Ray of New (Ray #6)

by E. L. Todd

  Fries and beer were something I couldn’t turn down. Nathan moved his hands in his pockets, looking handsome with his broad shoulders and pretty eyes. He didn’t pressure me, but he easily swayed me with his looks. “Yeah, sure.”

  “Cool. You wanna go now?”

  I was still in my work clothes because I hadn’t had the chance to change. “Just let me change, and we’ll go.” I left the door open and walked into my apartment, silently inviting him inside.

  Nathan walked in and shut the door behind him, taking a look around my living room. He eyed the picture frames on the table, a few of me and the girls along with some college friends.

  “You want anything while you wait?”

  “No.” He sat on the couch and pulled out his phone. “I know you’re quick. I remember.”

  I let the comment on our former relationship slide. “Be right back.”

  ***

  After watching the game together for twenty minutes, the usual awkwardness evaporated. We fell back into the way we used to be, making jokes about the plays and the coaches. We split a basket of fries and had more beers than we should.

  “Ten bucks says he makes it,” Nathan said.

  “There’s only five seconds left on the clock.”

  “LeBron can do anything.”

  We watched the last five seconds of the game, and to my surprise, LeBron made the three-pointer while being blocked by three guys. “Damn…”

  “You can keep your ten bucks. Buy me another beer instead.”

  I was on my third beer, and we hadn’t even been sitting there for two hours. “I didn’t go to the gym—again. And now I’ve eaten a whole basket of fries and three beers. I’m out of control.”

  “No, you aren’t. You only live once. Eat and be happy.” He clinked his beer against mine.

  I smiled then took a drink. “I can drink to that.”

  Nathan told me about his day at work and a new billboard he was working on. I told him about my new marketing strategy and the artwork that went with it. Talking about our jobs almost seemed like a conflict of interest, but we did it anyway.

  When we closed out our tab, Nathan threw his card down.

  I tossed my card next to his. “We split it.”

  Nathan didn’t argue with me, probably knowing I wouldn’t let it slide. If I let him pay for it, it would seem like a date. And I didn’t want this to be a date. I wasn’t sure what we were doing, but we were doing it anyway.

  Nathan turned on his stool and looked at me, his arm resting against the counter. “I’m doing the Manhattan marathon in a few weeks.”

  “You are? Good for you.” It was the full twenty-six miles, a feat I could never accomplish.

  “I usually jog in the morning. You wanna go for a run with me around Central Park on Saturday?”

  “How far of a run are we talking?” I could do a mile, but that was about it.

  He shrugged. “Maybe six.”

  “Yikes. That’s not a jog.”

  He smiled. “You can do it. I know you can.”

  “No, I know I can do it.” I held my finger. “I just don’t want to.”

  He chuckled. “We can get breakfast afterward. It’ll be fun.”

  He still made me feel butterflies after all this time. I wanted to agree to whatever he said even though he’d done something terrible to me. I immediately forgave him when I shouldn’t because I would always feel the same way about him. I would always remember the first time I looked at him. Even in that moment, I knew Nathan would be a special part of my life. “Okay…you talked me into it.”

  “Great.” He leaned toward me and eyed my lips, just the way he used to right before he kissed me.

  My heart immediately pounded with adrenaline, knowing what was going to happen next if I didn’t stop it. I needed to hop out of that chair and put space between us. If I didn’t, our mouths would touch, and I would be lost all over again.

  But I didn’t move.

  Because I wanted him to kiss me.

  When I didn’t pull away, he pressed his mouth against mine, his lips soft and warm. His kiss was innately different than Ryker’s but familiar. I felt the heat in my stomach just the way I used to. Whenever Nathan touched me, my body came to life. My breathing picked up, and I felt my body respond to him in ways it shouldn’t.

  But then I thought about Ryker.

