“It’s not an easy task,” John said. “I received word from my department liaison just this morning that they are narrowing the search now. They believe he’s still in London. What does Felicity think we should do once he’s found?”
Asher explained her thoughts on his pretending to want to hurt the family, to offer to buy the secrets that pertained to them.
“And then we strike,” John finished. “Knowing the man will have what we want on his person, rather than hidden somewhere. It’s a good plan.”
“Yes. I resisted at first. But I know she’s clever and it’s likely our best option.”
John shifted and stopped again, looking off into the distance. “We’ll have to go to London.”
“You sound unhappy about the prospect,” Asher said, looking at his friend closely.
John nodded. “The last time I was there I was pretending to be a duke. A dead duke, but a duke. It was my most public deception, the one that led me to Celia. I do worry that if I return, I’ll endanger her—I’ll endanger everyone—if I’m seen and recognized as a man who is supposed to be dead.”
Asher could see the lines of worry on his face, but also his determination. This man would sacrifice for his family, Celia’s family…the people Asher had once considered his own family, foolish as it was.
“We’ll have to be careful,” he reassured him. “Keep you out of the light.”
“Yes.”
“Or perhaps you could stay here,” Asher suggested. “Work on the code and—”
“And leave you all to the danger? No, I think not. We’ll go to London. Tomorrow if we can manage it. I’ll speak to Stenfax and Gray right away. This needs to end. For the sake of Felicity, but also for the sake of everyone else involved, including my wife.”
Asher looked at him closely. “You truly love her.”
A fierceness came into John’s face then, changing him into a warrior. A man Asher could believe had been a thief and a spy and everything else he rarely showed.
“She is the only thing in my life that is worth a damn,” John said, his voice rough and low. “And I would die to see her happy. To see her safe.”
Asher drew back at the protectiveness John expressed. Not because he doubted it, but because he recognized it as a mirror to his own feelings for Felicity. But while John had somehow settled himself, accepted who he was and allowed love into his life, Asher knew it wouldn’t be so simple for him.
And he could only hope he wouldn’t cause more damage than he healed before this was over.
Felicity paced the parlor, trying to calm herself, trying to forget Asher’s words and his touch…and failing spectacularly at both.
“Hello, darling.”
She turned as her mother entered the room. Felicity forced a smile. Lady Stenfax was so completely out of touch with what was going on in these trying times, Felicity knew she had to put on a good face.
“Would you like tea, Mama?” Felicity asked. “I could call for some.”
“It’s a little early for tea,” Lady Stenfax said. “But we could simply sit. I’m so accustomed to having you all to myself and everyone in the household is so busy.”
Felicity nodded as she motioned to the seat across from the one she’d vacated. A nice chat not at all related to the troubling matters at hand was probably exactly what she needed.
“Asher being back is a surprise to me,” her mother began.
Felicity fought the urge to close her eyes and let out a long sigh. Here she’d hoped for a change of subject, but Asher was the subject that most haunted her at present.
“He explained it at supper,” she reminded her mother with as much patience as she could muster. “He was passing through, Stenfax invited him to share in our celebration of his wedding. Why would he not? Asher was always a…friend.”
Her mother pursed her lips. “Yes, he was allowed to play alongside you when his duties were finished. You were all of an age, but do you really think he was a friend?”
Felicity stared at her mother. She was implying that Asher’s position kept him from belonging. Exactly what he had said not an hour before in the garden.
“He was,” she said slowly, steadily. “Of course he was. His father’s position didn’t change that.”
Her mother looked at her closely. Normally Lady Stenfax was so flighty, but in that moment she seemed serious, indeed. “Asher has made something of himself now, I suppose. He has money of his own and the respect of many men of rank.”
Felicity drew back. “Are you saying that makes him more worthy than when he was just a servant’s son who was kind and generous and intelligent?”
“In the eyes of Society, certainly.”
“Do we care about the eyes of Society? Great Lord, Mama, not a month ago you made a big speech to Elise about how we didn’t give a whit about scandal and if she made Lucien happy, we’d face whatever came.”
“But Elise was marrying your brother,” her mother said softly. “And she was still the daughter of a titled gentleman, the widow of a duke.”
“So her rank erased all else?” Felicity said blankly, staring at her mother and feeling like she’d never seen her before. “That is all that matters?”
“Of course not, but it helps,” Lady Stenfax said. “Look at you, Felicity. Your marriage secured you with a fortune outside of Stenfax’s financial struggles. And your title makes you respected by all who meet you.”
Felicity jumped from her seat. Her brothers had known about the abuse against her during her marriage, but Lady Stenfax had never mentioned it. Now it seemed she hadn’t ever realized it had happened, or somehow believed what she went through was somehow made acceptable by the benefits Felicity had gained.
“Can you really not know what he did to me?” she whispered.
Lady Stenfax looked confused. “Who?”
Felicity turned away, trying to remain calm when she wanted to scream. “Barbridge,” she said, his name a sharp curse. “My husband, who you feel was such a good match.”
