’re not turning into a bulimic, are you?’

  ‘Hell no. Not on purpose, anyway. I need to make a phone call.’ I started to get up.

  ‘Be careful. I can threaten to bash him if you like, in the background.’

  ‘Not him. Her,’ I murmured, hands shaking as I pulled my mobile phone from my pocket.

  Alone in my log-cabin room, sitting on my bunk, I dialled an unlikely person’s number.

  ‘Hello?’ Skye’s voice answered. Music was thumping in the background.

  My heart pounded. Should I hang up? This was a crazy idea. She’ll use this information to plaster all over the school walls. I’ll never live it down.

  Get over it, my brain sternly told me. Not long left of school anyway. People will forget her like Nate’s forgotten you …

  ‘Hello?’ she said again, annoyance mounting in her voice. ‘If this is another prank I swear to God …’

  ‘Skye. It’s Daisy,’ I said in a quiet, broken voice.

  Instantly Skye changed her tone. ‘School captain. What a pleasure. I’m not sure how I can help you, although I am a woman of many talents.’

  ‘I need you to be real with me for a minute. Do you think you can do that?’

  Silence on the other end revealed Skye thinking about my question.

  ‘I can’t promise anything,’ she said finally.

  ‘It’s important,’ I said, trying not to beg the enemy.

  Her impatience waned slightly. ‘I’ll try. But hurry up. You’re wasting my time.’

  Resisting the urge to tell her where she could stick her time, I took a deep breath and questioned my sanity for the millionth time.

  ‘How long had Nate and Rachael been seeing each other before his birthday party?’ There, I said it. It was out there, never to be retrieved again.

  ‘Wow. You are a bit slow to catch on, aren’t you?’ Skye nearly laughed.

  ‘Can you just tell me, please? I need to know the truth.’

  The smugness in her voice was unmistakable. ‘So I take it you can’t trust what Nate says after all? Like I warned.’

  ‘I haven’t asked him. You were my first choice, because you are kind of in with everyone and I figured you’d be honest with me, as you always are.’ The unlikelihood of a truce between us made me smile despite myself.

  She sighed. ‘Honestly, I don’t know. Definitely since Rach switched to the greener grass of my crew. They hit it off from the beginning. But then, we’re all friends, if you know what I mean.’

  Of course I did and it made me feel sick. It hurt me to consider how Rachael hit it off with my boyfriend from the beginning. Who else had she got with from Skye’s crew? It was so unlike the Rach I thought I knew.

  ‘So you didn’t see anything, in public?’ My heart thudded so hard I thought she might hear it and tease me for it.

  ‘Not anything out of our ordinary.’ What did that mean?

  ‘Right.’

  ‘But hey. Let’s stop wasting Skye’s precious brain space with insignificant talk and you can hear it from the horse’s mouth yourself?’

  There was rummaging and whispering but I didn’t hear Skye say my name as she handed the phone over. Possibilities of who the horse might be started racing through my mind.

  I must have been slow on the uptake, like Skye said. So much so, the horse said, ‘Hello?’ before I had time to agree or disagree with Skye’s decision to potentially humiliate me over loudspeaker. And I was too polite to hang up. And curious.

  ‘Hello? Who’s this?’ I asked stupidly.

  ‘Rachael. Is that you Daisy?’ she asked bluntly.

  ‘Yeah. Where’s Skye?’ I was trying to avoid the inevitability of this conversation.

  Music continued to rage in the background, muffling the clarity of her voice. ‘She’s gone to get us another drink. Why did she hand the phone to me?’

  ‘Oh, it’s nothing. Just about the sports carnival next term,’ I lied.

  ‘You don’t have to lie to me. I heard bits of Skye’s end of the conversation. What do you want to know?’

  I resented the idea that Rachael, above all people, had the power to give me the answers I needed. The scarlet woman herself could decide, to a large extent, how quickly I’d get over my broken heart. I shuddered.

  ‘Fine. Was Nate’s birthday party the first time you two hooked up? Or had you been a slut for longer than that?’

  I surprised myself at two things here. I used his name in a proper sentence and I insulted my ex-best friend like I’d never done before. Both disturbed the ‘old’ me.

  The ‘new�
�� me wanted answers.

  ‘Ouch. What’s he told you?’

  ‘Don’t try to match up stories, Rachael. Tell me the truth once and for all.’

  ‘The beach was the first time for that, if that’s what you mean,’ she said dryly.