  His kiss was nothing like this. It was searing hot and powerful. It not only made me weak in the knees, but it made me feel safe. He wasn’t just my lover, but my best friend. I was confused about my feelings for the two men, but in that moment, it became clear. I never thought about Nathan when I was with Ryker. But I always thought about Ryker when I was with Nathan.

  After the kiss lasted too long, I pulled away. “I’m sorry…”

  He sighed like he knew what was coming. “I should have been more patient. You just look so beautiful, and we were having a great time—”

  “Ryker and I were just fooling around.”

  He watched me closely.

  “He was never my boyfriend. He was just a friends-with-benefits type of relationship. But the more time we’ve spent together, the more I think it’s something more than that. And kissing you makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong, like I’m betraying him.”

  His eyes fell in disappointment.

  “I think I want to be with him…” I was so confused when I spoke to Madeline the other day. Ryker said he was still in love with Rae and he didn’t want to be in a relationship. But maybe his feelings had changed the way mine had. I still had feelings for Nathan, but maybe those emotions would go away in time. “He still has feelings for his ex. I still have feelings for you. But…I’m gonna see if he wants to be something more.”

  Nathan sighed quietly, not bothering to hide his feelings about it. “I understand, Austen. I had my chance with you, and I blew it. I have no right to be mad or disappointed. He seems like a good guy.”

  “He is.”

  He finished the rest of his beer and set it down with a loud clank. “If you talk to him and he doesn’t feel the same way, would you be willing to give me a real chance?”

  That was a loaded question. “I…I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t know how I feel about you, Nathan. I wish I could just forget about you and not give a damn. I hate the fact that I feel this way about you. It’s not fair.”

  Despite my insult, he didn’t react. He continued to watch me with an unreadable expression on his face. Looking just as handsome as always, he stared at me. Then he rose out of his chair. “Let me know what he says…” He walked past me and left the bar.

  I stayed in my chair and eyed my beer, feeling the dread well up inside of my stomach. The second I kissed Nathan, I thought about Ryker. My feelings for him had been deep below the surface for a while, I could tell. But now that I had to actually talk to him, I was nervous. What if I put my heart on the line, and he didn’t feel the same way?

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Ryker

  “You wanna make it interesting?” Liam asked as he walked beside me on the sidewalk.

  “How so?”

  “A hundred bucks.” He waggled his eyebrows at me.

  “You’re prepared to lose a hundred bucks? Are you sure you can afford to spare that now that you have a girlfriend? Women are expensive.”

  “She’s not my girlfriend—yet. And I’m not gonna lose.”

  We walked up to the sports bar, and I opened the door. “I’m not gonna go soft on you. I’m gonna take your cash and not feel bad about it at all.”

  “I’m not gonna feel bad for taking money from you either, rich bitch.”

  I chuckled then headed toward the bar. The game was on the TV, and people were gathered around to watch. When I stepped forward, I noticed a familiar face. With deep brown hair and a tight dress, she looked exceptional as always. I’d been meaning to talk to her since my conversation with Rae, and like it was meant to be, she was right in front of me.

  But
then I noticed Nathan right beside her. He was close to her, his knee touching hers. He was staring so hard at her face that I could feel tension teen feet away. His eyes moved to her lips, his intention evident.

  Austen wore the exact same look.

  And then Nathan leaned in and kissed her. He cupped her cheek as he deepened the passion, as he felt her soft lips with his own. I knew exactly what he was feeling because I’d kissed her so many times.

  She kissed him back, her mouth moving with his like she needed him as much as he needed her.

  I felt sick.

  I wasn’t the jealous type, so jealousy isn’t what I felt. I just felt like shit.

  Liam stopped next to me, watching the scene play out in front of him. “Uh…”

  I couldn’t stop watching them, watching the way Austen was still in love with her ex. He cheated on her with her best friend, but here she was, making out with him.

  She didn’t owe me anything, so I shouldn’t care. She wasn’t betraying me because we agreed we were just hooking up. She warned me not to fall for her. Liam did too. And now I felt light-headed and crippled.