Her mother’s voice was tense. “I recognized you weren’t very happy, but arranged marriages are often not perfect, are they? You didn’t have much in common and—”
Felicity spun back. “He beat me, Mama.”
Lady Stenfax had begun to blink, like she was trying to wake up from a dream. For what felt like forever, she was silent, struggling, and then she said, “I…don’t understand.”
“From almost the first night of our marriage, that man put his hands on me to punish me for ills real or imagined. He told me, in no uncertain terms, that he had purchased me. I was his property and he would do with me as he pleased, including disposing of me. How could you not know that?”
“You—you didn’t tell me,” Lady Stenfax said softly.
“You saw my bruises from time to time,” Felicity replied. “Stenfax and Gray saw them, too, and they tried to get me out. But Barbridge was right. In the eyes of the law, I was his. He could control or abuse me if he wished to do it. You never wondered why I came around less and less?”
“You were busy,” her mother said, her voice breaking at last. “I thought…I thought you were busy.”
“Oh, Mama,” Felicity said, sitting back down and taking her mother’s hand gently.
She was angry, but there was a part of her that understood. Her mother had always seen the world through soft and unfocused lenses. She believed what she saw or was told, often without question.
“I’m so sorry you went through that,” her mother said. “And that I didn’t know.”
“You couldn’t have done anything,” Felicity sighed. “And you only would have felt as desperate and miserable as Gray and Stenfax did. But you must understand now that when you tell me a title makes a man worthy, I scoff. Asher Seyton is a hundred times the man the Earl of Barbridge was. He always has been, even when he was nothing more than a servant’s son, in your eyes. And he always will be, even if he loses every penny he owns.”
She said the words and she
realized how much she meant them. Asher had always been her hero, her obsession, her love. Whatever he thought, she had never seen him as lesser because of his father’s position in her father’s house.
“I have made so many mistakes,” her mother croaked, interrupting Felicity’s line of thought.
Felicity shook her head. “Oh no, Mama. Don’t. You made no mistakes. Erasmus didn’t show his true colors until there was no escape route left for me. You didn’t know. And you are not responsible for his actions, nor mine.”
Her mother got to her feet and she swayed slightly. “I…I think I’ll go lie down. I have a great deal to think about.”
“Mama,” Felicity began.
Her mother held up a hand as she slowly made her way to the door. “I’m so sorry, darling,” was all she said before she walked away.
Felicity rested her head in her hands and let out a great shuddering sigh. The worst part was, her mother still didn’t know the truth. She didn’t know Felicity had murdered Barbridge. She didn’t know that the truth of that night might still come out and destroy them all. Then all her belief about rank would mean nothing.
“Felicity?”
She lifted her head as Gray entered the room. Her expression must have been dire, indeed, for he rushed across to her and folded her into his arms immediately.
“What is it?” he asked.
She sighed against his broad shoulder. “I told Mama.”
He tensed. “About the murder?”
“No, of course not that,” she said, pulling from his arms. “I’d give her an apoplexy. About the abuse. She had no idea.”
Gray bent his head. “She sees what she wants to see. You know she’s always been like that. She ignored Father’s gambling for years. When she realized the state we were in after his death, she was shocked.”
“Yes, I know you’re right. Perhaps I should have left her in her dream world.”
“I don’t blame you for telling her,” Gray said. “But may I ask why you did so now?”
Felicity swallowed hard. “She was going on and on about the virtues of a title over the value of a good man. Did you know she never thought Asher was really our friend because of his lack of rank?”
Gray wrinkled his brow. “She told you that?”
Felicity nodded. “She’s been very odd about him since his return. Like she’s trying to push him away from us.”
Gray pondered that a moment. “I am not paying quite as much attention to Asher as you seem to be. But I find it strange that she was so judgmental of him. After all, she was the one who arranged to pay for his education, despite the financial straights we were in at the time.”
“No,” Felicity said. “She always told me Father had arranged for his education years before.”
Gray stared. “That isn’t true. Mama came to Stenfax the night of your coming out and made the proposal that our family do so. She even offered to pay for it out of her own pin money. She was insistent. Stenfax thought it odd, but loved the idea of supporting Asher in obtaining more from life.”
“I wonder why she told me Father had made the arrangement.”
Gray shrugged. “It’s Mama. You know how she is. At any rate, whatever she says about Asher or Barbridge, as long as you know the truth about them, it doesn’t matter. Now come. Rosalinde and Celia are going for a ride and I was sent to see if you’d join them.”
He slung an arm around her shoulder and guided her out the door, but as they walked, Felicity couldn’t help but think of what he’d said. She did know the truth about both Barbridge and Asher. And she knew the truth about how she felt about each man, as well.
What she didn’t know was what she wanted to do with those feelings. Because the ones she had for Asher were terrifying.
Chapter Ten
Asher closed his eyes as the knock echoed in his chamber. It was one in the morning and this time he knew exactly who was standing on the other side of his door.
The knock came again, soft but not timid. He threw the covers aside, pulled on his robe and went to answer it.