  ‘I mean any type of hooking up. When did you start to overstep the friendship lines, knowing he and I were together?’ It pained me to even ask and I grew impatient at her stalling.

  ‘There aren’t any lines, as I’ve learnt,’ she replied. ‘It’s all relative.’

  Had she been brainwashed?

  ‘So, all along, everything between us was a lie to keep me in the dark? My birthday present, the girls’ night at the movies, all those nights Nate was spending with his mum or dad? You coming to my soccer match? No wait, that was to see Nate, while I was passed out on the grass. This makes sense now.’

  Bitterness seeped into the edges of my mouth and my heart ached with the new knowledge that both my relationships had been a lie for much longer than I thought.

  ‘Daisy, I never intended to …’ she began weakly.

  ‘Intentions mean nothing if you can’t control yourself. What did I ever do to you to push you to stab me in the back like that?’ My voice reached breaking point.

  If she could shrug over the phone I would’ve heard it. ‘Nothing, directly. Nate was very charming and his friends were nice …’

  I had to interrupt her. ‘How long have you been in their friendship circle? Have you been to his house?’

  ‘Yeah, we’d have parties there all the time. He said you two weren’t official and made it sound like you spent most of your time fighting and were on and off. He said you were happy for him to see other people.’

  ‘And you didn’t think to ask my opinion on that? I don’t know you anymore. Do you think for one second I’d date a guy who wanted to date other girls? Let alone my best friend? I don’t feel like I ever knew you.’

  ‘I guess not. Not that you wanted to know me anymore after getting a guy anyway. You changed too, Daisy. Don’t try to blame all this on me,’ she spat. She sounded like she’d been saving that up to tell me for a long time.

  ‘You are unbelievable.’ I nearly screamed down the phone at her. ‘This is not my fault. Don’t try to push your guilt on to me.’

  ‘I’m not guilty, honey. Nate misfed me the information and I didn’t hear boo from you, so go cry to him and let him be the villain. Maybe now that you have more time on your hands, we can try to be friends again. Get back on track.’

  ‘There is no way we can recover from this. You’re as bad as him,’ I said in a low voice.

  ‘Whatever helps you sleep at night, Daisy,’ she said sweetly.

  We weren’t getting anywhere with this conversation. As much as it hurt me to realise I wouldn’t talk to Rachael ever again, I had to get off the phone. Before my heart ripped any further, or I cried.

  ‘Goodbye, Rachael. I hope you find yourself again.’ Before she had a chance to answer, I hung up.

  Grieving for my lost friend, I tried to keep myself busy by packing my suitcase for the return trip tomorrow. I soon found I couldn’t fold my clothes properly and couldn’t see through my ever present bubbles of tears. Exhausted, I lay down on my bunk and cried myself to sleep.

  ‘That does suck. Honestly, it’s the way of life with friends and men.’

  Sarah pursed her lips with resignation. It was the day before term three would begin and I needed Sarah’s ear for sympathy and encouragement or I swore I’d quit school and hide in the house until I was twenty-one.

  ‘Why didn’t anyone tell me boys were like that before, you know …?’ I asked her, frustration pouring out of my voice. ‘It would help with the whole stupid feeling ruining my life at the moment.’

  ‘You didn’t tell anyone you were going to …’ she began.

  ‘Except you,’ I finished.

  She threw her hands up in defence. ‘Hey, don’t look at me. I wasn’t about to be responsible for disappointing you or making you question your experience.’

  ‘So you let me give everything and make a fool of myself instead?’ I whispered hotly. The cafe was nearly full due to the pouring rain outside, but I was paranoid someone would hear personal parts of our conversation. I sipped my fruit smoothie and watched Sarah prepare her response.

  I had no right to blame her, but maybe I needed someone else to share some of the responsibility. Maybe then I wouldn’t feel as naive.

  ‘How was I supposed to know what Nate would turn out to be like? Or Rachael? I only heard about him through you. If he fooled you, well, I had no chance to stop you from sleeping with him,’ she said, without a defensive tone.

  ‘I’m not blaming you, Sarah. I feel stupid, that’s all.’ I patted her hand briefly. ‘I’m trying not to let it change me. To become cynical would be to lose a part of who I am as a person.’

  Sarah nodded in approval. ‘That’s it. It makes you stronger, these experiences. It’s just a shame that we have to feel stupid before we learn something new. And lose people we care about. It’s their loss. You know that, right?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘Do you?’

  ‘Yeah … but doesn’t this show that I wasn’t good enough for them? Even if it’s their loss?’