  Liam eyed me with hesitance, unsure what was going on and what I would do.

  As much as I wanted to grab Nathan and yank him off of her, I didn’t have the right. She wasn’t my girl. So I turned around and walked out, trying to scrape the image from the inside of my brain.

  I walked outside and inhaled the humid air, still feeling ice-cold. I walked past the windows, heading in the direction of my apartment with a beating heart and a raging migraine.

  “You okay, man?” Liam kept up with me, still eyeing me uncertainly.

  “I’m fine,” I snapped, feeling anything less than fine.

  Liam walked with me, silent for a while. “I don’t want to be the guy who says I told you so…but I told you so. Austen is a heartbreaker. That’s just how she is.”

  “She’s not a heartbreaker. She never misled me about her feelings.”

  “But you fell for her anyway… I’ve seen it before.”

  I didn’t fall for her. But witnessing my own reaction, I understood she meant more to me than I realized. “Liam, I’m okay. I’m just…surprised. I didn’t expect her to get back together with him.”

  “I know…I’ll have to give her a piece of my mind about it.”

  Now I just wanted to be alone, to go back to feeling absolutely nothing. When I left Seattle, I was completely numb. Austen was the first person to make me feel something, to make me feel something good. Now that was taken away from me. “I’ll talk to you later, man.” He started to walk away.

  “Are you sure?” Liam asked.

  “Yeah.” I kept walking until I couldn’t feel Liam’s presence any longer. I kept replaying the image of Austen kissing Nathan in my head, torturing myself until I understood it was real—not a nightmare.

  Over the course of the last three months, Austen had become my best friend. She was amazing in the bedroom, and I actually enjoyed spending time with her when we weren’t screwing. It reminded me of my relationship with Rae—but better. But Austen was still in love with her ex, and now she was going to give him another try.

  So she’d never felt anything for me. When she warned me that she wouldn’t change her mind, I should have believed her. I shouldn’t have allowed myself to develop any fondness for her.

  But I failed.

  I picked a random bar and walked inside, needing booze and a beautiful woman to make me feel less alone. The only woman I wanted in my bed was out kissing some other guy. Once they left the bar, they would probably hook up. They’d probably been sleeping together for a while—she just didn’t tell me.

  I walked up to a pretty brunette I found sitting alone. She wore a black dress with her hair pulled back in a slick ponytail. Right now, I didn’t care how beautiful or unbeautiful a woman was. I just wanted someone—anyone. “Hey, beautiful. Can I buy you a drink?”

  She smiled once she looked at me, obviously liking what she saw. “How about I buy you a drink instead?”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Austen

  That kiss with Nathan made my body feel warm. My lips tingled from the sensation, and my breathing went haywire. I definitely felt something, just like I did when we were together.

  But I felt something more for Ryker.

  I was nervous to tell him how I felt. I wasn’t even sure where to begin. There was a good possibility he would say he saw me as nothing more than a friend he enjoyed screwing. That sounded like something he would say. But then I thought about all the times he held me against his chest in bed, the way he kissed me when we were out to dinner, and the way he kissed my temple at the most unexpected times.

  Maybe he did feel the same way.

  I wouldn’t know until I spoke to him.

  After work, I finally summoned the courage to text him. Hey, Sexy.

  He texted back immediately. Hey, Stone Cold.

  Can I come by?

  No gym today? I could hear his tease through the text.

  You already know the answer. I smiled as I slipped my phone into my back pocket, excited to see him. Hopefully, he would just be in his sweatpants and without a shirt. That was my favorite way to look at him.

  I arrived at his door a few moments later, and he let me inside. He gave me a smile and a quick hug, but he didn’t kiss me.

  That was odd.

  “How was work?” He was in the middle of cooking. Raw chicken sat on the cutting board along with a bowl of freshly prepared marinade. The vegetables were washed and drying on a paper towel.