Felicity stood in the hallway. She said nothing as she stared up at him. He said nothing as he stood aside and let her in.
He shut the door, and as he turned back she lifted on her tiptoes and kissed him. It was a heated, desperate kiss and it made his knees weak and his body shake with desire for her. He cupped her face and returned it, their tongues merging desperately, her body lifting against his with little mewls at the back of her throat.
Finally, he found some level of strength to pull away. Not because he didn’t want her but because this thing between them was rapidly spiraling out of control.
“Felicity—” he began.
She shook her head and untied her robe, dropping it around her feet to reveal she was once again naked beneath. “Don’t,” she whispered. “Just…please.”
He moved on her, all other thought or denial or protest lost in the haze of needing her. And wanting to give her all the pleasure she’d so long been denied.
He brushed his lips to hers, gentler this time. She lifted toward him, but he pulled back. “If you’re asking me to give you what you want, then let me give it to you,” he said.
She gave him a look of exasperation, but then she stood back, arms wide. “You think I’m here for the wrong reasons. That I’m trying to use your body to…I don’t even know what.”
“You are,” he said. “But I can’t stop thinking about you. So I’m going to touch you, Felicity. I’m going to make you come until you beg me to release you from the pleasure.”
She smiled, a tiny, wicked expression, and his cock twitched with desire. She walked away from him, hips twitching suggestively before she climbed into his bed and settled back on his pillows.
“What are you waiting for?” she murmured, beckoning him to her.
He went—how could he refuse when she was so delectable and perfect and ready for him? He took a place beside her, propping up on his elbow to watch her reaction as he began to touch her. He stroked his hand over her slowly, cupping her breast, flicking a thumb over the nipple as her breath became ragged.
She watched as his hand crested lower, brushing her stomach, fingers curling over her hip. She lifted those hips toward him, reaching for what he had not yet given.
He chuckled at the fierce look of determination on her face, the silent demand that he touch her intimately.
“You want me to touch you?” he asked.
To his surprise, she shook her head. “No. I want you to put your cock in me. To claim me. Are you going to do that?”
Her blunt request, given in such a matter-of-fact tone both took him off guard and aroused him beyond measure. “Felicity,” he began.
She reached for him, pulling his robe apart, letting the back of her hand trace the rigid line of his cock. “You want to,” she whispered, taunting him, teasing him.
He nodded. “I very much do. This isn’t about not wanting you.”
“Then what is it about?” she asked.
“Regret,” he admitted after a long pause to consider her question.
She stiffened. “Yours or mine?”
His lips parted at the tension in her voice. At the question itself. “Yours. I would not want you to regret whatever we do.”
She sat up and looked down at him, her face taut with desire and tension. “You say you want to pleasure me, but you don’t realize that I also want to pleasure you. Won’t you let me?”
He hesitated. This desperation of hers was not the right reason to take her. He was trying to avoid that, trying to avoid some temporary fix for a larger issue.
She leaned down and touched him again, this time taking him in hand and stroking him. Pleasure shot through his body and made it almost impossible to think rationally.
“You think taking me will make me regret,” she said, her tone suddenly soft and seductive. “What about if I just do…this…”
She leaned in and darted her tongue out to brush it over the head
of his cock. He flopped back on the pillows with a deep moan as the sensation of her tasting him flowed through every nerve ending of his body.
She smiled against him and licked him a second time, circling the head with the perfect amount of pressure. He bucked, almost against his will, clenching the coverlet as he groaned her name.
She rolled to her stomach, laying alongside him, facing his cock as she stroked a third time, this time laving him from base to head before she took him between her lips. She pumped over him and his eyes rolled back as he lifted toward her, pleasure nearly taking him off the bed.
He could have lost himself in it, in her. He could have surrendered and let her take what she wanted, receive what she gave, without question.
But there was a nagging voice in his head that whispered she was still controlling him by doing this. As intimate as this was, it still put a wall between them because she did it for the wrong reasons.
He somehow managed to clear his mind enough to grasp her hips, which were twitching on the bed right beside him. He lifted her over him and she yelped in surprise, separating her hot mouth from his throbbing cock.
He ignored her and settled her down over him so that her sex was poised at his mouth. She glanced over her shoulder, locking gazes with him. He waited for her to draw away, to try to demand more, but then she did something he didn’t expect.
She gave him a slow, sultry smile and settled herself back to the task at hand. Her mouth covered him and he let out a curse before he spread her sex open and leaned up into her fragrant heat.
He licked her, eliciting a moan from her that vibrated against his cock and sent shivers through his whole body. He realized in that moment that this was a war. A battle between them for power, as well as pleasure. It was a battle he wanted to win, both for the right reasons and for very wicked ones.
And he was going to fight for both.
Felicity jolted in pleasure as Asher gripped her hips hard and stroked his tongue over her with renewed vigor. Every time he did, her body pulsed, drawing her closer to the edge where she knew pleasure would take over and remove all reason from her mind.
Adored In Autumn Page 9