  ‘No,’ she exclaimed louder than she meant to. The people sitting around us turned to get a visual of the animated girl who dared raise her voice in a public place.

  ‘How do you explain it then? Would they have done it if I meant more?’ I asked miserably.

  ‘Daisy. They would have done it no matter who you were. They are opportunists. Rachael was jealous of your boyfriend and took the opportunity because he looked sideways at her.

  And she was willing. Boys have a nose for girls who are “open for business” you know.’

  ‘You think so? You’re not just trying to make me feel better?’ I stared at her eyes, making sure she was telling the truth.

  ‘I don’t think so. I know so. Birds of a feather flock together. That’s why you’re sitting here with me now and they are hanging out together in their incestuous group. It’s a law of life. Be glad you found out about them now, not later.’

  Her wise words struck a chord inside me and I felt a strange sense of relief.

  ‘True. I hadn’t thought of that before. If it was going to happen, I’m glad it happened now, not during final exams or if we got married or something like that.’

  Sarah beamed. ‘See? You can find positives in everything.’

  ‘Does anything get you down?’ I mumbled.

  ‘Of course it does. But I’m a “glass half full” girl. Speaking of which, at least now we can talk about the same things,’ she said with a cheeky wink. ‘I’ve been waiting to talk to someone who knows what goes on …’

  ‘You’re shocking. Maybe some other time,’ I said, shaking my head at her.

  ‘You’ll be back,’ she grinned wolfishly.

  was hoping that by the end of the holidays I would have the strength to walk into school on the first day of term three without a care in the world. No matter who happened to show up, who stared at me or what surprises hit me unexpectedly. I was my own person and I didn’t need anyone else in my life to give me happiness unless I was completely secure in myself.

  Throughout the holidays I had established a routine I knew was important to my heart’s recovery. Lots of exercise with good music, lots of family time and lots of sleep.

  There were other things to ensure my life at school would be less stressful, too. My duties as school captain would settle down until final exams were finished, meaning I also wouldn’t have to stress about seeing Roman and reminding myself of the awful moment when I kissed him and pushed him away from me.

  If I did see him, I didn’t want to have the awkward polite conversation where I would end up stumbling over my words and asking how Anya was. That was the last thing I wanted to hear about.

  My plan was to be strong enough to handle everythi
ng before the graduation parties and valedictory services, before we left the metaphoric and literal idea of school. The very thought made me feel nervous for age-old reasons; I still didn’t know what I was going to do when I finished. I tossed up doing journalism like Dad, as I’d been interested in writing and had kept a diary since I could hold a pen, but it wasn’t sold on me yet. I loved history, but what could you do as a historian besides teach it?

  At this stage, I was going to be a jobless bum and get fat on chocolate. For the summer holidays, at least.

  One of the major jobs I still had left to organise as school captain was the sports carnival. This would include working with Roman. I didn’t know how I felt about this; on one hand I liked the idea of being forced to work together, so we had to talk no matter what was going on between us. On the other hand, I didn’t want to talk to him if he was still with Anya. I had nothing against her, but — no, wait. I did have something against her. She was touching Roman and I didn’t like it. There, I said it.

  Mr Head diligently reminded us of our duty in week four, and called us into his office again, no doubt to watch us fight and squabble like a married couple, then laugh at us.

  We disappointed him greatly.

  After Mr Head’s initial lecture on his approval of my hair (he was slow, or I hadn’t seen him for a whole term, I wasn’t sure which) he proceeded to sit back and watch us plan.

  Roman and I didn’t talk to each other. And we barely spoke to Mr Head. He had to do most of the organising and we just nodded our heads in agreement to the past plans from school captains. This threw him.

  ‘Look I know I don’t pay you to do this job, but would it kill you to look alive? What’s wrong with you both, eh?’ He looked flustered, but not annoyed.

  ‘You’d think the world was coming to an end, the way you’re behaving. Snap out of it, would you? I liked you both better as an arguing married couple, not sulking.’

  ‘Yes sir,’ we replied in monotones.

  Even at the carnival, we weren’t in any official running teams together and we weren’t cheering on students together. I avoided events as much as I could, but Shana made me go in the hundred metre relay team. Skye tried to push me into other runners, as she had done every year since she’d known me, but I kept my head down and continued to run as though she didn’t exist. I guess our semi-truce wasn’t to be a permanent fixture on my friendship list. Whatever. I didn’t need her. I appreciated what she did for me while I was at the snow, but that’s as far as it went.