  “Good. Pretty much the same as always.” I eyed the food and felt my hunger grow. “So, what’s for dinner?”

  “Honey garlic chicken with rice and vegetables.” He grabbed a large knife and began to slice the chicken into quarters. “I’m having a date over, and I felt like eating in tonight.” He watched his hands as he worked systematically, dropping the sliced chicken into the bowl with the marinade.

  I stood on the opposite side of the counter, but I suddenly felt weak. I heard what he said, but I couldn’t digest it. Every syllable was too difficult to take in, too painful. “A date…?” I didn’t realize he was seeing anyone else. The surprise caught me off guard, and I gripped the edge of the counter.

  “Yeah. I met her last night. Her name is Cheyenne.”

  “Oh…” I couldn’t think of anything better to say. I was more devastated than I ever could have predicted. I came over here to see if he wanted to take our relationship to the next level, but he’d spent the night with some woman. “Oh…”

  He kept his eyes on his hands, like everything was perfectly normal. “So, you’re back together with Nathan?” There wasn’t any aggression in his tone, just pure acceptance.

  “Why do you ask that?” It was random and out of the blue. I hadn’t even told him I was spending time with Nathan.

  “Because I saw you two kissing last night.” He finally looked up from the cutting board and met my gaze. Again, there wasn’t any hostility. He looked at me just as a friend—nothing more.

  “You did…?”

  “I went to watch the game at the bar, and when I walked in, I saw you guys going at it.”

  “We weren’t going at it,” I argued.

  “Whatever,” he said. “A kiss is a kiss, right?” He dropped more chicken into the bowl. “If that’s what you want, that’s fine with me. Just be careful. Give the relationship some time before you trust him again. That’s my best advice.”

  “I’m not getting back together with him. It just happened…”

  “But you’ve been spending time with him, right?”

  “Well…yeah.”

  He finished the rest of the chicken and tossed it into the bowl where it was coated with the glaze. “I’m not angry, but I would have appreciated the heads-up. Have you slept with him?”

  “No.” I was offended by the question. We agreed to tell each other in the event that happened.

  �
�Well, I slept with someone last night. So I guess we’re back to condoms.” He grabbed a plastic bag and transferred the chicken inside before he pushed out the air and zipped it shut. He talked like everything was fine, like this conversation was borderline boring. “That is, if you still want to keep doing this. If you’re trying to make it work with Nathan, it might not be the best idea.”

  Now that I knew he was sleeping with someone else, I wasn’t sure if I could share him. I was used to having him all to myself, to waking up with him the following morning. I saw him almost every day, told him everything about my life. But now he would do the same thing with someone else.

  I shouldn’t be upset because these were the terms I initiated. But the devastation crept into my veins like a poison. I would hurl at least once before the night was over.

  “Austen?”

  I looked up, coming back to the conversation. “Hmm?”

  “Should we call our arrangement off?” He must not have a clue that I was heartbroken because he continued to talk like we were having a business meeting. There were no feelings and no emotions. Nothing at all.

  “Yeah…I guess.” I didn’t want to think about him kissing some other woman. I didn’t want to think about some other woman sleeping in the bed I slept in almost every night. Since I didn’t want to share him, maybe being in this situation wasn’t the best. At some point, Ryker began to mean a lot more to me than I anticipated. And if he didn’t feel anything for me, it was dangerous for me to stay.

  It was just like Nathan all over again.

  Ryker walked away.

  But I didn’t have any right to be mad.

  Ryker nodded then carried the cutting board to the sink where he washed it. “That’s probably for the best. But we’ll still each other all the time, I’m sure.”

  “Yeah…”

  He scrubbed the board then washed his hands before he dried everything. Then he brought the vegetables and began to work on those.

  The only reason why I was still there was because my legs couldn’t move. I didn’t know how to carry myself out of that apartment. I didn’t know where to go if I didn’t stay here. Ryker had become a large component of my life. But now that connection ended like the snap of a finger.